Quick question, post first date.

[Sm12345]

Just getting back from a really good first date. She’s 39, I’m 36. We went for coffee at a hip place downtown, but it was packed, so we took ours to go.. we walked for about half an hour and then stopped in at a chic furniture store and she had the idea that we pretend we’re a couple shopping for furniture for our new place.. that went well.

 

The date seemed to be progressing and I asked her if she’d like to go see a museum that has an exhibit on, she said “that sounds fun..”, but was non commital (it was playful..)

 

I walked her to her car, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and said I’d text “I had fun, we should do this again..”, she said “sure, I’d like that.”

 

My question, and I’m sure I’ll get multiple answers, is how soon should I follow up? She had made a comment at the start of the date saying she had been on a date with a guy who had second date potential, but was too clingy. I don’t want to seem aloof, she’s very interesting. But I also don’t want to come on too strong either. What’s the balance? TIA

[Happy Lemming]

I like the museum idea... Do some research and be ready to offer some choices, not just an art museum.

 

One of the best first dates I took a woman on was a "day" date to an aquarium type museum. It was huge, we watched the handlers feed the sharks, looked at the different marine life, ate lunch there and had a total blast. She even told me it was a GREAT date idea.

 

I'm not one for waiting 3 days to call, etc. Gather your information, call and make the date. Moreover, you are both adults, she is almost 40, no need to play coy. If you like her company, ask her out again.

 

Just my two cents...

[Sm12345]

I just sent her this: “I had a really nice time tonight, it was great to finally meet you.”, and then a follow up text with a link to the museums exhibits..

[Lamartine]

You guys are both adults: I'd go ahead and text her in the morning. Plan a date to the museum: having concrete plans will make you appear mature and interested. Propose a specific date and time or two. I can almost guarantee that she will be excited about this and that you two will soon be on your second date! You both seem to have the same (endearing) quirky spontaneity.

[Sm12345]

In the morning? Oops.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

In the morning? Oops.

 

I think texting her tonight was fine, although you probably could have just stuck with "had a great time, hope you got home ok." Depending on how she responds, wait til tomorrow and ask her for a specific day, time and place for the museum thing.

[Happy Lemming]

I just sent her this: “I had a really nice time tonight, it was great to finally meet you.”, and then a follow up text with a link to the museums exhibits..

 

Stop with the texting and the links... Do the research, read about the different museums, put in the "leg work" Then Call her and Talk to her...

 

Texting feels impersonal, plus you're not a teenager. Let her hear your voice.

 

Just my two cents...

[Scarlett.O'hara]

At least she let you know not to come on too strong, because that clearly puts her off.

 

It is hard to know what she considered clingy about the other guy, it could have been that he liked to send too many texts in a row or it could have been that he he didn't give her the time to reply in her own time before becoming pushy.

 

With that in mind, see how she responds to your message, and follow her lead. If she responds quickly then you can respond, but try to keep it short and sweet for now.

 

If she takes a while to respond then don't push it, just wait a few days and then ask her out on a specific date, including when, where, and what time.

 

Just take it slow and steady.

[Sm12345]

At least she let you know not to come on too strong, because that clearly puts her off.

 

It is hard to know what she considered clingy about the other guy, it could have been that he liked to send too many texts in a row or it could have been that he he didn't give her the time to reply in her own time before becoming pushy.

 

With that in mind, see how she responds to your message, and follow her lead. If she responds quickly then you can respond, but try to keep it short and sweet for now.

 

If she takes a while to respond then don't push it, just wait a few days and then ask her out on a specific date, including when, where, and what time.

 

Just take it slow and steady.

She was very clear that he reacted negatively to her not replying right away..

[Scarlett.O'hara]

That's good that you know what her deal breaker is. If she doesn't respond for a while, don't send more texts in between.

 

It will show her that you are confident, laid back, and busy with other things. If she is interested, her curiosity will get the better of her, and she will reach out.

 

My guess is that she will. Besides, she would be crazy not to snatch up the type of guy who is cultured and wants to go to a museum exhibition with her.

 

Good luck!

[Sm12345]

That's very sweet of you to say, thanks for the kind words.

[Miss Spider]

Another over-thinker!!! Welcome to the club. xD My suggestion is to chill. Don't think too much about it and knock her off any pedestal you have her on after one date. Remember how if you made this connection, there are more to be made.I'm guessing you aren't multi-dating, so try keep busy with other things in your free time like a hobby. When you start thinking "Should I text this or will I lose them" you usually have already become too invested and thus a clingy person. Instead of hiding it with strategically timed and contrived communication, become not clingy/outcome dependent and don't have to worry about it.

 

The truth is the more a person is interested, the greater your room for error becomes. If a person is lukewarm, a double text might push them off the fence. You will constantly be anxious you did something wrong. It will be so imbalanced. But if she likes you, she will be welcoming of your message (which I think was pretty good. No problem) You can scare anyone off by going off the deep end and sending a ton of lovey dovey texts after first date, but if the person is scared off by an extra sentence or two or an hour or two early, they weren't very interested to begin with and it probably will not work. Keep this in mind and don't over-think. Good luck!!!

