Icyowl Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 My partner and I have been dating for about 10 months and decided to move in together after my lease ended in my old place because we would have our own space. He resided with his sisters. Nearly 3 months in and he still hasn’t “moved” in. He has a few clothes here and that’s it. He pays half the rent but doesn’t pitch in for utilities, internet or even food. He comes and goes as he wants and often sleeps at his sisters’ house still. I’m sure he’s paying their bills. He always makes excuses to be there and we haven’t spent a full day together in months. He leaves in the morning and comes back later in the afternoon everyday that we’re not at work. Is this normal or am I being taken for a ride? I’m not going to continue the lease if it remains like this.
Author Icyowl Posted January 21, 2018 Author Posted January 21, 2018 So have you talked to him about this? Yeah, he said it’s a big change for His sisters and they need time to adjust. We only live about 10 minutes away.
Happy Lemming Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 How old is this guy?? If you don't mind me asking... 1
TheFinalWord Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Do you ever just stop by to see if he's really at his sisters? Sounds kinda fishy to me. 4
Art_Critic Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Sounds like he never announced that he was leaving and moving in with you. He compromised and is paying half the rent but still also living there... You need to talk more with him, delve into why he is doing this and look for a resolution and if one cannot be found you are happy with then you need to break up
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Odd. Are his sisters disabled and/or much younger than he is? 2
Author Icyowl Posted January 21, 2018 Author Posted January 21, 2018 How old is this guy?? If you don't mind me asking... In his 40s
basil67 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 Yeah, he said it’s a big change for His sisters and they need time to adjust. We only live about 10 minutes away. And have you told him how you feel? I am also wondering if his sisters are disabled or need extra care. 1
Happy Lemming Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 In his 40s Oh... so he is a mature adult. I would have cut him some slack if he were in his late teens or early 20's. Well this is a head scratcher. Like other posters, I thought maybe the sisters were "challenged" in some way?? Can we assume the sisters are of legal age and have the legal capacity to make their own decisions?? If there are no extenuating circumstances (for the sisters), I'm left with only one conclusion... He doesn't really want to live with you. 1
smackie9 Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 I think he's feeling a bit guilty leaving them because he was there for them. Some families are this close and protective. Was he like the father figure in their lives by any chance?
Versacehottie Posted January 21, 2018 Posted January 21, 2018 I think it was too early to move in for him but you either pushed for it or he appeased you by doing what he said he would but not "really". Or a little of both. Sounds like he's conflicted about living together. I think he's trying to create "space" that he needs either to get up to your speed, figure things out or bc he simply is the type who needs personal space (once you added that he is in his 40s this does make sense). 1
Author Icyowl Posted January 24, 2018 Author Posted January 24, 2018 His sisters are completely normal and older than him, I believe they are very capable people. I wasn’t the one to push anything, he suggested getting a place together because i probably would have found a housemate to share bills etc. it’s a situation I don’t really understand that’s why I’m seeking advice here.
smackie9 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 His sisters are completely normal and older than him, I believe they are very capable people. I wasn’t the one to push anything, he suggested getting a place together because i probably would have found a housemate to share bills etc. it’s a situation I don’t really understand that’s why I’m seeking advice here. The only way to figure this out is to have a firm talk with him and share your feelings/opinion about it. Maybe he's having buyer's remorse, and doesn't have the heart to tell you. 1
2much4 Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Is he a controlling type? Maybe he didn't want to move in with you but didn't want you to have housemates. Do you ever visit his sisters yourself?
Versacehottie Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 well it sure sounds a little complicated. Ok if you say you did not push him--so do you think it's possible that he has like a hero complex? I've seen guys do this before--where they want to be perfect in gf's eyes and kinda commit to things that they actually aren't committed to. I do think some guys can be generous with money (i.e. paying for all his stuff at your mutual place even though he's not really using it) but selfish with their time and their heart....or have a wall up. To me, we can speculate a lot here but you kinda need to get to the bottom of things without putting him on the defense by communicating with him. Best to talk about "what you want" and then ask what he thinks or wants rather than accuse him or analyze his behavior or actions or words. IMO, something is not right if he is doing this. Something is not lining up. Actions and behaviors are not equal to a guy who wants to move in with you and progress your relationship. I think you should find out before you get in deeper, waste more time, be strung along....because effectively even if that is not his intention that's what is happening because it is not your expectation of what you thought it would be like living with him. ps. Wondering if he is just finding the transition hard (i.e. if he's in his 40s but has never lived with a woman). Also possibility if he is from a culture where the family togetherness is utmost (i.e. very different to american culture and probably others). Good luck
JuneL Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 Maybe he wanted to have more privacy, but knew you wouldn't be able to afford a place without a roommate. So he offered to pay half of your rent.
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