eclipse90 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 (edited) Hi everyone, I am a 27 year old man currently dating a 23 year old woman. We have been on and off for almost three years, and well, upon meeting her you just know that something is "off" (or at least I've been told). Throughout the years she has made many comments about herself, from calling herself "deeply" manipulative, to a monster, to her most recent comment last week which is what brings me here. We were speaking about our favorite films and she said hers was Basic Instinct. Which was fine until she also mentioned that she sees herself greatly in its lead character, Catherine Trammell (who if you don't know, is a Narcissistic Personality Disorder possibly Borderline psychopathic serial killer). I tried to save her a bit by joking around about her saying that, but it was at that point that she looked me straight in the eye and told me she related to her killing men and stuff because being a "psychopath is certainly a part of [her] personality." Of course, speaking of yourself in this way isn't exactly normal and so I haven't been able to shake it since. She is someone who has been in therapy for years and years and is diagnosed with other conditions, so I am positive that she knows what actually makes a "psychopath" and isn't just saying it out of ignorance. She has been rather callous with me and in and out of my life constantly (which is why we've been so on and off for these years) and I'm just wondering if people are purely a pawn on her chess set, as psychopaths always have an end game to every (especially romantic) relationship they enter. She would get really close to me and then leave me and cut me off, which I always attributed to her suffering past abuse and being unable to maintain adult intimacy, but with these comments over a sustained period of time, I'm wondering if it's actually due to a type of control she likes to have over people, making her the puppetmaster in a game of cruelty until she feels bored and eventually moves on (which could take weeks, months, or years, depending on I guess how much they are getting out of a situation. Also, god knows what they might do on the side that you don't know about). For example, she would treat me terribly but then apologize for her actions but would do the same thing all over again even as soon as later that day or week, which did definitely show a lack of empathy. Every day felt in a way like Groundhog Day. I do love her, but are these comments something to take seriously? What should I do Edited January 24, 2018 by eclipse90
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Run, seriously. The only thing worse than actual psychopaths are the people who call themselves psychopaths like it's some badge of honor. Just run. 16
Zahara Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 For example, she would treat me terribly but then apologize for her actions but would do the same thing all over again, which did definitely show a lack of empathy. Every day felt in a way like Groundhog Day. What should I do You're really asking what you should do? Unless you like being treated terribly, along with all the other mess you put up with -- the answer is very clear. Leave. Best to focus on what your dysfunction is to want to stay with someone that has no respect for you and treats you poorly. What can you possibly love about that? 3
BarbedFenceRider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2e/4d/6d/2e4d6d086d6b02b9cac2dcebc67268f4.jpg 3
preraph Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 She's been in therapy, so she knows what she's classified. You need to RUN far far away from psychopaths, seriously! Do NOT ever have unprotected sex with her and her get pregnant and you stuck with her and her a psychopath and terrible mother. Please take this seriously. She's probably being nice to you now but she's going to be very unpredictable and chaotic at some point. 5
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 (edited) but it was at that point that she looked me straight in the eye and told me she related to her killing men and stuff because being a "psychopath is certainly a part of [her] personality." What should I do RUN... Run far away, now, quickly... Edited January 24, 2018 by Happy Lemming spelling 3
gbe2015 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Sounds like you just gave her the go ahead to .. well .. act like a psychopath Afterall, she did warn you right? Seriously, get away from her. You probably don't realize how much she's screwing with your head, you'll look back in a couple years and be shocked. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Does it matter why she behaves the way she does, at the end of the day? The reasons behind it don't really change the outcome for you. The bottom line is that you know she isn't someone you're going to have a stable, long-lasting relationship with. Why are you still there, three years later? 2
frigginlost Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Hi everyone, I am a 27 year old man currently dating a 23 year old woman. We have been on and off for almost three years, and well, upon meeting her you just know that something is "off" (or at least I've been told). Throughout the years she has made many comments about herself, from calling herself "deeply" manipulative, to a monster, to her most recent comment last week which is what brings me here. We were speaking about our favorite films and she said hers was Basic Instinct. Which was fine until she also mentioned that she sees herself greatly in its lead character, Catherine Trammell (who if you don't know, is a Narcissistic Personality Disorder possibly Borderline psychopathic serial killer). I tried to save her a bit by joking around about her saying that, but it was at that point that she looked me straight in the eye and told me she related to her killing men and stuff because being a "psychopath is certainly a part of [her] personality." Of course, speaking of yourself in this way isn't exactly normal and so I haven't been able to shake it since. She is someone who has been in therapy for years and years and is diagnosed with other conditions, so I am positive that she knows what actually makes a "psychopath" and isn't just saying it out of ignorance. She has been rather callous with me and in and out of my life constantly (which is why we've been so on and off for these years) and I'm just wondering if people are purely a pawn on her chess set, as psychopaths always have an end game to every (especially romantic) relationship they enter. She would get really close to me and then leave me and cut me off, which I always attributed to her suffering past abuse and being unable to maintain adult intimacy, but with these comments over a sustained period of time, I'm wondering if it's actually due to a type of control she likes to have over people, making her the puppetmaster in a game of cruelty until she feels bored and eventually moves on (which could take weeks, months, or years, depending on I guess how much they are getting out of a situation. Also, god knows what they might do on the side that you don't know about). For example, she would treat me terribly but then apologize for her actions but would do the same thing all over again even as soon as later that day or week, which did definitely show a lack of empathy. Every day felt in a way like Groundhog Day. I do love her, but are these comments something to take seriously? What should I do Waiter, check please! Cookies nailed it with "the only thing worse than actual psychopaths are the people who call themselves psychopaths". You will not win this game. Unless you love misery, run as fast as you can... 1
Woggle Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 She has told you what she is so don't stick around. 1
basil67 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 When someone tells you who they are, believe them. 3
BaileyB Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 When someone tells you who they are, believe them. Great minds think alike. I was about to post the exact same quote. 1
kendahke Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Is she related to Aileen Wuornos? Seriously---people like her need a psychiatrist more than they need a boyfriend. Mental illness or not, I would not tolerate anyone treating with me the way you let her treat with you. Life is too short for that mess.
