Maggie4 Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 A quick update: the guy invited me to the movies tomorrow, however I think he is after casual sex because I find him too “ sweet/cheesy” too soon, He texts things like “ I miss you, I am thinking about you”. We have just met once, so I hardly believe any of this. Is this a red flag on your opinion? No, now you are being unfair. If he is aloof, you blame him for judging you having had sex on the first date. If he is sweet, you accuse him of trying to get more casual sex. A guy can't win! You are the one with the hang up and the reverse double standard (... is that a thing?) Poor guy. 8
heavenonearth Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 No, now you are being unfair. If he is aloof, you blame him for judging you having had sex on the first date. If he is sweet, you accuse him of trying to get more casual sex. A guy can't win! You are the one with the hang up and the reverse double standard (... is that a thing?) Poor guy. I think OP is just insecure, no need to judge her. OP, just be yourself and enjoy the second date. If you guys end up having sex, go for it. If you want to part ways after the cinema, go for it. Personally, i find cinema a bit inappropriate for 2nd date, cause you can’t really talk much to find out more about the other person. After all, you want to get to know each other, no? Hopefully you have dinner first or drinks after. Good luck 3
justwhoiam Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 (edited) Sex during first date...now what? how should I behave now? You may have distorted his perception of you. After all, it was the first time you met him. You have two options here: either wait it out until he knows you better, so that he can form a more reliable opinion of you (and that may or may not happen) or let him know that what happened with him never happened to you ever before. If you decide for the latter, make sure you look into his eyes in person when you say that, or it might just sound like cliché to say to a man, to give a better image of yourself. I feel like the first date sex ruined things. Maybe. But if he really likes you, nothing that can't be overcome. Edited January 28, 2018 by justwhoiam
Author AnnaN88 Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 I think OP is just insecure, no need to judge her. OP, just be yourself and enjoy the second date. If you guys end up having sex, go for it. If you want to part ways after the cinema, go for it. Personally, i find cinema a bit inappropriate for 2nd date, cause you can’t really talk much to find out more about the other person. After all, you want to get to know each other, no? Hopefully you have dinner first or drinks after. Good luck I am a bit insecure and I admit it openly. I also see that this guy is good looking, has a good career and probably many options when it comes to dating.
olivetree Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 I am a bit insecure and I admit it openly. I also see that this guy is good looking, has a good career and probably many options when it comes to dating. Let's turn this around. He's pursuing you and recognizes that you have a lot to offer as well. That said, good looks and a good career should be a bonus to all that he offers as a person on the inside. Plus, focus on whether or not there is a great connection between the two of you... if you can relax and just be yourself. 3
Lexxy Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 I'd wait and see if they get in touch with you. If a few days pass by and you don't hear back, check in and ask if they want to hang out and do something. Or I guess go for round two? Then you'll see what they want to do
kendahke Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 About all you can do is to monitor how he treats with you from now on. I'd say call him and set up the next date and you pay for it. You'll see just how interested he is in you if he is down for free drinks and food as your date. If he backs off, becomes scarce, is hard to either get in touch with or he takes hours to return texts/phone calls, then he got what he came for. Move on. For the time being, Video ex taceo---"I see, but say nothing" (until he calls back). Make that your mantra for the time being. 2
Author AnnaN88 Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 About all you can do is to monitor how he treats with you from now on. I'd say call him and set up the next date and you pay for it. You'll see just how interested he is in you if he is down for free drinks and food as your date. If he backs off, becomes scarce, is hard to either get in touch with or he takes hours to return texts/phone calls, then he got what he came for. Move on. For the time being, Video ex taceo---"I see, but say nothing" (until he calls back). Make that your mantra for the time being. I think my instinct was right this time. He texted saying that there weren’t many interesting options at the cinema at the moment, so he was wondering if I wanted to go for dinner and movie as his place. Sounds like someone who wants sex!
BaileyB Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 There are so many interesting movies out right now... Yes, I would say he is definitely interested in having sex with you again. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Sounds like someone who wants sex! Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't... Why is this such a bad thing?? Many years ago, a woman slept with me on the first date, then the second date, the third, etc. etc. and for the next five years. We both really enjoyed ourselves and the relationship. How do you know this won't turn into a long term relationship?? My opinion, give the guy a chance... 8
heavenonearth Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 I think my instinct was right this time. He texted saying that there weren’t many interesting options at the cinema at the moment, so he was wondering if I wanted to go for dinner and movie as his place. Sounds like someone who wants sex! Go out for dinner with him. If you have a good feeling about it you can always join him at his place after. My advice would be to not sleep with him on the second date and instead wait for the third date. That way you can find out if he’s interested in more than sex. So suggest a restaurant you like for dinner and tell him a time and date and see how he responds. 4
Flame Aura Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 I think my instinct was right this time. He texted saying that there weren’t many interesting options at the cinema at the moment, so he was wondering if I wanted to go for dinner and movie as his place. Sounds like someone who wants sex! You slept with him on the first date...what do you expect? To a man that means 'we are going to have sex every time we meet from now on'. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but in future if you want something meaningful to develop first, then at least wait a bit longer. 6
kendahke Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 (edited) Sounds like someone who wants sex! So did you when you first met him. He's a healthy, red blooded male, so yeah--why are you surprised? Why wouldn't he want to go back to the source since you led him there already? You acted like you wanted sex when you had with him the first time you met him, so... His approach is not wrong here. You indulged behavior the last time he saw you and he'd like some more. Is that a problem? Edited January 29, 2018 by kendahke 3
