Girl ended date after 1 hour..bad sign?

[Grey40]

Update: the date was on Thursday it’s now Saturday and She hasn’t reached out yet. I didn’t text her either. She could be waiting for me to reach out, but I’m kind of not sure I want to. They way she ended the date was pretty rude. If she knew she had to get up the next day she could have told me that so we could have planned accordingly. From what I gathered she’s just a waitress and the place she works doesn’t even open until 11am. So I think it was definitely just an excuse. She was getting some texts and had her phone face down on the table, thinking that perhaps there’s another guy in the picture that she’s seeing but isn’t really into, and she’s testing the waters. He probably hit her up. Because once she got into the bathroom she really seemed like she was in a rush to get out there.

 

So I’m not going to do anything, I’ll see if she ever reaches back out or not. I’m going to assume she’s not, and just move on. Btw this was not OLD met her through a mutual friend who gave me her number because she thought I was cute. The thing I forgot to mention—she’s only 21. I’m 28. So, when dealing with women that young, I understand their minds change instaneously.

[SpecialJ]

You have your reasons for losing interest, and that's understandable. For the record, I'm in my 30s and rarely text a guy after a first date anymore -- whether it went well or not. I've found that if the guy doesn't text me first after, he wasn't very interested. The couple times recently I did reach out first after: the guy totally ignored it.

 

So if you are interested at all, don't wait for her to contact you, just do it. If you're not because she was rude, don't bother.

[snowboy91]

Update: the date was on Thursday it’s now Saturday and She hasn’t reached out yet. I didn’t text her either. She could be waiting for me to reach out, but I’m kind of not sure I want to. They way she ended the date was pretty rude. If she knew she had to get up the next day she could have told me that so we could have planned accordingly. From what I gathered she’s just a waitress and the place she works doesn’t even open until 11am. So I think it was definitely just an excuse. She was getting some texts and had her phone face down on the table, thinking that perhaps there’s another guy in the picture that she’s seeing but isn’t really into, and she’s testing the waters. He probably hit her up. Because once she got into the bathroom she really seemed like she was in a rush to get out there.

 

Yeah the way she ended the date is probably a bad sign IMO. Assuming she did have to work early and needs a lot of sleep, she could have given you prior warning it was going to be a short date. Sounds like she's not interested, and you don't seem interested anymore either. Next!

[SevenCity]

You have your reasons for losing interest, and that's understandable. For the record, I'm in my 30s and rarely text a guy after a first date anymore -- whether it went well or not. I've found that if the guy doesn't text me first after, he wasn't very interested. The couple times recently I did reach out first after: the guy totally ignored it.

 

So if you are interested at all, don't wait for her to contact you, just do it. If you're not because she was rude, don't bother.

 

For the most part, women who text me after a date are the ones who are interested. Those who don't are not.

 

I feel it's on the woman assuming she got a free meal/drinks out of the deal. I don't think a guy should be texting to thank her for her precious company when he did the paying.

 

Interested or not, it's good manners to say thank you via text.

 

One girl I texted first and she never responded.

[BluSpark]

Update: the date was on Thursday it’s now Saturday and She hasn’t reached out yet. I didn’t text her either. She could be waiting for me to reach out, but I’m kind of not sure I want to. They way she ended the date was pretty rude. If she knew she had to get up the next day she could have told me that so we could have planned accordingly. From what I gathered she’s just a waitress and the place she works doesn’t even open until 11am. So I think it was definitely just an excuse. She was getting some texts and had her phone face down on the table, thinking that perhaps there’s another guy in the picture that she’s seeing but isn’t really into, and she’s testing the waters. He probably hit her up. Because once she got into the bathroom she really seemed like she was in a rush to get out there.

 

So I’m not going to do anything, I’ll see if she ever reaches back out or not. I’m going to assume she’s not, and just move on. Btw this was not OLD met her through a mutual friend who gave me her number because she thought I was cute. The thing I forgot to mention—she’s only 21. I’m 28. So, when dealing with women that young, I understand their minds change instaneously.

