d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2018 Posted January 22, 2018 I lived with 2 other men before I met DH. We lived apart within 2 weeks of the break up. I live in one of the highest cost of living areas in the world. coresnet Why are you inclined to believe she wants to get out of there? You said they already broke up & got back together 3 previous times. That is a pattern. You said that she said they were together for 2 year but the last 1.5 years wasn't great, so 3/4 of her relationship sucked but she stayed anyway? Now before fixing her living arrangements she is dating you. I see a woman with really screwed up priorities who is looking for a white knight to rescue her; she wants you to say "aww I feel so bad for you why don't you come live rent free with me & mooch off me". The more I read the worse this looks for you. 1
GoreSP Posted January 22, 2018 Posted January 22, 2018 I have no idea what their relationship is at the moment. I think you have every right to ask her, especially if you're looking into dating her. If she has truly moved on, she should be 100% open about the situation and what is going on. If she is defensive it's a huge red flag and you should consider cutting her lose.
GoreSP Posted January 22, 2018 Posted January 22, 2018 The decision has been taken couple of months ago. They'd been together for more than two years when they decided to live together. Then, for the next year and a half, things turned out to be not so good when they were living like a family. She is not actively looking for someone. yeah that's not good...
Author coresnet Posted January 22, 2018 Author Posted January 22, 2018 I lived with 2 other men before I met DH. We lived apart within 2 weeks of the break up. I live in one of the highest cost of living areas in the world. coresnet Why are you inclined to believe she wants to get out of there? You said they already broke up & got back together 3 previous times. That is a pattern. You said that she said they were together for 2 year but the last 1.5 years wasn't great, so 3/4 of her relationship sucked but she stayed anyway? Now before fixing her living arrangements she is dating you. I see a woman with really screwed up priorities who is looking for a white knight to rescue her; she wants you to say "aww I feel so bad for you why don't you come live rent free with me & mooch off me". The more I read the worse this looks for you. But I live in one of the poorest countries in Europe (the poorest in the EU) It's hard to rent an apartment by yourself so most single people live with roommates (2 or 3 people in an apartment). I don't defend her but I understand it to some degree. At the second date she told me that he broke up with her for third time, then changed it to second (I don't really know). I agree it seems like a pattern but I guess it has to end some day, they can't break up and reconcile million times? She told me that she wanted to move on but she seemed a little bit sad talking about her past. The last 1,5 years of their relationship were gradually worse because everyday activities and living together showed them they can't live with each other because of incompatibilities. She had a profile in an online dating site but she hadn't used it for several weeks (I guess she was looking for a distraction or who knows what...). I messaged her through FB and she didn't initially know my intentions but was open enough to agree for a meet and she liked me. So I think she doesn't look for a relationship at all costs. I can't offer her rent free living because I don't live alone so I think that's not what she wants.
Author coresnet Posted January 22, 2018 Author Posted January 22, 2018 I think you have every right to ask her, especially if you're looking into dating her. If she has truly moved on, she should be 100% open about the situation and what is going on. If she is defensive it's a huge red flag and you should consider cutting her lose. Judging by our second date I doubt she would has truly moved on but I sensed a determination from her to cut ties with the past (although there was some sadness from her when talking about it at the date). Never mind, I haven't messaged her since Friday and she rarely initiates conversation so things stalled for now...
Author coresnet Posted January 25, 2018 Author Posted January 25, 2018 A little update with some lengthy conversation of ours after she contacted me several times this week just to tell me some BS that'd happened to her while every my attempt to arrange a date was ignored. I got angry and decided to learn where things are at after another speech of hers that she wants to take things slow... Every opinion is welcome! - I don't know how slow you want to take things so I am waiting for you to invite me out - I am reading "Eat Pray Love" at the moment It helps me a lot And I think that I have to set myself free first Physically and emotionally - Yes, you're right. If some day you feel you've accomplished it, contact me. We may meet up if I'm available. But until you become unattached, I prefer not being an emotional trash can. I've overcome my difficulties and I am free, looking for a relationship that happens here and now, without conditions. - Emotional trash can That sounds harsh One thing I believe for sure Is that you came into my life not by chance It's very hard for me to get out of my comfort zone I am afraid of risking anymore This life is dificult to be lived - I am afraid of risking, too. And a woman that still loves her partner and even lives with him can hardly think about anything else. That's a recipe for disaster - I like the way you express yourself - I may have come into your life not by chance but the time is not appropriate unfortunately - No, it's appropriate If it's happened then the time is right - I don't know, I don't want to suffer. It's been a long way for me to get to - You don't have a mindset that the next woman you meet will be "the one", do you One never knows - It's not what I meant. I am talking about at least having overcome the breakup. I didn't want to hear about relationships for a good several months after my last breakup - You can never be sure about not being hurt - You can be almost sure that you're gonna be hurt when you like a person who's not emotionally available - But you can set free that person from his/her emotional prison You can help him/her I mean One have to cope with difficulties by himself I, personally, am not a woman that avoids relationships Quite the contrary - What do you mean by that? Avoiding relationships? - Well, you told me you didn't want to hear about relationships for a long time after your last breakup I am not such a person I am loving constantly And I am determined, no matter the pain I suffer, that I will love even more next time - I think that after a breakup a person should be left alone for some time, to assess the mistakes made, to learn to become self-sufficient again and to become emotionally stronger. Hopping through relationships is a bad idea - Doesn't that depend on the person And how he/she feels it Why the generalization - I think you can't be ready to love again so soon after a serious relationship The chance is very low Otherwise we are fooling ourselves and search for an escape by entering a new relationship every time After all, I've decided to bite the bullet as you see because I am communicating with you I guess I won't act rationally - As soon as you saw me You said to yourself "that's it, this girl is a mess" You don't have to bite the bullet - Not exactly but I thought I was not lucky after our second date Having met such a cool girl but her being in such a messy situation... - Don't say it - : ) - I don't like it that way Don't smile to me like that - I don't want to fight from the beginning of our relationship -
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