New partner is really upset at me...haven't talked in days

[clia]

I'm also on the other side than most of the responses here.

 

After five months it seems like you are way too reliant on a guy who isn't even your boyfriend for emotional support. You indicated above that he's already helped you through some rough patches, which, to me, is already kind of a pink flag, considering how short of a time you've known him. It seems like a lot of drama. I agree with Eternal Sunshine that you should not be putting that burden and drama on a new guy in your life. Talk to your girl friends or family. It's possible that this was sort of the "last straw" for him.

 

I do think three calls in an hour and a half is a lot, and contacting his friend made things even worse, particularly considering that you know his ex used to do that and he found it abusive. That kind of thing can turn someone off on a dime. Unlike some of the other posters, I really don't see that his reaction was that out of line. This is drama he doesn't want to have to deal with going forward or in a relationship, and that's his choice. I understand you say this is out of character for you, but I wonder if it really is. After all, you did it. Whose to say you won't do it again when another crisis arises and you can't get a hold of him?

 

I'm not sure this can be fixed at this point. The only thing you can really do is give it some time and see if he changes his mind and decides to give it another shot.

 

I'm also curious -- have you seen him in person in the past five months or has everything been over the phone?

[Gaeta]

An online relationship develops differently than a local relationship. When you're living an online romance you have nothing but the emotional support. Without it you have nothing. All these 2 have been doing is talk talk talk and support each other along the way, she said he was always good at it before this incident.

 

No he would not have been able to solve her problems but she was not calling for him to take care of things, she was calling to hear *honey I'm sorry, I promise everything will be alright*.

 

After 5 months of talking each day I don't think it's necessary to put on white gloves and worry about calling the guy 3 times in 1,5 hour.

 

This man wanted out and he found his exit door. He's probably tired of this long distance with no visits. Like you said men are simple they want fun, food, sex. He's not getting any of that.

[kendahke]

If I'm reading this right:

About five months ago when I was visiting my hometown, I met a really, really incredible guy one evening through a mutual friend. We exchanged numbers and have talked almost every day since.

 

He sounds more like an electronic pen pal you met once and decided to keep in contact. That's it. That means, the majority, if not all, of this relationship is conducted over the phone and not in person, so it's easier for him to have disconnected and keep phoning it in without you noticing.

 

I think that the way he's pushed back on you demonstrates that he is not as invested in this relationship as your are. For someone invested and present, after he found out that you had this emergency, he'd have answered in a way that backed up that he was invested and present. He wouldn't have continued chastising you--that is a sign that the guy doesn't care about how you feel if he keeps going in after you've apologized.

 

Meeting someone in person once over the course of 5 months doesn't convince some people that they're in a serious relationship, despite what they may be saying to you. People can say anything--how are they acting?

 

Outside of the one meeting, have you two spent any time in each other's presence?

[Maggie4]

You already got some good advice here.

 

There was one thing that stood out: You asked him "how was the concert". There's something disingenuous about it. If you were such an emotional wreck over family issues, why were you interested to know about the concert? And you were out with friends having a few drinks? Are you trying to say you have your own life, or that you did something uncharacteristic of yourself because you were drunk?

 

Frankly, I think you've become more clingy than you are willing to admit. And not owning up to it makes you seem complicated. You may have a life yet you're waayyy too dependent on him from your explanation. If a female friend needed you for emotional support every day like you need him, wouldn't you want to back off a bit? It's draining. It cannot last.

 

Don't apologize for upsetting him, he's heard that before a million times in his previous relationship. If he contacts you, (and he probably will, because people gravitate toward the familiar, even if it's unhealthy), tell him you realized you've become too attached to him and you want to back off a bit. And I hope you can mean that.

 

As for him, it is wrong for him to judge this as who you are, instead of what you did. In relationships, if you address an incident or an isolated deed, you can work it out, just don't let it happen again. If instead of saying "I don't like what you did", he says "I don't like who you are", then he closes the door on the relationship. That is not treating people fairly.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Maggie4

[MidwestUSA]

I agree with those who said it's not appropriate to expect so much emotional support from someone who is not your boyfriend.

 

If I read this right, you didn't know he was at a concert until you saw it via someone else on Facebook. You then called him on it - yes, that's exactly how he views this - that you're tracking his whereabouts. On top of three phone calls, this put him over the edge. Guys HATE this sort of thing.

 

You also admit you'd been drinking. How much did this play into your decision to call him?

 

Lean on girlfriends and family for emotional support, not someone you're not even in an exclusive relationship with. You claim you're 'not that type of person in a relationship'. He's probably assuming you'd be much worse once you were coupled with someone!

Edited January 11, 2018 by MidwestUSA