Keeping your game strong

[grazyexes]

Have you ever noticed that girls who chase you are the ones you dont want? Thats what usually happens and girls YOU want loses interest at some point.

I have experienced this many times and only fix for this is that you should never chase women you like. Last time I lost this beautiful girl by chasing her, I promised myself that I will never ever chase anyone again.

It has worked like magic. I have few girls chasing after me just because I have been so calm and making them wonder if I like them or not.

 

Anyways, I found this awesome girl who I really like, but am afraid that it will happen again.

You dont even notice it at first, but you start sending her more messages, more needy and desperate, and when she notices it and starts to back off, you completely lose it. Your messages will be so needy that you will cringe when you read them months after.

 

How you keep it cool and keep your strong manly center when you start dating someone you really like? Have you had experiences like this before and what is your opinion on this?

[Chilli]

Well, it should go both ways and so then , there is no bullshyt anyway.

lf you can't be yourself with her your with the wrong women in my book.

[rightondude]

Have you ever noticed that girls who chase you are the ones you dont want? Thats what usually happens and girls YOU want loses interest at some point.

I have experienced this many times and only fix for this is that you should never chase women you like. Last time I lost this beautiful girl by chasing her, I promised myself that I will never ever chase anyone again.

It has worked like magic. I have few girls chasing after me just because I have been so calm and making them wonder if I like them or not.

 

Anyways, I found this awesome girl who I really like, but am afraid that it will happen again.

You dont even notice it at first, but you start sending her more messages, more needy and desperate, and when she notices it and starts to back off, you completely lose it. Your messages will be so needy that you will cringe when you read them months after.

 

How you keep it cool and keep your strong manly center when you start dating someone you really like? Have you had experiences like this before and what is your opinion on this?

 

You're spot on. It's so tough to hold back, but only by holding back will you succeed.

 

Just remember:

 

NO ONE LIKES TO BE SMOTHERED.

NO ONE WANTS TO FEEL OBLIGATED.

NO ONE CRAVES BEING UNDER THE MICROSCOPE.

NO ONE ASKS TO BE UNDER THE PRESSURE OF LIVING UP TO AN IDEALIZED VISION SOMEONE THEY HARDLY KNOW HAS OF THEM.

 

.... At least not until they allow themselves to be "caught."

[Maggie4]

Are you saying your natural self is needy and desperate, and you're trying not to show it? That's not good. The guy with strong manly center, is a consistent, well grounded person. He is calm so he can just be himself, no games. He doesn't look back on his messages and cringe, because he means what he says, and months later, he still stands by his words. Don't be impulsive and over the top. That's what women are wary of. You should escalate, gradually warming as the relationship builds, not hot and cold. That sounds simple, but many people go crazy, play games, change their minds every other day. People just want normal.

[Miss Spider]

This may work to a certain extent - on insecure people - but once you are caught they will drop you like a hot rock. A person with high self esteem and their **** together who knows they can do as good or better than the person trying to make them chase will get annoyed and move on to someone who seems mutually interested. Especially if it's a woman. JMO but if it works for you, do it!

[Miss Spider]

He doesn't look back on his messages and cringe,

 

Everyone looks back on their message and cringes!! If they don't,they too "perfect" for me to want anything to do with anyway

[staggerlee71]

Are you saying your natural self is needy and desperate, and you're trying not to show it? That's not good. The guy with strong manly center, is a consistent, well grounded person. He is calm so he can just be himself, no games. He doesn't look back on his messages and cringe, because he means what he says, and months later, he still stands by his words. Don't be impulsive and over the top. That's what women are wary of. You should escalate, gradually warming as the relationship builds, not hot and cold. That sounds simple, but many people go crazy, play games, change their minds every other day. People just want normal.

 

superman!!

[smackie9]

If you are both excited with each other, there's no such thing as chasing, needy, too much....you are with the right one.

[Jj66]

Everyone looks back on their message and cringes!! If they don't,they too "perfect" for me to want anything to do with anyway

 

Not everyone looks back on their messages. So there is nothing to cringe about.

[todreaminblue]

as a woman who has dated afew guys who threatened suicide if i left and flooded me with harrassment that eventually turned nasty......when you start to feel obligated and forced to date someone because you do it out of concern for their welfare........its a death knell to dating..you become their carer and not a gf or a date..more a big sister..deb

[Miss Spider]

Have you ever noticed that girls who chase you are the ones you dont want?

