Is he too much or am I just cold?

January 15, 2018

He sounds totally nuts. For one thing, he clearly was thinking entirely about himself and not about you at all, otherwise he'd be a little more aware of the impact his persistence was having. It's also a concern that a guy so good looking, who would obviously have had plenty of attention from women, seemed so utterly clueless about how to interact once sex was taken off the table. Perhaps he's used to getting his own way and doesn't know how to handle himself otherwise. Or perhaps he's found whenever there is resistance, all he has to do is pretend he's falling in love to get his way. Either way, not a good sign.

All in all if you are not feeling it, you are not feeling it & you are right to say no to a 2nd date but please don't ghost the poor guy. You wouldn't want a man to treat you so discourteously. Don't do it to him.

Normally yes... but I wouldn't mind betting he'll blow up her phone with a dozen texts/messages asking for another chance if she engages with him. There's a danger he'll go full on stalker mode. So I wouldn't blame her if she let this one slide.

January 15, 2018

The best thing to do is to invest in other super hot attractive guys and see which one of them does not turn into a creep. Continue things with that guy.

As a girl you have the influence to get all sorts of guys: handsome/creepy/tall/short etc... Try other attractive guys, I am pretty sure his face isn't the only one that you're attracted to. Try others and continue seeing who you feel comfortable with.

This is not a big problem but a rather simple one.

January 15, 2018

Normally yes... but I wouldn't mind betting he'll blow up her phone with a dozen texts/messages asking for another chance if she engages with him. There's a danger he'll go full on stalker mode. So I wouldn't blame her if she let this one slide.

I prefer to think not everybody is a psycho. So I think before she assumes he will do this she needs to actually say the words to break things off. I think people in general need to do this, not just cookiesanddough. If after you say Thank you but no thank you to someone they blow up your phone, by all means then you block & disappear but candor & honesty up front rather than ghosting should be the norm.

IMO if you aren't mature enough to speak your needs & boundaries you have no business dating until you grow up. Yes, I am very harsh in this opinion but I am certain clearer communication using words would alleviate a great deal of stress & uncertainty around dating.

January 15, 2018

Cookie, this guy seems to have high anxiety about dating and it showed. From reading your LS posts it seems to me you also have high anxiety about dating.

Sometimes the things that bother us in ourselves are things that turn us off about others.

Imo, you're doing yourself and others a great disservice by continuing to date until you've worked through some of the issues your posts seem to indicate.

I am sincerely concerned you're going to meet someone who is going to become frustrated with the interactions the two of you are having and act out in a violent way with you at some point.

January 15, 2018

Ha I actually like some degree of love bombing now. In fact, if a guy sends 1 dry text a day, I lose interest. Guy's interest in me increases my interest level. But...there is gotta be some level of baseline attraction already.

Honestly, you sounds like me 5-10 years ago. I was avoidant and only wanted emotionally unavailable guys. Then it all kind of changed and flipped but there were no quality guys left.

The only thing I learned is not to push through my own emotions. I used to make myself keep dating guys I wasn't that into because I knew I was avoidant and felt like it will grow in time. It never did.

The moment you feel that repulsion and creepiness, it's time to end it.

January 15, 2018

not sure if you guys delved too much into his past history on your coffee date before heading over to his place to "make out" ... but you probably should have. I'm guessing he's either not very experienced (for some reason) or has only been in passionless, loveless relationships.

You two should have cracked and you'd at least have been done with it before this guy turned right down into Desperation Alley.

You helped set this in motion by being all into him, then not so much, now not at all, all within a span of a day. But ultimately he himself, with his delusional fantasy of cinemaesque romance, and cringe worthy selfie taking (C'MON MAN) helped complete this sad story.

January 15, 2018

I find this whole thread to be extremely disappointing in general.

OP, you coldly ghosted on the previous guy and you are moving on to someone else, seemingly without a concern for the confusion you just caused.

I understand that you trying to justify your ghosting due to your "anxiety", but that does NOT make it right. You really need to find a way to put things right with the previous guy. That your mind is now on someone else doesn't absolve you from this.

