Taryanoriley Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I have been with my bf for 4 months and no one knows about me except his one female friend. He lives with his cousin and his cousin doesn't even know about me and I have never been to his apartment. I know that he is keeping me a secret but he says he told his cousin about me. He is Turkish and is not super religious but his family believes in god and he does too but I heard that in the Muslim religion you cannot date a Christian. I am Christian and I also believe in god but not religious. He can't even move out of his cousins to live with me because i'm a secret....Can anyone here help me on this topic? Has anyone ever been through this? Is the muslim religion this strict? Sometimes I feel so much anger towards him for lying and saying he told some of his family when he really didn't and then we start to fight. Guys can you help please
Author Taryanoriley Posted January 11, 2018 Author Posted January 11, 2018 Other than that he's a great guy and idk what to do. Being kept a secret feels so awful
Miss Spider Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 In college I met this one dude who was Muslim. I I have never seen someone struggle so much with who they wanted to be and two they felt they needed to be because of their family and their upbringing. He had the strictest upbringing I have ever first handedly heard of.Mostly because of his father who he described as something of a tyrant. He never felt good enough in his eyes. He also explained that he did not want to date Muslim girls but his father would have flipped and possibly disowned him if he ever found out that he was dating a non-Muslim girl let alone marrying her. At least that’s what he told me 1
bachdude Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Relationships are hard enough without all the complications that come from the situation you are describing. It sounds like, in the final analysis, he is going to have to choose between you and his family. What are the odds he will choose you over his own flesh and blood? And let’s say he does choose you and he gets disowned by his own family. What sort of pressure will that put on you if it turns out you want to break up with him? He already gave up his family for you. How can you now dump him? Maybe it won’t come to that, but I am just helping you see how a situation like this can put you smack dab in the middle of a huge family battle. Bottom line, how do you feel having to be a secret? Wouldn’t you rather be with a guy that is proud to introduce you to his friends and family? Think about it. 2
Author Taryanoriley Posted January 11, 2018 Author Posted January 11, 2018 Thanks for the advice guys! It's hard to just break up because I have feelings for him and he said he has feelings for me. He can't even talk to me on the phone when he is at home. He is too scared. :/
2much4 Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 (edited) He is Turkish and is not super religious but his family believes in god and he does too but I heard that in the Muslim religion you cannot date a Christian. This isn't true. The prophet had Christian wives. For men, it's allowed. A lot of men will want you to convert though. Some will prefer a Muslim wife because it is "the proper thing to do" and because their family expect it, not because it's forbidden by religion. TBH I think it's just a convenient excuse for him...especially people from Istanbul tend to be more open minded than this. If he's from a small town somewhere east or south I'd be more inclined to believe him. I'd like to add: In Turkey, you don't introduce someone to your parents as quick as in Europe. Maybe ask him if he wants to introduce you in the future or if that's off the table...? Maybe he just needs time. Edited January 11, 2018 by 2much4 1
doyathinkso Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 OMG! Run. Run like your pants are on fire! Run for your life. Run for what you've always wanted your life to be, not for what he is capable of giving you. This behaviour is just the tip of the iceberg. This is all coming out when your relationship is fresh and passionate and full of limerence. Just wait till it all cools down. You ain't seen nuthin' yet. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I know a Muslim woman who had this problem several years ago with a Christian boyfriend. Her parents wouldn't accept him because of it. She's now dating another guy who sure doesn't "look" Muslim based on FB pics, but I have no idea what her family thinks of him. But, I do think it's a "thing" in some families. 2
Miss Spider Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Yea the guy I was talking about was dating a non-muslim girl at the time (my friend) and he never introduced her to his family and they broke up (because he was a workaholic etc)
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