Edited January 21, 2018 by Cookiesandough

[mortensorchid]

Follow up tomorrow. But whatever you do, don't text her, CALL HER. That will give her a strong signal that you are interested and you want to see her again.

 

You ended things well, I will give you that. You said you would like to see her again, she agreed. Texting is a passive form of communication, phone calls are more direct. When I have a great/good/fair date, MOST of the time unfortunately the man sends a text message the next day and eventually it tapers off. 75% of the time it ends up with me responding to the last text he sent about something chit chatty, and then ... He never responds.

[rightondude]

you know how sometimes things are misconstrued via text? Don't let your message be misconstrued. Let her text back and then later that night just say "wanna talk?" ... she'll say yes and then you two talk it out (with you having carefully prepared talking points) and walk off into the sunset. Get it brother.

[Highndry]

I hate waiting games and all that crap. I called my last girlfriend on the phone like an hour after we first met. I asked her point blank what she thought. I could tell she liked me just by the way she hugged me goodbye. But she laughed and said "Are you asking me if I would like to see you again?" And I laughed and said "Well of course!" She said she would and we talked for like another hour. We lasted a few years anyhow...

[Sm12345]

The problem with calling is, sometimes it goes to voicemail or it just rings and rings.. and then you have to discern whether she saw that I called and do I call back, or wait for her? Needlessly complicated.

[rightondude]

that's why you ask if she wants to talk, you ask that via txt. then let that be the last txt. don't just cold call.

[Sm12345]

I didn’t hear from her parents most of Sunday. But I didn’t panic, I figured she was probably busy with the return of her 7 year old son (he had spent Saturday with his dad.)

 

Sunday afternoon I sent her a playlist of songs(she had commented on liking a particular genre, but didn’t know many of the songs, so I created an intro of some of my favourites..)

 

Monday afternoon I still hadn’t heard from her and was wondering if maybe I’d done something on the date that set off a red flag (but remembered she had mentioned being really busy with work, so I put it out of my mind.)

 

Monday night she sent a text “Hi. I’ve been full mom mode and work mode today. I will text you later after my son is in bed. Hope you are having a good day.”

[newyorker11356]

that's why you ask if she wants to talk, you ask that via txt. then let that be the last txt. don't just cold call.

 

That's pretty much what I do, and what I'm currently doing with the girl I'm talking to and dating.

[Chilli]

l dunno , l continue amazed at the dating scene wherever everyone is on the forum..

Your just getting back and writing on LS, so did you stop half way home to start a thread about her, sorry gotta ask. ?

 

She drops out on a guy after one date because she assumes he "might" be too clingy. She's deep isn't she , not !

 

tbh man l don't think l'd be doing back flips for her just throw it out there and if she likes it she likes it.

[Sm12345]

l dunno , l continue amazed at the dating scene wherever everyone is on the forum..

Your just getting back and writing on LS, so did you stop half way home to start a thread about her, sorry gotta ask. ?

 

She drops out on a guy after one date because she assumes he "might" be too clingy. She's deep isn't she , not !

 

tbh man l don't think l'd be doing back flips for her just throw it out there and if she likes it she likes it.

At least I know when to use ‘you’re’ and ‘your’

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I didn’t hear from her parents most of Sunday. But I didn’t panic, I figured she was probably busy with the return of her 7 year old son (he had spent Saturday with his dad.)

 

Sunday afternoon I sent her a playlist of songs(she had commented on liking a particular genre, but didn’t know many of the songs, so I created an intro of some of my favourites..)

 

Monday afternoon I still hadn’t heard from her and was wondering if maybe I’d done something on the date that set off a red flag (but remembered she had mentioned being really busy with work, so I put it out of my mind.)

 

Monday night she sent a text “Hi. I’ve been full mom mode and work mode today. I will text you later after my son is in bed. Hope you are having a good day.”

 

So did she text you? Honestly, the "mom mode" thing is, for me at least (since I'm a divorced mom), a convenient excuse.

[Sm12345]

Not sure why the word ‘parents’ was inserted in there..

 

Yes, she did respond in the initial text, but I didn’t hear anything after that which might point to her falling asleep or it might point to her stringing me along. Who knows.

 

I’ve made other plans with two other women this coming weekend, and won’t be replying to her texts unless she makes concrete efforts.

[Miss Spider]

You must chill. This is will not go as planned unless you chill. You don't have to call if that isn't your proclivity. Don't do it if it doesn't feel right. Just text her asking for a follow up date and leave it be til she gets back to you. Go about your life and enjoy your dates with these other women. Best!xx

[LuckyM]

I like the idea of calling--not texting. I want to hear her voice, her hesitations and her tone. You get more from a call--unless you are too nervous for that and think you might mess up.

 

My rule is ---you never really know (for sure) you have a date until she is sitting next to you. Until then it is only a plan--and plans can change in a minute! Act like you are busy even if you are not!