MM Moved In, Now What?

[Confused Woman]

The MM I am seeing just moved in with me two days ago. He left his wife in the beginning of July and was staying at a hotel. Now he’s finally moved in. He told his wife that he was moving in with another woman and I thought she took it well considering the circumstances, aside from telling him that we’d both burn in hell. But at least she did not tell him that he could not see his kids. Well I guess it had to marinate for a while because today she told him to stay the f*ck away from her and her kids. I’m hoping she’s just angry right now and will soon realize that by keeping him from his kids she’s only hurting them. He's a very good dad and very dedicated. He wants to spend as much time with his children as possible, and she's already stated that he's not allowed to bring the kids around me. So that means that they cannot come over for overnight visits as they were doing while he was at the hotel.

 

I'm very confused. I want to be happy with this man, but the W seems determined to make it difficult as possible. She was supposed to go on a job interview today but stated that she was "too upset to handle it". He has been asking her to get a job for 12 years and there's always some excuse as to why she never wants to work. Its not like he makes alot of money, she was just determined to not work and content to struggle financiallly. Now I think she might pursue alimony and not work until she's forced to.

 

I think it would be best for all involved if this was handled out of the court system and they could come to an agreement together about visitation and support for the kids.

 

I'm also scared because I know there is a possibility he might not be able to handle it and will go back to her just to be with his kids. They share one vehicle, and he has to spend extended time at her house because he can't bring the kids here. I'm scared. What to do next?

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by Confused Woman

The MM I am seeing just moved in with me two days ago. He left his wife in the beginning of July and was staying at a hotel. Now he’s finally moved in. He told his wife that he was moving in with another woman and I thought she took it well considering the circumstances, aside from telling him that we’d both burn in hell.

 

Lucky you, you got what we all wanted. I am sorry to hear it is scary, but now that you have him with you, you have to deal with him and all his issues. You need to sit down and have a talk with him about what his plans with you are.

 

Good Luck

[BoatingBabe]

Be careful, be supportive, he needs guidance now. Also, be careful, an exMM moved out on his wife twice, but went back to her after I dumped him. (I met him when he was already separated and on his own the first time, we dated, it didn't work out, he went back to her. They had the same problems though and he got in touch with me, we spoke, I made it clear to him I wouldn't see him unless he was out of the house, He left her again, stayed with friends and he and I got back together, It didn't work out (he was a big liar) and then he moved back in with her....This was a constant rollercoaster with him for 2 years. He missed his kids throughout the whole time he was with me, he had HUGE guilt issues with leaving them. He is now still married and still with her. So just because they leave, doesn't mean it's over....Unless you see a finalized divorce filing...I'd still be wary of any situation where kids are involved.

Good Luck!

[lynnspies1]

I really would like to know why anyone would volunteer for this life. You will forever have the kids, his ex-wife, and financial problems in your future. She will get allimony and child support even if she is working. Your MM will loose approximately half of what money he now makes. So you will be supporting him in a sense.

 

I have no experience in this matter. I am sure it is easier when you are on the outside looking in. I just don't know why anyone would sign up for that deal. Love really is not enough. I hope that you have a iron clad stomach. Good luck.

 

Lynn

[Breathe]

I also think you just need to be supportive of him, but at the same time he needs to understand your feelings and support you as well. Going through a divorce is hard on everyone, the husband, wife, kids, extended family and friends. There is going to be stress, anger and tears. Try to stay positive and focus on the here and now, not tomorrow. Returning to his wife after all that has happend may not now or ever be an option for him, as this would also have to be her decision as well. You need to take care of yourself first, and make yourself happy. You'll know when the time comes what you can and cannot handle. There are going to be hills and there are going to be mountains. But if you two really want to make this work between you then you have to work together and not against each other. Be supportive, communicate and BE HONEST.

[newbby]

what breathe said.

also try not to be angry at the wife about it. i think you really need to do as breathe said and try to keep yourself very strong and calm through all of this.

talk to him about it, and be supportive also give him enough space to work out the kid things. accept that she does not want the children to be around you for the moment (she will calm down about this later), and discuss other options with him.

this is the worst time when emotions are raw etc.

[whichwayisup]

The best thing he could have done was get himself a small apartment and taken the time for adjustment. He can't just jump out of the marriage, move out and then jump right into your arms and house with no fallout, no awful feelings from his wife and kids...He still needs time to grieve his loss - Him leaving his kids, being around them basically 24/7.

