uk21 Posted January 23, 2018 Posted January 23, 2018 Hello all, Just here to get some advice from you guys. My girlfriend enjoys going to clubs and drinking.(I’m 25 she’s 26) I understand girl nights and time apart is essential to a healthy relationship but where do you draw the line? When she goes she invites me but I’m not a real big club person. I do go most of the time she asks because i feel that’s the only time we do things together and my opportunity to see her. Sometimes it’s nice to just go have dinner or have a movie night or go out without being in the club. it seems that’s the only time we spend together is in the club with her friends. We don’t get a lot of quality alone time together due to my work schedule. We rarely due things alone. I’ve explained to her that I’d like to sometimes do things with just us and not Always be out and around her friends. It seems that’s we can only do Something if she had plans to go out with her friends. She doesn’t ask what I’m doing or if I’m free it’s kinda like she makes plans with them then invites me along. I don’t want to come off as insecure or controlling I don’t think she’s out here messing around with other guys while she’s out but I’m not happy that she values being out in the club with her friends over spending quality time with me. Any advice on how to handle the situation?
WorldInMyEyes Posted January 23, 2018 Posted January 23, 2018 Hello all, Just here to get some advice from you guys. My girlfriend enjoys going to clubs and drinking.(I’m 25 she’s 26) I understand girl nights and time apart is essential to a healthy relationship but where do you draw the line? When she goes she invites me but I’m not a real big club person. I do go most of the time she asks because i feel that’s the only time we do things together and my opportunity to see her. Sometimes it’s nice to just go have dinner or have a movie night or go out without being in the club. it seems that’s the only time we spend together is in the club with her friends. We don’t get a lot of quality alone time together due to my work schedule. We rarely due things alone. I’ve explained to her that I’d like to sometimes do things with just us and not Always be out and around her friends. It seems that’s we can only do Something if she had plans to go out with her friends. She doesn’t ask what I’m doing or if I’m free it’s kinda like she makes plans with them then invites me along. I don’t want to come off as insecure or controlling I don’t think she’s out here messing around with other guys while she’s out but I’m not happy that she values being out in the club with her friends over spending quality time with me. Any advice on how to handle the situation? Broski, she's not your "girlfriend"; you're unfortunately stuck in the dreaded friendzone. Extricate yourself from that **** ASAP. Cut it off, cause she's draining you right now. What do you think she's doing out clubbing when you're not with her? I've banged girls before in club parking lots that I literally met that night. Sometimes I had to actually take girls I met at clubs on a "date" first before I effed them. That's your "girlfriend" bro. Harsh reality, but you deserve better than that ****. Best of luck man.
Arieswoman Posted January 23, 2018 Posted January 23, 2018 uk21, Sorry but you don't seem to be compatible. She's a clubber and a drinker who likes to do her own thing, and now and again asks you along as an afterthought. If she doesn't like quality time with you without the drink it's a big red flag. it seems that’s the only time we spend together is in the club with her friends I think she's a bit old for this kinds of lifestyle on a regular basis. Tell her you'd like to spend more time with her away from the club scene and see what she says - then act accordingly. 1
PegNosePete Posted January 23, 2018 Posted January 23, 2018 I understand girl nights and time apart is essential to a healthy relationship but where do you draw the line? When she goes she invites me but I’m not a real big club person. I do go most of the time she asks because i feel that’s the only time we do things together You understand the need for time apart, but you don't seem to understand the need for time together. This doesn't make much sense to me. How can you build a relationship if the only time you're together is when you're out basically keeping watch on her to make sure she doesn't hook up with other guys? It seems to be a totally fundamental incompatibility here. How did you even meet if you're so different? How long have you been "together"? I’ve explained to her that I’d like to sometimes do things with just us and not Always be out and around her friends. And what did she say? Nothing changed, right? If I were you I'd break up and find someone you're more compatible with. 1
Chilli Posted January 23, 2018 Posted January 23, 2018 l was living with my gf at your age and we loved being together. But if she'd rather had been clubbing than with me then there'd be zero point. Sorry man but you got yourself a very shallow gf there that isn't even fussed if she's with you or not . And sorry but clubbing ain't innocent no matter what she tells you. 1
snowboy91 Posted January 23, 2018 Posted January 23, 2018 I think she's a bit old for this kinds of lifestyle on a regular basis. Tell her you'd like to spend more time with her away from the club scene and see what she says - then act accordingly. I disagree on the first point - I see people go out into their 30s. Going out for drinks/clubbing is a way for lots of people to just let their hair down, it doesn't necessarily mean anything more than that. You probably have already observed this when you guys go out. I do agree with the second point though. OP you've got a need for time alone with your GF to nurture the relationship, but she just wants to spend time with her friends at the club. It's great you don't mind her going out with her friends, and even better that you join her, but it's only fair that your need for quality time together is also met. If she's flaky about it then you know what you need to do. 2
FastHands Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 Some girls just want to have fun. If her friends are good friends then they'd probably won't let her cheat. She might dance with a guy but just dance. If the dude puts his hand on her rear and she stops the dance-maybe she is true.
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 You need to recognize that you are on different pages re: socializing. She's giving you what she thinks is fun & the way couples should behave. You want something else. You may not be compatible. I'd try one more time but be more forceful. Tell her you don't like the club scene & you would like one on one quieter dates with her. Ask her to compromise & give you at least 1 weekend night per week. If she won't do that understand you rank below drinking, her friends & the club scene in her life. Make decisions about what is best for you armed with that knowledge. 2
bretowen Posted January 28, 2018 Posted January 28, 2018 Oh man. OP, I feel you pain. Last year I stepped out of a relationship of 4 years that went like that. And worse, she was 41!!! Our split wasn't based only on that, but we had serious issues regarding what each of us perceived as "spending time together". If I can give any advice, is that it probably won't change. It's a sad reality but I know no matter how many chats me and my ex had about it, it just would not sink in to her that the clubbing and drinking scene really annoyed me...also, at the age that we were at. It led to her thinking to this day that I am a recluse and controlling. I'm not. We just wanted different things. One other thing to consider is that you can tell a lot about how a person treats you. If she hears you and understands your point, and you can come to a mutual understanding to benefit both of you, awesome. But, if you can't and she persists in her party behaviour, let that be your guide. Best of luck mate. 1
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