Michael Waldon Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 i'm unsure if i just posted this or not; delete any doublepost as you see fit, mods I'm not sure that i have anything magically different here; i'm not going to claim to have magical, unique problems. They are, however, pretty personal. I'll try to convey them in the least biased way i can. My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me, citing that she "just didn't feel it anymore." I don't pretend to understand, and she's never really told me, even when confronted. This really isn't the crux of my post. Our history is this: we were great friends. Initially, she had a boyfriend, but, at some point it became me vs him (she was going to move away to be with him, LDR), and i won (horrible way to put it, i know). We proceed to, magically, KEEP our best friend mojo going for about 3-4 months. I'm not even going to try to be impartial; these were magical, magical times. We literally saw eachother every day for 3-4+ hours a day. We actually had a 3-month record going in which we hadn't NOT seen eachother for less than 2 hours or so. Our personalities clicked very well, and everything was just...great. I've said this to illustrate not only that we were GREAT friends, but also that we just have great chemistry in general. Now, the real issue is this: now that we've broken up, we're trying to be friends. She actually claims that we were "mostly friends" anyway (which is kinda painful, to think that there was less there romantically than you thought). This was really hard on me at first. But i didn't want to lose the only bit of her i could have left, and, admittedly, the most cherished part: her basic personality and being. Lately, for me, things are going more smoothly, as far as the two of us are concerned. We've ruled out getting back together right now, but have left open a future option for it (she's always had this romantic vision of us being apart for our younger days, but coming back to eachother eventually). I'm not feeling the stabbing pains in my heart anymore, and i'm pursing other girls. She's sorta-kinda dating another guy (it hurts to type that), and her life seems decently together. She has said that she's not sure that we can be friends, and i don't understand. I mean, after all, SHE'S the one who broke up with *ME*! Shouldn't i be the one who can't deal with it, and her the one that's okay? But she doesn't want to get back together. I don't know what to do, honestly. The breakup was really painful, but losing my favorite person in the world would be murder. We're already not seeing eachother in person. We email eachother every day (multiple times) and keep kinda-sorta up to date. Initially, she wanted to have no contact for a month. That fell through really goddamn quick, and it's not surprising, knowing the two of us. We can banter back and forth like nothing. I just don't understand why *SHE* would be the one who can't deal with it. To me, it almost seems like she still has feelings for me, but doesn't want to HAVE them. So she's trying to kill them off the hard way, via just cutting me off entirely. I want to be careful with this interpretation, though, because i don't want to speak badly of her; i think she probably has some legitimate reason that she won't tell me. In fact, i'll admit that i wasn't exactly an ideal boyfriend. This was my FIRST (yes, first ) relationship ever, and it will probably stand as one of my best. It was a learning experience, but i'm entirely unwilling to let go of the relationship AND the friendship. That would be too much to lose. I know that this is a relatively long post, so i apologize . If you've made it this far, i thank you! Anyone who's taken the time to slog through the mundane details of my first relationship deserves some kind of reward.
fermina Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 months just last Friday. He is my best friend and I miss him so much. I love him, but I had to let him go. He has a lot of issues on his plate right now and so do I. We need to go our separate ways in order to figure what we really want. Oddly enough, as i was breaking up with him, I told him that I want to be his friend. Then somewhere in the conversation, he said, let's work on our friendship and I hesitated....so damn weird since that's what I asked for in the first place. I maintained no contact up until this morning when I just could not resist. I miss my best friend but we both know that this is not the right time. Talking to each other will just complicate things. BTW, he did not answer my calls....and I did not have the guts to leave a message.
Jayhawks Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 She means that it would be to uncomfortable to be friends after your break-up. Yes, she still has feelings for you but she has decided that she doesn't want a relationship with you at this time so she feels that a friendship would be impossible. She doesn't want to explain it because there really isn't an answer other than it isn't what she wants now. She wants to date others and may feel that things were going to good and she just isn't ready for the type of relationship that she felt you two had. I would guess the timing is off and you really don't have a choice to keep the friendship if she doesn't want to. I think your only option is to let it go and find someone who is ready to handle a relationship.
bhsunny21 Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 When my boyfriend of 6 months broke up with me (and we got back together not long after), he said we could not be friends if things didn't work out. I asked him why, and he said it was because he was too attracted to me. WHAT?! was the only thing going through my mind! He said that things may not be the way they should be in our relationship, but that he was so attracted to me and he cared for me and what I did for him as a person, that it would tear him apart to try to be friends with me. I know this may not help, but I guess it did make a little sense to me after thinking about it. I mean, if I were to be placed in the same room as all of my ex's that ended well, would I really just want to be friends? With all of the history, great intimacy, talks, etc., would I be content with being friends? I doubt it. That is just my opinion...good luck!
Sal Paradise Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 I never remain friends with ex's and I never date anyone who is friends with their ex's. It just leads to problems.
Recommended Posts