 

To add, I attribute this to everyone wanting to "date up" Artificially inflating it with "hard to get" has limits. Raise your dating market value overall and you will find more people you want will reciprocate those feelings.

[Maggie4]

Everyone looks back on their message and cringes!! If they don't,they too "perfect" for me to want anything to do with anyway

 

No way! I don't cringe. Guess I'm perfect ;-)

Seriously, I do think about what I say to the man and mean every word of it. Not very exciting, right?

[Andy_K]

I guess this works pretty well on teenagers and those whose maturity level hasn't grown past the attention craving stage, but they don't make good partners so there's really no need for it.

 

If you're often being clingy/needy enough to scare anyone off, you need to focus on improving your emotional balance, not faking it and hoping you get away with it.

[grazyexes]

If you are both excited with each other, there's no such thing as chasing, needy, too much....you are with the right one.

 

You can kill the interest with exposing your feelings too early etc. There are alot of things that could go wrong because the world is not perfect. Things like this happens often unfortunately.

We are just humans and we feel different things. This is not a love movie.

[RecentChange]

Everyone looks back on their message and cringes!! If they don't,they too "perfect" for me to want anything to do with anyway

 

Nope! not everyone.

 

I don't look back at messages and cringe. Nope. Honestly, that is an anxiety thing, those of us that do not suffer from anxiety do not spend so much time looking back, and even less time worrying about what was said.

 

If I read back through messages? Its to glow at our fun exchange.

 

If you will notice, most personality tests like Briggs Myers ask many questions regarding if you look back at things, if you re-run conversations through your head, if you wish you could go back and change something you said or wrote (and my answer is no to those sorts of questions).

[drakon12]

Well, being in love made me a cool and charming man, with an ugly twist:

 

I just couldn't be that cool charming man when I was next to the girl I fell in love with!

 

I guess it's called Divine humor. I felt like I could get ANY girl, but not her.

[CptInsano]

If you are both excited with each other, there's no such thing as chasing, needy, too much....you are with the right one.

 

Agreed, I was lucky enough to experience that several times. There simply weren't any questions about what we wanted.

[carhill]

Have you ever noticed that girls who chase you are the ones you dont want? Thats what usually happens and girls YOU want loses interest at some point.

 

Interesting postulation but I don't ever recall women chasing me; perhaps that's generational or I'm insufficiently attractive. Dating, mating and marriage was always a proactive effort by myself. Nothing ever fell into my lap, even incidentally.

 

Keeping game strong, or what I termed being considered attractive by those I approached, was an ongoing effort. Took a lot of time, money, and energy. In retrospect, I wish I had taken all that and changed the world. Mating drive was strong though. Some guys are lucky. The mating stuff comes to them and they change the world besides. Good on them.

[RecentChange]

If you are both excited with each other, there's no such thing as chasing, needy, too much....you are with the right one.

 

I agree!! Gosh, when I met my husband - at first he was the "chaser" and no amount of contact would have been too much, I was becoming instantly smitten! Hearing from him, knowing he was thinking about me, knowing he was excited to see me - oh that was wonderful!

 

.... I don't ever recall women chasing me; perhaps that's generational or I'm insufficiently attractive. Dating, mating and marriage was always a proactive effort by myself. Nothing ever fell into my lap, even incidentally.

 

Keeping game strong, or what I termed being considered attractive by those I approached, was an ongoing effort. Took a lot of time, money, and energy..

 

But once he got to me (I am talking the first two weeks!) he didn't have to "chase" certainly didn't have to spend money or make a huge effort, I was just thrilled to have met him.

 

I remember telling him, he puts that Blondie song in my head:

 

One way or another, I'm gonna find ya'

I'm gonna get ya', get ya', get ya', get ya'

One way or another, I'm gonna win ya'

I'll get ya', I'll get ya'

 

We both were so crazy, we both wanted to chase, we both wanted to call too much, see each other too often, do all the things the internet gurus say you shouldn't.

[Interstellar]

A pretty filly can make a bear of a man meek like a kitten.

[grazyexes]

Also it's funny how I lose part of my confidence when I start to like someone. Well not really lose anything im probably the same confident guy in her eyes.. but in my mind I feel like I have less value than before.

Its strange and dont know what causes it. That sometimes leads to what I told you before.. needy and desperate behavior. Im still young so Im learning it and that neediness is fading away.