Michael Waldon Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I'm not sure that i have anything magically different here; i'm not going to claim to have magical, unique problems. They are, however, pretty personal. I'll try to convey them in the least biased way i can. My girlfriend of 6 months broke up with me, citing that she "just didn't feel it anymore." I don't pretend to understand, and she's never really told me, even when confronted. This really isn't the crux of my post. Our history is this: we were great friends. Initially, she had a boyfriend, but, at some point it became me vs him (she was going to move away to be with him, LDR), and i won (horrible way to put it, i know). We proceed to, magically, KEEP our best friend mojo going for about 3-4 months. I'm not even going to try to be impartial; these were magical, magical times. We literally saw eachother every day for 3-4+ hours a day. We actually had a 3-month record going in which we hadn't NOT seen eachother for less than 2 hours or so. Our personalities clicked very well, and everything was just...great. I've said this to illustrate not only that we were GREAT friends, but also that we just have great chemistry in general. Now, the real issue is this: now that we've broken up, we're trying to be friends. She actually claims that we were "mostly friends" anyway (which is kinda painful, to think that there was less there romantically than you thought). This was really hard on me at first. But i didn't want to lose the only bit of her i could have left, and, admittedly, the most cherished part: her basic personality and being. Lately, for me, things are going more smoothly, as far as the two of us are concerned. We've ruled out getting back together right now, but have left open a future option for it (she's always had this romantic vision of us being apart for our younger days, but coming back to eachother eventually). I'm not feeling the stabbing pains in my heart anymore, and i'm pursing other girls. She's sorta-kinda dating another guy (it hurts to type that), and her life seems decently together. She has said that she's not sure that we can be friends, and i don't understand. I mean, after all, SHE'S the one who broke up with *ME*! Shouldn't i be the one who can't deal with it, and her the one that's okay? But she doesn't want to get back together. I don't know what to do, honestly. The breakup was really painful, but losing my favorite person in the world would be murder. We're already not seeing eachother in person. We email eachother every day (multiple times) and keep kinda-sorta up to date. Initially, she wanted to have no contact for a month. That fell through really goddamn quick, and it's not surprising, knowing the two of us. We can banter back and forth like nothing. I just don't understand why *SHE* would be the one who can't deal with it. To me, it almost seems like she still has feelings for me, but doesn't want to HAVE them. So she's trying to kill them off the hard way, via just cutting me off entirely. I want to be careful with this interpretation, though, because i don't want to speak badly of her; i think she probably has some legitimate reason that she won't tell me. In fact, i'll admit that i wasn't exactly an ideal boyfriend. This was my FIRST (yes, first ) relationship ever, and it will probably stand as one of my best. It was a learning experience, but i'm entirely unwilling to let go of the relationship AND the friendship. That would be too much to lose. I know that this is a relatively long post, so i apologize . If you've made it this far, i thank you! Anyone who's taken the time to slog through the mundane details of my first relationship deserves some kind of reward.
Merin Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Darn... sorry that happend. Well... yes I suppose in some ways it does seem odd to you that she is telling you she isn't certain if she can maintain a friendship with you since she is the one who ended the relationship but here are a few things to think about... You said she is seeing someone else right? It is very possible that her new Guy isn't so much about her keeping in close contact with you and IMO that would makes sense... how many of us want our new romantic interest staying great close friends with their EX... OR It could also be that she knows you still have feelings for her and want are hoping to "Win" her back and that makes her feel awkward so she chooses to avoid contact rather than deal with this... Honestly I know it's painful and is hurting you to let go of her, BUT again IMO if she is the friend that you believe her to be, then give her time, keep your distance and if she returns you'll know the friendship and bond was strong.... Hang in there
RecordProducer Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 I got the impression that she is simply not in love with you (hence her statement that you've been mostly friends, not really romantic), but since she knows how you feel, she doesn't want to give you any hopes through friendship. You've been there already. If I were you, I would move on. If it's meant to be it will happen. It's not very likely to, but you never know. Don't chase her!
caring guy Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 As record poducer says, don't chase her, that is one mistake i once made & now in my currennt situation, am not & it's worked, they miss you!! My s/o is seeing someone else & she tells me he aint pleased she's seeing me too as she's confused, if i'd chased her & shown pushy needyness, it would never have got to this more positive stage! Strange things can happen, just when you think all is over, it can be back on track, but no pushing!
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