mmx Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 My ex and I broke up last spring. I felt like he wasn’t making an effort and he thought I wasn’t making an effort/didn’t care for him. I truly do care for him and want to make this work. We have been friends and occasionally hangout. It always end up being more we sleep over, cuddling, kissing, etc. I talked to him about this and got some clarity. He said he has feelings for me, compares every other girl to me, and gets jealous if I talk to a guy. However, he doesn’t feel it will work because it didn’t before. He said we should just be friends and put up permaters so it’s not easy for him to be affectionate. For example, he said maybe we should only hangout in public. I asked him to pray about it and that we would meet up tomorrow evening. Will this work? Anything else I should say or do?
PegNosePete Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Anything else I should say or do? Yes. "I respect your decision". He has made it 100% crystal clear that he does not want a relationship with you any more. You need to accept that. 3
Author mmx Posted January 17, 2018 Author Posted January 17, 2018 Yes. "I respect your decision". He has made it 100% crystal clear that he does not want a relationship with you any more. You need to accept that. Isn’t that stupid to give up when they still love me?
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 They are just words hun....to manipulate you, and take advantage of you. If he truly loved you he wouldn't be telling you he isn't interested in a relationship. 2
Author mmx Posted January 17, 2018 Author Posted January 17, 2018 It’s not..he is the type of person that is very honest.
Zahara Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Isn’t that stupid to give up when they still love me? Give up? But he told you he doesn't want a relationship with you. You broke up last spring -- you're still trying? When you love and care for someone and you know you do not want to be in a relationship with them, you don't lead them on by continuing to feed them cuddles, kisses and sex. What you do is you let them go so that they can heal and move on to someone who can give them the love they deserve. It's the kind and loving thing to do. His words are just words. He says these things to keep you there to serve as a benefit to him. Been there, done that. It will never end well for you. Don't be the crutch that helps him transition onto the new person/relationship. 2
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 It’s not..he is the type of person that is very honest. OK he honestly doesn't want a relationship with you. 1
smackie9 Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Give up? But he told you he doesn't want a relationship with you. You broke up last spring -- you're still trying? When you love and care for someone and you know you do not want to be in a relationship with them, you don't lead them on by continuing to feed them cuddles, kisses and sex. What you do is you let them go so that they can heal and move on to someone who can give them the love they deserve. It's the kind and loving thing to do. His words are just words. He says these things to keep you there to serve as a benefit to him. Been there, done that. It will never end well for you. Don't be the crutch that helps him transition onto the new person/relationship. I agree he is just transitioning because he doesn't want to be alone.....he has your company while he keeps his options open.
PegNosePete Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Isn’t that stupid to give up when they still love me? If he loved you then he wouldn't say that you should just be friends and put up permaters so it’s not easy for him to be affectionate. He has "given up" on you. You should respect his decision. 2
kaitlynlily6 Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Get over him. He was honest about telling you he doesn't want a relationship. Just move on and stop hanging around as much so nothing happens between you two that you'll soon regret. 2
dumbass2 Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Isn’t that stupid to give up when they still love me? He loves you, but he's not "in love" with you. He's honestly told you that he does not want the type of boyfriend girlfriend relationship with you. When someone else comes along, his attention will go elsewhere or he'll hang onto you as his safety blanket.
No_Go Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 What you're experiencing is completely normal deconvolution of a relationship. Every single one of mine ended that way (break up, then warm up after the initial hostility is over, FWB & friendship for few months, steady decline of interest and move to better things). This transition phase is confusing, but don't consider it as a way back UNLESS ou have both resolved the initial problems that brought you apart. Trust me, they'll resurface in their full strength if you get back into the old relationshipy mode. Been there, done that. Just... let this transition run its course. You cannot speed it up. If you try - you'll rebound. Let it be and you'll see that in few months time things will magically get better.
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