 

It might be good of you to suggest this to him. You do sleep overs here and there, but for his kidssake - atleast he can spend time with them somewhere, have a sleepover with them without his exwife (though she's not ex yet) freaking out. I can understand she wouldn't want the kids near you right now. That comes in time do not rush that...She's pissed off and actually she has every right to be too! Sorry, don't mean to offend ya.

 

Also, him being on his own will show her he's thinking of the kids feelings and not just his own. That he is trying to make the best of a bad situation, to make it easier on the kids.

 

It will take a while for life to get easy for the two of you. Allow him time and space because he's going to waiver back and forth in his mind, wondering if he did the right thing and if he did, can he live with his choices... Not saying he's gonna go back to her, nobody knows that, but don't expect alot right now...

[JPMorgan]

Originally posted by Confused Woman

I think it would be best for all involved if this was handled out of the court system and they could come to an agreement together about visitation and support for the kids.

 

Yes, but is that realistic? Get thee to an attorney about this before she does. Its hard to see what is best for the kids when personal pain puts a wall between logic and emotion and one is stuck on the emotion side.

[Debster]

He wants to spend as much time with his children as possible, and she's already stated that he's not allowed to bring the kids around me. So that means that they cannot come over for overnight visits as they were doing while he was at the hotel.

As the parent, she does have that right to say who she does and does not want her children to be around. If your MM decides not to listen to her, he could risk a huge custody battle. If he does listen to her, it will no doubt affect your ability to have a normal relationship. Either way, someone loses. If he chooses you over his kids, than what does that say about him as a dad? If he chooses his kids over you, than what does that say about your relationship. Don't you deserve better?

 

I'm very confused. I want to be happy with this man, but the W seems determined to make it difficult as possible.

 

Of course she is making your life hel! - and quite frankly, if you were involved in the breakup of her marriage - can you really blame her?

 

She was supposed to go on a job interview today but stated that she was "too upset to handle it".

Are you really that cold and insensitive not to realize how her husband leaving her and moving in with someone else would devastate her? I'm hoping I'm just reading your comment incorrectly, and that you do have some compassion. As for the not working - could it be that it was because she was raising her husband's kids?? Often when a woman stops working to raise a family it is very hard to get back into the workforce.

 

I think it would be best for all involved if this was handled out of the court system and they could come to an agreement together about visitation and support for the kids.

 

If you decide you do want to stick it out with him, realize this: what you think and say is not important when it comes to his divorce. It is a matter between him and his wife. Let him deal with it as he feels fit. If you push him, it might make him run from you.

 

I'm also scared because I know there is a possibility he might not be able to handle it and will go back to her just to be with his kids. They share one vehicle, and he has to spend extended time at her house because he can't bring the kids here. I'm scared. What to do next?

 

That's a very real possibility and that's why I say stay out of it. Let him deal with it the way he feels best. Let him put the welfare of his kids first. Not you.

[whichwayisup]

Good points debster...

 

I really wanna stress to CW that you should encourage him to find an apartment. By doing this will show him and actually her too, that you're putting your needs and wants last. You want HIM to work through this as easily as he can and if that means you wait longer to have him live with you, you wait it out.

 

I don't know what this situation is like, but I can imagine it's not going to be an easy one for anybody involved. Alot of pain, resentment and hurt - Confusion and awful saddness, possibily alot anger from his children.

 

Do yourself ONE favour...Don't push yourself towards them, don't even try to meet them. They won't be ready and won't be able to handle meeting you or seeing you with their father.

[Confused Woman]

Thanks for the replies, I know I need to hang in there and be supportive. Truth is though, I’m already annoyed. She doesn’t have a vehicle so she’s constantly calling him for everything from milk to letting her borrow the car. Also, she doesn’t have any income so she’s completely dependent upon him. She’s in no position to tell him to f*ck off even if she wanted to.

 

Are you really that cold and insensitive not to realize how her husband leaving her and moving in with someone else would devastate her? I'm hoping I'm just reading your comment incorrectly, and that you do have some compassion. As for the not working - could it be that it was because she was raising her husband's kids?? Often when a woman stops working to raise a family it is very hard to get back into the workforce.