January 15, 2018

I hate myself. Today I had a coffee date. I thought the guy was hot. He's looking like better looking Jon Snow. Plus, we seem to have similar personalities/a lot in common. So yes, I am going to go home with him like he asked and yes I will make out with him, I'm not going to lie. He texted me his address and he's all over social media. I felt safe.
He gives me 0 creepy vibes at all throughout the night. In fact, he was so hot and cool I was almost wondering how I was able to get this date.
At the end I said I need to go... and he keeps saying "just stay the night" I said "...I don't think it's a good idea, I don't want to be a ****tease, and I'm not sleeping with you..." He says "You wouldn't be. I literally just want to sleep with you. blah blah blah" (You know the drill) But at this point he's just a persistent, horny dude.
The creepy selfies just did it in for me. It's so weird it can do a 180 like that with just...personality. Go from out of your league, super hot in your mind, to....this feeling I have that I need a hot shower. I cannot think of anything to say to this guy and I raelly dont want to see him again. My question is really curiosity about if this is lovebombing or maybe just being "too nice"/white knightish and a good reason to not see him again (that other women have experienced) or is that just romance and I am just being emotionally avoidant??

Dating is a game and it has rules based on feelings we can't control and often don't understand. Do not blame yourself for stumbling around a game where nobody teaches you the rules. Also, you don't owe this guy anything. Do not feel bad about ghosting him!

Do not feel bad at all about getting turned off by this guys behavior. I don't know about you... but that whole "just sleep next to me" bulls**t reminds me so much of Harvey Weinstein pleading with a woman to "Just watch me shower".

Here is the thing... when a guy wants something and he states that openly and honestly in a respectful manner it should be attractive to you. If a guy tries to hide his desires and trick you into being in situations where it's more difficult for you to exert your will.... That is creepy!

It's just a general statement about how I feel about my life regarding dating. Nothing can ever go right for me. I still feel like I am fck up and lead him on because
1. I kept telling him he was super attractive (which was how I felt at the time)
2. I said maybe we can have dinner because didn't want to damper enthusiasm
3. I told him I had a great night(almost reflexive after dates at this point)
4. I told him we should keep hanging out
5. I made out with him.
6. Now I have to ghost him or lie and explain somehow I was bull****ing everything since the beginning. Telling him he got creepy is too mean. So I have to ghost him.

You are not alone. The majority of single people are frustrated with dating. How happy are you with your life outside of dating?

You come on very strong. This is a pattern for you. Why do you do this? Why did you tell this guy that you found him attractive?

I believe you need a guy to show high interest while remaining emotionally unavailable. Lots of other girls your age want this type of guy.

Regarding the whole social anxiety/rejection fears... How is your relationship with your parents? Have you ever been the victim of bullying?

January 15, 2018

You met him in the afternoon, and accepted an invite to his house later in the evening! (If I read that right). In the meantime, you scoped out his social media and deemed him 'safe'.

What about your actions might have led him to believe you were up for sleeping with him? Can you even see it?

Answer honestly.

And don't ghost people!

January 16, 2018

It’s too much too soon. Sounds like he blew it. He sounds lonely

January 16, 2018

You really need to find a way to put things right with the previous guy.

And how exactly am I supposed to do that?

Thank you all.

Why is it wrong to go to a guy's house if you desperately want to make out? I don't want to tease him, but he did look like he liked it and he asked for it. When did going to someone's house become code for wanting to have sex with them? I am not at risk of "giving into temptation". Sex is about as 'natural'/ 'just happens' to me as multivariable calculus. But I needed to leave because I didn't want to disappoint or frustrate him, because of these ideas that were put in my head here, that it's wrong and they expect sex. Plus my bed is just way more comfortable.

He spit a lot of weak game that missed me entirely, like after we kissed he'd hug and say "I've seriously never been this attracted to anyone in my life" It was just Stuff Dudes Say To Get In Your Pants™ , completely benign game. It wasn't bad because it wasn't clingy...it was normal horny guy stuff and makes you still feel like the prey, and there's that element that they think you're dumb enough to fall for it, so you know you're still kind of devalued in their eyes and need to work for their respect. But it gets to the point where you start thinking the person is going to skin you. I made it clear to him I am going to be extremely busy after school starts and I can't tell him how my schedule will look outside of class hours. He said it seems like there's plenty of time and I said no not if you count I have to study.(...and that I don't want to see you because you're freaking me out)

All that aside, there was a ton of great conversation, chill music, making out. I guess the night wasn't a total loss. I just feel icky when I think I kissed him, but he is one of my kind. A complete weirdo.

