Highndry Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 If I were you. I would be honest and direct. We had sex yesterday, I had fun. Now are you texting just because you don't want to look like the one who bails after sex immediately and then you will magically disappear or are you texting because you want to see me again? Either case is fine with me, so which one is you! No time for games! Whooaahhh! Nayyy to this!! He's already expressed interest in seeing her again, no need to go there. You already had sex with him so you can't put that genie back into the bottle. Of course he wants more sex! That's good news, and much better than the alternative where you never hear from him again because he really didn't enjoy himself. Cutting him off now and forcing him to wait in an attempt to redefine the relationship or turn it into something more serious will backfire badly. Relax and have fun. 2
Sunlight72 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 If I were you. I would be honest and direct. We had sex yesterday, I had fun. Now are you texting just because you don't want to look like the one who bails after sex immediately and then you will magically disappear or are you texting because you want to see me again? Either case is fine with me, so which one is you! No time for games!OH, Please NO!! Drama level 3. "No time for games!"? This line of action is actually telling him she wants him to play a game Now, instead of being himself, he needs to start guessing what she wants to hear. This is basically calling him a liar. He already told her he misses her and wants to see her again. Wonderful to tell a woman you met that you like her, and have her imply she thinks you are lying to her, and you need to prove otherwise. How the heck do you prove you're not lying? Over texts? That is cranking up a game. Ugh. How does he know if he's ready to marry the OP? He doesn't know - they only met once! All he can honestly do is tell her he wants to see her again. Besides, if he's a player, why wouldn't he just lie to her when she tells him her secret password (no games)? AnaN88 is going to have to be a grown up now, feel confident and responsible for her choice, and look forward to her future with or without this guy. Why is it his sole responsibility now to be her perfect dream prince? How about if he's honest, he can just be himself and express his honest joy at meeting her and interest in seeing her again? Can't that be enough for him to do? After one date? Please AnnaN88, minimize the games and triple guessing. Trust yourself. He treated you well, is treating you well, and you enjoyed yourself with him. That's your real information. Just remember how you felt with him, that's the real situation If you don't want to have sex again yet, no problem! Do not go to his house, or have him over to yours. You don't owe him anything, it's fine. 8
Versacehottie Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Whooaahhh! Nayyy to this!! He's already expressed interest in seeing her again, no need to go there. You already had sex with him so you can't put that genie back into the bottle. Of course he wants more sex! That's good news, and much better than the alternative where you never hear from him again because he really didn't enjoy himself. Cutting him off now and forcing him to wait in an attempt to redefine the relationship or turn it into something more serious will backfire badly. Relax and have fun. Also let's say the guy does like you (to date you). He already got sex and he's into you. He's thinking as someone who was into it and makes her choices that you did it because you wanted to (i.e. owning it). If you cut him off, either in an attempt to manipulate him or because you want to make sure he's not just after sex, you are most likely going to have him wondering what is going on. Like if you didn't enjoy it or have some other issue. Why not make the date something date-like that makes you feel comfortable and cherished and then if the night goes "there" like it did the first night, then go with the flow, like you did the first night. I mean that would just be normal -- and it's normal that he'd want to see you again because he had fun with you first and foremost and yes normal that he'd want to sleep with you again--he's attracted to you! If you did an activity where you don't necessarily end up in that situation again toward the end of the night, that's probably fine too (i mean no one's obligated) or if it had to be an early night for you or him. But i would also give him reassurance because he may read that you are moving backward and it can be confusing--this is not necessarily because he is just after sex but that you are different than night one. Reassurance can be affection, suggesting a 3rd get together, other compliments. You like the guy and want it to result in a relationship--one of the best ways is to stop thinking of him with bad intentions or as the enemy. You can hold people to your preferred dating standard AND treat them not as someone you are suspicious of. Good luck 5
Author AnnaN88 Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Just an update: i went on a second date last night. I think it went pretty well, although I am not sure if we are seeing each other again. I am going on a 3 weeks holiday next week, so by the OLD standards this is like forever. Thank you guys for all that good advice ( as usual!) 2
kendahke Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 If I were you. I would be honest and direct. We had sex yesterday, I had fun. Now are you texting just because you don't want to look like the one who bails after sex immediately and then you will magically disappear or are you texting because you want to see me again? Either case is fine with me, so which one is you! No time for games! Blech!!! Beta and clingy/needy. Don't do this. 1