 

I don’t think I’m being insensitive, I think she milked her husband for their entire marriage. She constantly made excuses as to why she wouldn’t work and chose not to take her husband’s feelings into consideration when he expressed continuously that they were not getting anywhere on just his one income. Its one thing if you’re with someone who can comfortably afford to take care of you while you stay at home and you both agree on it, but she blatantly chose to disregard his feelings. As a result he struggled financially. Now she's telling him that he should have given her an ultimatum with regard to her getting a job, why should he have to give her an ultimatum if they are supposed to be partners in a relationship? Now it just seems to me like the excuses are continuing.

 

I really wanna stress to CW that you should encourage him to find an apartment. By doing this will show him and actually her too, that you're putting your needs and wants last. You want HIM to work through this as easily as he can and if that means you wait longer to have him live with you, you wait it out.

 

As for asking him to move into his own apartment, we discussed that before. Actually we went looking for apartments and quite frankly with his credit he needed a cosigner, and I’m in love but not stupid. Then there was the issue with the security deposit. So in a way I’m helping him out by allowing him to move in with me, although we already discussed that starting next month I do expect him to pay half the mortgage, which he agreed to.

[Art_Critic]

I'm happy for you ...

 

If he doesn't take the wife back.. ( a good possibility that he will ) and does get divorce ( not likely )

 

but if he does .. When he does marry you ( right )

 

then you can tell us what is on your mind when he cheats on you ...

 

Can you not see it ???

 

Don't make her the bad guy for your unhappiness .. You ought to be her

 

That is a lot of hurdles to overcome for a guy that you won't co-sign a 6 month lease for so he can have an apartment to get his head straight to start a new life with you ..

[reservoirdog1]

I don’t think I’m being insensitive, I think she milked her husband for their entire marriage. She constantly made excuses as to why she wouldn’t work and chose not to take her husband’s feelings into consideration when he expressed continuously that they were not getting anywhere on just his one income. Its one thing if you’re with someone who can comfortably afford to take care of you while you stay at home and you both agree on it, but she blatantly chose to disregard his feelings. As a result he struggled financially. Now she's telling him that he should have given her an ultimatum with regard to her getting a job, why should he have to give her an ultimatum if they are supposed to be partners in a relationship? Now it just seems to me like the excuses are continuing.

 

How much of the above did you actually witness? And how much of it is from his lips?

 

You're choosing to believe a cheater who deceived and betrayed somebody he supposedly loved. Naturally he's going to put the best possible spin on the situation for your benefit so he doesn't look like a TOTAL scumbag. Cheating aside, somehow I doubt he's the total saint you seem to think he is.

 

Besides, if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. That's free advice.

[Maria46]

Reservoirdog1

 

You took the words right out of my mouth.

 

My husband told his ow that I was a horrible person....etc..... After I divorced him, he married her, and then she divorced him. I had a real nice chat with her after that. That's how I know that MM will say anything about their wives. I believe I would call it the "poor me" syndrome.

 

But I won't say it happens in all cases.

 

Be careful Confused.

[justcallmesnug]

Originally posted by reservoirdog1

How much of the above did you actually witness? And how much of it is from his lips?

 

You're choosing to believe a cheater who deceived and betrayed somebody he supposedly loved. Naturally he's going to put the best possible spin on the situation for your benefit so he doesn't look like a TOTAL scumbag. Cheating aside, somehow I doubt he's the total saint you seem to think he is.

 

Besides, if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. That's free advice.

 

I agree with this, to some extent. In my case, my friends are all saying why the hell are you so stuck on this guy, look what he is doing behond his wife's back. I am starting to think this way myself.

 

I think he is in a big transition period with his whole life and his wife. Please be careful you don't get involved in something that is going to cause you hardship; it can sneek up on you like a bastard!

[newbby]

i dont either think it is unreasonable that a woman wants to stay at home and give the best of herself to look after the children. it is generally the way things work, that one partner does the earning and the other does the childrearing.

i agree dont put your anger on to her.

most men think they have the difficult task of earning the money. i know a couple of single fathers who have been in both positions and said they did not realise before what a big job their wives were actually doing.

most men will complain that they have to earn all the money.

i dont think that getting angry at her will do you any favours either, even if he left her, he still has some love for her and he will be able to tell that you are blaming her for these things.

i know it must be really difficult being in this situation and i cannot imagine it myself, but you need to try and be reasonable and allow everybody involved, him, her and the children, some adjustment time.

she has been a wife for a long time, she did not have to think about all of these things before, even if you are very independent yourself and think that she is being pathetic, imagine it from her perspective.

she is most likely quite terrified. she suddenly has to become a single mother. she will have to be everything to the children, even if he sees them alot, she has to be everything to them whilst she is in the home with them. who is she going to talk to each evening? she has never even had to live alone for so many years. on top of that, her husband no longer loves her, he is in love with somebody else! on top of that her children are losing their father as they know him!! thats quite alot to deal with.

she will be feeling very needy at the moment and i doubt she will be asking him to run around for her forever, but at the moment she is trying to (understandably) cling to some of the security of married life.

i hope that you can try to empathise with her, it will help everybody involved including yourself.

