Streetcarp Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 So, I guess I need to vent because this situation has had me scratching my head. Around 6 months ago my GF of 3 years (who I live with) friended via social media (facebook, IG, snapchat etc.) a guy. She doesnt know that I know but they dated and/or slept together around 10 years ago. I have an inside "source" who clued me in on guys she had a thing with years ago. So when I saw his name pop up on her social media I instantly took notice. His first message to her publicly a day or two later was on a batch of photos she posted of painting we were doing around the house. The exchange went like such.. Him "Hey, you live in XXX now?" Her "Yup, just moved here a few months ago" Him " We need to get together for a beer and catch up. Add me on messenger so I can pm you so we can set some thing up." Since then he has never commented again, but he likes every thing that she post.. I did some creeping on his page, of course to play the "lets compare game" and I'm not worried to much. Hes not great looking, is very overweight and seems to have a crappy job/not much money. I dont feel he has much over me...but feel very territorial with my GF and do dislike he asked her out for a drink and asked her to add him on messenger so they could pm. But none of thats the problem I'm bringing up today, just the intro... So, full disclosure..I took a look at her Facebook messenger about a month after this interaction. He did send a message but she never opened or responded. I feel good, like hes just a thirsty dude shes brushing off. This weekend tho..is where things get "fishy" Friday she mentions having a guy friend on facebook whos driving for Uber and how silly it is cause he doesnt make much. I agree and in my mind wonder who the heck she could be talking about, I know most of her guy friends and know many of them dont drive or need to supplement their income...accept this guy seems the type. No worries tho, I could just still have him on my mind from the interaction months ago. But then Saturday she says "I think I might go out to the bar tonight with Sally. My friend on Facebook is having his birthday there tonight." Her friend Sally is her sad sack single extremely overweight friend who has been adamantly searching for a boyfriend for the last 2 years. I ask "Oh yeah, what friend on Facebook" She doesnt say a name but just says "Hes this guy who was my other friends roomate. Hes a big fat guy with a wierd baby face. I was thinking maybe hooking him up with Sally but he said hes only into skinny girls. I mean, what does he expect hes a fat 35 year old guy he cant be so picky!" I laughed it off but almost immediately knew who she was referring to. And from all she said its clear she is now talking to him. She doesnt go tho. She stays home, says she decided she doesnt feel like going out. Of course I dont have %100 evidence at this point it was the guy who recently hit her up on FB... Until the next morning I check the IG feed of the bar and see him in one of their pics from the night before... So...am I in the wrong to be thinking something seems off?
igotoverit Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Your post is offensive to someone like me. I am a 35 year old over weight women with very little income and I supliment it cleaning. I was rejected by a 6 foot Spanish engineer with a hot girlfriend (assume based on his specs) and very much humiliated when he posted a picture of me on a fake Facebook profile he made and then he made a linkedin account with my name and in my small city, where he listed my profession as lazy at lazy boy. I came here to heal and found that your post because you stalk your gfs social media has made me feel worse
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) i feel that you have done a lot of assuming....i am going to therefore do my own musings..I assume your gf knows nothing about your snooping....that you have access to her messenger because she trusts you and that she has no idea you are invading her privacy and thinking the way you do.... you need to be honest with your gf .and just maybe you might then know for sure she is honest with you....have a talk to her and tell her what you are feeling and thinking.....say what your boundaries are so she knows exactly what is crossing the line ....and dont assume in future....ask..... you do have a jealousy problem and comparing exes isnt the way to go he may be overweight but he could have been the best lover she has ever ..never assume....deb Edited January 9, 2018 by todreaminblue
Iseult Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 So...am I in the wrong to be thinking something seems off? It sounds like your girlfriend may have friended a past friend and may have had plans to hook him up with a girlfriend. What exactly do you think seems to be off about this? Are you upset that she didn't offer you first dibs?
snowboy91 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 This weekend tho..is where things get "fishy" Friday she mentions having a guy friend on facebook whos driving for Uber and how silly it is cause he doesnt make much. I agree and in my mind wonder who the heck she could be talking about, I know most of her guy friends and know many of them dont drive or need to supplement their income...accept this guy seems the type. No worries tho, I could just still have him on my mind from the interaction months ago. But then Saturday she says "I think I might go out to the bar tonight with Sally. My friend on Facebook is having his birthday there tonight." Her friend Sally is her sad sack single extremely overweight friend who has been adamantly searching for a boyfriend for the last 2 years. I ask "Oh yeah, what friend on Facebook" She doesnt say a name but just says "Hes this guy who was my other friends roomate. Hes a big fat guy with a wierd baby face. I was thinking maybe hooking him up with Sally but he said hes only into skinny girls. I mean, what does he expect hes a fat 35 year old guy he cant be so picky!" I laughed it off but almost immediately knew who she was referring to. And from all she said its clear she is now talking to him. She doesnt go tho. She stays home, says she decided she doesnt feel like going out. Of course I dont have %100 evidence at this point it was the guy who recently hit her up on FB... Until the next morning I check the IG feed of the bar and see him in one of their pics from the night before... So...am I in the wrong to be thinking something seems off? In terms of your relationship, no. She's blown this guy off for catching up, probably out of fear that you'll get upset as he's an ex from 10 years ago. If it's from that long ago I'd be cool with it unless he tries to make a move. But she's clearly trying to set him up with her friend to get him out of her (and your) way, she's so not interested in him. Which is why she's with you. Although I do feel that your (and your GF's) attitude towards being overweight isn't all that nice, but that's getting off topic.
browzer Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 He's a big fat dude, she's not interested in him other than having a shared history. Leave your jealousy at the door, it's not warranted, he's no threat to you unless he quits the milkshakes and joins a gym. 1
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Good lord if you have to stalk you shouldn't be in a relationship. 2
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) He's a big fat dude, she's not interested in him other than having a shared history. Leave your jealousy at the door, it's not warranted, he's no threat to you unless he quits the milkshakes and joins a gym. how do you know she hasnt feelings for him.....i personally think he should up his game and be an honest caring bf if he loves her...this is how guys lose girls....judging and snooping and being overly jealous...deb. Edited January 9, 2018 by todreaminblue 1
browzer Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 His GF could be thinking anything but the odds are overwhelmingly in his favor if he's fit as compared to a big fat guy.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I have an inside "source" who clued me in on guys she had a thing with years ago. Why would you do this?? 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Your post is offensive to someone like me. I am a 35 year old over weight women with very little income and I supliment it cleaning. I was rejected by a 6 foot Spanish engineer with a hot girlfriend (assume based on his specs) and very much humiliated when he posted a picture of me on a fake Facebook profile he made and then he made a linkedin account with my name and in my small city, where he listed my profession as lazy at lazy boy. I came here to heal and found that your post because you stalk your gfs social media has made me feel worse I'm so sorry that happened to you. That is incredibly cruel .
SpecialJ Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 Unless she's ever given you reason not to trust her in the past, you're overreacting and invading her privacy in a way that would really piss me off if I was your gf. I am friends with a few of my exes, to the extent I don't think of them as my exes I do think of them just as my friends. If I didn't mention hanging out with one of them to a partner, it would be because I honestly didn't think about it because they are not a threat to a new partner in any way. She doesn't exactly sound close to him. She sounds like she pities him a bit. It's also possible that she knows how jealous you get and just doesn't want to start a fight with you over someone she wants to set up with a friend and who doesn't mean anything romantic to her these days. Which, if true, might mean you need to work on your mutual foundation of trust. 1
Recommended Posts