Jj66 Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Once sex has happened you're going to have to keep going there if you want to progress anywhere at all. The main danger with early sex is letting the involvement become mainly or only about sex. You need to make sure you are doing other things too so you actually get to know each other. In fact, deep discussions in bed, after sex, is a great way to get to know someone and develop a close emotional connection. As for the six hours together and then sex I'd say that's about par for the course in my past involvements but it's usually 2 or 3 dates to get to the 6 hour total. The last "first date" sex I had came after spending most of the day together exploring the beach town she lived in. We were planning for me to sleep on the couch. But after I kissed her she invited me to sleep in her bed but not have sex. She assured me she was not the type of person who said that and changed her mind. I didn't try to change her mind, but she wanted more kisses and I obliged. Next thing you know her panties were removing themselves. We were together for over a year. 1
carhill Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 Sounds like the OP didn't have sex on the second date and things are in limbo for now. Perhaps I erred when dating but once dating got to sex I didn't expect sex on every date just like not expecting sex every day with my wife. Sometimes it happened, other times not. Seemed pretty normal to me at the time. Other guys, IDK. 1
Author AnnaN88 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 I have my answer here: “Hi X, it was great meeting you but I have decided to put an end to things. Your a funny and beautiful girl but just think we are at different stages in our lives. I don’t want to waste your time - take care” I just opened my phone, saw a message from him with a random thing and an hour later this one. Oh well
Noproblem Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Whooaahhh! Nayyy to this!! He's already expressed interest in seeing her again, no need to go there. You already had sex with him so you can't put that genie back into the bottle. Of course he wants more sex! That's good news, and much better than the alternative where you never hear from him again because he really didn't enjoy himself. Cutting him off now and forcing him to wait in an attempt to redefine the relationship or turn it into something more serious will backfire badly. Relax and have fun. That was my reply for the first message didn't read what happened next. But people advice didn't really work as well, he already run away.
Jj66 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I have my answer here: “Hi X, it was great meeting you but I have decided to put an end to things. Your a funny and beautiful girl but just think we are at different stages in our lives. I don’t want to waste your time - take care” I just opened my phone, saw a message from him with a random thing and an hour later this one. Oh well Bummer. Next! 1
Highndry Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I have my answer here: “Hi X, it was great meeting you but I have decided to put an end to things. Your a funny and beautiful girl but just think we are at different stages in our lives. I don’t want to waste your time - take care” I just opened my phone, saw a message from him with a random thing and an hour later this one. Oh well Translation: "I was just looking to get laid, not for a relationship." 3
Author AnnaN88 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Translation: "I was just looking to get laid, not for a relationship." Definitely. There were some red flags that I discovered yesterday. He lied about his age, he is 44 not 34. He is a cool guy, but one of those guys who never mature enough, eternal teenager type. What I really did not understand is why he sent me a message asking about a movie I was watching and then 40 min later a ready made rejection message?
MidwestUSA Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Definitely. There were some red flags that I discovered yesterday. He lied about his age, he is 44 not 34. He is a cool guy, but one of those guys who never mature enough, eternal teenager type. What I really did not understand is why he sent me a message asking about a movie I was watching and then 40 min later a ready made rejection message? He probably made contact with his next victim in those forty minutes. A TEN YEAR age fib? Good riddance. 9
Happy Lemming Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I have my answer here: “Hi X, it was great meeting you but I have decided to put an end to things. Your a funny and beautiful girl but just think we are at different stages in our lives. I don’t want to waste your time - take care” I just opened my phone, saw a message from him with a random thing and an hour later this one. Oh well Sorry it didn't turn out well... 2
Sunlight72 Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Oh heck. Well, good job not seeing him and having sex on the second date - that would have felt embarrassing to end this way now. This was a good experience to practice dating I guess. Sorry he was dishonest, glad he didn't drag you further along. I'm glad you're going on holiday, and hope you have a good time! That will be a chance to reset your year Best Wishes, Sunlight 2
Highndry Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Definitely. There were some red flags that I discovered yesterday. He lied about his age, he is 44 not 34. He is a cool guy, but one of those guys who never mature enough, eternal teenager type. What I really did not understand is why he sent me a message asking about a movie I was watching and then 40 min later a ready made rejection message? What a loser. 3
Author AnnaN88 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Oh heck. Well, good job not seeing him and having sex on the second date - that would have felt embarrassing to end this way now. This was a good experience to practice dating I guess. Sorry he was dishonest, glad he didn't drag you further along. I'm glad you're going on holiday, and hope you have a good time! That will be a chance to reset your year Best Wishes, Sunlight Thank you! We did see each other for a second date. We did not have sex but we spent the evening together. I felt that something wasn’t right though, hd lied about the age, for the second date he did not make an effort to meet somewhere half way, so I travelled to his area again. I could sense that he did not make enough effort. To be honest, I have had enough “ interesting experiences” when it comes to dating. I don’t normally date and when sometimes I feel like I going back to dating, something happens that reminds me that maybe dating is not for me. You need a thick skin and plenty of time in order to find someone decent. I cannot be bothered anymore.
