smelltheroses Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Hi everyone. I have been seeing a guy (he is 30, I am 27) now for a few months.. he takes me out once a week and I enjoy his company and it seems he enjoys mine. The issue is that he does not text me after seeing me until 2-3 days later, when he makes plans for the next date. He let 5 days pass without a text after our last date, for example. And I HAVE tried initiating contact after a date a few dates back to show him that I like it, but he didn't take the hint or care. This has been the case since date one. After our first date, I didn’t receive a text from him (and I know NOT to send the cringe “thank you” text) so I assumed he wasn’t interested and shrugged it off. He reached out to me 2 days later scheduling a second date, which was surprising considering the lack of communication. We have not had a conversation on what we are / if we are seeing other people, and I am not sure I am comfortable being exclusive yet, so I don’t necessarily want a conversation about what we are. I just wonder if he IS seeing other people. He told me he is not sleeping with others but we all know that sex and dating are not always hand-in-hand. I also notice that he is still active on the dating profile I met him on, which kind of rubs me the wrong way. The lack of communication outside of dates has enabled me to view this without much emotional attachment, but I’m still curious how you guys suggest I proceed or what to do or even how you’re seeing this situation. Thanks in advance.
preraph Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Two months isn't very long. I wouldn't initiate any "Where are we heading" conversations this early. Just try to relax and enjoy it, but meanwhile, if you feel he is really being inconsiderate, don't try to confront him, just don't date him anymore. Dating is to find out if you're compatible. If it turns out he's really inconsiderate, you don't want him and throw him back. 1
she'stheone Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Hi smelltheroses, I'm sorry you're struggling to get comfortable in your relationship. The issue is that he does not text me after seeing me until 2-3 days later, when he makes plans for the next date. He let 5 days pass without a text after our last date, for example. And I HAVE tried initiating contact after a date a few dates back to show him that I like it, but he didn't take the hint or care. We men are not mind readers. We rarely get the hints women drop and then we don't understand when you're upset with us because we never got the hint. Personally, I believe in open, honest communication. If you have a question ask. If you want something ask. We're all so afraid of chasing the other person away because we want something more from the relationship. If you're in a relationship with someone who can't/won't give you what you want and need. Leave. If you want him to text you more, simply tell him so. It can be as simple as "Baby, I really love it when you text/call me every day. It doesn't have to be much it could just be hello. It would mean to the world to me if you could do that." If that's something he can't/won't do then you know EXACTLY where you stand in your relationship. When a man really likes/loves a woman he wants to make her happy. If you can make it easier for him to understand what you want, without games or hints you will both be happier for it. We have not had a conversation on what we are / if we are seeing other people, and I am not sure I am comfortable being exclusive yet, so I don’t necessarily want a conversation about what we are. I just wonder if he IS seeing other people. He told me he is not sleeping with others but we all know that sex and dating are not always hand-in-hand. I also notice that he is still active on the dating profile I met him on, which kind of rubs me the wrong way. If you are not ready to be exclusive then you have NO RIGHT to expect him to be. Checking up on him and looking at his dating profile is most certainly your right, but, if you two are not exclusive, all checking up on him will do is upset YOU. Very few men are going to stop looking to date other women until they ARE exclusive with a woman AND he is having sex with that woman. If you want to keep dating this man stop checking up on him and when you're ready to have the talk, have it. Again, all of these problems can be resolved with open, honest communication. Sending you much love and light 1
dumbass2 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 My rule of thumb after meeting someone off a dating site,was after 5 or so dates and if sex was finally involved, that we would discuss where we were at and see about removing ourselves from any dating sites in order to just focus on us. I didn't always do that, but after a while found it necessary due to the dating site and issues that can arise. If anyone hesitated, then I knew it wasn't as serious and would continue to date others and not invest so much. I would never give an ultimatum to get off it or else. Problem with dating sites is they're online shopping. You can always shop around and find something you think is better. Some people get hooked and just like to keep shopping and trying things on and sending things back. By the way, I'm not a big texter either and was that way day one with my girlfriend. I've never changed and she's never asked me to. I'd be more concerned on where he sees this going since he's still active on the site after 2 months. And don't bring up that you know he's still active on there.
smackie9 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 What are you?....casual. it's possible he is multi-dating. After two months, and he isn't initiating much contact, no real romance "can't wait to see you" stuff, passion etc. Move on. IMO you should be in sync with each other, sexually, emotionally, physically, and romantically...if not then you are not compatible with expectations. AND you shouldn't have to explain it to them....it should happen right on cue, organically. Once a week with very little communication in between=fail
Space Ritual Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 We have not had a conversation on what we are / if we are seeing other people, and I am not sure I am comfortable being exclusive yet, so I don’t necessarily want a conversation about what we are. I just wonder if he IS seeing other people. He told me he is not sleeping with others but we all know that sex and dating are not always hand-in-hand. Thanks in advance. Well, you'll have to have that conversation. Because if you don't you may discover you both have different definitions of exclusivity. Then this is all for naught, isn't it? How can you know if you don't have the convo? And with the texting...call him up. Stop with the texting. It is difficult at best to determine tone through text. Face to face is always best. In absence of that, talk to him on the phone. People fail to understand that texting leaves a ton of wiggle room for interpretation.
she'stheone Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 IMO you should be in sync with each other, sexually, emotionally, physically, and romantically...if not then you are not compatible with expectations. AND you shouldn't have to explain it to them....it should happen right on cue, organically. Hi smackie9, I think it's this attitude that causes many women to miss out on dating good men. While I agree with you that two people need to by in sync to some degree, expecting a man to know all your wants and needs without communication is putting added pressure on a budding relationship. I know with my soulmate, we communicate openly about everything. Yes, we are in sync on most things (we are also dating for more than a year and living together) ...and there are times where she wants something from me and she lets me know by simply telling/asking me. Why would anyone want to limit their relationship because they do NOT want to communicate their wants and needs? I have found more women, missing out on great men because they drop hints that the man misses and they don't communicate their wants and needs. Again I agree that there has to be some sync sexually, emotionally, physically, and romantically and to say it should all happen organically without communication makes the whole relationship harder than it needs to be. Sending you much love and light 2
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