Am I getting slow faded or am I just anxious

January 11, 2018

I agree I over thought/freaked out about the snap chat thing. He hadn't contacted me in four days, and when he did it was a picture of his busy schedule. He is not a mean person. He never has been. Which is probably why I liked him so much. Looking on it now, I don't think he was being malicious with the snap.

With that being said, he is not awkward in conversation at all. Maybe a bit dorky at times. But he can carry on a conversation very well. So I know I'm being slow faded. He doesn't "get back to reality" (full time work and getting his doctorate) till next week. And hes been non existent this week.

Last night, hours after the snap chat he texted me. Convo went like this:

Him: Hey hope you've had a good week so far! I'm sure you're getting ready for your trip so I just wanted to say to have a great time. Safe travels!
Me: Thanks, have a good first week back!
Him: Thank you! After writing out my schedule I'm now very jealous of your trip. Even if it is to the frozen tundra. (for reference I'm traveling some place very cold)
*I don't respond for 30 min*
Him: The next two months are going to be a bit nuts for me and that's not even counting any special projects at work.
Me: Yeah you talked about how extremely busy you are when you have both work and class. Try not to stress too much!

*He never responds to that

Hes slow fading me, letting me know in every which way that he is very busy and wont have time. If he was interested he would say something like "i know I am going to be very busy these next few months, but if possible id like to still try and see you." or something. But nothing. And for reference he still has a year of classes left then clinicals.

Please stop responding to him.

You're being way too nice.

He WAS sending you a message by snap chatting you his schedule.

He was saying "I'm going to be really busy, have no expectations of me".

Said another way: "You're not a priority. Don't expect to hear from me."

January 11, 2018

I agree I over thought/freaked out about the snap chat thing. He hadn't contacted me in four days, and when he did it was a picture of his busy schedule. He is not a mean person. He never has been. Which is probably why I liked him so much. Looking on it now, I don't think he was being malicious with the snap.

With that being said, he is not awkward in conversation at all. Maybe a bit dorky at times. But he can carry on a conversation very well. So I know I'm being slow faded. He doesn't "get back to reality" (full time work and getting his doctorate) till next week. And hes been non existent this week.

Last night, hours after the snap chat he texted me. Convo went like this:

Him: Hey hope you've had a good week so far! I'm sure you're getting ready for your trip so I just wanted to say to have a great time. Safe travels!
Me: Thanks, have a good first week back!
Him: Thank you! After writing out my schedule I'm now very jealous of your trip. Even if it is to the frozen tundra. (for reference I'm traveling some place very cold)
*I don't respond for 30 min*
Him: The next two months are going to be a bit nuts for me and that's not even counting any special projects at work.
Me: Yeah you talked about how extremely busy you are when you have both work and class. Try not to stress too much!

*He never responds to that

Hes slow fading me, letting me know in every which way that he is very busy and wont have time. If he was interested he would say something like "i know I am going to be very busy these next few months, but if possible id like to still try and see you." or something. But nothing. And for reference he still has a year of classes left then clinicals.

Yeah don't bother with this guy. He's not a dating material right now. If he's defending his thesis in an year, write him off completely. I remember not leaving my studio while doing so...

But it sucks that he misled you. He probably was very attracted to you, then reality striked and instead of doing the honorable thing and telling you that he won't be able to date you, he's waiting for you to get the hint

January 11, 2018

If he was interested he would say something like "i know I am going to be very busy these next few months, but if possible id like to still try and see you." or something. But nothing. And for reference he still has a year of classes left then clinicals.

Absolutely right. When a man is interested, he will show you, and will make time for you. It's really that simple. This was his passive way of managing down your expectations.

January 11, 2018

Yeah, I wasn't suggesting trying to make this work at this point. I was just saying assuming he is slow fading you, it doesn't sound like it's your fault. I think it's okay to be nice and answer politely if you're slow-fading back anyhow. But it is possible he's managing down your expectations now to line up a friend with benefits on good terms for the odd night when he is less busy.

Even if he is an awkward PhD who isn't great with women, he's not done enough to make you feel secure, and you can find someone who doesn't make you question things as much as he does. Just keep working on yourself and the anxiety while you're looking for new and better people.