[whichwayisup]

As for asking him to move into his own apartment, we discussed that before. Actually we went looking for apartments and quite frankly with his credit he needed a cosigner, and I’m in love but not stupid. Then there was the issue with the security deposit. So in a way I’m helping him out by allowing him to move in with me, although we already discussed that starting next month I do expect him to pay half the mortgage, which he agreed to.

 

Wow, you missed my whole point. I'm sure he has other friends or a family member he can go to co-sign. That's not a good enough excuse and honestly, him living with you may take care of financial matters but it doesn't fix the problems of him seeing his children without you in the picture. I do hope you're not pushing to see and be part of his kids life so soon...No offense...

 

Pay half the mortgage? OK do you have this down on paper? Signed with a witness? What if things don't fall into place and he heads back home because he realized he made a mistake, wants to try things again. Is he off the hook or does he still give you money now...

 

Don't trust him 100%, I agree with Resdog on this one...

 

AND she stayed home and RAISED HIS CHILDREN...I'm sure that was a choice they made many years ago. I really hope you don't believe every word out of his mouth...

 

I heard some swamp land was for sale, 1 buck only!

[zoey15]

Lucky you, you got what we all wanted.

 

I wouldn't want my MM! You can't really speak for all of us, cause I wouldn't know what to do w/ mine!

[I was the OW]

Take it from someone who has been there. My exMM also left his W and moved in with his best friends. He couldn't afford deposit or rent for his own place so he moved in with his friend. He told me that his W was going to move away and then he would move back into their house and live there. A month after his W and kids moved away he was back with her! He left me to go back to his W. I even filed a D from my own H so we could be together. I had feelings for this MM since I first met him but I ended up marrying the father of my daughter. When both of our M's were having problems we would confine in eachother and became very close. He finally filed for a D and I filed for a D from my H. Even though I never wanted to remarry again I still wanted a life with my exMM.

 

I am not saying all MM go back to their W's when they leave them but I do believe 9 times out of 10 they will.

[mopar crazy]

Originally posted by Confused Woman

The MM I am seeing just moved in with me two days ago. He left his wife in the beginning of July and was staying at a hotel. Now he’s finally moved in. He told his wife that he was moving in with another woman and I thought she took it well considering the circumstances, aside from telling him that we’d both burn in hell. But at least she did not tell him that he could not see his kids. Well I guess it had to marinate for a while because today she told him to stay the f*ck away from her and her kids. I’m hoping she’s just angry right now and will soon realize that by keeping him from his kids she’s only hurting them. He's a very good dad and very dedicated. He wants to spend as much time with his children as possible, and she's already stated that he's not allowed to bring the kids around me. So that means that they cannot come over for overnight visits as they were doing while he was at the hotel.

 

 

I think she is very angry right now, rightfully so. I know I was very angry when my H left me and started an A w/ the exOW. I honestly don't recall telling him he couldn't see the kids, however I did tell him he better not take them anywhere near the OW. I honestly don't blame his W for not wanting their children to be around you, sorry.

 

 

I'm very confused. I want to be happy with this man, but the W seems determined to make it difficult as possible. She was supposed to go on a job interview today but stated that she was "too upset to handle it". He has been asking her to get a job for 12 years and there's always some excuse as to why she never wants to work. Its not like he makes alot of money, she was just determined to not work and content to struggle financiallly. Now I think she might pursue alimony and not work until she's forced to.

 

Of course she is making it difficult for you. HER H left her for another woman. She has every right to be angry, hurt, and down right pi$$ed at the both of you. When my H left me for the OW I quit my business I ran out of my home b/c I moved back to where my family was. My H was always on my case about getting a job b/c he didn't want to pay alimony anymore. It was court ordered that I get a job ASAP and as soon as I did the alimony would be dropped. My lawyer told me not to let my H bully me into gettin a job until I was ready. I didn't get a job until 3 months after I moved away. It was the first summer I got to spend w/ my kids w/o having to worry about a job.

