JuneL Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 OP: When your gf asks about her music, can't you just say it's good and leave it at that? If she wants further comment (read: praises), just say you're not at that level to give technical comments. I'm puzzled as to why your gf would want your comments, considering you're not a professional musician yourself.
Imajerk17 Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) It doesn't sound to me that you and she are compatible OP. I mean, when you start dating someone, ideally you respect their career path. In your case though, justified or not, there is a really important part of her--her music--that you don't like and can't even pretend to like. You are only dating her "casually" and you already know your goals don't seem to align, so why continue to keep seeing her. I'd end it saying that you aren't feeling it, no need to mention how you think her plans to be a musician are doomed though. That is now between herself and whoever is bankrolling her (probably her parents). At some point hopefully she and they will get the message that music is not working out and that she needs to get a day-job. Edited January 10, 2018 by Imajerk17 1
uglysweater Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 As an artist I can tell you that I personally cannot be in a relationship with someone who doesn't support my goals. On the other hand, as horrible as this sounds, I don't think I could date anyone who is a delusional artist, so I completely understand you. She probably has always had everyone just say "wow! You're so talented!" to her and you're probably the first person that has not been so impressed. Have you ever made suggestions to her on how she can improve her sound?
SpecialJ Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I like how livingwater put it. "To me, it's a sign of a lack of good judgment, and self absorption that is unattractive to me." The potential incompatibility I see here is if she's a super head in the clouds dreamer, and you're not. I've been a professional musician. I've inherited a lot of talent, but it's about some combination of talent, looks, tenacity, and most importantly, luck. Without all of these things, the chances of being able to make a decent living are pretty small. I got tired of my art becoming really hard work in the sense that my particular niche doesn't tend to even pay money unless you're top of the industry. Is that the potential situation you see for her, which is going to create a lifestyle conflict for you? If you already see a lifestyle conflict like that, where you end up totally supporting her, you should probably end it. It's also really hard to be an artist putting themselves out there to a lot of rejection all the time, even if it's based on the amount of competition and has nothing to do with talent. So if she's an artist who is touchy and can't handle a main support source being anything less than incredibly supportive, it is an incompatibility. And understandable that she would feel that way. That being said, while I excel in what I do, it's absolutely not a popular genre. I've kind of given up on finding a musical romantic partner who gets it, as much fun as that would be, and I find it to be a bummer when someone doesn't like my work, but I get it. To each his own, it's not because I'm not good enough. So maybe you can kind of go from that angle. You'll support her being passionate, but the style isn't your thing and you're not an expert. So you'll show up for her but play up that you don't know enough to realistically give her feedback and don't want to sound disingenuous. Then she can decide if that's enough for her in a partner or not. 1
jay1983 Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I think most artists these days suck. If I met an aspiring musician, I would likely think the same thing about her, if she played similar music. It really doesn't matter what you or I think, it matters what the public thinks, and the public is difficult to figure out sometimes. Your girl only needs to get lucky one time, compose a catchy song, and become instafamous. That's really the hardest thing to do. When I had my own recording studio, there were so many dudes who could rap, come up with clever rhymes. Some were intellectual, some were funny. A lot were really what they rapped about. But when it to making a song, they couldn't come up with anything. Observing rock musicians, it was the same thing. All kinds of people who play the sh*t out the guitar, jam out, cover songs. One guy could bend strings like Hendrix, another would put a feather in his mouth and make this crazy sound. As well as they could play those instruments, when it came to composing a song, it wasn't there.
Maggie4 Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 There are two issues here. One is whether or not you appreciate her music. The other is whether or not you think she ought to pursue a career in music. For the first issue, you can dump her because you don't like her music. I stopped seeing a professional guitarist when I realized he couldn't identify intervals, and I didn't like his phrasing. Now for the second issue, you have to have a lot of professional experience and really know the business to give that advice. People in a position to do that, might be an executive in the music industry, or a professor from a music conservatory who can tell her exactly what is wrong, not just "I like" or "not like". I suggest you dump her. You don't need to justify it. Not liking her music is good reason. The problem will always be there.
NuevoYorko Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I can't wrap my mind around dumping a person because you don't like their music, unless they won't let up on playing it 24/7 and it's so horrible that it's wrecking your life. I've been in more than one relationship with a woman who had different musical tastes than I do and it was not even close to an issue. Break up with a musician because they didn't know what an interval was? Really? Would you break up with a person because they like a different football team than you or prefer modern literature to Elizabethan?
smackie9 Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I can't wrap my mind around dumping a person because you don't like their music, unless they won't let up on playing it 24/7 and it's so horrible that it's wrecking your life. I've been in more than one relationship with a woman who had different musical tastes than I do and it was not even close to an issue. Break up with a musician because they didn't know what an interval was? Really? Would you break up with a person because they like a different football team than you or prefer modern literature to Elizabethan? We are not talking about what music someone listens too....this is a dream she wants to follow, a dream she wants to dedicate her life to, a dream she will be making huge sacrifices to do. If you don't have a partner that isn't on board with you and supports you, the relationship will fall flat on it's face. The OP's GF is so bad he is embarrassed for her and wants no part of it. Big difference. 3
Els Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 "Good music" is a very subjective thing. Also, IMO, talent is entirely unrelated to how much money a musician earns (see what I did there? ). At any rate, I do think both of you are making much ado about nothing. She's supporting herself with her freelance gigs, right? So what if she wants to spend her spare time trying to make records, why is it such a huge deal to you? And so what if you're not her records' #1 fan? If something like this is such a huge dealbreaker to either of you, chances are you're just not compatible anyway.
Ruby Slippers Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I think most artists these days suck. If I met an aspiring musician, I would likely think the same thing about her, if she played similar music. It really doesn't matter what you or I think, it matters what the public thinks, and the public is difficult to figure out sometimes. Your girl only needs to get lucky one time, compose a catchy song, and become instafamous. This is pretty much what I was going to say, in a softer way. I'm a hobby musician, have recorded some stuff, and was in a band in college that had a loyal following. I even made a little money from it. At that time, most of my friends were musicians ranging from amateurs to full-time pros. A friend of mine quit his very lucrative engineering job to tour the country as a musician, inviting me to open for him when he was in my city at the time. Real talent is rare. Originality is extremely rare. A big part of making a career in music, especially for a woman, is marketing an image. A good-looking girl in the right outfit with a mediocre song and an attention-grabbing attitude can get very far - look at 99% of pop stars today If you like her and want to be with her but just don't like her music, don't say anything unless you have something nice to say. If her music and aspirations are too much of a turn-off for you, then just move on.
preraph Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 You won't last long. There are plenty of people out there who will support her following her dream. There are a lot of bad musicians who were nonetheless successful (for example nearly all the early punk bands but plenty of rock bands too). Take it from someone who worked in the business end of music, it's the ones who want it the worst and can see no other path for themselves who have the best chance of making it because they don't stop trying. That said, if she's one of those who just sits around talking about making it but isn't working towards it, taking active steps, no, she won't make it either. But then maybe she'd be content with it being a lifelong pleasure and hobby. My advice to you is you're not the right man for her. If she's that into pursuing music, she needs another man who is into music or art so that they understand. 2
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