January 11, 2018

I agree I over thought/freaked out about the snap chat thing. He hadn't contacted me in four days, and when he did it was a picture of his busy schedule. He is not a mean person. He never has been. Which is probably why I liked him so much. Looking on it now, I don't think he was being malicious with the snap.

With that being said, he is not awkward in conversation at all. Maybe a bit dorky at times. But he can carry on a conversation very well. So I know I'm being slow faded. He doesn't "get back to reality" (full time work and getting his doctorate) till next week. And hes been non existent this week.

Last night, hours after the snap chat he texted me. Convo went like this:

Him: Hey hope you've had a good week so far! I'm sure you're getting ready for your trip so I just wanted to say to have a great time. Safe travels!
Me: Thanks, have a good first week back!
Him: Thank you! After writing out my schedule I'm now very jealous of your trip. Even if it is to the frozen tundra. (for reference I'm traveling some place very cold)
*I don't respond for 30 min*
Him: The next two months are going to be a bit nuts for me and that's not even counting any special projects at work.
Me: Yeah you talked about how extremely busy you are when you have both work and class. Try not to stress too much!

*He never responds to that

Hes slow fading me, letting me know in every which way that he is very busy and wont have time. If he was interested he would say something like "i know I am going to be very busy these next few months, but if possible id like to still try and see you." or something. But nothing. And for reference he still has a year of classes left then clinicals.

Mx, this was your opportunity not to respond to him and in so doing not allow him to slow fade on you.

Think about the bolded above. Why does it matter if he's interested or not?

January 11, 2018

I have never ghosted or slow faded anyone in my life. Ive had it done so many times to me and its always been such a terrible feeling, so ive made it a point, the second I'm not feeling it, I let that person know. And then I don't continue to text them randomly, perhaps getting their hopes up.

I am aware I'm being slow faded, its already happening. Me responding politely to a text message that is sent to me doesn't change the fact I am being slow faded. Am I ever going to reach out first to him again? No. Am I ever going to see him again? No. If he were to directly ask me to hang out or see each other or whatever when I return, I would tell him I'm not interested. But if someone who I did like is telling me to have a nice trip, I'm not going to ignore them. That's stooping to their level. And I'm not a jerk like that. I responded to a text, not flirty, or dragging out the conversation. Just being polite.

January 11, 2018

I have never ghosted or slow faded anyone in my life. Ive had it done so many times to me and its always been such a terrible feeling, so ive made it a point, the second I'm not feeling it, I let that person know. And then I don't continue to text them randomly, perhaps getting their hopes up.

I am aware I'm being slow faded, its already happening. Me responding politely to a text message that is sent to me doesn't change the fact I am being slow faded. Am I ever going to reach out first to him again? No. Am I ever going to see him again? No. If he were to directly ask me to hang out or see each other or whatever when I return, I would tell him I'm not interested. But if someone who I did like is telling me to have a nice trip, I'm not going to ignore them. That's stooping to their level. And I'm not a jerk like that. I responded to a text, not flirty, or dragging out the conversation. Just being polite.

It is VERY refreshing to see that there are still people like you. You see here and IRL people that are stomping their feet if their 'catch' doesn't play their games. Basically unless they 'win', they are out.

IMO just keep doing what you're doing, and you have nothing to worry about. This guy is not evil - just have different priorities and is too chicken to tell you. You'd find a more compatible match in no time.

January 11, 2018

Here's what I don't quite understand about how the term "ghosting" is used these days. Once started, it requires me to continue communication and the same amount of communication with a person at all times or I have to give them a formal speech about how I will be decreasing or stopping (maybe I haven't decided to completely stop?) lest I will be labled a ghoster or bad person. You guys had a few dates. I imagine with people this happens all the time: People go on a few dates with each other, they lose interest or something or someone takes away their attention more, communication dwindles away into nothing. Here, the person either fades into memory or whatever was taking their attention away from the person is gone and they come back to the person.

What makes this so bad? I don't see what is so bad about it and why we have a duty to keep the same communication with someone we've been on a few dates with. For some people that is not even logistically possible. Then, they know they are low interest, but they aren't sure they want to stick a fork in it. Is that selfish? Maybe. Depends on how you look at it because we are told all the time to give people a chance.

