deepcarter78 Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 I’ve heard people say that when you love someone, you have to be prepared to let them go someday. This thought has been stuck in my head in all of my relationships. In hindsight, I think this is why it never worked out with my previous girlfriends. I tried going on a romance tour thinking I wasn’t compatible with any local girl in my hometown. Then, I met this girl from the tour and so far, we are doing okay. The problem though is that I’m worried that our relationship wouldn’t end well and I would end up heartbroken. It’s not that I’m being pessimistic about this it’s just that I always had this fear in my head since then. Should I continue dating my girlfriend even though I know I would have to let them go someday? A relationship is already hard as it is. I know long distance relationships would be even harder. I need legit advice on how to overcome my fear. What assurance do I have that things would be okay? Please help me.
grays Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 None of us ever really have assurances. You have to really just hope for the best and, depending on the situation maybe brace yourself. Also, know that people do recover from breakups. 3
TheFinalWord Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 I’ve heard people say that when you love someone, you have to be prepared to let them go someday. This thought has been stuck in my head in all of my relationships. In hindsight, I think this is why it never worked out with my previous girlfriends. I tried going on a romance tour thinking I wasn’t compatible with any local girl in my hometown. Then, I met this girl from the tour and so far, we are doing okay. The problem though is that I’m worried that our relationship wouldn’t end well and I would end up heartbroken. It’s not that I’m being pessimistic about this it’s just that I always had this fear in my head since then. Should I continue dating my girlfriend even though I know I would have to let them go someday? A relationship is already hard as it is. I know long distance relationships would be even harder. I need legit advice on how to overcome my fear. What assurance do I have that things would be okay? Please help me. Is this a long distance relationship? Those tend to be harder, but they can work. I have found they are harder if you are trying to get to know the person long-distance, as opposed to already knowing them and trying to maintain the relationship long-distance. An important feature of successful LDs is planning visits and ultimately not being LD. However, a lot of those factors are situational. How long have you been dating, how serious is the relationship, what factors stand in the way of eventually being in the same physical vicinity, etc.
igotoverit Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Is this a long distance relationship? Those tend to be harder, but they can work. I have found they are harder if you are trying to get to know the person long-distance, as opposed to already knowing them and trying to maintain the relationship long-distance. An important feature of successful LDs is planning visits and ultimately not being LD. However, a lot of those factors are situational. How long have you been dating, how serious is the relationship, what factors stand in the way of eventually being in the same physical vicinity, etc. Your relationship hasn't even started and your worried about the break up. Are you dating this women because you like her or you want a gf. At this point you should just be focused on getting to know her and enjoying time with her. Build a relationship with her once you establish compatibility. You need to address what is causing you to fear this. It's like fearing life cause you will die. I don't know if I have advice that would help but take a step back and ask yourself this question. What is it your really afraid of?
Interstellar Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Keep it light, positive and fun. Don’t turn her into your mother or shrink. Don’t talk about negatives, your fears, your insecurities. It’s perfectly okay to feel them just don’t say it to her. Tell it to your shrink, your mother, or your dog if you have one. Is this a long distance relationship? Eh, you seriously need to start planning to live closer because the odds are stacked against you.
LilySun Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Every relationship we have is at risk for not working out. It's a risk we choose to take going into them and just comes with the territory whether we like it or not. The trick is going with the flow and enjoying yourself, and don't think about that part. You don't know for sure this will or won't work. If you keep thinking negatively that it's going to end for sure, that will reflect how you treat the relationship and unknowingly sabotage it until it does in fact end. Only focus on the positive stuff. Reasons why you're happy, what makes her happy, etc. Keep making her fun plans together for the short term future and next thing you know plans will become more long-term. If however you have reservations about LDR and have reasons to think you two can't pull it off, then consider having a talk about that and decide together how to proceed.
d0nnivain Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 You can't start a relationship from such a negative space. Even if it doesn't work out -- & you will most likely have more break ups before you find The One -- you have to look at it as enjoying the experience. Live for the now. Pay attention to the present. Yes break ups hurt but the can end well & civilly if you are a nice, polite person who doesn't get dramatic about everything. 1
Maggie4 Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Maybe your past relationships didn't work out because you didn't want them to. Is "happily ever after" depressing? It seems strange to me that you chose to do a romance tour and have LDR instead of with a local girl. Do you think a part of you want obstacles. It's similar to the sabotage. Except instead of creating problems, you start with problems built in, so that you can anticipate it not working out.
jjgitties212 Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 There are no assurances. You just have to keep on rocking in the free world.
Iseult Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 It’s not that I’m being pessimistic about this it’s just that I always had this fear in my head since then. Should I continue dating my girlfriend even though I know I would have to let them go someday? A relationship is already hard as it is. I know long distance relationships would be even harder. If this is you being not pessimistic, I can't fathom what darkness you see when you are. As for advice, I think you need to smoke some pot.
Space Ritual Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 I’ve heard people say that when you love someone, you have to be prepared to let them go someday. This thought has been stuck in my head in all of my relationships. In hindsight, I think this is why it never worked out with my previous girlfriends. I tried going on a romance tour thinking I wasn’t compatible with any local girl in my hometown. Then, I met this girl from the tour and so far, we are doing okay. The problem though is that I’m worried that our relationship wouldn’t end well and I would end up heartbroken. It’s not that I’m being pessimistic about this it’s just that I always had this fear in my head since then. Should I continue dating my girlfriend even though I know I would have to let them go someday? A relationship is already hard as it is. I know long distance relationships would be even harder. I need legit advice on how to overcome my fear. What assurance do I have that things would be okay? Please help me. Romance Tour? Wow.... I knew a guy that went on a Romance Tour and I asked him what it was like and he said "I like my women like I like my coffee: Ethically purchased from a Latin American Cooperative...lol. I mean, as others have said, there are no assurances. Let's face it. Romance Tours are just short of Mail Order brides. So don't put a lot of stock in anything potentially long term coming from it. 1
Arieswoman Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 deepcarter78, I'm not sure I understand your post. How many times have you met this lady and is she now in the same country as you?
Aiuta le mani Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 Hey friend! Thanks for sharing here! Relationships require a lot of work and commitment! It is even more difficult if you walk into it thinking that is not going to work out! Have you had the chance to talk about this to a close friend or a counselor? I think that the advice of a third person that you can trust can help you clear the air in your mind and heart! About the girl, get to know her and focus on the things that you like and enjoy about her. Above all, set aside your negative thoughts and worries about things that have not happen and move forward! If you find that, you really want to be with her, commit to it! Please let me know if you need help finding someone to talk about your feelings!
preraph Posted January 17, 2018 Posted January 17, 2018 There's no assurances. We all get our heartbroken. It's life. You should do whatever it takes to work on yourself to the point where you understand that if someone leaves, life goes on, that it wasn't the right person to begin with, and that there's joy in the journey even when there's not a happy ending.
Recommended Posts