mortensorchid Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I have been back internet dating for a bit. I have made a connection with three people and we have been chatting via text (on our phones). Things are ... I'm not sure where I stand with them. 1) Carpenter - I met this guy face to face on Saturday. He's separated from his wife, has a 2 year old child, builds a lot of things in museums, theaters, etc. He's away this week in Michigan on a build. Our meeting went well. He didn't seem socially awkward at all, nor arrogant or rude, he walked me to my car and hugged me good-bye. All good signs. The next day he texted me, I was away with a group of friends helping them film a webseries. He said he was leaving for Michigan that day, would be back on Sunday (this weekend). I said have a good trip. The next day he texts me and sends me photos of the place where he is (the hotel which is like a castle). I said at some point in the banter that I was happy, he asked what I was happy about. I said he seemed like a good guy and wasn't a bull**** meeting we had. He said thank you and he's interested in getting to know me better he thinks I am unique. He did say to me (I obviously didn't know this before but ... I do now) that he drinks and smokes a lot. I told him about some of the things I have been going through in the last few weeks/months mostly career related - had offers but rejected them which I will not get into in this forum. Then today I texted him and said I was going to start a new job tomorrow as a home health aid. He responded and said he was glad to hear. And ... That was that really. He asked if I was happy about it, I said yes. I said I needed to take a serious break from the substitute teaching. He asked if I like little kids or teenagers. I said teenagers. And ... That was that as of now. 2) IT GUy - I hit it off with another guy on a website. We were talking for a while, then he went silent. I texted him two days ago asking "Are you going poof on me?" He responded and we had a chat about things (he's 45, works in IT, has never been married, no kids and doesn't want them, etc.). Seems kind of ... Angry at times. He'd broken up with a gf he was living with for a while, they'd broken up and he moved out about four months ago. I ... Am not too keen on him after knowing this and thinking he's looking for a rebound hook up. I will let it stand with him. 3) Rider - THis guy said I am like a unicorn when he found me on the website. He and I were chatting a lot, he was married for 25 years, 3 kids who are teenagers, divorced for 5. He said he was looking for a relationship. He went to Nashville, TN to see his mom and other relatives down there where he is now. He said he was coming down with the flu. I texted him today after not hearing from him today that I hoped he was feeling better, he said he was. ANd he was going to get on his bike and go see his mom. I said okay. I keep things light and airy when I talk to them. The IT guy I am the least excited about, the others? I like the first one, he seems decent enough; the third is ... I am on the fence about him. Am I doing things right with them? I'm not being pushy or demanding that we meet, but I have a feeling like this is going to turn into our just being texting buddies and not much else. What does this sound like to others?
BaileyB Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Well, it seems like you are doing things "right" to me but I have to ask if you are dating the "right" guys? Particularly #1 and #2. Aside from the debate about whether you should/should not date a man who is recently separated... drinks and smokes a lot are two deal breakers for me. And "seems kind of angry at times," recently broken up with his girlfriend, and non communicative at other times... again, not for me. If it was me, I would throw these fish back in the ocean. I know you really want to meet someone, but it's ok to have standards. Be careful about who you decide to date, not just anybody should fit the bill. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 #2 is definitely out. #1.....I'd be a bit worried about him telling you he's a big drinker and smoker. Are you ok with this? #3....not enough time to develop an opinion. The flu is AWFUL this season if he actually has influenza. Poor guy! You are doing nothing wrong that I can see in any of these situations. 2
Interstellar Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Can you put up with guy #1 who drinks and smokes a lot? that sounds like a dealbreaker to most people including me. You’re right to stay away from Angry Guy. Guy#3 sounds promising because of the grownup kids. So far so good on the rest though.
rightondude Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Guy 3 sounds like the most well adjusted. Source: Former IT guy with a drinking problem 3
staggerlee71 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 wow, what an eclectic bunch. knowing nothing about you, hard to say whats right. So hard to say what each guy is like but take this into consideration. Each guy showed you what they were not afraid to show. Carpenter: not trying to impress. drinks and smokes, that's who he is peripheral. probably the most straight forward. IT guy, instincts say he is a bit angry...go with that, he is rider. Says your a unicorn!! this screams 25 years married and he is psyched you might like him. sort of eager each one has things you don't like. Every guy will have things you don't like. so look into basic needs for yourself and see who might meet them. oh, they each are fumbling about in their head so its not all about you. show them what you have and see what jives insticts girl, trust them,, and go really slow
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Not fond of any of them, really. 3 seems the most keen which isn't always a good thing.. If I was forced to choose in a life-or-death decision knowing just what you have described, I'd have to go with 1.