I guess my point is if you're in an established relationship for awhile and you fall off the map suddenly causing people to worry about your well-being and your kids having no co-parent...well, you are a bad ghost. But I don't see why ignoring a trite message, or even blocking someone you've only been a couple dates with, is so bad. I don't understand the moral obligation to communicate with someone in these circumstances. Empathy of not liking being ignored is understandable, but I'm just challengging the idea that ignoring someone in this stage is really bad.

Edited January 11, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 11, 2018

Here's what I don't quite understand about how the term "ghosting" is used these days. Once started, it requires me to continue communication and the same amount of communication with a person at all times or I have to give them a formal speech about how I will be decreasing or stopping (maybe I haven't decided to completely stop?) lest I will be labled a ghoster or bad person. You guys had a few dates. I imagine with people this happens all the time: People go on a few dates with each other, they lose interest or something or someone takes away their attention more, communication dwindles away into nothing. Here, the person either fades into memory or whatever was taking their attention away from the person is gone and they come back to the person.

What makes this so bad? I don't see what is so bad about it and why we have a duty to keep the same communication with someone we've been on a few dates with. For some people that is not even logistically possible. Then, they know they are low interest, but they aren't sure they want to stick a fork in it. Is that selfish? Maybe. Depends on how you look at it because we are told all the time to give people a chance.

I guess my point is if you're in an established relationship for awhile and you fall off the map suddenly causing people to worry about your well-being and your kids having no co-parent...well, you are a bad ghost. But I don't see why ignoring a trite message, or even blocking someone you've only been a couple dates with, is so bad. I don't understand the moral obligation to communicate with someone in this circumstances. Empathy of not liking being ignored is understandable, but I'm just challengging the idea that ignoring someone in this stage is really bad.

Ghosting is more when someone just stops responding and shuts someone else out.

This guy is doing the slow fade.

I think it's better to be up front and say that they aren't interested anymore.

It's assertive, honest and takes good character to rip the bandaid off like that.

Slowly fading out is more hurtful because it leaves the person with hope.

While in some cases I think it's fine to peter out, I think it's pretty sad that ghosting and slow fading has become an acceptable norm.

January 11, 2018

Here's what I don't quite understand about how the term "ghosting" is used these days. Once started, it requires me to continue communication and the same amount of communication with a person at all times or I have to give them a formal speech about how I will be decreasing or stopping (maybe I haven't decided to completely stop?) lest I will be labled a ghoster or bad person. You guys had a few dates. I imagine with people this happens all the time: People go on a few dates with each other, they lose interest or something or someone takes away their attention more, communication dwindles away into nothing. Here, the person either fades into memory or whatever was taking their attention away from the person is gone and they come back to the person.

What makes this so bad? I don't see what is so bad about it and why we have a duty to keep the same communication with someone we've been on a few dates with. For some people that is not even logistically possible. Then, they know they are low interest, but they aren't sure they want to stick a fork in it. Is that selfish? Maybe. Depends on how you look at it because we are told all the time to give people a chance.

I guess my point is if you're in an established relationship for awhile and you fall off the map suddenly causing people to worry about your well-being and your kids having no co-parent...well, you are a bad ghost. But I don't see why ignoring a trite message, or even blocking someone you've only been a couple dates with, is so bad. I don't understand the moral obligation to communicate with someone in these circumstances. Empathy of not liking being ignored is understandable, but I'm just challengging the idea that ignoring someone in this stage is really bad.

I agree with most of this except the bit about blocking. Blocking should be reserved for people who fail to honor requests for no more contact or exhibit stalking behavior, not as a way of (cowardly) avoiding having to tell someone you are no longer interested.

To the OP, I would say what's been said on here before. If you choose to sleep with a guy before establishing that you're in a relationship, he does not owe you anything. And, in fact, even if you had established that you were in a relationship, nothing guarantees his -- or your! -- continued interest. Feelings change. Maybe the sex was not great. Maybe he met someone else. Maybe he's not interested enough to try to juggle school, work, and you. Maybe, maybe, maybe. You can't know what he's thinking; all you can do is act in a way that is consistent with your own values and comfort level.

January 11, 2018

I have never ghosted or slow faded anyone in my life. Ive had it done so many times to me and its always been such a terrible feeling, so ive made it a point, the second I'm not feeling it, I let that person know. And then I don't continue to text them randomly, perhaps getting their hopes up.

