fredflint Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Ok so I'm middle aged and so I've had a few relationships over the years, including one marriage. One thing that I've seen quite a few times is that my partner will break up with me, then want to renegotiate "terms" of our relationship. So it's not like hey, lets' work this out together as a couple. No... She's like... First I'll dump you, without necessarily even telling you what's really wrong. Then I'll make you sell yourself to me in order to win me back. It's really a power play from a position of strength, seems to me. My latest situation is I got involved with a separated woman. There are reasonable factors that make her unsure if we can work, but I'm clearly important to her. She was fully done with her husband (so she said, and otherwise I would not have got involved) and committed to us... but recently friend-zoned me but wants to remain friends and "talk about things" because things are "complicated" for her. I suspect she's actually not fully done with her husband. So I feel like she's unsure who to choose and she's seeking minimize risk by keeping us both on the line at once while she learns more about each of us. I'm not comfortable with that. I'm not looking to break up any marriage that still has a chance. Looking for advice on what to do in this situation.
Buriall Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Let her loose and go NC Why would you want to get involved in all this drama? And all the negativity that comes with her ex husband... turn your attention elsewhere. .let her figure out her own shiet at her own expense not yours..
Gr8fuln2020 Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Let her go. You are interfering with a married couple. She is SEPARATED, not DIVORCED.
browzer Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 You are talking about 2 completely different things. 1- There's a history of women breaking up with you and then saying they'll reconcile if you do A, B, and C. 2- This current situation where you got involved with a married women who apparently isn't finished with her husband- yes you are probably correct in assuming you were a rebound, a distraction, whatever, and through no fault of your own other than making the extremely bad choice to get involved with a married woman, you got screwed. Pun intended. The fix to your current situation is simple. She doesn't necessarily want out, but she doesn't want all the way in. You tell her to go have a nice life and work things out however she sees best. You leave it at that. If you continue to hear from her tell her you aren't interested until and unless she's divorced from her husband, in which case she is free to look you up and if you aren't involved you might be interested in seeing her again and then go and reactivate your dating profile. In regard to part 1- women always breaking up with you then renegotiating? That's very odd. I mean I've heard of breakups and then second thoughts by the dumper- but repeatedly? Maybe you're a great guy with really bad habits and all these women want to be with you but they can't take your smell, or your bad manners, or your continued unemployment or bad spending habits or drug abuse or gambling or sex addiction. If they're all asking you to change the same behaviors, maybe you should listen.
Author fredflint Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 Maybe you're a great guy with really bad habits and all these women want to be with you but they can't take your smell, or your bad manners, or your continued unemployment or bad spending habits or drug abuse or gambling or sex addiction. If they're all asking you to change the same behaviors, maybe you should listen. well, lol I get your point, but I think it's more simply the case that I'm more attracted to women who are more casual and I tend to get a bit serious too quickly with them (usually because they ask about that first though, ironically). I've not been asked to change the same behaviors. Update on my situation: she says she wants to still be involved with me sexually and less seriously. This is very hard for me to resist now.
central Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 The only real issue would be if she's not 100% sure about divorcing her ex. I never had any problems when dating separated women, IF they were clearly ready to move on, just as few women had any issues dating me when I was separated and very clear about never reconciling under any circumstances. If you're so inclined, keep dating her, but keep in mind that she may be flakey, so don't invest 100% until you're sure she can respond in kind. 1
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