As for her being upset about the job interview, what do you expect? Her H just left her and their children for another woman. As for him asking her to get a job for the last 12 years, she did have a job, being a SAHM to THEIR children. Even though she didn't get a paycheck. Being a SAHM brings much more to children than materialistic things. They got to be at home w/ their mom instead of going to daycare every day and letting someone else raise their children. Not to mention the price of daycare, that is outrages! Sometimes it doesn't even pay a mom to work b/c of daycare expenses.

 

I think it would be best for all involved if this was handled out of the court system and they could come to an agreement together about visitation and support for the kids.

 

I hope his W hires her own lawyer! My H is good friends w/ a guy that works at a law firm and that is where H went for his attorney. Both my H and this guy friend of his both told me there was no reason to get a lawyer and spend the money needlessly on my own attorney fees. HA! There was no way I was going to go through the mess of a D w/o my own lawyer. A D can not be handled out of the court system. And if the W is smart, she already has a lawyer to protect herself and children.

I'm also scared because I know there is a possibility he might not be able to handle it and will go back to her just to be with his kids. They share one vehicle, and he has to spend extended time at her house because he can't bring the kids here. I'm scared. What to do next?

I understand you are scared, and I'm sorry. I agree w/ WWIU, he needs to find his own place. If he can't afford his own place I am sure he has friends he can live w/ for a few months until the D is final, or at least until he knows for a fact he no longer wants his M. If he really wants a D I don't know why he would jump from a M right into a serious relationship? That just prooves that you are part of the reason why he left his W and it's no wonder she is so angry right now. As for the car...she has the children, she needs a car for doctor's appts, to transport her kids to school (if they are in school and bussing is not an option), to go to the store for food, clothing, and other things they need. If he isn't willing to give her the car then he needs to be the one to go pick things up for her at the store. JMO

 

 

Sorry to be so harsh.

[Confused Woman]

she has been a wife for a long time, she did not have to think about all of these things before, even if you are very independent yourself and think that she is being pathetic, imagine it from her perspective.

 

I guess that’s the gist of it, I think she’s being rather pathetic. The women in my life are not like that, they are strong, independent women. Even the women who separated from their husbands stood on their own two feet and did what they had to. The W comes from a family where the women don’t like to work and are content to be on welfare, struggle, etc. I think my MM just felt trapped, like in being with her he would never have an equal or get an opportunity to have the finer things in life. However, I do understand the pain of wanting to be with someone who doesn’t want you. If my MM is being honest in stating that he’s been telling her for years that he didn’t love her anymore and was only there for his kids how could she not have seen this coming?

 

Wow, you missed my whole point. I'm sure he has other friends or a family member he can go to co-sign. That's not a good enough excuse and honestly, him living with you may take care of financial matters but it doesn't fix the problems of him seeing his children without you in the picture. I do hope you're not pushing to see and be part of his kids life so soon...No offense...

 

I have no desire to meet his children. When he told me his W didn’t want me around their children I was not upset. I was actually scared that he’d want to have his kids over all the time. Going from no kids to three children around all the time is quite scary. My concern is for him because he’s used to having his kids stay over. I know he’ll miss waking up with them. If he wants to leave, it’s his choice. I would like to see if we can make a go of this, even with all the obstacles.

 

Everyday is a challenge; I have to struggle to be understanding and patient. When we’re together its great but he’s constantly running back and forth between her home and mine. I have to tell myself “He’s only trying to be there for his kids”.

 

Mopar, thanks for sharing your story. It’s interesting to hear the other side because I don’t think I’ll be talking to the W anytime soon.

[mopar crazy]

I have no desire to meet his children. When he told me his W didn’t want me around their children I was not upset. I was actually scared that he’d want to have his kids over all the time. Going from no kids to three children around all the time is quite scary. My concern is for him because he’s used to having his kids stay over. I know he’ll miss waking up with them. If he wants to leave, it’s his choice. I would like to see if we can make a go of this, even with all the obstacles

 

Mopar, thanks for sharing your story. It’s interesting to hear the other side because I don’t think I’ll be talking to the W anytime soon.

 

 

Your welcome, and I hope I wasn't too harsh.

