Kkristine Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I was very reserved in my younger days, hardly dated. When I was 22, I started a serious relationship. It lasted 5 years. He cheated on me in the end. It's been almost 2 years, and I STILL feel as though I'm emotionally unavailable. I find myself quick to get physical, but once that's over, I want that person out of my life. I've done this to 2 good guys so far. When I push these guys away, I then sit cry and just reminisce about my ex. I don't think about my ex any other time though, just after being with other men. What's wrong with me? It's been almost 2 years... Is it because they just aren't the right guys, or do I need to talk to someone? 1
Mkn1010 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) [] OP, yes, please go to therapy, I have a very similar past and was (maybe am still) emotionally unavailable compared others - whatever that means Edited January 9, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Redact off-topic content and delete quote
snowboy91 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I was very reserved in my younger days, hardly dated. When I was 22, I started a serious relationship. It lasted 5 years. He cheated on me in the end. It's been almost 2 years, and I STILL feel as though I'm emotionally unavailable. I find myself quick to get physical, but once that's over, I want that person out of my life. I've done this to 2 good guys so far. When I push these guys away, I then sit cry and just reminisce about my ex. I don't think about my ex any other time though, just after being with other men. What's wrong with me? It's been almost 2 years... Is it because they just aren't the right guys, or do I need to talk to someone? It sounds to me like you're still not fully healed from your 5 year relationship. Nostalgia is a terrible thing sometimes, would I be right in saying that when you get with these guys, you feel disappointed that they're not like your ex? The best way forward would be to get yourself in a frame of mind where any new guy is someone to spend some part of your life with. It sounds deep for a beginning of a relationship... but let's face it, you share parts of your life with people you're not officially dating (eg. friends), whether you've known them for 10 years or 10 minutes! If you feel like you need to go to therapy, do it. It's always a strange step to take but once you do it, you'll be happy you did.
bachdude Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Maybe by being quick to get physical, deep down in these guys remind you of your ex.
alphamale Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Is it because they just aren't the right guys, or do I need to talk to someone? it is because they just are not the right guys...and maybe too soon for you
SammySammy Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Human motivation is driven by the desire to either avoid pain or attain pleasure. You recognize your relationship is over. Like most of us, you desire companionship, affection, and even sex. Short term pleasure. However, it seems that your desire to avoid heartbreak and loss is much stronger than your desire to attain pleasure. So, you end the relationships. The good thing is we're not motivated by real pain and pleasure. We're motivated by PERCEIVED pain and pleasure. You don't really know that your brief physical encounters will be pleasurable. Just as you don't know a long-term relationship will end in pain. Being aware that you're projecting your past onto your future gives you the opportunity to change it. Maybe you can look at each relationship as a fresh start. Encapsulate each one - with its own beginning and end. Find a way to carry no baggage into your future. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) you need to talk to someone and you are confused ..thats why you are posting here.... no one has a set time to "get over" someone...a broken heart is never the same with everyone...physically i feel everyone can move on relatively quickly but its the emotions tied with love that take longer to unravel and to move on from.....it took me longer than two years.....almost double.....i dont move on from emotional ties mine is almost obligation not to give up on someone even if they are horrible to me..... and i don't know why i feel this...shrinks say its childhood related...i had an acute care team they still couldn't "get through" to me......i overheard them talking about me...i have had therapy......a lot of it....i throw people off the track if they get too close to my heart......its not fear with me...its protection.....defense mechanism...it would have to be a pretty determined guy to get through.... i don'[t fall in love easily......and i cant blame anyone i also have had relationships with really good men....there were legitimate reasons why i had to let them go.....it was for them i let go I feel you do need to speak to someone...someone compassionate and ready to just listen...sometimes the simple act of talking things through with someone who will listen is what you need..... when you say that you have let good men go ...is it that your ex treated you differently or was he actually a good man too???.....who initiated the break up?....deb Edited January 9, 2018 by todreaminblue
carhill Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 OP, do you accept interactions from among men who approach you or do you approach men you find attractive or a mix or?? Would you say you tend to accept/approach men who are physically and/or behaviorally like your ex? Do you feel men are, generally, unreliable, meaning you can't trust them? Why?
Highndry Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I don't see anything about how you've gotten to know these guys, laughed, had fun, became close and enjoyed their company while developing intimacy. In other words, you're not even scratching the surface of what a relationship really means. Sex is just sex.
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I once heard that it takes 1/2 the duration of the relationship to fully get over it. You have only been apart 2 years. On the theory, your healing is not yet complete. I suspect that it's partly that you are not ready. You do crave some physical contact & hence are OK with getting physical but once they try to get emotionally close, you are still raw & push them away. That's OK. You are still fragile & vulnerable. If you thinking talking to someone will help, by all means seek therapy. If you are willing to simply take the time to continue your healing, that is acceptable too.
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