I am aware I'm being slow faded, its already happening. Me responding politely to a text message that is sent to me doesn't change the fact I am being slow faded. Am I ever going to reach out first to him again? No. Am I ever going to see him again? No. If he were to directly ask me to hang out or see each other or whatever when I return, I would tell him I'm not interested. But if someone who I did like is telling me to have a nice trip, I'm not going to ignore them. That's stooping to their level. And I'm not a jerk like that. I responded to a text, not flirty, or dragging out the conversation. Just being polite.

From this post and others it sounds to me as if it's painful for you that this is happening but that you feel you need to participate in it in order to be polite or not in the category of a jerk.

Imo, if it's hurting you the healthy thing to do for both of you is to not participate in it.

You mention in the above post that this happens to you a lot. I believe there are ways you can prevent it from happening to you and save yourself a lot of pain.

January 11, 2018

Because ghosting, and especially slow fading, equates to playing games.

It keeps the mind of the other person spinning (did s/he received my message? did I say something wrong?) etc.

It undermines the intelligence the ghosted/faded person: they are supposed to 'guess' what is going on.

I understand sometimes it is hard to say the truth but at least telling the person they will not hear from you anymore is the honorable thing to do because it gets the 'guessing' stress off their shoulders.

Here's what I don't quite understand about how the term "ghosting" is used these days. Once started, it requires me to continue communication and the same amount of communication with a person at all times or I have to give them a formal speech about how I will be decreasing or stopping (maybe I haven't decided to completely stop?) lest I will be labled a ghoster or bad person. You guys had a few dates. I imagine with people this happens all the time: People go on a few dates with each other, they lose interest or something or someone takes away their attention more, communication dwindles away into nothing. Here, the person either fades into memory or whatever was taking their attention away from the person is gone and they come back to the person.

What makes this so bad? I don't see what is so bad about it and why we have a duty to keep the same communication with someone we've been on a few dates with. For some people that is not even logistically possible. Then, they know they are low interest, but they aren't sure they want to stick a fork in it. Is that selfish? Maybe. Depends on how you look at it because we are told all the time to give people a chance.

I guess my point is if you're in an established relationship for awhile and you fall off the map suddenly causing people to worry about your well-being and your kids having no co-parent...well, you are a bad ghost. But I don't see why ignoring a trite message, or even blocking someone you've only been a couple dates with, is so bad. I don't understand the moral obligation to communicate with someone in these circumstances. Empathy of not liking being ignored is understandable, but I'm just challengging the idea that ignoring someone in this stage is really bad.

January 11, 2018

I have never ghosted or slow faded anyone in my life. Ive had it done so many times to me and its always been such a terrible feeling, so ive made it a point, the second I'm not feeling it, I let that person know. And then I don't continue to text them randomly, perhaps getting their hopes up.

I am aware I'm being slow faded, its already happening. Me responding politely to a text message that is sent to me doesn't change the fact I am being slow faded. Am I ever going to reach out first to him again? No. Am I ever going to see him again? No. If he were to directly ask me to hang out or see each other or whatever when I return, I would tell him I'm not interested. But if someone who I did like is telling me to have a nice trip, I'm not going to ignore them. That's stooping to their level. And I'm not a jerk like that. I responded to a text, not flirty, or dragging out the conversation. Just being polite.

In case you feel that it is the equivalent of ghosting or slow fading if you don't respond to a man that is showing you he isn't interested, it's not.

It's very warranted!

The only case that I think you SHOULD respond is if he asks you out again, to which you can politely decline.

January 11, 2018

Because ghosting, and especially slow fading, equates to playing games.

It keeps the mind of the other person spinning (did s/he received my message? did I say something wrong?) etc.

It undermines the intelligence the ghosted/faded person: they are supposed to 'guess' what is going on.

I understand sometimes it is hard to say the truth but at least telling the person they will not hear from you anymore is the honorable thing to do because it gets the 'guessing' stress off their shoulders.

I understand if it's intentional game playing it's wrong to do, but particularly with the slow fade, that is not always the case. I would guess that slow fade is most often the consequence of low-but-not-completely-gone interest.

I've never been of the mind that someone I've been on a few dates with has an obligation to keep up the same level of communication with or keep communicating with me at all, or I am entitled to an explanation as to why. And if they don't give me that, they've acted poorly? No way. If that were to stop communicating with me, I would automatically assume they're not that interested...or they'd want to communicate with me.

