clueless_4ever Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Hi everyone, I went on a coffee date with a guy I met on tinder. We had really great conversations over text that led to a first date. During our date, I was really nervous and was not as outspoken as I usually am. I definitely could have been more conversational. We had some meaningful conversations but also had a few awkward silences. At the end of our date, he hugged me and said he would text me. Our date was just "meh" but I do want to get to know him more. It's been two days and no text. I've asked so many of my friends and gotten mixed advice. I'm just not sure what to do next. If he didn't text, maybe he's not interested? Should I text him? If so, what do I text him? Or simply, should I just forget about him? Basically: How do I recover from a so-so first date???
Sm12345 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I’m going through this right now. I’ll give you some advice that I should’ve taken. Move on. It doesn’t matter how awkward you were or talkative. My ex was awkward on our first date, and I still wanted to see her again, because through that awkwardness, I could tell we still had a really great connection. Someone is going to see that awkwardness as a good thing, and it’s probably not this guy. Keep putting yourself out there, and never be afraid to be yourself, because when the right guy comes along, he’ll be looking for you. Not some facsimile of it. 1
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 There is nothing you can do to get a 2nd date, to me he sounds uninterested. If you want to put yourself out there, text him and see what happens from there. If he drops off, let him go and date others. 2 days w/out a text doesn't sound super interested to me. I did a lot of online dating and a lot of guys on tinder enjoy playing games.
Maggie4 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I doubt it has anything to do with your demeanor. It's a first meeting. Not everyone will find you attractive. That's true even for "hot girls". He probably just goes for a different look/type. He shouldn't still be having your attention.
nothingsintheflowerz Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Wait a few more days and if he doesn't text you move on.
basil67 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 You probably can't recover from a so-so first date. It's not different to doing a bad job interview. All you can do is learn for next time. What made you so nervous on this date?
arblaster Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Firstly, first dates aren't supposed to be *that* great. For me, they're just a quick drink to for me to say "yes" or "no". Sometimes there is chemistry there from the offset (but that doesn't mean the person is relationship material), other times not much but it grows thereafter. What you definitely need to do is meet in person again ASAP, and see what happens. Texting once you've already met is sort of redundant.
Andy_K Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 If he is attracted enough to you and thinks there was some potential, he'll most likely text you even if the date didn't go so well. Provided you showed some interest in him. There is the possibility though, that you came across as completely uninterested in seeing him again, and in this case he might decide that contacting you again would be a pointless exercise in getting rejected. If you think there's a good chance of this, by all means send him a message and you'll find out for sure soon enough. 3
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 For Heaven's sake. If you want a second date, stop being passive. You are an adult with a voice. Pick up the phone. Call him. Ask him on the second date. Since you arranged it, you pay. He's probably sitting there wondering what he did wrong that you were so "meh" on a date. Men are not mind readers. How was he supposed to know you were nervous? Why is he the one who is supposed to risk rejection when he thinks you don't like him? How you get a 2nd date is you be gracious & open on the 1st date. You go out of your way to make the other person feel welcome & at ease. When you sit there all caught up in your own nervousness & angst what you project to the other person is rejection. No that is not chasing. No that is not being easy. It's knowing your own value / self worth. Since you are part of the problem, only you can be the solution. Understand he may say no because all he knows of you wasn't that great. He may ghost you. Through LS I have come to realize that many people who meet off Tinder & think they get to know somebody through "great conversations" (there is no such thing IMHO) via text don't have the interpersonal skills to let somebody down gently & think that being silent & disappearing is the kindest way to hurt somebody's feelings. Good luck. I doubt he will say yes. He is already ghosting. He most likely doesn't appreciate your nervousness & will not want to deal with anything other than some "perfect" date where you were all over him & stroked his ego or other parts from the get go. Still I encourage you to try because that way you won't regret not trying. 2
SevenCity Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 If he is attracted enough to you and thinks there was some potential, he'll most likely text you even if the date didn't go so well. Provided you showed some interest in him. There is the possibility though, that you came across as completely uninterested in seeing him again, and in this case he might decide that contacting you again would be a pointless exercise in getting rejected. If you think there's a good chance of this, by all means send him a message and you'll find out for sure soon enough. Agreed. If a woman comes off as unattracted to me, I would likely not waste my time. I’ve probably missed some opportunities, but I don’t ask them out again unless they are showing signs of interest like reaching out. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I'd say it could be a nervous thing like "maybe she wasn't feeling me" except that he said "I'll text you"... ...."I'll text you".... I have had guy's who weren't sure how the date went and the never say stuff like that. They say "maybe we can talk again sometime or something?" I'll text you/call you is bold for someone unsure of your interest and it's basically saying "don't contact me, I'll contact you" So yeah, I'd just let this one go...It's not a big deal. Lots of guys on Tinder. 1
MaleIntuition Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 There is a common pattern here on LS: whenever a girl ask this, or a similar question the majority seem to answer; “well men should chase and if he doesn’t he isn’t interested. Move one.” From the guys perspective it goes something like: “So I was on a date with this girl. She seemed sort of quiet and not very interested, I’m not sure... what should I do?” And most would instinctively respond: “Man up, call her and ask her on a date!” Honestly, OP, the Facts that we have are: 1) You want a second date 2) He hasn’t reached out This could mean that a) he isn’t interested, b) he is interested and might text tomorrow, c) he is interest but he thinks you weren’t or, d) he is uncertain. From a pure logical standpoint, there is nothing to lose from reaching out to the guy. Nothing. Even if you Do believe that interested guys always chase, well; then he has already rejected you by not doing anything; so a negative response should, in theory, not really matter... good luck! 4
smackie9 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 First off, if you want a second date, you are supposed to give the guy the heads up that you enjoyed the date or thank him for the date and you look forward to seeing him again. The date was awkward, you were not too responsive and you never texted him....that tells him it's a loss cause. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I would actually tell a guy who got the "I'll text you..." for a girl the same thing...move on! But I guess it doesn't hurt anything but your dignity maybe just a little looking a bit eager. It pales in comparison to what is to be gained if you want a second date. And I think if a second date is what OP wants, she can nail this guy down for second date. Men will usually never turn down a woman who chases them. That doesn't mean it's wise for them to do so. Remember, in general, girls want a lot of things for one guy and guys want one thing from a lot of girls, so if you throw yourself at it him, chances are he's not going to refuse !!!
Jj66 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I never asked for a second date unless I knew the answer was going to be yes. I'm sure I missed some good people but I already used my cojones to get the first date. Not going to risk them for someone who seemed lukewarm after we finally spend some time together. She was receptive when I asked her out the first time and now she isn't so keen. She must have been disappointed with what I was offering. No law against asking him for a second date. There are some I didn't ask that I probably would have accepted. If they threw themselves at me I would have run far far away very fast. At least in the later years when I had some confidence, experience, and shall I dare say wisdom. I never get caught by a woman who chases unless she is very skillful at it. I have to not be sure I'm being chased until I am pretty much caught for it to work. Subtlety wins the day.
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