 

Just my opinion OP: Why not take one more shot with a text or phone call asking for another date?

 

That is, assuming you really want to pursue something with her.

 

I mean I agree with what others have stated: You can probably already stick a fork in this one (i.e., she is not into it).

 

But you have NOTHING to lose by asking for another date....

 

Edit: And believe me I have been in your shoes. I am a guy..older than you are and this stuff happens.

Edited January 28, 2018 by BluSpark

[SevenCity]

Just my opinion OP: Why not take one more shot with a text or phone call asking for another date?

 

That is, assuming you really want to pursue something with her.

 

I mean I agree with what others have stated: You can probably already stick a fork in this one (i.e., she is not into it).

 

But you have NOTHING to lose by asking for another date....

 

Edit: And believe me I have been in your shoes. I am a guy..older than you are and this stuff happens.

 

I'm curious if anyone had a good relationship after circumstances like this. I would just move on and delete her number.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

I'm sorry but I would take it as a bad sign. She may have gone to the bathroom to gather some courage to leave.

 

If I was really into the guy I'm on a date with, I would stay longer even if I had to wake up super early the next morning.

 

Don't give up but don't expect much from her either. If you really like her then just send a follow up text. Nothing too crazy or dramatic. Just enough to let her know you're thinking of her. If she doesn't respond then you know why.

 

Yep def! If I like a guy, I will stay late w/him on the date, work or not in the morning.

[Chilli]

Good for you ,my kinda women haha.

 

Doesn't look good man from what all the girls have said.

Let us know what happens.

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, it was a bad sign, OP.

 

She knew the time at the beginning of the date. She could have given you the heads-up then that she couldn't stay out too long. So the "Oh! Well, looky here! It's already 10:30!" is an excuse.

 

Keep on truckin'. This one was a dud but don't let it discourage you. Something just wasn't working for her, so it's better not to bother following up.

[Popsicle]

I think that she felt mediocre about you. Like, the conversation was engaging enough while it was happening to keep going, but once she went to the bathroom, she sobered up and realized that she had work early in the morning and needed to get her butt to bed.

 

In the beginning stages of love, when it is intense, we ignore our efforts to sober up and keep going with the high of the feel-good feelings that are happening in the moment. Then we regret it the next day at work, but it was worth it. That obviously was not going on with her that night, but she still stayed and talked to you and enjoyed it to some degree. It only occurred to her that she had work in the morning once she went to the bathroom. That's a good sign in a way that she was enjoying it, but not ideal that she even sobered up. So I'd say again that she just feel mediocre about you. If you're okay with that and hope that it may grow with time, then keep seeing her (many men are ok with this and many fine relationships develop this way). If you're not okay and want fireworks from the start, then this girl is not it.

[LovelyRose]

I still feel she just wasn't interested enough to stay longer. And any tiny hope that she could still be interested for a second date is mostly gone when he didn't text. But it sounds like OP is already turned off as well so he didnt bother texting. They tried and it didn't work. End of story!

Edited January 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
reply to deleted post removed ~T

[William]

33 post threadjack deleted.

 

Those wishing to discuss dating etiquette in general can do so elsewhere. ~T

[Gaeta]

—she’s only 21. I’m 28. So, when dealing with women that young, I understand their minds change instaneously.

 

Why do you keep on dating them though? You always run into the same type of flaky women then we learn they're 19 or 21. Date women 25 +, you'll see a difference.

[newyorker11356]

Why do you keep on dating them though? You always run into the same type of flaky women then we learn they're 19 or 21. Date women 25 +, you'll see a difference.

 

It's not always just the early 20's crowd.

 

I went on a date with a 26-year-old woman about 3 weeks ago (who I met off the Bumble app like 2-3 days before the new year). This was on a Saturday. We set a date for 8 PM at a bar close to her place.

