Guest Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I was with BF who had GF. I wanted to divorce H to be with the BF. He would always say things like, "I know you want to be with me, but you are married, right!?" Anyhow, he has asked me several times if I will DIVORCE H. Even though I told him I was separated from H, he still would ask me if I would DIVORCE him, or if I would be staying with the H. Was a separation not good enough to convince him that I wanted to be with him? I don't want to be with the H; I want to be with this guy. If your MM said he was getting a separation, would you ask if he was getting a DIVORCE, and then if he said I don't know (like I said), would that not be good enough? Thanks...
joodee Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 In the past a separation was good enough for me, but not anymore. My ex-mm has been separated from his W for about 10 years now, not even living together. Too many iffy questions and red flags that I should have caught. My ex-MM, according to his actions and not his words, has no intention of filing for a divorce cause it's obvious he's too comfy where he's at. I won't date someone who's separated, cause separated still means legally married, and from my experience, it's better to see that person get the divorce and give a new relationship a real chance, and show no signs of hanging on to the old relationship. A friend of mine was separated from her husband for two years, he just recently moved back in together. She thought her relationship was over. She didn't date while separated cause she felt it would not be fair to the other person. She was right. That may not be the answer you want to hear, but that's been my experience and what I have observed.
erika2610 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Originally posted by Guest I was with BF who had GF. I wanted to divorce H to be with the BF. He would always say things like, "I know you want to be with me, but you are married, right!?" Anyhow, he has asked me several times if I will DIVORCE H. Even though I told him I was separated from H, he still would ask me if I would DIVORCE him, or if I would be staying with the H. Was a separation not good enough to convince him that I wanted to be with him? I don't want to be with the H; I want to be with this guy. If your MM said he was getting a separation, would you ask if he was getting a DIVORCE, and then if he said I don't know (like I said), would that not be good enough? Thanks... I would rather divorce.. because firstly, if he were only seperated, I would still be the OW. Secondly, I think there'd be more of a chance to go back to her if they weren't divorced yet. I would wait until the divorce was finalized..
Art_Critic Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Divorce = Divorced Separated = Still Married and someone elses husband Separated also = 1 30 sec phone call from going back to wife and having your heart Re-shattered
Guest Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Thank you so much for the replies. It really does help.
BoatingBabe Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Like Art Critic said, separated is NOT divorced...HUGE difference, as my experience has taught me.
Breathe Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 If you don't want to be with your H, as you said, then why not get a divorce?
lynnered Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 depends on state laws, in my state u have to be separarted for 1years , so for some u have 2 wait
smile95 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 well if I ever have to do it over again...I will never accept just a sep....my ex was sep 3 yrs(1 of which was mandatory) and still not div yet! So sep is all nice and all and a step in the right diretion, but the div means you are seriuosly moving on and want to move on. I wish I had not started ANYTHING til the div was final. But I was lied to and given hope.
Guest Posted August 25, 2005 Posted August 25, 2005 Well, as someone said, in my state, you have to be separated for one year before you can be divorced. I don't know if BF knows that. He is only 23 (I'm 27, cradle robber), and I don't know if he knows that or not. Although, when he asked me if I was getting a divorce, I said, "I don't know." Although, I was also worried that he would not leave his gf, either.
kechara Posted August 27, 2005 Posted August 27, 2005 Separation is just one way to keep all of your options open. Art_critic said it best. My MM has been "separated" for a year. But one conversation with his wife, "She brought up some good points. Maybe I didn't give her a chance years ago," and all of a sudden his weight shifted to the foot on the other side of the fence. If you really feel you have no future with your H, please don't use him as a "fall-back plan." Keeping him on the hook just in case things don't work out with your BF isn't fair to him. God knows, I feel sorry for my STBXMM's (grin) W. Up until this week, she's been his fall-back plan. Looks like she and I are in the same boat now while s***head makes up his mind...
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