I guess it boils down to not understanding the whole confusion people have about when people stop communicating with you but evidence by the posts here it is something I need to be cognizant of. I actually find "I actually found someone more attractive than you and your personality is just awful. Please don't contact me again." to be way harsher... Maybe it's just a difference in preference.

Thanks guys and sorry OP for sidetracking

Edited January 11, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 11, 2018

From this post and others it sounds to me as if it's painful for you that this is happening but that you feel you need to participate in it in order to be polite or not in the category of a jerk.

Imo, if it's hurting you the healthy thing to do for both of you is to not participate in it.

You mention in the above post that this happens to you a lot. I believe there are ways you can prevent it from happening to you and save yourself a lot of pain.

You are right, it is painful for me. I liked the guy which doesn’t happen very often, I tried to take it slow and on my terms, I got wrapped up in it being NYE and the occasion, and then I got let down. But it’s in my nature to be a people pleaser. Always have been. That’s not saying I’m stupid and let myself be walked all over. But yes, it is hard for me to flat out ignore someone. I’d rather be the person who smiled than the one who didn’t smile back.

It’s happened a few times for sure. I’m 31 so I’ve dated a lot lol.

January 11, 2018

I understand if it's intentional game playing it's wrong to do, but particularly with the slow fade, that is not always the case. I would guess that slow fade is most often the consequence of low-but-not-completely-gone interest.

I've never been of the mind that someone I've been on a few dates with has an obligation to keep up the same level of communication with or keep communicating with me at all, or I am entitled to an explanation as to why. If that were to stop communicating with me, I would automatically assume they're not that interested...or they'd want to communicate with me.

I guess it boils down to not understanding the whole confusion people have about when people stop communicating with you but evidence by the posts here it is something I need to be cognizant of. I actually find "I actually found someone more attractive than you and your personality is just awful. Please don't contact me again." to be way harsher... Maybe it's just a difference in preference.

Thanks, guys and sorry OP for sidetracking

After 1 or 2 dates, in the past if I wasn't interested, I would respond but shortly to conversational texts and hoped they take the hint.

But if they asked me out again or persistently text me, I would be clear and direct that we aren't a match.

In OP's case, there was a fair amount of time together and more intimacy (meeting friends, having sex, etc) that I think deserves a more direct handling of the situation.

Anyway, his cowardliness should help her get over him faster.

It's not a good look.

January 11, 2018

Yeah, it could be unintentional and then it is more palatable:)

But here he introduced her to friends, they had sex few times... I find it hard to believe he just forgot about her.

slow fade is most often the consequence of low-but-not-completely-gone interest True. But the mere chance that is something else leaves the person's mind spinning. At least I've always been that way and you never know how the person you are dating is.

I understand if it's intentional game playing it's wrong to do, but particularly with the slow fade, that is not always the case. I would guess that slow fade is most often the consequence of low-but-not-completely-gone interest.

I've never been of the mind that someone I've been on a few dates with has an obligation to keep up the same level of communication with or keep communicating with me at all, or I am entitled to an explanation as to why. And if they don't give me that, they've acted poorly? No way. If that were to stop communicating with me, I would automatically assume they're not that interested...or they'd want to communicate with me.

I guess it boils down to not understanding the whole confusion people have about when people stop communicating with you but evidence by the posts here it is something I need to be cognizant of. I actually find "I actually found someone more attractive than you and your personality is just awful. Please don't contact me again." to be way harsher... Maybe it's just a difference in preference.

Thanks guys and sorry OP for sidetracking

January 11, 2018

You are right, it is painful for me. I liked the guy which doesn’t happen very often, I tried to take it slow and on my terms, I got wrapped up in it being NYE and the occasion, and then I got let down. But it’s in my nature to be a people pleaser. Always have been. That’s not saying I’m stupid and let myself be walked all over. But yes, it is hard for me to flat out ignore someone. I’d rather be the person who smiled than the one who didn’t smile back.

It’s happened a few times for sure. I’m 31 so I’ve dated a lot lol.

I really don't think it is people pleasing to respond to someone's messages/phone call/conversation attempt etc. It is normal behavior.

IMO the alternative (intentionally ignoring) is playing games.