KBob Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Do NOT ever have unprotected sex with her and her get pregnant and you stuck with her and her a psychopath and terrible mother. Please take this seriously. She's probably being nice to you now but she's going to be very unpredictable and chaotic at some point. OP, if you aren't clear about what your future could be like with this woman, listen to what preraph posted. Then watch Gone Girl. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 (edited) her words are disturbing....sounds like she needs to go back to therapy...i dont believe she is a psychopath.....psychopaths hardly ever say they are psychopathic...or monsters and let people know directly...they thrive on the element of disguise.... i understand why you are scared...that si her intention to scare you ....your woman seems to like to be in control...she does that by instilling fear..........why are you with her...what is it about this woman that makes you want to work it out... as far as basic instinct goes....catherine tramell was actually the object of a serial killers unrequited "love".....she wrote murder mysteries and interacted with a serial killer woman who i believe killed her family not just men....catherine tramell researched killers to better write her books....there were killers all around catherine tramell none of them people you expected to be killers or psychopaths....catherine tramell was out there and liked attention she was a writer who immersed herself in the subject matter of her books....and really enjoyed sex .......and being dominant in that respect.... michael douglas character she affectionately called shooter....he killed someone i believe in the line of duty which is how he met catherine tramells nemesis stalker..he has an obsessive streak .......and an out of control temper.......the serial killer shrink.....who counselled him after he killed someone..now she was psychopathic..she fetl used by michael douglas and by many...michael douglas at one point brutally has sex with her implied anal sex too............ the characters in the story who are the most twisted....are the shrink with a thing for catherine.....catherine tramells female love interest who also tries to kill shooter out of jealousy and a police officer hell bent on destroying michael douglas character shooter and his career andlastly michael douglas character shooter he plays is a hot pot of rage and obsession.... catherine tramell wasnt a man hater.......it was the shrink who was....and the female love interest.......was jealous of any man who got close to catherine......catherine tramell would have men die around her, her love interests became targets for killers.........she did have issues....she used sex a lot......and liked attention would say things to shock and confuse people......she was a complex character.....but she actually had relationships with men that were intense......and was loving to people others would avoid.....i knew who the real serial killer was ...pretty early in the movie.....even with the misdirection i did however find the movie to be gratituous in sexual content ......catherine tramell is a character in a movie ......and i know with disturbed individuals sometimes its a case of wanting life to imitate art i would be more concerned personally if someone said to me they idolised hitler a true psychopath.....who never ever said he was.........because he was real and horrible.....that your gf says she loves basic instinct as her fave movie..maybe she loves the sexual freedom that catherine tramell is centered around....the dominant behaviors.....the attention that catherine tramell gets from all walks of men.......... i dont know why your gf said what she has to you or does the things she does...what makes me more curious...is why you love her.....what is it about her that you would stay....or what is it in her that attracted you in the first place....why arent you leaving...you know she isnt right for you...deb.... Edited January 24, 2018 by todreaminblue 2
smackie9 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 When anyone hears psychopath, they assume serial killer....not all psychopaths are killers. It's a type of behavior/personality trait. She definitely has mental illness, but she is no psychopath. She's in and out of fantasy and the talk is like playing it out (possible schizophrenia? She's at the right age). The self esteem is so low, this makes her feel empowered to pretend to be someone she is not....kinda like someone who pretends to be someone famous or mirrors their idol. Anyways, I have a feeling she's not getting the help she needs and is going off her rocker. 3
sdraw108 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I tried to save her a bit by joking around about her saying that, but it was at that point that she looked me straight in the eye and told me she related to her killing men and stuff Better start making sure there are no ice picks around. And don't mention rugrats! On a serious note, this woman told you she relates to psychos who kill men and then told you she is a psycho. And you wasted time writing this post when you could have been running away? Get out of there so that we don't have to read about you in the news! 1
todreaminblue Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 When anyone hears psychopath, they assume serial killer....not all psychopaths are killers. It's a type of behavior/personality trait. She definitely has mental illness, but she is no psychopath. She's in and out of fantasy and the talk is like playing it out (possible schizophrenia? She's at the right age). The self esteem is so low, this makes her feel empowered to pretend to be someone she is not....kinda like someone who pretends to be someone famous or mirrors their idol. Anyways, I have a feeling she's not getting the help she needs and is going off her rocker. not all psychopaths are serial killers .......but all serial killers are psychopathic...... noun a person suffering from chronic mental disorder with abnormal or violent social behaviour. synonyms: madman/madwoman, mad person, deranged person, maniac, lunatic, psychotic, sociopath; informalloony, fruitcake, nutcase, nut, nutter, nutjob, cuckoo, psycho, schizo, head case, headbanger, sicko, crank, crackpot; informalradge; informalscrewball, crazy, kook, meshuggener, nutso; informalwing nut "Rick was a dangerous psychopath who might kill again" i am fore ever from this moment on..... not going to call myself a fruit cake loon or schizo.someone i love might believe me........i have schizoaffective disorder supposedly..... i am not a pyschopath or dangerous.....except to myself......the noun meaning of psychopath is actually quite sad...the words otherwise used to describe the term...depressing..........deb... 1
