MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I have posted bits and pieces of my situation, but now that I’m thinking about it more seriously, I need some insight and suggestions please. Met Guy #1 and talked online on and off for a few months. Finally met in person as friends, with my kids, for a swim in his pool. Kept in contact, flirted, meant to go out but he seemed so busy with his business we never could set a time. We finally set a date to go out but he got sick with pneumonia and was off work for two weeks. He realized he works too much and would like to make more time for himself, which would also include time to date me. We went out finally just over a week ago, a nice date, a bit of making out, it was really nice. I like him and I know he likes me by the things he says and does. He has shown that he is trying to make more time for me (ie phone, text) I am busy too. I was frustrated when the date was cancelled and I met Guy#2 also online. We went on a few dates over the next few weeks. First date we got naked (no sex). Third date we got almost naked. The 4th thru 8th times we were together (some dates, some just supper/movies at his place) all I get is a hug and kiss at the end of the night. One date we were to go out and after supper he said he was too tired. I had no prob with this….a movie at home is fine. But there was no cuddling, no conversation, nothing. Just watching a movie. He is not shy, he will talk up a storm, has great stories to tell of his life. I like him but it seems hard to find out how he feels. I am not much of a “talker” that way. Now is dad is ill, and this has halted our dating which is udnerstandable. He is blaming his mood on this though, but he was like this before. He really is a fun guy when we go out. Flags (good and bad): Guy #1: -into wrestling, not guys, but little kids, teenagers, boys/girls and ME -into spanking but nothing weirder than that (I think....but I'll try the spanking thing once) -has been with only 2 women -parents live in my town and are well known but I think they are not well liked or are "strange" -we are in the same industry and know a lot of the same people -supposedly was a real nerd in his youth -he is Loaded$$$$$ -gives great massages!!! (has taken courses) -has small hands..and??? okay I know, size doesn't matter, not to me. -has a few women friends from online who he may have been interested in (I will stop my flirting online) -holds doors for me - I lovvve that -tells me I'm sexy, intelligent and beautiful -may be a little metrosexual Guy #2: -seems cautious (emotional, financial) -I'm not sure what he’s looking for because he just seems so hard to talk to -he has very interesting stories of his upbringing -I never feel comfortable telling my stories because they seem so boring. I get the impression sometimes by his reactions that something I just said was really lame. -he is a great cook and has a garden -we both golf! -he has played a lot of sports and is very active. -he’s not as good looking as Guy #1 but this is not important, although could be a deciding factor, he looks his age. -I think he does okay financially, but he talks as though he is struggling, which could very well be the case, it doesn’t matter because I am struggling to but I get by and can afford my mortage, clothes, food for me and my kids on my own. -we both work in the same field (different industry) and that is of a lot of interest to me. -he seems ambitious (as I am). -doesn't hold doors for me! grrrr I hate that! I just don’t know how to make a decision. I am leaning towards Guy #1, but the fact that I have been more physical with Guy #2 and have gone on many dates makes it hard to know how and what to say to him. I do like Guy#2 and don't want anyone to get hurt. This is hard....now I know how the Bachelorette feels! Maybe there is a way I can see both of them, not get physical, and make them aware that neither is exclusive? How?
Art_Critic Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 tough call.. It sounds like you have more in common with #2. But #1 sounds like he punches your buttons a little more. I think #2 for longevity and #1 for a short term relationship .. I will say though that the fact #2 doesn't hold doors doesn't go over well with me .. But he might be trainable .. as long as he isn't doing it out of disrespect
alphamale Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Art_Critic .. But he might be trainable .. she could train him to roll-over and play dead too
JS17 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Art_Critic I think #2 for longevity and #1 for a short term relationship .. That's funny, I would have said the exact opposite
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 Oh I forgot some important info. Guy#2 has never been married (he's 45) and was in a 12 year relationship where the boy is now 18, so he has practically raised this kid. Guy#1 was married for ten yrs, no kids, but loves kids, she cheated for the last 6 yrs of marriage. He is 43. I was thinking both have lots of long-term potential...but moreso Guy #1. As much as I would like to find out more about Guy#2 and his past relationships/issues, maybe it will all be for nothing if I then decide #1 all the way.....but maybe not??? Both of them want to wait for sex (#1 said so....#2 just hasn't made a move). lucky me, eh?
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale #1 all the way Why #1 Alpha? #2 is very well endowed. I forgot to mention that but ....you know that doesn't matter to me #2 is a bargain basement shopper. He's cool though....has alot of life experience. #1 has a years supply of gum on his kitchen counter from Costco (and 4 big screen TV's) lol but kind of a mama's boy I think.
Art_Critic Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Guy#2 has never been married (he's 45) and was in a 12 year relationship where the boy is now 18, so he has practically raised this kid. Hummm There is an issue there .. As long as #1 isn't jaded then I think I'm swing towards .. #1 .. but you are trying to sell me.... But I still think #2 for longevity.. JS .. I have said number 2 for longevity because they have so much more in common .. and we all know that it plays a role in how long a realtionship lasts.
JS17 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I said number one for longevity because he seems more steady and number 2 seems like a roller coaster guy. SO, with that being said, of course she's more interested in number 2 Really, our opinions don't matter. It has to be how you feel about each of them. Its likely that one of the relationships will fizzle out and the decision will be made for you so IMO hold off from sex and exclusivity for as long as you can.
alphamale Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Why #1 Alpha? cause #1 is loaded and I think he makes a better fit #2 is out of the running cause if he is 45 and never married then he will most likely never get married. and that is big red flag.