January 11, 2018

It's not so much forgetting as putting the person on the backburner and turning attention to other people in the cases where that happens (I am not saying that's what happened here)

Have other people truly not experienced this when dating themselves? I find it hard to believe. You lose interest in a guy, you naturally just stop responding so much or as indepth. It's not game playing or forgetting about them, it's just a natural decline in interest therefore communication which I think is completely normal after a few dates, with so many people out there and the likelihood of you clicking with one perfectly

And sex may seem signifigant to you and I, but to another person it may be just another day in the life...

I do understand what you are saying and it is commonly a cowardly move when the person doesn't have the guts to be forthright about what they did or how they feel

Edited January 11, 2018 by Cookiesandough

January 11, 2018

It's not so much forgetting as putting the person on the backburner and turning attention to other people in the cases where that happens (I am not saying that's what happened here)
Have other people truly not experienced this when dating themselves? I find it hard to believe. You lose interest in a guy, you naturally just stop responding so much or as indepth. It's not game playing or forgetting about them, it's just a natural decline in interest therefore communication which I think is completely normal after a few dates, with so many people out there and the likelihood of you clicking with one perfectly

And sex may seem signifigant to you and I, but to another person it may be just another day in the life...

I do understand what you are saying and it is commonly a cowardly move when the person doesn't have the guts to be forthright about what they did or how they feel

I get what you're saying - this will make sense if the person is multi-dating (i.e. there is a chance for natural decline in response time if the attention is split between many people). Since I've never dated more than one person at a time, the whole idea is so foreign to me that my mind rejects it

January 12, 2018

I really think you are putting wayyyyyyy too much attention on the slow fade...and so? It could be the slow fade. And? So what?

People do that. It's very common. My point is that you need to accept that a slow fade might happen with people. Actually I read his most recent text exchange with you and hear that he is trying to get you to bond over his busyness, perhaps an ego stroke of something about how he's diligent, a hard worker or primed for success or even bond over something negative (too busy)--people do that too. I think if anything he is doing a bit of push/pull because he senses you are losing interest and that he is messing up by not actively having time to pursue you. People also do that. The point is once you accept that people do all sorts of things--even guys you will end up dating, bf/gf with, or marrying, you will be able to move forward.

Right now all I see is you letting your own skewed interpretations of things which can be wrong and are definitely negative and overthought ruin and impede any dating and personal progress you could be having.

What YOU said in the most recent text exchange I thought was good. You weren't buying into whatever attention he was trying to get from you, i.e. effectively pulling back. And you sounded positive and friendly which is all he is right now and no reason for you not to be your best self even if it doesn't work out and you are having all these bad thoughts behind the scenes. It's as simple as this: he may simply not have enough time to date you in the way you want to be dated (really anyone as he schedule sounds really busy). Why take ANYTHING negative away from that? Not a big deal. You have virtually nothing invested; he was a stranger to you 2 months ago and it doesn't seem to reflect on you.

What i find really naive, if you don't want to fuel your anxiety, or just overall really, is that you are believing someone who says he wants serious without any proof that he is someone you'd want in your life or that he is worthy of upholding that. It's not a promise but you are taking it like it is. It's just words people say. I would take that with a grain of salt.

January 23, 2018

Hello all! I'm having a particularly anxiety filled day and I wanted to share an update and get some general advice.

After our last texting exchange in which he told me to have a good trip and then said he was going to be super busy with work and school, I never texted back. I went on my trip. In the middle of my trip I posted a snapchat of me being goofy. I had posted a few snapchats at this point and he had watched them all. This one he replied to and asked a question. I answered via snapchat. Then he said "Well you look cute and I can see you are having a great time." All I said was "Thanks I am!"

Two days later while still on my trip he texted me about the terrible weather our hometown was having. I told him about the weather I was experiencing. This conversation went on for about two hours with 15-20 min breaks in between texts from both of us. He told me about a place he wants to go hiking out of the country that I had never heard of. His texts were flirty-ish but not overly so. I was very careful to NOT be flirty back but stay polite. (And to be honest, yes I did like him and it sucks that he is slow fading me so while I should have ignored him I didn't, you all can yell at me.)