And maybe rightondude is correct because on the topic of relationships he's been in 2 serious ones, the last ended years ago. They just had lost intimacy. He was apparently a virgin 'til 20 because he was a nerd as well. Then he had a wild streak! But who really knows?

I am giving him the benefit of the doubt and assuming he is just still hurting/maybe rebounding and/or just desperate for sex. WHY would a guy like that be desperate for sex though??? It tortures me that I don't think I'll ever find the answer to that. He could easily just walk into a bar for some game of thrones groupie.

Anyway, I considering giving him the benefit of the doubt and help him. At risk of imploding inside myself to hide from the cringe, I have decided to painfully keep ignoring his string of texts until he finally becomes aware I'm not responding. He asked me for dinner tonight and I have just ignored all his texts. When he finally realizes I'm not going to respond( which frankly should have happened after the 10th consecutive text), I will critique him honestly with, "I'm sorry, but you are just too much. You're a really cool guy, and really good looking, but the whole thing was just too much way too soon for me. Again, I'm really sorry and I wish you the best."

This let's him know in a nice way that he is still a cool guy and good looking who probably had lots of potentiality to get into my & better pants but he ruined it with things within his control. It will also take away any assumption on his part I am still interested. Which is mind boggling there is any. That's really what I don't get about this place.

I sometimes can't believe how the word "ghosting" or "fading" is used after one date in this community. Almost like none of you have ever just stopped talking to a girl or guy because you weren't interested in them after a first date and you didn't want to deal with it anymore. I find that hard to believe, that no one here has taken the path of least resistance, no one has ever ignored someone after a first date. But imma go with it. I'll respect that.

I am proud of myself because this is one of the few times I think I have the courage to tell the guy pretty straightforward that I am not interested and why. And the courage is brought on partly from here and partly because I want to give constructive criticism to help him. I refuse to accept someone so pretty is permanently that lost. Maybe that technique is getting him chicks because his looks make up for it to a lot of them. IDK. But I bet he could get even more if he actually woke up to what a weirdo he's being.

Then I will block him. So Versace is partly right.

That way I can be helpful, at least. I'm not 100% sure this is kinder and more comfortable than just ignoring/blocking, and neither does my father, but he's never been to Loveshack.

Edited January 16, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 16, 2018

It's just a general statement about how I feel about my life regarding dating. Nothing can ever go right for me. I still feel like I am fck up and lead him on because

1. I kept telling him he was super attractive (which was how I felt at the time)
2. I said maybe we can have dinner because didn't want to damper enthusiasm
3. I told him I had a great night(almost reflexive after dates at this point)
4. I told him we should keep hanging out
5. I made out with him.
6. Now I have to ghost him or lie and explain somehow I was bull****ing everything since the beginning. Telling him he got creepy is too mean. So I have to ghost him.

It’s great to compliment a guy on his looks but if he’s someone you just met one is enough. He may have gotten the wrong idea. Same principle also applies if the guys just met a woman. “You look nice or great” is enough.

Now if it’s a boyfriend then you can compliment him a few times a day, heck compliment his muscular biceps and how strong they are. Guys dig that.

January 16, 2018

When did going to someone's house become code for wanting to have sex with them?

A long time ago.

January 16, 2018

Going to his house to make out wasn't wrong because you knew your boundaries. However, it did set you up for what you got -- a guy who expected a sleep over & then pestered you after you left.

If after a date they don't reach out for you & you don't reach out for them, ghosting, the path of least resistance is understandable & more acceptable. Here it's mean. This man opened up to some extent. You went home with him. You made out with him. You went home & his behavior made the wheels come off for you but he thought he was being sweet, showing that he cared & trying to follow up on what he thinks is a great connection. That is why simply not speaking to HIM again is mean. Please have some compassion. Even if you do it by text (which is also problematic IMHO) just give him a end point.

January 16, 2018

I would tell him what he did wrong so he won’t make the same mistake with the next woman. At this day and age, a guy can get sued for harassment ten years after the fact. Part of the reason why some guys are becoming too passive.

