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My ex-fiance is texting me after a week of no contact. I'm about to buckle.

North Man

By North Man
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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North Man New Member

North Man

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So my fiancé broke up with me nearly two weeks ago. She said that I was trying to control her, but most everyone else sees it as me wanting to be more involved in her life. I know that her friends were in her ear. She texted me last Sunday which only led to me begging her to reconcile. She said that she needs time and she's not sure what else, even then she can't guarantee that we'll reconcile. She said that we could text the next day, but I didn't hear anything. I didn't text her and started the no contact period. She's since deleted me, my friends and family from her Facebook as well as having hers delete me too. Now, she's texting me today, a week to the day later, saying things like what are you watching, am I ignoring her and will I at least let her know that I'm receiving her messages, etc.

 

I am still deeply in love with her and it's killing me not to answer her. But I can't stay friends with ex's, it's to hard on me. If she offered to reconcile, I'd jump at the chance to try and fix things. I don't know if these are just breadcrumbs like last week or if it'll lead to something substantial. I've read everywhere to ignore the dumper until they offer something substantial. How do I know? Should I ignore her until she actually says that she wants to work on things? Should I at least tell her that I'm getting her texts? I'll consider all suggestions. Thank you for your time.

Edited by North Man
HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

Posted
Posted

If a dumper wants you back they’ll do everything possible to let you know. Not dangle the carrot whilst she talks to Chad and Tyrone. Block her.

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LivingWaterPlease Established Member

LivingWaterPlease

Posted
Posted

From what you've written she's not acting nice to you, imo. She broke up with you, you tried to get back with her, so she knows you want to be with her yet she contacts you with small talk. It sounds to me as if she's the one who's controlling, not you, in this instance, in that she dangling a carrot to stay in control of your emotions.

 

Sounds as if she's kind of teasing you, whether or not she means to. She may just be clueless as to how to treat others but she seems disrespectful to me in text bombing you with small talk when she knows you love her and want to be with her. Ugh on her.

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CaliBabe Established Member

CaliBabe

Posted
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This is simply a breadcrumb. Do not fall for it as you will give away all of your power. If she really wants to reconcile, nothing will stop her. If she wanted to reconcile she would make it loud and clear anything less is an ego boost for her. Keep your power/dignity. Its all you have at this point.

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
She said that I was trying to control her, but most everyone else sees it as me wanting to be more involved in her life.

 

These two things are so far apart from each other that it doesn't even begin to make sense. I mean, control is about telling someone what they can and cannot do. Sounds like a massive disconnect between the two of you.

 

Anyway, I'd be direct with her. "Please do not bother me unless it's to discuss reconciliation".

HumanMachine Established Member

HumanMachine

Posted
Posted
These two things are so far apart from each other that it doesn't even begin to make sense. I mean, control is about telling someone what they can and cannot do. Sounds like a massive disconnect between the two of you.

 

Anyway, I'd be direct with her. "Please do not bother me unless it's to discuss reconciliation".

 

I disagree Basil, leaving the ball in her court will allow her to keep OP as an option should she get bored of being single a couple of weeks down the line. I’d let her sweat.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted
I disagree Basil, leaving the ball in her court will allow her to keep OP as an option should she get bored of being single a couple of weeks down the line. I’d let her sweat.

 

But he said he'd be willing to reconcile.....hence leaving the door open. You can't reconcile if you've shut the door.

 

That said, if he decides he doesn't want to reconcile after all, all he has to do is tell her that he changed his mind.

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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Break up with a fiancé is not the same as breaking up with e BF/ GF. There are often financial details which must be resolved. Have you canceled the wedding? Gotten back as much of the deposits as possible? Sorted out your things so you each get all your stuff back? Until you accomplish that NC is out of the Q.

 

 

You need to be clear with her. Tell her that if she wants to reconcile you are willing to listen but if she's not up for working with you to fix whatever was wrong she needs to leave you alone because pestering you about inane stuff is cruel.

BluesPower Established Member

BluesPower

Posted
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Ignore her...

 

She is sending bread crumbs, and trying out new guys. She is trying to keep you on the hook. (PLAN B GUY)

 

Ignore her in every way.

 

If she wants to be with you, FOR REAL, she will come see you in person.

 

Until then, you need to be aloof and move on.

 

Rule of thumb, when a man or woman wants to be with you, they will figure out a way. I have had so many Ex's ambush me it is just silly.

 

Do not wait around for her to decide, she broke up, so be broken up. Start a little causal dating, get laid, whatever...

 

If she want to be with you she will find a way without you doing anything...

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