Author Lorenza Posted January 10, 2018 Author Posted January 10, 2018 I could be a little paranoid speaking about this one but after this story that I shared....... I feel the more precautions the better. In any case, have fun but keep mental notes of what you're seeing so you can get yourself out of a situation if need be. I'm a tough woman (I've worked as a dealer at a casino and handled my share of troublemakers, nobody intimidates me after those experiences), so no worries I wouldn't be afraid to make a scandal or call the police if needed. Or in fact, defend myself physically, but this is definitely not the case 1
Author Lorenza Posted January 10, 2018 Author Posted January 10, 2018 Seems to be upset at you?? This has written all over : passive agressiveness, manipulator, silent treatment! How many more red flags do you need? Or maybe not, he just wished me good night and good luck on an exam tomorrow. Maybe I'm just used to passive agressive men, since my exes were definitely of that sort, ugh
Chilli Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 I'm assuming he only means evenings, since he knows I work and study. But even two evenings filled with activities seems excessive to me. Just an hour ago he sent me a picture of something he wants to bring me as a present, and when I said I really don't need it and explained why, he wrote "Ok, I won't disturb". Like come on, we haven't met yet! And he's 9 years older than me (I'm 28), but acts like an excited boy. I'm not gonna act all bubbly just because he's coming over and wants to take me out, it's all his idea. When things come up , explain that you haven't even met yet ,that's not really a biggie l've had a few women point that out . Same with all his plans , just say look we'd have to meet fist we don't even know if we'd really get along so lets just meet first and take it from there. It's only natural for you to put the brakes in a bit , l wouldn't worry about it, just say what's on your mind. He might not like it but that doesn't matter, he'll get over it. Same with where he's staying , just ask him , you got a place lined up to stay right or put it anyway you like . Some reality checks by her slow us guys down a bit , don't worry about it it's a good thing to speak up. Good luck. 1
preraph Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 First since this guy was kind of intrusive finding you on facebook, I would be careful. I see all the human trafficking stories and it goes on a lot. I would not be alone anywhere with him or get in a car with him. I would only meet him somewhere and not let him know where you live. Seriously. A good man will understand you being careful. Next, like Donnivain said tell him NOW that he is moving too fast and that you aren't as enthusiastic as he is. Say it outright. Say, "look you're moving too fast for me and I'm not comfortable with it. I have no idea if I even like you or am attracted to you, so I think a short first meeting is all we should plan at this time, and we'll just meet there." Just tell him. And be careful.
coolheadal Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 Or maybe not, he just wished me good night and good luck on an exam tomorrow. Maybe I'm just used to passive agressive men, since my exes were definitely of that sort, ugh Just be careful my dear because I had one woman who asked for my friend request in 2017. Then the money request came in, then the itune $100 cards an etc. Today we're just pin pals. In hopes of meeting up one day. It will n ever happen as I knew it won't But she sends me GM greeting and such. Keep them as a friend but don't expect much more if you have never met him in person yet. I don't see it in your text replies here. I met a woman at work and have her living here with me in my own house. She can cook like storm and makes sure I well feed. I have to say that meeting someone from work isn't that bad, we both drive together in the same SUV. She wants to get married so that the next step. You say you work at a casino you have plenty of men there you could ask someone you close too you want. Meeting anyone online or through a friend request you just don't know who your dealing with. Just be careful...
preraph Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 And overly eager people turn into problems. They do too much and then they get po'd when you don't do too much back, make you feel guilty and obligated. it's manipulation.
olivetree Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 I would straight up tell him ahead of time that you're not sure about the second evening yet, you want to see how the first one goes.
coolheadal Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 And overly eager people turn into problems. They do too much and then they get po'd when you don't do too much back, make you feel guilty and obligated. it's manipulation. I totally agree with this statement but I have to add it's your life you do what you think best but if your unsure then move on and don;'t bother to communicate with such a person ever again. Always go with your gut feelings!
Author Lorenza Posted January 11, 2018 Author Posted January 11, 2018 I've just met him tonight. Nothing really stood out about him, seemed like a normal guy, nothing creepy or clingy. The night was pretty fun and he paid for everything (I told him I could do things that are cheaper and pay for my part, but he insisted). Did bring me a present after all, a sweet one. I can't say if I like him, way too early for that. Can see that he really likes me though
coolheadal Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I've just met him tonight. Nothing really stood out about him, seemed like a normal guy, nothing creepy or clingy. The night was pretty fun and he paid for everything (I told him I could do things that are cheaper and pay for my part, but he insisted). Did bring me a present after all, a sweet one. I can't say if I like him, way too early for that. Can see that he really likes me though But you can't say you like as well yet? Just your first date. Anyway see what happen's next on your next dates to come.. Let him pay as he has to impress you in his own way. But do watch his moves and cues. Learn who he is really. Right now we all like the best up front. Have 90 days the real self comes out.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I've just met him tonight. Nothing really stood out about him, seemed like a normal guy, nothing creepy or clingy. The night was pretty fun and he paid for everything (I told him I could do things that are cheaper and pay for my part, but he insisted). Did bring me a present after all, a sweet one. I can't say if I like him, way too early for that. Can see that he really likes me though I'm glad it worked out. Def keep your guard up because if a guy likes you too much before getting to know you, that is a red flag. 2 perspectives on this situation: 1. I matched w/a guy online and he smitten w/me from the 1st message. Turned out to a player. 2 The guy didn't lead me on, but turned out to be super controlling. I wish you luck, but be careful.
Gaeta Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 I am glad it went well. See how he is in the next few days. It's good news he could control himself and his enthusiam while with you.