Dean3922 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I would date them both until you decide that one of them is winning out. Just tell them you are seeing other people and if they don't like it you won't have to hurt one of them in the end. If they both continue on then one is going to get hurt and you can't help that. Until you decide that this is the one you really like there is no problem playing the field.
kitkat826 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 -I never feel comfortable telling my stories because they seem so boring. I get the impression sometimes by his reactions that something I just said was really lame. Out of the entire post, this is what caught my eye the most. It disturbs me and seems really me significant to me...can't see anything lasting between you two as a result.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by kitkat826 Out of the entire post, this is what caught my eye the most. It disturbs me and seems really me significant to me...can't see anything lasting between you two as a result. I know some of the things I said were really lame, but that's just me, and usually people laugh cuz it's so stupid. Like for example, we were watching TV and a restaurant in the movie was the same as my middle name. So I told him that...then added....And it's my mom's name, and my daughter's middle name...and he said "that's nice"...with no expression (maybe he was trying to watch the show). He (#2) is world-travelled and I haven't been off the continent. So his stories are pretty wild, same with his high school stories. I just don't have stories to tell! So I don't say much. I ask questions, but mostly he talks LOL. I wanted to try seeing both of them but I think maybe what I will have to do is let Guy #1 know that I am kind of seeing guy #2, and I can go by his reaction. One thing that bugged me last Sat with guy#2....when he said he was tired, he also said "maybe you should have gone out with someone else tonight". I was like, who would I have gone out with? So maybe he suspects or was testing me to see if we are exclusive? I think I need to talk to guy #2 and see where he thinks this is going, or if we are a match, because I am not sure that we are a match. But if he thinks so, and we get alot more things in the open, maybe I will think so too.
JS17 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Oh yes, something else I didn't mention. I thought that the fact that #2 is getting LESS physical is a really bad sign. Now the fact that he said "maybe you should have gone out with someone else tonight"...yikes! Red flags all over the place.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 If I want to feel them out on the exclusivity issue, which one should I talk to first? The weirdest thing is I will be leaving Guy #2's house, and on the way home get a text msg from Guy #1 saying something silly like "r u done playing with your boyfriend?" He is feeling out the situation I think...tryin to see if I am seeing anyone else, cuz he knows I talk to other guys, he just doesn't know about this guy. Maybe they know each other and are conspiring to show me that I shouldn't be dating....maybe my Ex hired them!!!!
Mz. Pixie Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Number one all the way. You are like me, you like a high level of attention and since #2 is not very attentive right now and you have just started dating him, it's not a good sign.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 24, 2005 Author Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie Number one all the way. You are like me, you like a high level of attention and since #2 is not very attentive right now and you have just started dating him, it's not a good sign. I think you are right. Subconsciously I may be thinking I can change that part of myself by sticking around with Guy #2 and focusing on other more important things.
JS17 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 We all know why you're still considering #2 *ahem*
RecordProducer Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 It has to be your choice, not ours. You stated their good and bad sides, but it wasn't very clear what you find good or bad and what is important to you and to which degree. See, for me things that are important are: intelligence, sense of humor, reliability, honesty, good manners. In addition, I am attracted to successful guys, much older than myself; they have to be my type physically, passionate, energetic, masculine, and sexual. I don't like metrosexuals, nerds, guys who cook, ambitious guys (ambitious means he hasn't realized his professional success yet )... On the other hand, I don't care if his family is considered weird by the neighbors, whether he is into wrestling or even spanking, and how many women he's had. You can date them both until you make up your mind and you don't need to tell them anything before the talk about exclusivity. If they ask you anything, you can say that you're dating other people. Take one step at a time. You're indecisive so don't make any decisions now.
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 Yeah this is hard. Guy#2 is very intelligent. Started his own business and sold it to another company who he now works for and heads up that division. He seems to have alot of common sense. Guy#1 doesn't need to work, but he has his own business as well but I think his dad helps him alot. We would have fun with sex cuz he's never done 69 OR had a woman sit on his face lol ok i know, NOT important. Both are very polite. RP you are correct I listed alot of things that really are unimportant to me. I expected a call from Guy #2 today and he hasn't called. Either he's not into me, or he's testing to see if I'm into him. Do guys do that? Guy2 cooks/gardens but is more masculine. Guy1 can't swim haha. but oh those massages......
Neptune Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 The answer is neither on #1 or #2. Keep looking and don`t get involved with either. If you have to ponder it, it ain`t right.
Mz. Pixie Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 You also tried to supress that part of yourself when you were married, and we know where that got you..............
Author MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted August 25, 2005 Author Posted August 25, 2005 She is 44 and single, never married, no kids. When I told Guy #2 about her, he seemed interested and asked what was wrong with her, was she really ugly LOL. I got to thinking that they might make a good couple! They have alot in common and she was asking me how she can meet men without going online. All her activities include married people or women only. She gets set up with people and said the only thing they have in common are they are single and own a home! Well, she has a garden, she is an artist (hobby) and so is he! And they both golf! What do you guys think? Should I tell guy #2 that I like him as a friend and don't think we are a good match BUT I have that "friend"! LOL He did call me last night later on, but all I did was bitch about my day haha (I was tired/grouchy and was in bed already asleep). He's gonna call tonight. I probly won't see him until the weekend, and then we will talk. Guy #1 gets back from vacation today and I'm sure he will be calling/texting me. So maybe I will go to guy#2's house, dump him, and then go on a date with guy#1!!! Seriously though, this is driving me nuts. I don't like breaking hearts.
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