BaileyB Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Well, if he's a healthy, red blooded male, then yeah--why are you surprised? Why wouldn't he want to go back to the fount since you led him there already? You acted like you wanted sex when you had with him the first time you met him, so... Lots of guys like sex. Still doesn't mean that it can't develop into something good long term, but you have certainly given him the green light to see this relationship as an opportunity for sex. The challenge is, you now want to redefine the parameters of the relationship... which may or may not go over well with him. If you wanted a more serious relationship, you probably should have established that with him before the sex... 3
kendahke Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 While the sex on the first date approach works for some and successful relationship have been born from one night stands, it's not the case in the majority of the times it happens. Since he's on the "don't want to take you out--let's chill at your house and maybe I'll get lucky.." tip, you're going to have to start managing his expectations. That's your best bet if you don't want to be relegated to a FWB with him--but understand that also may cause him to lose interest if he's not interested in anything long term and committed with any woman. But if you're not down for casual FWB's, then that's the risk you're going to have to take. 2
stillafool Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 I think my instinct was right this time. He texted saying that there weren’t many interesting options at the cinema at the moment, so he was wondering if I wanted to go for dinner and movie as his place. Sounds like someone who wants sex! Let me ask, when you had sex with him was it because you wanted to or because you wanted to please him? If it was because you wanted the sex then own it and don't feel bad about getting a need met. If you only had sex to please him then you made a big mistake. Maybe for the future determine if and why you are having sex before the date so you won't be confused afterwards. 2
Shining One Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Personally, I don't respond well to women who have sex on the first date and then withhold sex afterwards in an attempt to build something. If you don't want to have sex again, then don't. Just don't make sex part of some game you're playing in an attempt to win a relationship. If you're averse to his suggestion of dinner and a movie at his place, suggest an alternative. 9
lurker74 Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 IME, men don't view women who put out so easy and so soon as relationship material. I didn't read all the responses to this but I can imagine there was more than one or two. As for me (a man), I don't think this is precisely true. For some portion of the population, getting in bed quickly is nothing but a conquest. So when they get an early conquest, they've accomplished their goal and moved on. But for me, who is someone that view sex as part of the intimacy chain, it's worked differently for me. For me, there's an important cycle. Meet (or connect if in OLD), connect, grow that connection. Meet in real life. Connect again and enjoy each other's company. Reveal yourself slowly and discover her. Ratchet up the physicality...complete the intimacy and physical cycle (bonk all night as another posted said above!)...bind yourself in trust in the days after. If positioned wrong, the sex can short-circuit the cycle and make the sex not a culmination of the cycle but an overload of it. However, when the sex ideally happens is dependent on the people. Generally, in my experience, it happens around the 3rd to 4th date if things are progressing nicely. But it could be slower or faster depending on the couple. Having said that, I have experienced times when the connection was real and the sex was "too" early and I just didn't have anything left to build upon and the connection withered. I didn't like that but I had to be honest about it. Anyway, to the OP, I'd not worry too much about it. If he bolted, having sex with him on the 3rd date is honestly as much of a crap shoot that hopefully you had enough safe fun to not regret anything if he did bolt.
kendahke Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Let me ask, when you had sex with him was it because you wanted to or because you wanted to please him? If it was because you wanted the sex then own it and don't feel bad about getting a need met. If you only had sex to please him then you made a big mistake. Maybe for the future determine if and why you are having sex before the date so you won't be confused afterwards. ^^^^This. All. Day. Long. ^^^^ It's an important distinction.
kendahke Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Personally, I don't respond well to women who have sex on the first date and then withhold sex afterwards in an attempt to build something. If you don't want to have sex again, then don't. Just don't make sex part of some game you're playing in an attempt to win a relationship. . ^^^This, too ^^^ 1
Purepony Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 Pick an expensive restaurant in secret because if he’s into you he will pay... If I like a girl I’ll step up if I don’t I’ll come up with any excuse to leave an expensive place and so will most guys especially when in “player” mode.
Author AnnaN88 Posted January 29, 2018 Author Posted January 29, 2018 Let me ask, when you had sex with him was it because you wanted to or because you wanted to please him? If it was because you wanted the sex then own it and don't feel bad about getting a need met. If you only had sex to please him then you made a big mistake. Maybe for the future determine if and why you are having sex before the date so you won't be confused afterwards. It happened because I wanted it. I felt an instant connection with him and the fact that we have been together for about 6 hours, we went to 3 venues, had some alcohol definitely helped. I have been to many dates and sex has always been off the table during the first date, mainly because I need to feel comfortable with someone and I want intimacy before sex. I went to this date with zero expectations. I am not a huge fan of OLD dating, plus I had my share of dissapointment, so I was very surprised that I could be excited during a first date with a stranger. 1
stillafool Posted January 29, 2018 Posted January 29, 2018 It happened because I wanted it. I felt an instant connection with him and the fact that we have been together for about 6 hours, we went to 3 venues, had some alcohol definitely helped. I have been to many dates and sex has always been off the table during the first date, mainly because I need to feel comfortable with someone and I want intimacy before sex. I went to this date with zero expectations. I am not a huge fan of OLD dating, plus I had my share of dissapointment, so I was very surprised that I could be excited during a first date with a stranger. Then own it and don't worry about whether he is now turned off as a result of it. You're a grown woman. 5
Sunlight72 Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 Then own it and don't worry about whether he is now turned off as a result of it. You're a grown woman.*****^^^^^Five Stars and Snowcone!^^^^*****
Noproblem Posted January 30, 2018 Posted January 30, 2018 If I were you. I would be honest and direct. We had sex yesterday, I had fun. Now are you texting just because you don't want to look like the one who bails after sex immediately and then you will magically disappear or are you texting because you want to see me again? Either case is fine with me, so which one is you! No time for games!
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