Arieswoman Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Anna, You need a thick skin and plenty of time in order to find someone decent. I cannot be bothered anymore. The first part is true... I would suggest that you take some time out and then start again. Next time do not have sex on the first date, or the second or the third. In fact make sure that you are exclusive before you get into any heavy sex stuff. Limit the alcohol and don't go back to his place or invite him back to yours. That way you can judge if he is really into you or just looking for a leg-over. He could still disappear but at least you won't feel so bad about it. Good luck x 5
Author AnnaN88 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 How did you find out his real age? Because it was his birthday last weekend, so I asked him how he feels like being 34. He was very open and mentioned that 34 was his age on the dating app but he is actually 44. Big lol That’s when I knew that maybe he was looking only for casual sex, given that on his profile the age is not real. All the other info was real, job wise, life style, but his age was not. He also mentioned that his sister always tells him to get his **** together now at 44. So no marriages, kids or any baggage in his life. 1
Author AnnaN88 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 Anna, The first part is true... I would suggest that you take some time out and then start again. Next time do not have sex on the first date, or the second or the third. In fact make sure that you are exclusive before you get into any heavy sex stuff. Limit the alcohol and don't go back to his place or invite him back to yours. That way you can judge if he is really into you or just looking for a leg-over. He could still disappear but at least you won't feel so bad about it. Good luck x I think I have bad luck with dating in general. The last guy I met and I really liked moved on a different continent soon after we start dating ( he did not run away from me though ). The one before that ghosted me after 6 months of dating. So yes, dating is not going well for me. If I ever get married I will probably tell my future husband “ thank you for taking me off market and promise that I will never have to go on dates again!”
Arieswoman Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 AnnaN88, I think I have bad luck with dating in general. I could write a book about all my experiences with OLD but I never used it soley as a way to get dates, just as another method. I believe the secret is not to take peoples' bad behaviour personally and be cautious about what you say and do while you get to know people... 3
Author AnnaN88 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 AnnaN88, I could write a book about all my experiences with OLD but I never used it soley as a way to get dates, just as another method. I believe the secret is not to take peoples' bad behaviour personally and be cautious about what you say and do while you get to know people... I think that online dating changed the dating etiquette in general. I don’t use exclusively OLD, but I have noticed that in real life people are flaky as well. Maybe it has to do with living in a big city, where there is always something better around the corner and people think they have endless possibilities. On a positive note, the guy could have left me wonder what he wants and I would have spammed you guys with another threads about him. Like this at least I know where I stand and I can move on. In all my dating experience, this is the first rejection message I got. I am grateful though. I am usually left wondering what the guy wants. 3
JuneL Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I wonder if you'd be intimate with him if you knew his deception on the first date. Because it was his birthday last weekend, so I asked him how he feels like being 34. He was very open and mentioned that 34 was his age on the dating app but he is actually 44. Big lol That’s when I knew that maybe he was looking only for casual sex, given that on his profile the age is not real. All the other info was real, job wise, life style, but his age was not. He also mentioned that his sister always tells him to get his **** together now at 44. So no marriages, kids or any baggage in his life.
FilterCoffee Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 If I ever get married I will probably tell my future husband “ thank you for taking me off market and promise that I will never have to go on dates again!” Haha that’s incredibly sweet. I would love to hear that You’re taking his rejection remarkably well. He was so deceitful and selfish it kinda grossed me out. Hopefully better things ahead OP. Chin up! 1
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