 

After not even an hour (little before 9 PM), I asked her if she wanted another drink, but said she had to go because she had an early morning to New Jersey to visit her Grandmother. I had monitored her location via the app the next day, and she was in Manhattan all day. Didn't go to New Jersey at all.

 

I had a feeling it was made up because if she truly had an early morning, she could have mentioned it beforehand. Couple that with the fact that she didn't seem that interested in me on the date (when she laughed it seemed forced, and when I tried to put my hand on hers she backed it away, etc.).

 

Who knows what happened. We both showed a lot of interest in each other every day prior to meeting up. Maybe she didn't think I was as attractive in person compared to my pics on Bumble. Whatever the case may be, I didn't bother reaching out to her again. Would have been no point as she'd either have ghosted me or told me she wasn't interested in a 2nd date.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I had monitored her location via the app the next day, and she was in Manhattan all day. Didn't go to New Jersey at all.

 

Omg, remind me never to use Bumble. That is a really creepy feature of that app! That can't be safe!

[winny]

The thing I forgot to mention—she’s only 21. I’m 28. So, when dealing with women that young, I understand their minds change instaneously.

 

What is only 21?

At 21, you are an adult, old enough to have a steady permanent job. Old enough to have a bachelor's degree. Old enough to be married and have kids. If people are acting selfish, thats how they will be always, let's not trivialize their selfishness by saying oh they are so young.

[Gaeta]

 

Who knows what happened. We both showed a lot of interest in each other every day prior to meeting up. Maybe she didn't think I was as attractive in person compared to my pics on Bumble. Whatever the case may be, I didn't bother reaching out to her again. Would have been no point as she'd either have ghosted me or told me she wasn't interested in a 2nd date.

 

I can't believe the amount of people that assume all sorts of things and this from strangers. You had 1 date, she doesn't owe you anything, you don't owe her anything. So what she said she needed to be somewhere and wasn't? several things could have happened that she could not be where she said she'd be. After 1 date you should not even ask yourself if her excuse was legitimate or not.

 

By assuming all this sort of crap you are passing on meeting possibly a great woman.

[newyorker11356]

I can't believe the amount of people that assume all sorts of things and this from strangers. You had 1 date, she doesn't owe you anything, you don't owe her anything. So what she said she needed to be somewhere and wasn't? several things could have happened that she could not be where she said she'd be. After 1 date you should not even ask yourself if her excuse was legitimate or not.

 

By assuming all this sort of crap you are passing on meeting possibly a great woman.

 

Lol, come on. At this point in my life, I can tell when someone IS interested, and when they aren't. She was the latter.

[Gaeta]

Lol, come on. At this point in my life, I can tell when someone IS interested, and when they aren't. She was the latter.

 

If you knew from the date she was not interested then why try to locate her on the following day?!

 

When I was going on dates and I felt the guy was not interested, I went home and book a date with a different guy, I didn't waste time locating the previous one.

[newyorker11356]

If you knew from the date she was not interested then why try to locate her on the following day?!

 

When I was going on dates and I felt the guy was not interested, I went home and book a date with a different guy, I didn't waste time locating the previous one.

 

I guess more for confirmation than anything. Couple that with not showing any interest on the date, I quickly moved onto someone else (who I am still dating and talking to atm, we've been on 4 dates so far).

 

However, my main point was that it's not just the early 20's that flake and ghost.

[Gaeta]

However, my main point was that it's not just the early 20's that flake and ghost.

 

Oh no, for sure! I agree, People ghost at all age but OP has a habit of dating women barely out of their teen years but expect them to show a high level of maturity and interest. If he's serious about dating he needs to search through women his age and at least 25 +.

[SevenCity]

If you knew from the date she was not interested then why try to locate her on the following day?!

 

When I was going on dates and I felt the guy was not interested, I went home and book a date with a different guy, I didn't waste time locating the previous one.

