Is he too much or am I just cold?

January 16, 2018

Yes, I created this. This guy isn't unstable in the slightest. Everything is my fault.

Yes, you did create this by responding to the millions of posts telling you to get help before dating by...wait for it... GOING ON A DATE!

I'm not even going to address HIS behavior as that's not the point. This thread and all the others you've made really make me think that this board, along with the list of guys left in the dust, is just another means of validating your life right now.

January 16, 2018

Yes, I created this. This guy isn't unstable in the slightest. Everything is my fault.

The one common denominator in all your dating disasters is YOU.

It's truly a shame you blocked and deleted the other guy's number, as he is probably wondering what the hell happened. Going by your previous threads this probably didn't occur to you though did it.

Oh well....

January 16, 2018

I told what CA said and I blocked him. It's done. Nothing to see here. It's over. Ty

Edited January 16, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 16, 2018

It's just a general statement about how I feel about my life regarding dating. Nothing can ever go right for me. I still feel like I am fck up and lead him on because

1. I kept telling him he was super attractive (which was how I felt at the time)
2. I said maybe we can have dinner because didn't want to damper enthusiasm
3. I told him I had a great night(almost reflexive after dates at this point)
4. I told him we should keep hanging out
5. I made out with him.
6. Now I have to ghost him or lie and explain somehow I was bull****ing everything since the beginning. Telling him he got creepy is too mean. So I have to ghost him.

You were love-bombing him. It gave him a false sense of confidence then you turned around and just drove the dagger in him, devalued him and completely shut him out by blocking him. I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but it appears to me that you are simply using men like they're not even human beings with feelings.

January 16, 2018

Fwiw..

1) don't bother contacting the John snow guy. It's a done deal. Forget about it.

2) you need to wake up and realize you are a total dick tease. What part of, telling someone you literally just met repeatedly that he is sooo good looking and going over to his place would make you think that he did not think you wanted to sleep with him? Like geez. What should he think, you are going over to make brownies?

January 16, 2018

You were love-bombing him. It gave him a false sense of confidence then you turned around and just drove the dagger in him, devalued him and completely shut him out by blocking him. I mean no disrespect whatsoever, but it appears to me that you are simply using men like they're not even human beings with feelings.

This is what I meant when I said I am always the fck up in every situation no matter what. I can't do anything right. Because we had a consensual make out session, I gave him some compliments, and he got super duper weird, I am a manipulator. What should a person do in this scenario. Keep dating? . I'm not saying the other advice is wrong, just tainted by things I've done in the past/my personality. My past dating experiences were a mess because of my ex. I took a break. This time, I put effort into it and that means showing interest and being my best self. I tried. And it went to **** I think because he is unstable and entitled. I believe I ended it reasonably and maturely because I respect their feelings

I told him : I'm sorry, xxxx. It is just too much. like way, way too much. and too soon. I think you are an awesome and attractive guy, but we are not a match. Again, I'm so sorry.

Him:

"I think we are a terrific match and I can pump the breaks."

"Will you please give me another chance? It's not difficult to meet people, I know I'm attractive, [ :rolleyes: ] but special individuals like yourself never come along and I certainly did not want to mess this up."

"I felt like you had an excellent time last night. I know I did."

"I'm just not good at the whole texting thing. I'm just not, especially when I like someone.

"I completely respect and value your time and would never try to usurp it."

"Can I please take you out next weekend when you are free?"

"I also promise to revert back to a reasonable amount of communication."

"I think I could enhance your life."

"You've hung out with me and know that I am not "this" persona that I am poorly displaying digitally."

"I want to take you ice skating and do everything else with you."

"I didn't mean to go too fast too soon, yet I did."

"I wish I could go to your goodnight text last night and leave it at that but I suck at playing it cool."

"What are your thoughts? Can we start over and do this the right way?"

"I'm a geek and get excited about all kinds of stuff, including people I date. Does that make sense? I'm not a freak or anything. And I'm not needy or codependent."

"As your schedule allows, can we please spend more time together and you not write me off just yet?"

"If you had texted me back literally anything I wouldn't have done that. I'm truly sorry. It's not your fault though, it's mine."

"If I could take it all back I would in a heartbeat."

"Do you truly think that we are not a match? Because what I felt last night could not have possibly been one-sided."

"There was a fit there that begs to be explored further."

"An effortless fit."

"Can you look past my barrage of text messages and just think about how you felt last night?"

