sala93 Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 (edited) I posted about this guy recently in another thread (I asked if it was a red flag that he made a comment about fat women). I actually want now to ask for some more advice on this guy because I actually don't know what his motives are with me and what I should do. So with this new guy, I met him online, not on a dating app but a language app (you speak to people from other countries to practice learning their language or help them learn yours). He messaged me and asked to call, I assumed it was to practice speaking my language. From then on he wanted to call me every day, sometimes several times a day. I found out he is travelling in my country as a backpacker. On the second call he said he wanted to meet me in my city. I felt like this is a bit fast, does this guy have no friends, does he want to hook up, does he actually want a genuine friendship, not sure. He says good morning beautiful girl and good night beautiful girl every day. He shared a shirtless selfie. He soon after planned a flight to see me, he's coming soon. He asked if I can pick him up from the airport. When we talk on the phone sometimes it's for 3 hours. He sounds really excited to explore my city with me, wants me to show him around. He wants to go to the beach, zoo, restaurants, etc. I asked him why does he enjoy calling me so much? He told me he is very happy and excited when talking to me on the phone. I asked Why does he want to come here and meet me? He said to meet me, and to make more Australian friends. I told him I do not want a boyfriend, that I want to take it slow if I start to feel I really like a guy. He asked me why I don't have a bf because I'm so beautiful, I said because I don't want one right now. I asked him a similar question back, he told me he is very shy and doesn't go up to girls. He said he's so shy he doesn't want to stay at the backpacker's for long and would rather stay out with me for a while in the city. I thought maybe because I give him attention he likes me? Maybe he really is shy and feels he's getting luck with me? What I'm worried about is that it seems fast + when I had a look on his social media I can see he likes and posts a lot of model pictures + I feel uncomfortable about the comments he made about fat girls in one call. I don't want to assume too much but he is very attractive and well built so I feel insecure if he is into those types of girls - if he wasn't shy he surely could get lucky with more attractive girls than me. And WHY is a guy that attractive not going up to attractive girls in real life - why me? I'm not ugly but I'm not the most attractive! I also don't want to be with a guy who cares too much about his girl looking like a model. I thought because he seems really nice on the phone and open minded I will keep being friends and helping him with his English, and am fine with showing him around my city when he comes here, but I'm feeling uncomfortable too. Help, thanks Edited January 11, 2018 by sala93
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 You met some random guy on a language app designed not to facilitate hook ups but to help with the mastery of language. During your 2nd conversation he tells you that he will be backpacking in your area but wants to meet up. OK, maybe, I can believe that he just wants to put a face to the name but since he calls you multiple times per day I doubt it. First, that is awfully pushy. Second, doesn't he have a life? Who has time for multiple phone calls in the same day with the same person, especially if the conversations can be 3 hours long? Even though he is allegedly going on this organized trip & has another way to get from the AP to where he's supposed to be staying in some camp, he wants you to pick him up at the AP & he wants to spend time in the city with you. Sounds like he wants a free ride, a free place to stay & for you to treat him to all these places. If by scrolling through his social media you are already dismayed by the types of people & their model like poses he "likes" this does not bode well. You want to go slow; to take your time & get to know somebody. He goes from 0 - 60 in a heartbeat. You do not yet have enough trust in him (because he hasn't earned it) to enter into an LDR with him. You two do no operate on the same page. No matter how much he tells you he's shy, he certainly didn't hold back or waste time trying to take you out. Translation -- he's lying about being shy & only telling you that because he thinks it's what you want to hear. 1
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 He shared a shirtless selfie. He's lookin for sex. Just like any guy that randomly wants to meet you....friendship is the furthest thing from a man's mind. 4
GemmaUK Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 He wants to stay with you? This guy is not shy - not by a long shot. He's probably tried the same tactics with several women so far - you were the one that took the bait. 2
snowboy91 Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 It's typical for backpackers to be bullish in asking people to hang out and have somewhere to stay. We often find it's a far more authentic way to experience a city or country and its culture than staying in a backpackers (where there are usually no locals). There is a certain kind of comfort to be with someone we already know when we visit a new city. That being said, I feel as if he's well past looking for a friend to stay with. He's giving off a strong vibe of wanting to sleep with you (shirtless selfie, wondering why you don't have a bf, etc). If he really was that shy, then why is he messaging you so much? So to answer your question, I agree with the others - it's likely he wants to sleep with you. I wouldn't say he wants anything longer term, as he's just passing through as backpackers do. Do with that knowledge what you like - if you're happy to have a bit of unattached fun with him go for it, but I get the feeling that's not what you want. Decide what your boundaries are and stick to them.
Author sala93 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 Thanks for your replies. Just to clarify a little bit, he didn't say he wanted to stay at my place. He said he wanted to stay out with me for the day and come home to his backpacker's place late, because he anticipates he will be shy with all those strangers.
Author sala93 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 He wants to stay with you? This guy is not shy - not by a long shot. He's probably tried the same tactics with several women so far - you were the one that took the bait. I have to say I am confused about this, when he says he's shy, yet he calls me a lot and is confident to meet me.
Author sala93 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 He wants to stay with you? This guy is not shy - not by a long shot. He's probably tried the same tactics with several women so far - you were the one that took the bait. Yes I did wonder if maybe it's because I speak to him a lot and am nice to him that he seems so interested in me.