Author eclipse90 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Posted January 25, 2018 You're really asking what you should do? Unless you like being treated terribly, along with all the other mess you put up with -- the answer is very clear. Leave. Best to focus on what your dysfunction is to want to stay with someone that has no respect for you and treats you poorly. What can you possibly love about that? I think a lot of me wanting to stay was wrapped up in making excuses for her behavior (blaming it on past trauma she experienced as a child in her family, etc.) I know that none of this is an excuse, but it keeps you wrapped in the cycle of abuse and thankfully (after reflecting on all of these things said over a period of time) I'm smartening up a bit and no longer want to be in such an abusive and possibly harmful situation 2
Author eclipse90 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Posted January 25, 2018 Better start making sure there are no ice picks around. And don't mention rugrats! On a serious note, this woman told you she relates to psychos who kill men and then told you she is a psycho. And you wasted time writing this post when you could have been running away? Get out of there so that we don't have to read about you in the news! I always had a weirdly off feeling about that sometimes in my gut I am
LilySun Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Sounds bipolar to me,among other mental issues. Dating people like this makes a relationship much more challenging. It will likely not improve much, so you should decide if this is something you can deal with potentially for the rest of your life. It's affecting your own happiness with the relationship so end it if you are not happy. But her statement would seriously make me fear for my safety. If you had to break up, she seems the type who may not handle that well and go completely Psycho on you. Not to scare you but that is the picture in my head.. Lol.
Lamartine Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 At best, she's toxic. At worst, she's dangerous. If you suspect she uses people as pawns, she probably does. She's manipulative, uses people, and comes into and out of your life without caring about the damage she does to you. I know you love her, but charming people into accepting bad behavior is a sociopath's specialty. Do yourself a favor and get out. Do not pass go; do not collect $200. This will only get worse.
Lamartine Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Sounds bipolar to me,among other mental issues. Dating people like this makes a relationship much more challenging. It will likely not improve much, so you should decide if this is something you can deal with potentially for the rest of your life. It's affecting your own happiness with the relationship so end it if you are not happy. But her statement would seriously make me fear for my safety. If you had to break up, she seems the type who may not handle that well and go completely Psycho on you. Not to scare you but that is the picture in my head.. Lol. I agree. Maybe you should get advice from a counselor as to how best to break things off with her. 1
Lamartine Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 At best, she's toxic. At worst, she's dangerous. If you suspect she uses people as pawns, she probably does. She's manipulative, uses people, and comes into and out of your life without caring about the damage she does to you. I know you love her, but charming people into accepting bad behavior is a sociopath's specialty. Do yourself a favor and get out. Do not pass go; do not collect $200. This will only get worse. Also, I'd like to add that I usually don't advise people to leave significant others because of mental illness. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I want people to be able to look past those things and see the real person I am. This seems like an egregious case to me, though. When I was younger, somebody told me that, when someone tells you what he or she is, believe it. She might not be an outright psychopath, but something about this feels very wrong to me. 1
Author eclipse90 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Posted January 25, 2018 Also, I'd like to add that I usually don't advise people to leave significant others because of mental illness. I suffer from depression and anxiety, and I want people to be able to look past those things and see the real person I am. This seems like an egregious case to me, though. When I was younger, somebody told me that, when someone tells you what he or she is, believe it. She might not be an outright psychopath, but something about this feels very wrong to me. Of course. I agree. I've suffered from mental illness myself my entire life (anxiety, depression, and varying severities of OCD mainly) and my very forgiving nature regarding this is what got me here in the first place (blaming all of her apathetic actions on her trauma and illness –– "she deserves love too you know!") While I do agree, I think there is a line in the sand for every situation and when someone can tell me that they relate to a notorious (albeit fictional) serial killer in their manipulative and/or psychopathic ways, I think that's the line in the sand.
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