"I wouldn't fight for this after just meeting someone if I didn't feel so strongly. It's not a matter of needing to need someone. That's not difficult to do, but finding something real like last night, that's difficult to do."

"And your sexual inexperience does not bother me. It's endearing and attractive."

"Listen, I am into you as much as one person possibly can be towards another so if you feel the same then let's take things slow and see what happens."

"Please think on it and let me know how you feel this week, ok? That's all I ask. Because I do really like you a great deal."

"That being said, I will stop texting you completely and cross my fingers to hear from you."

i couldn't NOT block.

Anyway, ty. I am not dating and going to take a bit of a break from the boards so i wont see anything though I respect you guys and your opinions and love this place. I appreciate fully your help. I guess I just have to agree to disagree about this scenario in particular. I don't feel I messed up so bad (maybe by going home with him yes, ive learned) but this person was unstable. No one sane acts that way unless they're kidding.

I'm going back to documentaries. Because my feelings matter too and I used to enjoy my life.

Edited January 16, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 16, 2018

lol, WOW. I'm beginning to wonder if every guy is actually like this when they like someone but they just try to play it cool. This is just way too much for someone you don't know and only met 24 hours ago.

Cookies, you told him how you felt and he didn't accept your "no". I think you did the right thing by blocking.

January 16, 2018

This is what I meant when I said I am always the fck up in every situation no matter what. I can't do anything right. Because we had a consensual make out session, I gave him some compliments, and he got super duper weird, I am a manipulator. What should a person do in this scenario. Keep dating? . I'm not saying the other advice is wrong, just tainted by things I've done in the past/my personality. My past dating experiences were a mess because of my ex. I took a break. This time, I put effort into it and that means showing interest and being my best self. I tried. And it went to **** I think because he is unstable and entitled. I believe I ended it reasonably and maturely because I respect their feelings

I told him : I'm sorry, xxxx. It is just too much. like way, way too much. and too soon. I think you are an awesome and attractive guy, but we are not a match. Again, I'm so sorry.

Him:
"I think we are a terrific match and I can pump the breaks."
"Will you please give me another chance? It's not difficult to meet people, I know I'm attractive, [ :rolleyes: ] but special individuals like yourself never come along and I certainly did not want to mess this up."
"I felt like you had an excellent time last night. I know I did."
"I'm just not good at the whole texting thing. I'm just not, especially when I like someone.
"I completely respect and value your time and would never try to usurp it."
"Can I please take you out next weekend when you are free?"
"I also promise to revert back to a reasonable amount of communication."
"I think I could enhance your life."
"You've hung out with me and know that I am not "this" persona that I am poorly displaying digitally."
"I want to take you ice skating and do everything else with you."
"I didn't mean to go too fast too soon, yet I did."
"I wish I could go to your goodnight text last night and leave it at that but I suck at playing it cool."
"What are your thoughts? Can we start over and do this the right way?"
"I'm a geek and get excited about all kinds of stuff, including people I date. Does that make sense? I'm not a freak or anything. And I'm not needy or codependent."
"As your schedule allows, can we please spend more time together and you not write me off just yet?"
"If you had texted me back literally anything I wouldn't have done that. I'm truly sorry. It's not your fault though, it's mine."
"If I could take it all back I would in a heartbeat."
"Do you truly think that we are not a match? Because what I felt last night could not have possibly been one-sided."
"There was a fit there that begs to be explored further."
"An effortless fit."
"Can you look past my barrage of text messages and just think about how you felt last night?"
"I wouldn't fight for this after just meeting someone if I didn't feel so strongly. It's not a matter of needing to need someone. That's not difficult to do, but finding something real like last night, that's difficult to do."
"And your sexual inexperience does not bother me. It's endearing and attractive."
"Listen, I am into you as much as one person possibly can be towards another so if you feel the same then let's take things slow and see what happens."
"Please think on it and let me know how you feel this week, ok? That's all I ask. Because I do really like you a great deal."
"That being said, I will stop texting you completely and cross my fingers to hear from you."

i couldn't NOT block.

Anyway, ty. I am not dating and going to take a bit of a break from the boards so i wont see anything though I respect you guys and your opinions and love this place. I appreciate fully your help. I guess I just have to agree to disagree about this scenario in particular. I don't feel I messed up so bad (maybe by going home with him yes, ive learned) but this person was unstable. No one sane acts that way unless they're kidding.

I'm going back to documentaries. Because my feelings matter too and I used to enjoy my life.

That's quite a wall of text, I completely agree. And the guy is coming off as a major desperado.