Author sala93 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 I wanted to share that I have asked him if he is planning to meet other girls when he comes to my city, or if he's close with other girls in his current backpacker place, and he answered no to these questions. Like he admitted he will make friends with females as well, but his intentions aren't shallow. I told him I was worried because I saw a lot of model pics on his page, and wanted to know his intentions in meeting me. He said he is not a womaniser and he will stop posting model pics on his accounts because he doesn't want to stop speaking to me. He seemed to show concern/ sadness for the fact I didn't trust him too much. He said those model pics are just to look at but in a girlfriend he won't expect that in real life. I'm kind of impressed by his responses, but a part of me is still a but untrusting. I'll see how it goes.
Author sala93 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 It's typical for backpackers to be bullish in asking people to hang out and have somewhere to stay. We often find it's a far more authentic way to experience a city or country and its culture than staying in a backpackers (where there are usually no locals). There is a certain kind of comfort to be with someone we already know when we visit a new city. That being said, I feel as if he's well past looking for a friend to stay with. He's giving off a strong vibe of wanting to sleep with you (shirtless selfie, wondering why you don't have a bf, etc). If he really was that shy, then why is he messaging you so much? So to answer your question, I agree with the others - it's likely he wants to sleep with you. I wouldn't say he wants anything longer term, as he's just passing through as backpackers do. Do with that knowledge what you like - if you're happy to have a bit of unattached fun with him go for it, but I get the feeling that's not what you want. Decide what your boundaries are and stick to them. I feel it's possible he doesn't just want to sleep with me but wants a relationship. But my mind is open, after all I don't know him well.
Author sala93 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 I'm really confused because something doesn't add up here. I feel a bit skeptical like he is maybe lying about not speaking to other girls, or lying about being shy. But part of me wants to give him a chance and feels bad for being paranoid.
Cobra_X Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 I'm really confused because something doesn't add up here. I feel a bit skeptical like he is maybe lying about not speaking to other girls, or lying about being shy. But part of me wants to give him a chance and feels bad for being paranoid. I would say he sounds like maybe 60% just wants some easy sex and maybe 40% wants a free place to stay in your town... maybe sponge a few meals. Trust me when I say this... extremely attractive guys don't struggle getting women. They can be shy because most times women come to them... so they are used to quick easy sex. I could be wrong though. Up to you to find out.
Author sala93 Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 I would say he sounds like maybe 60% just wants some easy sex and maybe 40% wants a free place to stay in your town... maybe sponge a few meals. Trust me when I say this... extremely attractive guys don't struggle getting women. They can be shy because most times women come to them... so they are used to quick easy sex. I could be wrong though. Up to you to find out. Thanks for your advice. Yeah I really really feel he is way too attractive to have no luck. And like how is a guy that attractive not confident. I have actually made it clear to him that I don't find a guy attractive just because of his looks, I value intelligence and other things too. I told him I don't have sex easily. Tried to make those points clear to him, he still seems interested though ..
basil67 Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Tell him to stay in a packpackers in Bondi and then drop him. If someone's behaviour doesn't make sense, then they are a fake. He's a fake. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 You can't handle this. This man likes models on social media. Even though you have never even met him, you are upset by behavior that pre-dates you & has nothing to do with you. Even though you have never met, you are already expecting him to stop speaking to 1/2 of the world's population. Save yourself tremendous heartache. You are not built for an LDR. Stop trying to have one. Meet him & show him around your city if you like but have no illusions that he's going to change his lifestyle for you or be faithful to you, the way you define that word. 2
1fish2fish Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Creepy AF! He can say whatever he wants and impress you with his responses, but you don't know him. AT ALL. No effing way would I pick him up at any airport or agree to spend any time with him.
Cobra_X Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Thanks for your advice. Yeah I really really feel he is way too attractive to have no luck. And like how is a guy that attractive not confident. I have actually made it clear to him that I don't find a guy attractive just because of his looks, I value intelligence and other things too. I told him I don't have sex easily. Tried to make those points clear to him, he still seems interested though .. He doesn't believe it. I would not believe it either if I were him. I cannot count the number of times I have had a woman tell me she doesn't sleep with men until the 3rd date, 15th date, 2nd month... ect, but we have sex the first day we meet. I think when most women deploy this statement they are just trying to project a certain image. You value intelligence? How do you measure it? Autistic boys are the smartest, but I don't see girls chasing them around. My feeling is that this generally means you want someone who can talk well and has education. This whole list of things you want in a man is literally a list of boyfriend desires. This guy very likely doesn't want to be your boyfriend. He wants to be your short term lover. As such, the vast majority of these things you want beyond looks don't apply to this situation at all.
Zahara Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 And WHY is a guy that attractive not going up to attractive girls in real life - why me? These types can usually smell a woman that's gullible and naive to buy BS, and it comes off in your postings as well. It's not about the way you look but who will buy into their words and what they can get and want from you. 3
Author sala93 Posted January 17, 2018 Author Posted January 17, 2018 These types can usually smell a woman that's gullible and naive to buy BS, and it comes off in your postings as well. It's not about the way you look but who will buy into their words and what they can get and want from you. Please explain the coming off as gullible and naive in my postings?
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