She told me her love faded, and finds another boyfriend in very short time?

[ConfusedSuffering]

Hi.

I'm going to try to summarize this as best as I could while giving as much detail as possible. It's still going to be a huge blob of text. The journey through this breakup is still so confusing. I don't get what she wanted, and I can't help but blame the new boyfriend for what has happened, even though I feel that it isn't his fault. A couple days before winter break, my girlfriend of five months told me that her love faded, and it hurt me a lot to hear it.

 

I tend to say things at the heat of the moment, so I ended up saying that I was sad and upset and I was scared to hurt myself. This was after many back and forth messages that she kept sending me. First, she tells me she loved me and then later on she tells me she doesn't. It drove me insane, but I know that I say things that I don't mean when I'm overwhelmed. I still loved her then, and I still have feelings for her now. After she revealed that she didn't love me anymore, her personality changed towards me and me only. When I was on my trip, I couldn't take her cold, bitter words, and told her that maybe we should take a break from each other.

 

Two days after this, she told me that she missed me and loved me(I didn't hear the words 'I love you' in so long at this point), and I was genuinely looking forward to possibly being able to love her after our little break. The only thing was that a week later, she told me her feelings changed. I imagined a lot of things that didn't believe were actually going to happen, and it all ended up becoming a reality. I thought at first that she loved someone else. She denied this, but I couldn't believe that she would change her thoughts so quickly. She revealed that she actually did begin to have feelings for another guy, three weeks after I suspected it. She told me it wasn't the reason her love faded, but I don't get it. It seems like everything connected once the guy came into the equation.

 

Before her love began fading, I let her have fun with her college friends, as I trusted that she was loyal. A few days pass, and she tells me that her love faded. After we break up, she comes back to me for a brief moment, but one of her college friends asked her on a date. I feel like this guy was a drastic factor in the downfall of our relationship. I felt that he made her change directions yet again, and it honestly makes me frustrated at him. I can't exactly label her as a cheater because this was after we broke up, but she seemed to move on so quickly. After all those months being together, she wants to let go of it all? All the good memories? We were both basically each other's first loves, and she did things that she never felt she would do with others before.

 

I was her first kiss. She was my first kiss. After two weeks, she begins dating this person and kisses him like it all never meant anything. I'm wondering what role the college guy is for her. It feels like he's replacing me, as he literally has the same first name as me and acts similar to me. Before she revealed it, I asked her about it and she avoided telling me, with the same cold and distant reactions in her messages. I have to admit that I found out that she kissed him and told him she loved him through unethical ways (I was looking through her messages because I didn't trust her, and everything ended up becoming true). I didn't expose that fact to her until she admitted to me that she hid and avoided telling me about the relationship between her and my replacement. She told me she was sorry multiple times when she finally admitted it two weeks later and I could tell in some way that she felt guilty, but I just couldn't understand what was going on in her head.

 

She told me she hid it from me because I was sensitive, and it would hurt me. Of course it would hurt me, but why would I want the bad news later? Why couldn't she have told the truth? I couldn't understand why she already kissed the guy, why she already told him she loved him, etc. It's only been a few weeks since we broke up! I was obviously mad, and said things in the heat of the moment. She took my blows initially, but began to retaliate soon after, saying "why should I be sorry? I didn't even cheat on you" blah blah blah. If her story was true, and she didn't like the guy until after we broke up, then I guess she technically had a point. I told her it was just to me disrespectful to me that she already found a boyfriend who she's kissing and loving, since I actually cared a lot about our relationship. She fights back saying that I didn't consider her privacy because I looked through her messages while we were broken up, which is a point I also respect.

 

I just don't get her actions. I felt in that little fight that I was fighting for my relationship back, while she's only fighting for her pride. Is this replacement just sort of a rebound, if she didn't lie about her story? Does she still care about me if she's guilty about being in the relationship? Why did all this transition so quickly? Did she forget all of the times we spent together, all of the happy times we had? Was I nothing to her? I still care for her, even though she hurt me so much. At the same time, I still feel that she betrayed me. I still feel a hatred for her actions. I felt that I gave my all for this relationship, and when she stops loving me a person similar to me is coincidentally there. I feel anger that this all happened. I wish it didn't happen.

 

I treated her like family, like a person of great importance. I thought she was better, but I can't tell if she feels any pain with her new boyfriend around. Was I not good enough for her? I told her I would be there for her, and I've tried my best to keep my part. I've tried my best to be the best boyfriend. She told me that I was the best, up until the point where she said her love faded. She told me that she "let go" of the feelings when we were on our break, mostly because of her college boyfriend. It just all makes me so frustrated. I want to figure out what she's trying to do. As of right now, I want to take the better road and hope for the best in the new relationship, but I can't help but hope that it crashes and burns. I am filled with so many contrasting emotions that tear me apart. I don't understand what it all means. I hope someone can tell me why she chose to do this to me; why she chose to hurt a person who would be there for her as long as she was there for him.

