BluesPower Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I personally just feel like it’s okay since I really trust myself and my guy friend. But at the same time, I know that even nothing happens it might still come up as an argument point later. Just have a feeling that it won’t do any good. But both my boyfriend and my guy friend say they are okay with gf traveling with other guys (that she slept with) so I am just curious if guys think differently. OMG... Everyone explained this, but see if this makes sense. Your BF is a fool, or he does not care if you sleep around. And he is probably young, and trying to be all modern and cool. Your friend, would bang you in a heartbeat if you got a little drunk, bottom line. This is not something that you do in a relationship, esp when you are young, it is just not done. (should not be). Better that you just don't do it no matter what your BF says. Make sense? 2
KBob Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I personally just feel like it’s okay since I really trust myself and my guy friend. But at the same time, I know that even nothing happens it might still come up as an argument point later. Just have a feeling that it won’t do any good. But both my boyfriend and my guy friend say they are okay with gf traveling with other guys (that she slept with) so I am just curious if guys think differently. It's been suggested but not outright said, so I'll directly ask: this "guy friend" is a former lover, someone you slept with regularly for an extended period of time? If so, don't go on a holiday with him. If you slept with him once and liked it enough to keep doing it, theres a chance it could happen again. If you love your boyfriend you shouldn't put yourself or your relationship in that position. 2
kendahke Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 It's been suggested but not outright said, so I'll directly ask: this "guy friend" is a former lover, someone you slept with regularly for an extended period of time? He's an ex sex partner--he knows her, biblically. He knows how she is in bed. I can't imagine any man being cool with his girlfriend going traveling with any man she's had sex with, even if it was only one time. 4
Author mushroomlol Posted January 24, 2018 Author Posted January 24, 2018 It's been suggested but not outright said, so I'll directly ask: this "guy friend" is a former lover, someone you slept with regularly for an extended period of time? If so, don't go on a holiday with him. If you slept with him once and liked it enough to keep doing it, theres a chance it could happen again. If you love your boyfriend you shouldn't put yourself or your relationship in that position. I slept with him for over 6 months. Exclusively. Thanks you guys. Now it sounds so bad. Not sure why my boyfriend is okay with it - prob he just wants to have an excuse to break up or he is still in love with his ex. But I am gonna tell him that I will not do this because I am committed in the relationship and I won’t do anything that could sabotage it. 1
Author mushroomlol Posted January 24, 2018 Author Posted January 24, 2018 He's an ex sex partner--he knows her, biblically. He knows how she is in bed. I can't imagine any man being cool with his girlfriend going traveling with any man she's had sex with, even if it was only one time. Should this be an indicator that my boyfriend is not committed? I am now more worried about why he is okay with it.
BluesPower Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Should this be an indicator that my boyfriend is not committed? I am now more worried about why he is okay with it. You should be worried... Because he is a fool, which is bad, of he does not care about you. I really can't think of another reason???? 1
DKT3 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 You should be worried... Because he is a fool, which is bad, of he does not care about you. I really can't think of another reason???? I can. A large portion of the male population fear the word controlling. It could very well be he doesn't want to come across as jealous or controlling. OP, here is how you answer your question. If you can honestly say you would be ok with him doing this with a lover turned friend, then go. But, if you have doubts about your willingness to be ok with him doing it, then you shouldn't go. I think we can all assume you would not be ok. 3
BluesPower Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I can. A large portion of the male population fear the word controlling. It could very well be he doesn't want to come across as jealous or controlling. I don't disagree with that, but then like I said, fools. 1
LilySun Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 You said your guy is okay with it and trusts you, so I guess the question is do you trust yourself. If there is even a small possibility that you could hook up with the guy then traveling with him isn't the right thing to do. If you and him have truly platonic feelings for each other, then fine. If you can tell yourself your BF 100% sure of nothing to worry about, then why not.
heavenonearth Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I would freak if my boyfriend would travel with his ex. Nah ah. Not gonna happen.
KBob Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I don't disagree with that, but then like I said, fools. It's easy to label but sometimes that's not exactly the case. Not in all occasions is a person supposed to know that something is deemed a bad action by everyone when they've never been in that situation or nobody ever told them it was wrong. That's exactly why I made the mistake that OP is curious about. I figured if my GF at the time was ok with it, I guess it was ok. Years later, I regret it and wish I had had someone to tell me I was taking the wrong course of action. Unfortunately I hadn't found LS at that time.