Interstellar Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I just hope the rider doesn’t have an accident history on the bike.
GemmaUK Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Personally and based upon what you've said I would write off 1 & 2 unless you like drama as there's a lot of potential for it for several reasons. I'm not too keen on the unicorn statement from 3 as it seems a bit OTT but you haven't met the guy so until you chat more or meet you won't know if it was just a word used or whether he's a bit OTT. 1
basil67 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 #1 has a little kid. He asked if you like little kids or teens. You answered teens. Wrong answer. He's gone. #2 went silent on you. He's gone. #3 made no mention of when he can see you again. He's gone. Time to start over. 1
arblaster Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Honestly, there isn't much you can go on from text messages and pictures alone. Get in front of these people, and as many others as you can, and ask yourself the same set of questions once you've met them. I haven't found this personally, but a lot of women have told me the disparity between a man online and the same man in real life can be substantial!
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Well, drinks and smokes a lot is pretty bad. Can you deal with someone that goes to a beach for a casual outing with you, brings a couple of bottles of wine in a cooler, drinks them all within couple of hours and then attempts to drive? Yeah, that happened to me. That same guy also referred to me as "the unicorn" of OLD constantly. If I was forced to choose, I would go with 3. If he asks to meet you that is.
Gaeta Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 The last guy seems the only decent one. The first guy admitted to drinking and smoking a lot, you have a possible alcoholic on your hands that is the father of a 2 year old ! Second guy is a player, you're a unicorn?? ya right! when a man drops off the face of earth don't text him passive aggressive things like *forgot about me*, let him disappear. Third guy seems the most normal so far. Isn't he a bit old for you? Remind me how old you are?
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 I guess I'm the only one who likes my men to drink and smoke a lot...they're a good*** time. 1
she'stheone Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Hi mortensorchid, First off, congratulations on getting back out there. I know you've been struggling with the OLD thing. I'm not going to discuss the three guys or give you any opinions or judgments about them (not that I don't have any:)) You asked if you're doing things right. First off, most men, want to be and are the pursuer. In all three cases it seems to me that when you did not hear from these men you reached out to them. While there is nothing inherently wrong with doing this, if after you reach out they do not pick up the ball, then, I'm sorry to say this, they just aren't into you. It's OK, dating is to some extent a numbers game. So kudos for getting back out there. Kudos for chatting with some men. Keep meeting, and chatting with men (preferably those that initiate conversation first) and you will find someone worthy of you. Sending you much love and light. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted January 28, 2018 Author Posted January 28, 2018 All 3 have vanished. I think that's for the best. Next for all 3. It's what it is.
Author mortensorchid Posted January 31, 2018 Author Posted January 31, 2018 Feel kind of sad today... I sent a text to the #1 asking how the trip away went, he said it was alright. Asked how he's doing in another, and he said he was very busy this week and he has his daughter and may be around this weekend. As his responses / behaviors are lackluster to say the least, I just ended it with "Ok, let me know". Which means I will never hear from him again. #2 was the IT Guy who was the one so inconsiderate to fall asleep on me on Saturday night and take a nap rather than meet me. He sent a text at 11 pm saying he fell asleep was it too late to meet? I never responded. No apology, it was an excuse but it was a lame one if that. NEXT. #3 seemed alright but he was away (according to him) visiting family in another state (his ex wife and kids live in Florida). Eventually we drifted away like so many others. I'm tired of all the disappointments...
