why do i care

[katheryn1]

why should i care what happens to ex as he goes through this new life hes building for himself,

we are conected by the childeren but as we ended up seperated , and he was able to form a new relationship and i am still struggling ,

 

but his new relationship isnt working out but then why do i care how he is copping ,

is it in my nature to put ppl first before myself , or was it we were togeather nearly 16yrs,

[sburtug03]

You can love someone and yet not be 'in love' with that person. You will probably love someone after sixteen years and definately care for them even if he and/or you has/have moved on. Therefore you will still bother about him and his life whatever happens in your own because of your connection for all those years.

Do you think you still 'in love' with him?

If the chance arose would you get back together with him?

x

[Teag]

Its only normal to care for ther people in your life, especially if you were together for that long. He probably still cares for you to, he may not admit it but I'm sure he does.

[katheryn1]

i do care and the trouble with that is that dont know wat he is thinking , im hopping that we can get through this time ,

 

and come out stronger we both have tried to kill ourselves but the other came through and was supportive , though at the time he didnt know wat i was going through i didnt say told u so or anything like that didnt run and tell the kids so that they had something else to worry about i was just there when i was needed,

 

a lot better feeling than being bitter and twisted just being able to talk helps a lot, he seems to have had and doesnt want contact with the other female i hope he keeps ot that way as i dont know how i would cope with that

[Mr.positive]

no you just want him to do good thats perfectly normal that means you care what happens to him. thats a great quality.

[katheryn1]

im in a pickle ex and myself are in a postion to things right and stay married but its going to take a lot of hard work,

asked him if he wanted me to put divorce papers on hold or if he signs them do it for the right reasons ,

 

he is thinking to go and vist relitives for a long weekend soon but it happens to be when daughters birthday sons is when he will be back so he could treat them on same day ,

 

we both agree that he needs to go and try to clear his head after this rotten year we have had ,

 

i still love him have forgiven him for anything he has done but does he love me enough to try and make ago of this chance we have i dont want him to move straight back in, i want to take time and build our relationship to the be better so that the children have the stable home life they deserve ,

[katheryn1]

spent today with hubby and younger 2 kids , good day but on return back to the house children being children started squabling and i had to tell them to stop , he does back me up if they dont listen to me ,

 

i know that the kids are just testing the water to see how far they can go we havent told them yet that we want to try again they need to get used to him being around again, we dont want to build there hopes up or upset them as only 2 are his 2 are step children from a previous relationship of mine and they are older so they have seen wat been going on,

 

i got to get used to him not being used to the kids arguing ,

also i have to trust him when he goes of with his friends it going to take time he has to learn to show his feelings again as brief relationship with f hurt him more than i know ,and the fact she still lives next door,

 

he hasnt had any contact with her for other a week now but my eldest daughter is friends with her and the way she is mentaly we cant get her to understand wat it is to be friends with the f who was involved with my husband and was involved with our problems in the beginning,

 

he knows he hurt me his words ripped my heart out but lots of things still hurt , watching him walk out the door at night , lying in bed on my own because he isnt ready to move back in , not being able to touch him when any body else around , its not the sex its just knowing it could all fall through and we might not be able to repair our marriage ,

 

we have known each other now for 16yrs a long time to just not try,

 

sorted out my money so i can now after 3mths start paying the bills properly thats one less worry,

[katheryn1]

today the children have gone back to school but the day hasnt gone as i expected it ,

 

hubby had a councilling session first since episode at the hosp ,didnt go as he expected she insisted he seen doc , which he did she signed him of work for a week but the 2 sessions have left him feeling very depressed especially now that he has to take antidepressants,

 

when he went into work to tell them they asked if he sees works doc and nurse next week,

 

so im being my suportive self especially as i know some of the feelings that are going through at the moment because its the same thing s that happend to me when i came home after my vist to hosp,

 

we cant move forward untill these probs have been sorted

[katheryn1]

its been a couple of weeks now since the children went back to school, and we been spending some good times together, but i am still feeling like its going to take a long time neither of us have mentiond the divorce papers,

but he has told me several times he is going to move back in but doesnt want to rush things so he doesnt upset the children or me,

 

i dont know if i like keeping things quiet sometimes i see it as a disadvantage sometimes i see it as conveient for him if he doesnt like something thats going on he has a escape route,

 

i wont know how things are going to work out just wish that we never went through this horrible stage in our lives or we could come out next year with it all behind us,

 

 

sometimes i feel selfish that he wants to go and not stay with me, as he will be home from work at least another few weeks we will spend a lot of time together, but sometimes not being able to touch him when we have ppl around is very frustrating ,

 

neither of us want the interferance of the neighbour who was involved in the first place, she keeps trying but we dont let it effect us if we dont rise to her bait she wont get anything from us ,

 

this week should be good as she is going away for a few days.

 

time just seems like a long time

[katheryn1]

knowing how things are between 2 ppl should be easy to see but when you have to hide all these things when ppl around,

 

it just makes you wonder what is there , i wish i knew what he wants why he doesnt want ppl to know,

 

is it just for convience or does he realy want to make this work how do you know unless you talk properly i know we have lots to get over but im the only one oppening up we both have to be honest about everything not just to protect each overs feelings,

 

how do you tell ?

[katheryn1]

this is silly i am now writing on here as if this was a diary it helps me ,

 

i need to find a way for hubby to tell me what he wants ,

he misundrstood something that i wrote back a long , i wrote that when he left that i felt like some of the blame was mine i was not taking any notice of him we were just plodding along we had a male friend who would come and vist and talk about his problems for nearly 18mths and also the f neighbour who had 2 broken relationships we were there for her this year from christmas untill she turned her attentions to mucking up my marriage thats all that was ever sorted out ,

 

so this time i am going to listen more to what is going on, the other thing i got to put across that im not going to get bored with him im in this for the forseable future