 

She refuses to call the past memories "good" now, and she refuses to say that I was amazing like she did before. It all happened so suddenly for me. I'm lost, and confused. She replaced me, and I don't know why. What does it all mean? Was I replaced by a better person? Or did she lose a good person? I have my problems, but I know I've been treating her well because I loved her. Now that my love has forced itself to die down, I felt like I lost something that made me... Me. I feel like I can't love anymore. What do you think is her purpose for the college replacement? I want to say that I can't care about her after all she's done, but I just.. I care about her well-being still. I want her to be happy. I'm trying to find some hope that she'll figure herself out and come back to me someday or something... I can't move on or let go entirely, since a part of me still wants to be with her for some reason. Maybe I'm too optimistic, believing that people can eventually change to become better in my perspective. I don't know. I haven't met anyone like her before, and I don't think I'll meet anyone with her highlighted qualities, but enhanced.

 

I don't believe I'll ever meet a girl that could make me so infatuated.. I can't believe now. I'm shattered. I'm looking for something, maybe possible outcomes of this situation. I hope one of them will be that she's denying that she misses me and loves me. Someone give me some insight on this situation. I don't think she wants to play with me, but I feel played with. I wish it were all just a bad dream. I believed in us. I'm not too certain about what she wants in a relationship. Does she just want to have an attraction to someone through kisses? The kisses excited me, sure, but the bottom line was that I wanted to keep loving her, and her to keep loving me. I hoped we could grow together, and adapt together as lovers in the special case of high school sweethearts becoming long, long lasting lovers. I hope things can be patched up, no matter how messed up it became, but I'm not too hopeful about it. I can't help but have a hatred to the college guy though.

 

Any advice or identifying motives for any part of this story? People say that I deserved better, and it's her loss. I would like to believe that, but I don't feel like she's suffering at all right now. What can I do to stop caring, if there is no chance of recovery? I would love to move on, but the memories keep coming and hurting. The words that meant a lot to me have been tossed in the trash. The feeling of being a special someone to my special someone is missing now. I really need help on this situation.

 

 

P.S. She takes that part where I said I might hurt myself seriously, but I assured her I definitely have more self control and much to live for than to do that.

Thanks for reading.

Edited January 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[HumanMachine]

Paragraphs man

[IReallyLovePuppies]

.. got to admit.. I only read a bit but this looks like she is your first love.. first kiss.. then she found someone and you wonder if the affection was ever mutual.

 

It's not.

 

Guys do it.. Girls do it. You worry that you'll never find someone of her quality and I'll tell you right now.. you probably won't but you will meet someone else with another quality in her that totally blow you away.

 

Never ever go into a relationship trying to duplicate your last.. Its ****ed up and unfair.

 

And don't go through your partner's phone.. That's rude and immature and probably killed any respect she had on you.

 

She's found someone else.. Move on. You are young and people go through heaps of relationship before they find the right one.. you are just starting, you going to have a lot more heat break before finding the right one.

 

So take the time to learn from your mistake and yourself.. always present the best of you to those around you.

 

Good luck.. Be happy!

[Young mind]

Grabbing the point which is repeated "you're blaming the new man". Out of anger yes, but the reality is your ex-gf is solely to blame, she had the choice to **** him out,had the choice to tell him NO, had the choice to ignore him, but didn't, yes it is true that her love faded, but she wasn't really in love in the first place, unfortunately you can't really force someone to love you, she's on quite a popular pattern and for people like this that pattern never stops.

Before you, I'm sure she was with someone else, it was all fun till you came along, you became the new shiny toy, now she has found another toy, most definitely she will find another.

Take solace in the fact , these people can walk out of your life sooner, right now , you must take active steps to move on, it will hurt , I can promise you it will hurt, if you must block her , then do so everywhere, try to get on with your life at the moment, 5 months is very well honeymoon of most relationships, and feelings and expectations do change, accept this and try to heal.

Don't play games of NC for her to miss you, try to move on for yourself, go ahead read all the advise on this forum, I believe I read 100s now, it's given me some solace as I step forward into my life .

Hang in there and never give up on yourself

[Been]

You actually dodged a bullet. If she can change her feelings from one person to the next person that quickly she isn't worth it.

I think also she is the type that has to do the breaking up- call it ego or whatever but it seems that when you asked for a break she all the sudden started with the I love you. When you got back togeather then she reverted back to the previous behaviour of being cold.

I think if you allow it she will always seek to use you in some way to fill a void.

Go total NC. No texts. No Facebook nothing. She has already shown you her words don't match her actions.

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't mean to denigrate you or your relationship, but when she's already bailing at just 5 months, she was not the girl for you.

 

You both sound very young, and given that you both have little experience thus far, it's hard to compare this feeling to anything else. But this tends to happen with younger folks, as they're not in any place to really settle down yet. She liked you, yes, but she didn't feel as strongly as you. If she did, she wouldn't be dating someone else.

 

So no, he's not a rebound. That doesn't mean their relationship will be a long-lasting one, but she didn't start dating him as a means to fill a void (which more rebounders do) It's not necessarily anyone's fault, either. She unfortunately just didn't feel the same way about you any longer and decided to part ways.

 

It hurts. But with real time and space from her, you will begin to feel better. The first heartbreak hurts like hell, but you will learn from this and go on to date others. I guarantee it.