 

Although it may not be the case with him, men often don’t have a queue of women wanting to go out with them so you don’t just go home and “book a date”.

 

How checking was likely because he liked her and wanted to make sure his ego wasn’t steering him wrong.

 

But I am confused about your post regarding letting a good one go because he went with his gut? What rules was he following that would prevent a good match in the future?

 

I’m all about cutting your losses early.

[Gaeta]

 

But I am confused about your post regarding letting a good one go because he went with his gut? What rules was he following that would prevent a good match in the future?

 

What I meant was he will miss the opportunity to develop something with one of these women if he keeps on *assuming* and not letting it unfold naturally.

 

After 1 date, or we should call it 1 meeting, we should not assume she left early because she was not interested, or checking her whereabouts to make sure she is where she said she'd be, and assume she lied. People have their reasons and at that point they don't have to reveal them to you.

 

Maybe OP's girl left early because when she went to the washroom she realized she had her period and had nothing in her purse for that time of the month, would she tell him that? of course not, she would come up with an excuse out of the blue. I know it happened to me! and this other posters that assumed her date lied to him because she was not where she said she'd be the following day, why assume she lied? what if she was some place else because her plans got cancelled or she got a family situation last minute. Why always assume the worse in people when you don't even know them yet?

 

It doesn't matter in my eyes why she left 1 hour after the date, if he liked meeting her then just invite her out again, if she's not interested he'll get the message soon enough.

[newyorker11356]

What I meant was he will miss the opportunity to develop something with one of these women if he keeps on *assuming* and not letting it unfold naturally.

 

After 1 date, or we should call it 1 meeting, we should not assume she left early because she was not interested, or checking her whereabouts to make sure she is where she said she'd be, and assume she lied. People have their reasons and at that point they don't have to reveal them to you.

 

Maybe OP's girl left early because when she went to the washroom she realized she had her period and had nothing in her purse for that time of the month, would she tell him that? of course not, she would come up with an excuse out of the blue. I know it happened to me! and this other posters that assumed her date lied to him because she was not where she said she'd be the following day, why assume she lied? what if she was some place else because her plans got cancelled or she got a family situation last minute. Why always assume the worse in people when you don't even know them yet?

 

It doesn't matter in my eyes why she left 1 hour after the date, if he liked meeting her then just invite her out again, if she's not interested he'll get the message soon enough.

 

I'm not the OP, so I don't know if you meant him or me.

 

In any case, I think when some people get enough dating experience under their belts, you start to get better at reading body language. In my case, it was evident that she wasn't interested.

 

I think it might not always be easy to tell if someone is interested, but it's easy enough to see when they very likely aren't.

[Grey40]

I'm not the OP, so I don't know if you meant him or me.

 

In any case, I think when some people get enough dating experience under their belts, you start to get better at reading body language. In my case, it was evident that she wasn't interested.

 

I think it might not always be easy to tell if someone is interested, but it's easy enough to see when they very likely aren't.

 

Yeah the signs you mentioned were all of disinterest and none of them were good, so you made the right choice. And you’re right you do learn to pick up on things. Sometimes you’ll get some mixed signals, and those are a lot tougher but it’s usually pretty easy to tell when someone is on either side or the spectrum. If they’re really interested you can tell and if they’re really not you can also tell. And if you can’t tell, its usually because they also aren’t quite sure yet. I do think it’s much simpler than it is and as humans we over analyze things when really the answer is right under our nose.

 

Back to my story, I didn’t contact this girl again because she made some excuse. Didn’t matter to me whether it was true or not, it was her behavior that was not acceptable. If she knew she could stay for more than an hour, she should have mentioned that prior (all other dates I’ve had they have done that). And if something random did come up, she could have texted me the next day and apologized for leaving early or at least thank me for the date, which she did not do. When women are interested, they usually do those kinds of things, which is why I assume she’s not.