January 16, 2018

And how exactly am I supposed to do that?
Thank you all.

Well, ideally you should have kept your word and kept talking with this guy instead of cutting and running. If that is something you are unable to do, then you need to apologize for disappearing again on him, and admit that you thought you had your anxiety under control, but infact you do not.

January 16, 2018

Another episode of self-created drama to prevent you form looking in the mirror!

Yeah this dude was desperate for sex but that's not the problem at hand here.

I totally agree with the poster who said that this post is disappointing.

January 16, 2018

Throw another imperfect man on the woodpile. Newsflash: Better have a big woodpile.

January 16, 2018

A long time ago.

Generally speaking, unless you say otherwise, going over to someone's house almost usually implies sex. The person wants you to make some kind of move.

January 16, 2018

For the sake of safety you should not go to people's houses when you're first meeting them. This story is a case in point. I mean if you're going to do IT, then yes by all means, but you stated you didn't want to do IT. It was pretty dangerous to do that with someone you just met. I'm sure you know that. But I digress, you're home now and away from him which is what matters.

How to handle? Be passive aggressive and block him on your phone and whatever website / app you met him on if he makes you uncomfortable. Just walk away and it's done. He creeped you out for a reason today and he'll continue to do so.

January 16, 2018

oh goodness gracious. I thought a few more texts would cue the 'why' and this nightmare would be over.

"good luck with school tomorrow"

":("

"Well, I guess you know why an attractive guy like me is still single now. I OVER-TEXT WHEN I REALLY LIKE SOMEONE

I should of stopped texting you after

I got so unbelievably excited about the prospect of being with you, you just had that effect on me, and when that happens, I over-text, over-feel, over-everything. I don't play games when I truly like someone. I try to be straightforward and honest. I really thought there was something there last night and I couldn't wait to see you again and spend more time with you.

I think you are positively spectacular and I'm sorry I ****ed this up somehow

"

"illleaveyoualoneforevernow.gif"

"Do you want to see me again?"

"I wish I could have done things differently."

Well, if maleintuition was correct and all I needed was to fill my bottomless validation cup, that would have done it. Unfortunately, I don't want that at all and all I feel is guilty as **** and I don't know what to say. No way I'm saying what I had planned to say if he had just asked what happened or why I fell off. I can't do it. I guess I have to say something but I don't know what. I feel terrible and I want to cry. I don't have much dating experience and I'm afraid to reject or be rejected. I'm not dating again. This is what happens when I date. Something just goes wrong and I can't get out the situation without being guilt tripped into being the bad guy. I can't even do therapy. I've already done that and it didn't do anything.

Edited January 16, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 16, 2018

For the sake of safety you should not go to people's houses when you're first meeting them. This story is a case in point. I mean if you're going to do IT, then yes by all means, but you stated you didn't want to do IT. It was pretty dangerous to do that with someone you just met. I'm sure you know that. But I digress, you're home now and away from him which is what matters.

How to handle? Be passive aggressive and block him on your phone and whatever website / app you met him on if he makes you uncomfortable. Just walk away and it's done. He creeped you out for a reason today and he'll continue to do so.

You're right he was creepy but he was also a human being and I have been creepy too. I feel like I need to say something..

ImaJerk...I blocked that guy and deleted his number. I can't contact him anymore and he can't contact me. I wish I had blocked and deleted this guy's number because now I feel like **** and OBLIGATED to reject him directly which is actually one of my worst nightmare for to do to others and have done to me

Edited January 16, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 16, 2018

Another episode of self-created drama to prevent you form looking in the mirror!

Yeah this dude was desperate for sex but that's not the problem at hand here.

I totally agree with the poster who said that this post is disappointing.

Yes, I created this. This guy isn't unstable in the slightest. Everything is my fault.

Edited January 16, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 16, 2018

Cookies, please put this guy out of his misery and text him, "Your feelings so soon were just a bit too much for me. This isn't going to work out for us. Good luck."

January 16, 2018

Cookies, please put this guy out of his misery and text him, "Your feelings so soon were just a bit too much for me. This isn't going to work out for us. Good luck."

Thank you for your guidance. I just did that. What should I do if he argues. I see ... so I know he is going to

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Is he too much or am I just cold?

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