flooded Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 I have birthday and Christmas gifts from him, a couple of his shirts, and his dice. I don't want this stuff in my house anymore. What do I do/what did you do in a similar situation?
perception Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 If he doesn't come to pick it up, do it like me and just lay everything in front of his house. (Or pack it and send it via mail) Getting rid of baggage that makes it hard for you is important, however when it comes to gifts - those belong to you. Put them away somewhere you won't be constantly reminded during the break up phase, when you got over him you won't mind the good memories attached to it. (Or rather unbearable becomes bittersweet if we're being realistic - However every experience makes you richer - as long as the walls that we build don't become too high and we continue to let people into our lives.)
Zahara Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 I have birthday and Christmas gifts from him, a couple of his shirts, and his dice. I don't want this stuff in my house anymore. What do I do/what did you do in a similar situation? As for the gifts -- pack them up and put them away. You may feel differently about it when you've healed and moved on but if you truly want it all gone, then donate/dump. As for his two t-shirts and dice, put them in an envelope and mail it to him. Stay NC. 1
igotoverit Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 I was seeing this guy and I had a few of his shirts and his steam cleaner. After we split I never contacted him to get his stuff. I left it and then he finally contacted me for his steam cleaner. I said I will leave it on the deck since I am going to be sleeping when you come and he said fine. I found another shirt later and just threw it in the garbage. If he doesn't call for his stuff, throw them out in time, don't make any contact.
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 The stuff from my first ex girlfriend I put in a box and put under my bed. After a couple years went by I happened to find it and go through it. I didn't feel nostalgic or happy or sad or anything. It was just useless **** to me at that point and I would have just tossed it from the start had I known it wouldn't matter. I'm not sure that's always the case since I don't look back with any sort of appreciation or nostalgia for that time in my life. I've been contemplating what to do with my newest ex's stuff as well. I know I'll think of that period of my life fondly but will I care to see every single one of our special things? What to keep, what not to keep. What gets remembered, what slips away forever. It's tragic and morbid and insoluble. I guess if you wanted a more literal answer store it away out of sight, leave it on his door step, give it to charity or simply just throw it away. Leaving it on his doorstep seems a bit unnecessary since he probably doesn't want it back or he'd have already asked.
mayonnaise Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 For the gifts - put them in a box and place it somewhere you couldn't see it anymore. For his things - you could mail them, or ask a close mutual friend.
Author flooded Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 The stuff from my first ex girlfriend I put in a box and put under my bed. After a couple years went by I happened to find it and go through it. I didn't feel nostalgic or happy or sad or anything. It was just useless **** to me at that point and I would have just tossed it from the start had I known it wouldn't matter. I'm not sure that's always the case since I don't look back with any sort of appreciation or nostalgia for that time in my life. I've been contemplating what to do with my newest ex's stuff as well. I know I'll think of that period of my life fondly but will I care to see every single one of our special things? What to keep, what not to keep. What gets remembered, what slips away forever. It's tragic and morbid and insoluble. I guess if you wanted a more literal answer store it away out of sight, leave it on his door step, give it to charity or simply just throw it away. Leaving it on his doorstep seems a bit unnecessary since he probably doesn't want it back or he'd have already asked. Thanks for sharing your experience:) The day after the BU I packed most of his stuff and left it in front of his door. Unfortunately I haven't been so strong since and we've had a few phone convos, text convos, and have slept together tol (d'oh!) I left a comforter of his in front of his place yesterday and just want to be done totally. He's gone silent and hasn't initiated any contact since Christmas Day. I just don't want to hold on to any hope, and want to move past the experiences and memories as quickly as possible.
Zahara Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Thanks for sharing your experience:) The day after the BU I packed most of his stuff and left it in front of his door. Unfortunately I haven't been so strong since and we've had a few phone convos, text convos, and have slept together tol (d'oh!) I left a comforter of his in front of his place yesterday and just want to be done totally. He's gone silent and hasn't initiated any contact since Christmas Day. I just don't want to hold on to any hope, and want to move past the experiences and memories as quickly as possible. You should not be hoping to get back with this man. Realize your values and your standards -- you should not want to be with this man. You had a miscarriage and all he could talk about was himself. He's treated you poorly. Stop using "stuff" as ways to trigger or provoke a reaction -- leaving bits and pieces hoping to stir some kind of emotional response. Stuff his crap in an envelope/mail it and then block this guy and start your healing. 1
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Why didn’t you leave all his stuff at once? And if you went there a few days ago, why don’t you do the same?
anonymousbear00101100 Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 The day after the BU I packed most of his stuff and left it in front of his door. Unfortunately I haven't been so strong since and we've had a few phone convos, text convos, and have slept together tol (d'oh!) I left a comforter of his in front of his place yesterday and just want to be done totally. He's gone silent and hasn't initiated any contact since Christmas Day. I just don't want to hold on to any hope, and want to move past the experiences and memories as quickly as possible. Nostalgia is powerful and makes it hard to move on and remember why the breakup happened in the first place. We miss the good times and wish things could still be that way. It's hard to live in the present especially when you're sad. The tangible aspects of memories (gifts, photos, etc.) are hard to give up for me because that's whats important to me right now. I don't know my future or what will be important to me then. When you're in the arms of your future SO will you actually want that stuff? Probably not. I know it's hard to move on from a time when you were truly happy but never lose sight of the fact that you will be happy again in the future. You'll find another life to live and everything will be okay. 1
Zahara Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 I just don't want to hold on to any hope Remember this when you hope: I keep trying to focus on myself, my self worth, and why I am seeking validation from a selfish alcoholic who made me feel "not good enough" for him because I'd been married and have children. 1
Author flooded Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 Why didn’t you leave all his stuff at once? And if you went there a few days ago, why don’t you do the same? He left a lot of stuff! I kind of impulsively gave him back the blanket - it was in my car and I was in his neighborhood (well, I'm always in his neighborhood- we live less than a mile away from each other, quite unfortunately). Wish I hadn't. Anyway, his items I'm giving to goodwill, keeping the gifts. Onward and upward.
Recommended Posts