But let me just put it this way: There's a certain pattern to your interactions with men that leads to extreme measures such as blocking and ghosting when most of the time in life that should never be necessary. That's pretty much a last resort type of thing, and here you're doing it a few times in less than 48 hours with guys you really don't know at all.

Why is that? Is it because you are really, really poor at knowing your type? Is it because you are too picky? Is it fear? How can you find yourself kissing a guy, thinking he is hot and compatible and be so wrong about his personality? Surely this guy had to give off some warning signs.

I think you would do yourself a huge favor by taking a step back and slowing way down, taking your time working on yourself and identifying the kind of man you really want, then moving carefully forward again.

January 16, 2018

I'm not on here often enough to know about whatever previous bad dating experiences you've had that other are referring to, but I will say I don't think you particularly did much wrong this time round. You went to his house which he would lead him to expect sex, but you've every right to just makeout and leave, and it's on him that he didn't handle that well regardless of what he might have expected. You just picked a guy who happened to be emotionally unstable, and the moment things didn't flow 100% to his plan, he blew up.

He sent 100 text messages after the rejection... just like I said he would. And he'd be just as unstable in any kind of dating scenario at the slightest hint you weren't 200% into him. This guy would be a nightmare. You can only hope he doesn't start trying to track you down on social media, might be wise to pre-emptively block him there too.

I get that it sucks to have to hurt someone... this is half the reason why I don't date much. Nothing makes you feel more guilty than having to tell someone who's clearly keen that you don't want to see them again. I've never encountered someone with this level of stalky/clingy, but I can only imagine it's exponentially worse.

January 16, 2018

Wow, that text string is seriously cringe worthy as a third party observer. All in all I think you handled this one better than the “oneities guy”.

But, girls: It’s not necessarily kind to tell a guy how he screwed up unless he specifically asks for feedback. When we get rejected, we already tend to blame ourselves, and if our previous date pinpoint these mistakes we would blame ourselves even more.

The problem is that we, in our minds, separate who we Are from what we Do. When you provide feedback on his action, and giving those as the reason for the rejection, it can feel somewhat... unfair. As if, you aren’t rejecting Him but his Actions. “I’m not crazy, I’m just behaving crazy; give me another chance and I will prove it”. Of course this distinction between Me and My action is completely internal - everybody else just sees the action: The super wierd and needy, but very hot, guy. This is probably why this guy went down insanity lane when cookies rejected him.

January 16, 2018

hey cookie i don't like being rejected or rejection either but its kinder than leading them on......or being led on....you did the right thing......i prefer if a guy gets mean because then i feel ...relief not obligation to give them another chance and make it work.... or guilt...which is killer to me....i then know i did the right thing by rejecting them......because they were absolutely horrid to me when i said no....

that you yourself hurt after rejecting someone unsuitable is healthy.....that shows you have a soft heart compassion and sensitivity BUT in saying those positive traits ..i am the same...what i do is get to know the guy before even dating......and only date fi i feel i can be serious about them from the beginning...and them about dating me....because most fo the time...i date guys i am friends with....if i can be their friend and they be mine and theres that further attraction...i trust them ...feel safe with them....know them and their families........then things work out well for me...

its just an idea....for you to think about.....when i was younger i gave guys i hardly knew chances and it never worked.....i hated rejecting so i had guys who were my friends who i chose to date.....and i didnt date lightly......it was always a relationship i was looking for ...and i got that with the guys i dated from friends.....that progressed naturally....i never dated more than one guy at a time ...i tried multidating and it ended hideously.....two guys fighting....never did it again...........lol..

in saying all that about dating from friends, i dont date much...im not just looking for a bit of fun.......but when i do ....its normally long lasting on both sides....wanting to pursue a closer intimate relationship...because we have shared our histories and accept each other....i dont go for guys on their looks never have..if i love their guts of who they are then ....i love the outside as well...i tjust happens for me they are handsome men....i look for the gentlemanly...the respectful......guys with good hearts first and foremost.....the outside perception of a guy can often be ...misleading.......

dont give up cookie...just find the way to date thats right for you.....take your time....theres not a need for you to rush dating.....there is a need for you to allow yourself some self reflection first...take care.....deb

Edited January 16, 2018 by todreaminblue

January 16, 2018

You definitely made the right move with that one, Cookies (I mean ending it). Holy barage of text messages!

January 16, 2018

I told what CA said and I blocked him. It's done. Nothing to see here. It's over. Ty

As it looks like this thread has concluded we will close this one up. Thanks all for your input. ~T

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