TheFinalWord Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 What do you guys think? Does he sound overzealous (we're gonna meet tomorrow)? Most men that are that overboard with a woman they don't know, it is 99.99% because he is physically attracted to you. The behavior is cringe to say the least. He is going to fall in love just by looking at your picture? No way. He is into you, physically. With that said, there's nothing wrong with meeting up. I would be hesitant to promise days of activities. But if you have already committed I suppose you should go through with it.
GemmaUK Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 I'm not surprised he was OK on the date - best 'first impressions' (face to face ones that is). Unfortunately all of the actions before that have been dubious, manipulative, pushy, clingy., creepy.....and the list goes on. You seem to be focusing on a very few good things instead of all of the things which made an instinct kick in. Acting upon instincts is the thing that keeps a person out of trouble though - do you ever do that in dating? There's no way I would have met the chap whether he had bought tickets or not.
Author Lorenza Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 I'm not surprised he was OK on the date - best 'first impressions' (face to face ones that is). Unfortunately all of the actions before that have been dubious, manipulative, pushy, clingy., creepy.....and the list goes on. You seem to be focusing on a very few good things instead of all of the things which made an instinct kick in. Acting upon instincts is the thing that keeps a person out of trouble though - do you ever do that in dating? There's no way I would have met the chap whether he had bought tickets or not. I'm just giving a person a chance. Didn't see why I shouldn't meet him. We had a great conversation and he was always pleasant and polite to me. When I met him yesterday, he was also super polite, taking my coat, opening doors for me and picking the bill right away. Never once implied I should bring him home or anything like that. It's a nice change from cold Scandinavian men, who act like women should do the chasing. I could never expect to be treated like that on a date with a local guy. Also, he never asked anything too personal or sexual. So I don't see malice in him. Thought I could at least meet the person to get an impression irl (and he also ticked some important boxes, which to me isn't "a very few positive things"). Just so you know that I do think things through before meeting someone (and my mom liked him, so... just kidding). My instincts weren't strongly against it. I just thought his overenthusiasm weird. 1
Author Lorenza Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 He's gifting too soon. I hope it was tiny. That is for sure. I frankly didn't want to receive any gifts and I told him not to bring anything. But the gift wasn't big, something thoughtful actually.
Author Lorenza Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 I am glad it went well. See how he is in the next few days. It's good news he could control himself and his enthusiam while with you. He seems like a very calm mild mannered person. Almost too calm for me
FilterCoffee Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Hey OP, Sounds like he exceeded your expectations which is great to hear. Meeting him tonight as well or is it too soon?
Author Lorenza Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 Hey OP, Sounds like he exceeded your expectations which is great to hear. Meeting him tonight as well or is it too soon? He wants to meet me today already... I told him he can come to my university, if he wants to, cause I'm not going to the city and have plans with my friends later. So yeah, he's coming to my uni for a short coffee meeting. Talk about dedication I guess he's rushing cause he's going back to our homecountry in two days. Well anyway, I'm gonna be at the uni anyway, so I wasn't against him coming for an hour, when I have a break. I wonder why he doesn't mind that this is 100% on my terms. He even had some activities planned for yesterday but I kinda highjacked the night and we did other things. Didn't seem to mind that at all
No_Go Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 I wonder why he doesn't mind that this is 100% on my terms. He even had some activities planned for yesterday but I kinda highjacked the night and we did other things. Didn't seem to mind that at all L, this to me is yellow flag by itself. Glad you had a good time but if I were you, I’d be on the watch for hidden agendas.... He’s trying a little too hard to be just a consequence of an innocent crush to a stranger...
FilterCoffee Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 He wants to meet me today already... I told him he can come to my university, if he wants to, cause I'm not going to the city and have plans with my friends later. So yeah, he's coming to my uni for a short coffee meeting. Talk about dedication I guess he's rushing cause he's going back to our homecountry in two days. Well anyway, I'm gonna be at the uni anyway, so I wasn't against him coming for an hour, when I have a break. I wonder why he doesn't mind that this is 100% on my terms. He even had some activities planned for yesterday but I kinda highjacked the night and we did other things. Didn't seem to mind that at all Yeah he REALLY likes you. It may be innocent but it's still weird. You're doing the right thing by stating your plans and not letting him get carried away. You need to be wary of not getting carried away too, which you're doing quite nicely. I'm pretty sure he's going to make extravagant plans for the weekend. Like I said in my previous post, take it one activity at a time and see where it goes! 1
Gaeta Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 He wants to meet me today already... I told him he can come to my university, if he wants to, cause I'm not going to the city and have plans with my friends later. So yeah, he's coming to my uni for a short coffee meeting. Talk about dedication I guess he's rushing cause he's going back to our homecountry in two days. He's going back to your home country for how long? Wanting to see you the following day that you met is a bit much but you don't seem to mind.
Author Lorenza Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 He's going back to your home country for how long? Wanting to see you the following day that you met is a bit much but you don't seem to mind. I don't know, he lives back in our homecountry (we live in different countries). He came here just to visit me, since I couldn't meet him while I was with family in my homecountry. I don't know if I explain this well
Author Lorenza Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 After I met him for coffee today, I'm pretty sure nothing will ever happen between us. The conversation isn't flowing, I'm neither interested or intrigued and on top of that he talks so mildly and quietly, that I always have to ask him to repeat what he said. His jokes irritated me a bit, they were innocent of course, but just not my type of humor. He's surely a good person, has that vibe of someone pretty decent, but I don't think I'd ever find him attractive. Maybe I don't match with introverts like I though I would. Well anyway, he came here for me, so I'll meet him tomorrow again and keep company as I would for a friend, as he's inviting me to a place I named him as my favorite in town. I don't think we'll ever see each other again after he leaves.
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