Happy Lemming Posted January 31, 2018 Posted January 31, 2018 I'm tired of all the disappointments... I think I responded in your PTSD thread... I think you should get off OLD and get out into the Real World!! Just my two cents.
Author mortensorchid Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 I think I responded in your PTSD thread... I think you should get off OLD and get out into the Real World!! Just my two cents. I NEVER MEET ANYONE WITHOUT OLD. I tried getting off all the websites and whatnot and ... Nothing. I am usually too tired at night to want to go out and DO things on weekdays. I've been working weekends lately (new job as a home health aide to a disabled woman) and she takes up all of my time. I feel isolated and alone in that department. And when I do meet someone face to face from OLD he doesn't want me. No one does. 1
Happy Lemming Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I am usually too tired at night to want to go out and DO things on weekdays. When you come home from work, make a pot of coffee, take a caffeine pill or down a 5 hour energy drink, shower up, change into something cute and go out into the world. I'm sure there is a little pub or watering hole nearby, sit at the bar, order a diet coke (if you are worried about drinking alcohol) and I know someone will come talk to you!! Give him a chance, as he may be just as nervous. No one does. I don't believe this for one minute. There are is someone out there, but you are not going to meet him laying on your bathroom floor crying. Force yourself to get out and mingle. Just my two cents...
GemmaUK Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 Valentine's Day is coming up - why not search out some events and make an effort to attend them? There will likely be all sorts of singles type events to go along to and there's nothing wrong in going alone - many people do. Meanwhile keep your eyes open whilst going about your day and smile at people, be approachable. I've met people on trains, out walking, a coffee shop with a soduko book is more or less an open invite for people to get talking and involved. I've learned that if I want quiet time an e-reader is best as no one can see what I am reading.
winny Posted February 1, 2018 Posted February 1, 2018 I think I responded in your PTSD thread... I think you should get off OLD and get out into the Real World!! Just my two cents. As if online people come from Mars... lol Its just not the time for her yet... when it is the right time she will meet the right guy... till then keep patience and keep trying in whatever way works for her. Dont take all this too seriously OP, cause whatever happens... we are all gonna die one day so take it light and stay happy 1
Happy Lemming Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 I NEVER MEET ANYONE WITHOUT OLD. Mortensorchid... I thought of you today, when I was at a used book store. A woman struck up a conversation with me, she was flirting, telling me about her travels, favorite authors, etc. She was really a neat individual. She invited to have a cup of coffee with her (at the Starbucks next door), but I had to decline as I am dating someone. But I thought, this is something you should try!! Are there any used book stores near you?? 2
Author mortensorchid Posted February 2, 2018 Author Posted February 2, 2018 Mortensorchid... I thought of you today, when I was at a used book store. A woman struck up a conversation with me, she was flirting, telling me about her travels, favorite authors, etc. She was really a neat individual. She invited to have a cup of coffee with her (at the Starbucks next door), but I had to decline as I am dating someone. But I thought, this is something you should try!! Are there any used book stores near you?? I don't think there are. I am tired of all the disappointments, truly. Whether it's OLD or otherwise, I don't think anyone wants me because I'm too weird or whatever else. I saw an old friend from my college years a few years ago and she said she thought I would never marry or have children. I didn't question her as to why she said that, I was not going to come off as offended but ... That was hurtful and I'm starting to believe it now. Someone will always find some reason or excuse as to why something can't be done when it comes to being with me.
Happy Lemming Posted February 2, 2018 Posted February 2, 2018 I don't think there are. I am tired of all the disappointments, truly. Whether it's OLD or otherwise, I don't think anyone wants me because I'm too weird or whatever else. I saw an old friend from my college years a few years ago and she said she thought I would never marry or have children. I didn't question her as to why she said that, I was not going to come off as offended but ... That was hurtful and I'm starting to believe it now. Someone will always find some reason or excuse as to why something can't be done when it comes to being with me. Did you google used books + your town?? Come on... give it a try. What have you got to lose?? Why do you think you are weird?? Who cares what some person from college says... sometimes people can be mean, just to be mean. Don't listen to them.
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