viatori patuit Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Does anyone else have to deal with a SO that likes to try and argue via text? Is this even healthy? I tend to think that text arguments are counter productive. It is generally a fire hose of poorly formed comments that results in more and not less hostility. What do you think? Good? Bad? How do you deal with this in either case?
Happy Lemming Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I'm not a fan of ignoring or deleting communication from someone, but I'm not going to let them abuse me and hurl insults at me. I'm not going to engage in that behavior. I agree with your fire hose analogy. Maybe send one back to the effect of "When you calm down and want to communicate with me in a professional and courteous manner, then and only then will I read your texts." And turn off your phone. Yes, believe it or not there is an "off" button on those things. 1
Mr. Lucky Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 How do you deal with this in either case? I actually feel it can be an honest exchange of feelings without some of the rushed negative emotions physical arguments can trigger. My wife and I tend to lay some things out there via text and then work through the final points in person, it seems to expedite the discussion. If a partner is going to dump a "fire hose of poorly formed comments" on you, I'm not sure the medium matters. Doesn't sound any more pleasant or constructive in person than it would be via text... Mr. Lucky
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 my ex did. Part of the reason I had to break up with him
todreaminblue Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 i think its bad to argue by text.....lost in translation thing.... i also think after writing a long as text and getting a one word reply like ok......can really fuel demon fire..to tell the truth it makes me laugh...because i am the one sending the long as text...when i should have written maybe two words and gotten the same response... arguments in my experience are best resolved when they are calm thoughtful disagreements in discussions face to face and respectful ...deb 1
Arieswoman Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Just what is all this texting rubbish? Why can't some people have a proper verbal conversation these days?! OP, in answer to your questions - texting is lazy communication and it's not conducive to effective communication. My concern is not so much how you are arguing but why you are arguing. It doesn't sound a very healthy relationship full-stop. 2
Author viatori patuit Posted January 24, 2018 Author Posted January 24, 2018 The why really isn't important. I think most people have disagreements at some point in their relationship. I would guess that most of the time it isn't really worth the energy we spend on it. My problem is I travel. A lot. I work around the world and spend a fair amount of time away from home. (I am in India right now exactly half way around the world). I was curious what others thought of resolving disagreements via text. It seems that my wife prefers to send a lot of texts when something is irritating to her. I am the opposite. I would rather discuss an irritant face to face. Just because I post a question doesn't mean there is a major issue. Sometimes I am just curious what others experience. I find a wealth of information here that often heads off issues.
grays Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 My boyfriend is better at having difficult discussions by text. At first it bothered me and I tried to deal with stuff face to face, but then I realized that because he can handle texting so much better it was worth trying to go with the flow. And so far I've been okay with it.
act00 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Being on the other side of the world with time differences, phone calls, let alone arguments, might be more difficult, and with that in mind, maybe texting is a descent medium. What about email? However, things get lost in written word sometimes, especially text, and tone can be read into it, that otherwise doesn't exist. It has its failings for sure. I think it can be reasonable depending on the relationship, as a couple here have mentioned within their relationships, but I also agree that this also needs to be discussed and resolved in person, even if text just opens up the door. Because of your travels, and time zones, I'm sure you're tired. Meanwhile, she's home holding down the fort with little help from you. I think you just need to figure out where a good middle ground is and on your end (hers too), make sure you make the time during a time that you can both talk. We're talking 14 hours' difference in time here, and when, really, can you hash it out when something is bothering either one of you?
d0nnivain Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I think communicating anything deep by text is a horrible option. Texting deprives everybody of the subtext you need from all the non-verbal cues which are 90% of communication. Anybody who wants to pick a fight via text is immature at best. That person is not somebody I would want to have a relationship with. I also don't date people who "pick fights."
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