Sbla22 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Just wondering is it normal once a first date is set up for a girl's messages to you to be less enthusiastic/interested than before setting up. I also know that once the date is set up there shouldn't be too much contact which I get. Here's why I ask: Matched with someone on Tinder last week. Me 26, her 24. Around 8 or 9 messages back and forth, quite lengthy, she asked me lots of questions. Set a date up on thursday for this tuesday. I didn't text her friday or saturday. Thought I'd just check in her with her today (sunday) so asked how her weekend went. We had 3 messages back and forth but she didnt ask me any questions at all and her replies were one or two lines... Only reason I text her today was because I feel like sometimes if you set a date and then don't speak at all they can do a slow fade or meet someone else online and then plan to cancel or flake.
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 She messaged you a lot because she it's her way to show her interest and hoped to get asked out. Now that a date has been set, she has accomplished her mission and feels she doesn't have to show her interest anymore. She's now going to wait until your date to talk to you. The date is where she will assess and see if she wants to invest her time in you. 5
nothingsintheflowerz Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Smackie9 is exactly right; don't overthink it... 1
Author Sbla22 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Posted January 21, 2018 She messaged you a lot because she it's her way to show her interest and hoped to get asked out. Now that a date has been set, she has accomplished her mission and feels she doesn't have to show her interest anymore. She's now going to wait until your date to talk to you. This is what I hoped. Will only text her again on tuesday then, found that sometimes a no text on the day could mean they might not think you will show... Another girl I was talking to on Tinder gave really enthusiastic messages for 2 days, I asked if we could text instead so I could move it to asking for the date but she never replied. I think I can tell when a girl is interested and wants you to ask for the date but I always feel like once a date is set there's that horrible in between time where I don't want to mess anything up!
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) Shorten the in between time. "hey lets meet up for coffee, say in about an hour?" If I was really interested I would jump at that. Edited January 21, 2018 by smackie9 1
nothingsintheflowerz Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Shorten the in between time. "hey lets meet up for coffee, say in about an hour?" If I was really interested I would jump at that. Isn't that inconsiderate to just spring on someone? I'm sure she's busy and has a life. If she says no It'll complicate things more; I would just wait. I don't care how interested I am in a guy off Tinder; I would be sufficiently creeped out if a guy did that. 2
Author Sbla22 Posted January 21, 2018 Author Posted January 21, 2018 Yeah I would never arrange a date in such short notice. Not really a fan of a coffee date either or a day time one for a first date. Evening drinks is always the most relaxed for me. I always try and get it as soon as possible but not on a weekend so tuesday was a good night. Just seems so obvious when a girl goes from very enthusiastic to 1 or 2 lines. I always see this as a 'leave me alone for now' thing haha which is what I am doing now!
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 If you are messaging someone for hours, does that make you BUSY? There is nothing "inconsiderate" asking someone to meet in an hour or two. I guess I'm just aggressively confident. I don't understand why people worry so much about a simple date. 1
SevenCity Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Isn't that inconsiderate to just spring on someone? I'm sure she's busy and has a life. If she says no It'll complicate things more; I would just wait. I don't care how interested I am in a guy off Tinder; I would be sufficiently creeped out if a guy did that. I think it's best to ask when she is free. That way you avoid the whole "ok, how about xxxx" Meeting in an hour is a bit much and may come across like you are looking for a hookup. A few days is fine and if the girl is really interested it will build her anticipation and excitement. A week can be ok if she's really interested but she can also flake if you don't strike while the iron is hot. Women who were REALLY interested in me would text with "I'm really looking forward to meeting you!" When I poked them during the wait period. I've found its good if you can setup a date over the phone as it puts a voice and a personality to your profile and gives them more to be excited about. Sadly, many women from OLD act as if a phone call is some sort of violation so it often won't go over well. Call is great too as it can tell you a lot about a woman (ie: if she's annoying or standoffish)
nothingsintheflowerz Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 If you are messaging someone for hours, does that make you BUSY? There is nothing "inconsiderate" asking someone to meet in an hour or two. I guess I'm just aggressively confident. I don't understand why people worry so much about a simple date. After having already scheduled a date though?
Jj66 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 I never asked for immediate dates online. Didn't want to seem too eager and potentially a creeper. Women can get away with it easier. One time a woman I had just matched with on Tinder asked me what I was up to. I was listening to live music with friends. She asked if it would be ok if she joined us. I said sure. Five minutes from initial contact to having a date set up and less than 30 minutes to the actual date. This was a Saturday and she had been stood up by another Tinder match and did not want to waste all the time she spent getting dolled up. Don't want to schedule too far out. And definitely make contact the day before to make sure you are still on! 1
Imajerk17 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 (edited) Well, keep in mind that *this is Tinder*, where things tend to happen pretty **quickly**. It's very important to keep the momentum going/meet up ASAP/strike while the iron is hot. Between Thursday and now, she matched/chatted with how many other people. Setting the date up 5 days later (Thursday to Tuesday) and then waiting a couple days in the meanwhile to text her, is just letting the line go slack for too long/losing momentum. Edited January 21, 2018 by Imajerk17 1
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 After having already scheduled a date though? You are OK, I think you should just take this dating thing in stride, and not put so much weight on it. It is what it is....a crapshoot.
Miss Spider Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 For me it's normal. I don't like to expend a lot of effort on someone until we meet so most of the communication prior to that is just leading up to setting the date up 2
Author Sbla22 Posted January 23, 2018 Author Posted January 23, 2018 This one ended up flaking. Were due to meet at 8 tonight. I text her at 2 pm 'still good for 8? I'll meet you outside -------) She text back 'sure, see you there ' Then at 4 she text 'FYI I have a major headache :/ can we reschedule?' I said 'no worries, how about tomorrow night instead?' She said 'I'll have to check and let you know' I replied 'I'd rather set a definite plan sorry, let me know when you're free' I expect I'll never hear from her again. Annoying. Maybe not texting too much in between caused her to lose interest. Fed up of trying to just get someone to go on a date so they can see the real me.
Miss Spider Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 This one ended up flaking. Were due to meet at 8 tonight. I text her at 2 pm 'still good for 8? I'll meet you outside -------) She text back 'sure, see you there ' Then at 4 she text 'FYI I have a major headache :/ can we reschedule?' I said 'no worries, how about tomorrow night instead?' She said 'I'll have to check and let you know' I replied 'I'd rather set a definite plan sorry, let me know when you're free' I expect I'll never hear from her again. Annoying. Maybe not texting too much in between caused her to lose interest. Fed up of trying to just get someone to go on a date so they can see the real me. It definitely can. Would you say your standards are very high? Girls online are very flaky because there are so many options and it can be hard to keep interest in one person unless they do something to keep it. It's a very delicate balance though. Most likely there was just not enough interest built there. For us people who aren't depending on our looks to get dates (don't know if you fall in that category, we have to rely on personality/wit/verbal charm and unfortunately for people online that means texting skills.
Iseult Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Thought I'd just check in her with her today (sunday) so asked how her weekend went. You might as well have asked her thoughts on insurance premiums. All you're doing is drying her out with bad texting. 1
LovelyRose Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 If you are messaging someone for hours, does that make you BUSY? There is nothing "inconsiderate" asking someone to meet in an hour or two. I guess I'm just aggressively confident. I don't understand why people worry so much about a simple date. Hahaha, right on Smackie!
Andy_K Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 You might as well have asked her thoughts on insurance premiums. I wonder if this would make a good tinder opener. Nobody else will be using it...
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