Three days later (and two days after I returned) he text me AGAIN a picture of the place he had mentioned hiking before. I said it looked pretty. We texted about the place a little back and forth. Then he said "how has the rest of your trip gone?" I said "I returned two days ago, it was great." (I told him twice before the days I would be gone.) Then he said "Glad you enjoyed your trip, I look forward to hearing all about it" Then said how he was heading the two hours up to his classes for the weekend. All I said was "have a good weekend!" That was on Friday afternoon. Its now Tuesday.

I was distracted on my trip so I didn't pay attention to my phone or care who texted me, let alone him. I just feel that unsettled feeling. I am NOT going to go out with this guy again. But I HATE that I am waiting on his text to tell him that. Like why is he even texting me anyway? Why say "cant wait to hear about it!" when you haven't mentioned going out again in two weeks? He obviously went from being all about it, to nothing, so why text me?

Also, he has watched all of my snap chats since returning home as well. When I'm no longer interested in a guy I don't interact with their social media at all (even we are even friends) because I legitimately don't care.

I know whats going to happen. The days will pass and I will start to move on and one day in like two weeks from now he will text me randomly and Ill get sad/anxious all over again. I hate that people will keep dangling people along like that.

January 24, 2018

Hey there,

I'm sorry this guy if affecting your internal peace. I think that when he started getting back into contact, that was you opportunity to say something polite but final, like "It's nice to hear from you, however I'm no longer interested in communicating".

I've followed this thread as I was recently slow faded or ghosted (not sure which ) by a guy I dated for THREE MONTHS! And we met in person.

I think you should do one of 2 things here: a) move on silently and if he ever texts again, ignore him. Or if that's not you (and it's honestly not my style either, I prefer directness and think people who vanish have psychological malfunction issues), so option b) when/if he messages again, then tell him you're not interested!

Maintain your dignity with however you choose to proceed and always stay true to who you are! You are YOUR OWN knight in shining armor so STAY ON YOUR WHITE HORSE and do not let him make you fall from it. Whenever a guy acts disrespectfully towards me, I like to imagine myself galloping away on my magical white horse- it's helpful haha

Lastly, if I was a betting lady, I would say that this guy is emotionally unavailable. The silver lining is that you found this out early. Even in my case of seeing each other 1-2 times per week for three months, I'm glad it wasn't six months or YEARS!

These types of people that aren't upfront enough to tell you how they're feeling will ALWAYS disappoint. Do not waste your precious time feeling bad over it - it is literally like taking a huge cr*p and then crying because it's gone...how silly!!

You deserve so much better than these breadcrumbs, believe that!

January 24, 2018

Hey there,

I'm sorry this guy if affecting your internal peace. I think that when he started getting back into contact, that was you opportunity to say something polite but final, like "It's nice to hear from you, however I'm no longer interested in communicating".

I've followed this thread as I was recently slow faded or ghosted (not sure which ) by a guy I dated for THREE MONTHS! And we met in person.
<snip>

I am a very direct person too which is why it’s hard to have thIs chit chat conversation about nothing really every 3/4 days.

I’m so sorry you got ghosted by someone after dating for three months. I’ve given up wondering how people can do that to other people.

Thank you for your comment, I will maintain my dignity. I can still say I have not contacted him first in over two weeks! Small victory lol.

Edited January 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Truncate quote

January 24, 2018

Well, I generally am very pro maintaining dignity.

I posted in another thread about a guy that ghosted me (blocked me) after 6 weeks of exclusive dating. It was above me to even attempt to contact him via other means to ask for any kind of explanation.

Until I did. I made a fake FB account and messaged him a very cringe worthy manner. I layed it all on the line, about how much he hurt me and how cruel it was to treat me like that. It was a loooong message. The type that's the ultimate turn off for all men.

He attempted to contact me a few times after that and I finally read a lengthy email he sent. It was a play by play account of our 6 weeks of dating. Even remembering little details that he read as red flags in my behaviour. This stuff was something I was totally unaware of. I had no idea that I did anything wrong. He also had no idea that I was as interested as I was and that my feelings were even hurt.

I mean yeah, this guy sucked. His communication skills were non-existent and he should have said something instead of ghosting. At the same time, I could see things from his angle too. I have never had anyone be so blunt about my actions.

We didn't work things out but I thanked him for the lengthy account of everything and things were left on a more positive note. It also enabled me to move on and get the sense of peace about the whole situation and learn some lessons for future dating.

So yeah, sometimes dignity is overrated.

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