Violetstar Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 we had a lot of issues because he had never been in a Serious relationship before. After 5 months of dating he was fired for attendance issues, and he kept promising that he would look for Another job. I Stuck by him for another 4 Months and I paid for EVERYTHING before I Got fed up & left. I started to date other people and that's when he finally took it seriously enough. He got himself a job A car, And enrolled in school. He was BEGGING me for one last chance and I told him I would give it to him but that we would just be DATING and not officially together. Things changed tremendously and he was paying for everything and treating me like a queen. We have been dating again for almost 1 1/2 Months, and he just Got laid off A week ago. At first I was really supportive. Now I feel like it's EXACTLY the way it used to be. I am paying for EVERYTHING. I spent $100 alone in food for the last two days for the both of us. He has asked to borrow money for cigarettes, gas, food, and other necessities. He actually owes $320 At this point. This Does not include all the money I've been spending on food. I love him but now I'm starting to get angry and resentful! I'm scared that I Stepped into the same exact relationship I left Months ago. He claims that he has been searching for a job but he said that last year and I had found out that he was NEVER really looking for a job. And half the time he is at my house asking me for gas money or for food. On Friday night we got into a fight because I refused to buy him cigarettes and he threw a fit. Then My friends were going clubbing but I said no because I knew I would have to pay for him, And he became really upset because He wanted to go. I told him if he had money to pay for himself we would go. Obviously, he didn't and we got into a huge fight and I Kicked him out. Should I trust him? Should I not allow him at my house anymore until he gets a job? Does He seem like a moocher to the rest of you? - We have been dating for 9 months and he was unemployed for 4 months. Now he is unemployed again, and He is straight out asking for money and throwing fits when I don't get him what he wants.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 Yes he is mooching! Nothing improved since the 1st time you broke up and nothing else will change. He has issues holding down a job. Stay if you are willing to be his bank, else move on and find someone who will be a partner in finances. I dated a guy who didn't have a steady job and I can tell you, it feels 100% better w/a guy who is a hard worker and we pay equally for things. 1
Versacehottie Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 he's acting like your son not your bf. have you ever thought of dialing it back? like staying in or doing fun creative things that cost little to no money. If you want to be supportive but not enabling, perhaps consider adjusting your behavior to something like this to see if that works. though honestly i wouldn't put much more effort or time into this. temper tantrums when he can't spend money he doesn't have is a bad sign. It's a character trait of feeling entitled without wanting to earn it or feeling the need to. i don't think this is on you really. mostly on him and almost reaching an irreversible stage. he needs to get his sh*t together for his own sake. Sounds like he might be years away. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 He sounds like my ex. Smoke weed all day and just play video games. He is a total mooch. You're bright with a good head on your shoulders and going to school. This guy will progressively be more of a deadweight holding you back. It's not worth it. He's taking advantage. 1
darkmoon Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 (edited) he must have other ppl to go to it is somebody else's turn now to help him, friends and/or family - I bet they have seen him do all this to them? they have known him longer stop enabling him, you let him mooch, first a favour, then a routine, then the entitlement and his angry fits, cheap dates then til he gets on his feet Edited January 15, 2018 by darkmoon
sdraw108 Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 He has no right to get angry when you refuse to hand over money. Having a partner pay for something is a privilege, not a right. Plus, and this is just a personal thing, I find it distasteful that people waste money on non-essentials such as cigarettes and clubbing when they are out of a job and relying on other people's good will to survive. 2
d0nnivain Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 I don't know how old you are, but why doesn't he have an emergency fund? Most people should have at least 1 months worth of living expenses socked away for emergencies -- car repairs, unexpected lay offs etc. The better plan which comes over time is to have 6 months to a year of expenses socked away just in case. Also isn't he getting unemployment? While I realize cigarettes are an addiction when you are broke off your ass, the luxuries should be the 1st to go. You may love him but that is not enough to compensate for his short comings. The resentment is also poisoning your soul. You are keeping score. You know exactly how much money you spend. If you loved him, you would be more generous of spirit. You are not because you know he's using you as a safety net. Plus you are probably not being frugal either. $100 over 2 days for 2 people isn't that much but if you were eating at home you probably could have feed you both for 1/5 of that. Be done with him & find somebody more financially responsible. 3
alphamale Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 you need to dump this loser...it will only get worse 1
No_Go Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 Yeah he is. I doubt he was employed at all, he was probably using another host (mommy? daddy?) when he pretended to be employed. How I know? I dated a dude like this. Costed me 7,000 for six months, not including everything. He was a liability, not a BF. Guess what happened after i escaped from him? Yep, he found another 'GF' i.e. host to parasite on. In between relationships he was mooching off his mommy.
Whodatdog Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 Stop acting like his mommy. As long as you do, he will treat you like his mommy. Boot him. 1
Zahara Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 You should go back and read your past threads about him. You keep asking the same questions and no matter the answers, insist on being with this guy regardless of the fact that he has consistently shown you who he is. It's baffling that you're asking if you should trust him. Best to figure out why you believe and feel the need to settle for less. And why you believe you deserve so little. He's always going to be a moocher, liar and loser (your words based on a past thread) -- why do you desperately need that in your life? And don't say love because love doesn't look this way. Focus your energy on figuring out your values/standards and your lack of self-love/self-care rather than why he does what he does. Maybe then you'll have the strength to permanently leave this. 5
kendahke Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 Things changed tremendously and he was paying for everything and treating me like a queen. But you have no problem with him paying for everything. Is it that thing where his money is "our" money and your money is "yours"? Well, it's not like this aspect of his character was sprung on you out of the blue. You chose to get back with him--this is who he is and how he is. Now you know and can act accordingly in the future. 1
preraph Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 I was riding the fence until the point you found out he wasn't really looking for a job. He is looking for a mother to take care of him. I would let him go. Something is going on for him not to be able to hold a job. He could get two jobs and then not be totally destitute if he lost one of them.
anika99 Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 This guy is a problem. Not necessarily because he has fallen on hard time, but because of his selfish greedy attitude. Throwing a fit when you don't take him out or pay for his stuff is unacceptable. When I was young and dirt poor and dating I did kind of rely on my date/bf to pay for our dates, though I would reciprocate from time to time. I certainly never expected anyone to pay for my smokes, my bills or my groceries. This guy is a mooching jerk and I don't know why you're even with him. 2
snowboy91 Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 So he lost his job a second time, and just after you decided to date him again? I smell a rat. He clearly doesn't value independence enough to put enough effort into his job to keep it, and knows he can get away with mooching off people. He's just going to continue to be a liability, so run! 1
Highndry Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 You've got one of two choices: Dump him and never look back, or sit him down and tell him it's time for both of you to buckle down, and try to be a positive support for him while he looks for work while going on a shoestring budget. Eating out, cigarettes, clubbing, etc. don't cut it. You only spend a dollar if you HAVE to, that goes for the both of you. Loving couples help each other in times of need. 1
nothingsintheflowerz Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 You deserve better than this. Run. 1
caveman621 Posted January 16, 2018 Posted January 16, 2018 We can't know exactly what his issue with finding or keeping a job is, but it SOUNDS LIKE he isn't trying all that hard or is just a chronic unemployed or underemployed person and it SOUNDS LIKE he isn't taking responsibility for himself. If he's truly trying to find work and just cannot, that's another matter. BUT, if that's the case, throwing a hissy fit because you won't buy him cigarettes or pay for him to go clubbing show some severe immaturity. 1
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