RecentChange Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 I don't keep in contact with my old lovers. I know my husband wouldn't want me hanging out with someone I used to have sex with, and I feel the same. If his dick has been in her..... Not to be a "friend" any more. This would be a hell no for us. 1
phineas Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 any woman I was with who even considered this would be gone. any woman who asked me to do this, i'd say no if we weren't going to be sleeping together. I'd rather go out of town with one of my buddy's and have a great time. clearly this guy friend thinks he's gonna get some. 5
BMI03 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Should this be an indicator that my boyfriend is not committed? I am now more worried about why he is okay with it. Don't panic yet. You said this relationship was fairly new? My guess is that he likes you, and when presented with a question you gave him, he may have swallowed some of his pride and concern at the risk of looking too controlling so early in the relationship. I hate when a woman asks me "Would you mind if I did X, Y, Z?". If you are asking me, it's because you probably already know that it's getting close to crossing a line. And if you know that already, you shouldn't have to ask me and make me feel like the uncool bad guy for telling you I am not comfortable. You should be considerate of my feelings and just not do s**t that you think is likely not going to make me feel good. So, when asked that early in a relationship, he may have just said he is ok with it to not come across as a drag to you. He may be fearing this trip in reality. 1
clueless_4ever Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Traveling with a guy friend could be ok... But all that history between you guys is definitely not ok to be travel buddies while in a relationship with someone else.
joseb Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Should this be an indicator that my boyfriend is not committed? I am now more worried about why he is okay with it. Well, you were willing to do it. So does that mean your bf should be worried you were considering it? I think it's possible that he's trying to be all "non controlling" by saying he is ok with it. But I get the sense there are other issues, and that's why you think he just doesn't care. Which is another possibility. Also, the fact you considered it suggests maybe you arent that into him...you must know what would have happened...did a part of you want that?
kendahke Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Should this be an indicator that my boyfriend is not committed? I am now more worried about why he is okay with it. I certainly do think you need to sit down and have a difficult conversation with him---and understand that 1. you may hear things you don't want to hear but need to hear and 2. he still may not tell you the truth of his feelings if it means messing up what he's got going on with his ex. He'll tell you anything to keep the status quo in his favor. That's human nature. Not sure why my boyfriend is okay with it - prob he just wants to have an excuse to break up or he is still in love with his ex. I think the latter is probably closer to the truth. He's already sabotaging your relationship if he's still in love with his ex.
central Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) You should be worried... Because he is a fool, which is bad, of he does not care about you. I really can't think of another reason???? Perhaps. Only she knows if she is truly trustworthy, and what her boundaries are in this situation, but if she is trustworthy and he recognizes this, then he's not a fool, only trusting. If you violate his trust, OP, you will probably become his ex-gf. He may be giving you leeway as a way to test your character. Edited January 25, 2018 by central 1
Author mushroomlol Posted January 25, 2018 Author Posted January 25, 2018 Well, you were willing to do it. So does that mean your bf should be worried you were considering it? I think it's possible that he's trying to be all "non controlling" by saying he is ok with it. But I get the sense there are other issues, and that's why you think he just doesn't care. Which is another possibility. Also, the fact you considered it suggests maybe you arent that into him...you must know what would have happened...did a part of you want that? Dang. He broke up with his ex of 2 years in Oct. she dumped him. We just met recently and started the relationship right away. He said he still loves his ex but he loves me.
Author mushroomlol Posted January 25, 2018 Author Posted January 25, 2018 I certainly do think you need to sit down and have a difficult conversation with him---and understand that 1. you may hear things you don't want to hear but need to hear and 2. he still may not tell you the truth of his feelings if it means messing up what he's got going on with his ex. He'll tell you anything to keep the status quo in his favor. That's human nature. I think the latter is probably closer to the truth. He's already sabotaging your relationship if he's still in love with his ex. He says he loves her as a human being and he cares about he well being. He broke up with me once already. He also said he’s loving me now but I just can’t feel that
Sbla22 Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 If I had a girlfriend and she said this to me it would be game over. Any closeness with an 'ex' would be instant game over now for me too - entertained it with my recent ex of 5 months. Every month of the relationship I discovered something more and more unsettling about her relationship with 'just a friend now'. Never ever again. No excuses for it. 2
Recommended Posts