The Back and the Forth

[KBob]

I'd chatted with a woman from Tinder for over a month while I went on holidays and then while she was on holidays just after I got back, then met her earlier this month. We had a good first date: a couple drinks, good chemistry, kissed her at the end. We kept in touch pretty much every day then had a date a few days later (Sunday). Again, good times.

 

Then the third became very difficult to plan. I'd brought up getting together the next weekend and wasn't given much of a response, so I played it cool for the beginning of the week then invited her to my place for a bonfire I was having with some friends on the Friday. She said she had evening plans with her girlfriend but that she would come by after. Again, texted every day. Friday afternoon she bailed on the bonfire, said she wasn't feeling good, but suggested Sunday. Since I was working overtime that day I couldn't, so she said she was free on Saturday evening, but that she wouldn't want to stay out late. At this point it was starting to feel like I was having to convince her to come out at. I gave her a "I have to stay up a little late since I'm working night shift the next day, up to you". She ended up coming over that night and we watched a movie, she left at 9:30.

 

So on Sunday I asked her what she was doing for the week and whether or not she wanted to get together again. She said she would get back to me on Monday, which then became a suggestion for Sunday or next Monday for a date, which I couldn't do. The unavailability of my time made her time during the week magically appear again and she asked what I was doing after work on Wednesday or Thursday, the latter usually being a beer night with some friends. Thinking wtf?, I pushed that back and we planned a Thursday date, only to have it cancelled hours later with no apparent explanation but a request for next Tuesday, which had become beer night.

 

It all felt weird to me; planning dates far in advance is fine (I usually keep it within a few days of request) but the bailing and going back and forth with dates, planning far in advance to find out their was available time earlier that would have been easier and allowed better quality dates made the whole thing feel a little back burner-ish and flakey, so when I got the cancellation text I gave her the out and said it seemed like she had other priorities right now that were making her schedule crazy and that I'd understand if she needed to pick this up later. She basically said that she has other priorities right now and she wishes she could give the time but she can't, maybe later, etc.

 

I'm not really one to go back and forth with plans, flakiness annoys me. I'd rather just make a decision and set a time that works best, so I feel like I made the right move, but as always, a little LS perspective and critique never hurt anyone

[smackie9]

Have more than one iron in the fire....if one cancels, another one should be ready to take their place. Do that until one sticks.

[Jj66]

Didn't read it all but the first part made you sound way too invested and accommodating to her. Remember you do not need to date her. She needs to accommodate you some too. If she's interested she will. If not, someone else who is interested will.

[KBob]

Didn't read it all but the first part made you sound way too invested and accommodating to her. Remember you do not need to date her. She needs to accommodate you some too. If she's interested she will. If not, someone else who is interested will.

 

Exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks.

[d0nnivain]

When I was last dating, I had a crazy schedule & a lot of obligations. I had a F/T job (I own the business). I had 2 P/T jobs. I served on 3 boards of trustees and I was the primary caregiver to my aging parents. Making plans far in advance was mandatory & emergencies often arose so flexibility was key.

 

Based on all of that I was going to tell you not to be so worried about the planning / scheduling issues. They happen. Life is complicated. However as soon as she said she has other priorities, that was the kiss of death. It was fun while it lasted but she can't make you fit into her life right now. Next.

[KBob]

Based on all of that I was going to tell you not to be so worried about the planning / scheduling issues. They happen. Life is complicated. However as soon as she said she has other priorities, that was the kiss of death. It was fun while it lasted but she can't make you fit into her life right now. Next.

 

Agreed. We actually exchanged a couple more messages last night and she said to keep in touch and that she would, but she needed to sort things out in her life before she has room for a relationship. She could be genuine, but I'm not holding my breath for a reconnection, nor will I try to make one.