 

As for you not having any desire to meet his children...if he actually does go through the D and starts his life over w/ you eventually will meet his children. When you get involved w/ a man w/ children his children are also involved w/ the relationship (unless the father has nothing to do w/ them and that is not the case w/ your MM). If you aren't ready to have a ready-made-family, then I think you really need to stand back and think about what you want. If you really want and love this MM and he does D his W his children will be part of your life.

 

When I was single and didn't have any children I didn't want a man who already had children, so I can see where you are coming from on that. I love children very much, children are a big part of my life not only w/ my own, but my job. I don't blame you for not wanting a man w/ children, but right now, that is what you have so you have to really sit down and think about that also. You have a lot to really think about.

[whichwayisup]

I agree 100% with MC. This man comes with the package deal - his children. They WILL be a part of your life, especially further in the future. Sleepovers, weekends, family trips, school plays, graduations, weddings, etc... If you plan on marrying this man at some point, YOU will be their step mom, like it or not.

 

Does he know how you feel?

[Confused Woman]

I agree 100% with MC. This man comes with the package deal - his children. They WILL be a part of your life, especially further in the future. Sleepovers, weekends, family trips, school plays, graduations, weddings, etc... If you plan on marrying this man at some point, YOU will be their step mom, like it or not.

 

Does he know how you feel?

 

Well when we had the discussion about visitation he expressed that he wanted joint custody, having his kids every other week and even every other day. The later choice is completely unrealistic. But I told him that I thought if his kids come over on the weekends that would be better. We would need to ease into this and see how things go. Plus I don’t want to get overwhelmed and still don’t have a clue as to how his kids would respond to me. So no I have not been pushing to meet his kids, but he’s stated several times that he wants me to meet them.

 

Today his W stated to him that she wanted to discuss the kids meeting me. That was earlier today and he hasn’t called me back yet so I don’t know what they decided in their discussion. At first it was “absolutely not”, but I don’t know if she is reconsidering that now.

 

I’m still feeling like the OW because he’s never around. After work he’s always going to see his kids and coming home late, and here it Saturday and he worked this morning then again went straight to see his kids after work. He’s still gone, spending the day with them. I think I’m going to request that at minimum he picks a day when we can be together, just the two of us. I need more attention and time than I’m currently getting. I can’t just feel like this is a place where he rests his head at night, I want to feel like he actually lives here with me and is trying to build a relationship together.

[mopar crazy]

Originally posted by Confused Woman

Well when we had the discussion about visitation he expressed that he wanted joint custody, having his kids every other week and even every other day. The later choice is completely unrealistic. But I told him that I thought if his kids come over on the weekends that would be better. We would need to ease into this and see how things go. Plus I don’t want to get overwhelmed and still don’t have a clue as to how his kids would respond to me. So no I have not been pushing to meet his kids, but he’s stated several times that he wants me to meet them.

 

 

I hate to be harsh Confused but if you start telling your MM when he can see his children you are going to push him away. If you don't think you want his children over every other day and you feel it's unrealisitic you need to tell him how you feel. If he brings them over all the time you are going to start disliking his children b4 you even get a chance to know them. You both need to come to an agreement w/ the visitations at your home that you share w/ him. I think he needs wait a little bit longer for you to meet his children.

 

 

Today his W stated to him that she wanted to discuss the kids meeting me. That was earlier today and he hasn’t called me back yet so I don’t know what they decided in their discussion. At first it was “absolutely not”, but I don’t know if she is reconsidering that now.

 

WOW! I am really shocked she is willing to have you meet her children so soon! My H and the exOW were seeing eachother for 3 months and there was no way in HE!! she was going to be around my kids. She knew my kids from seeing them at the company picnics, but she had never talked to them. My H tried talking them into going to meet her and they said no. They did not like the exOW. H tried convincing them that they would have fun going to see her b/c she had a talking Macaw. The kids had no interest, even if she had a talking parrot. I was not happy w/ H when the kids told me that. I was extremely upset he wanted to take our kids to see the OW. I know they would of refused to go and if he would of made them there would of been he!! to pay, big time.

 

I’m still feeling like the OW because he’s never around. After work he’s always going to see his kids and coming home late, and here it Saturday and he worked this morning then again went straight to see his kids after work. He’s still gone, spending the day with them. I think I’m going to request that at minimum he picks a day when we can be together, just the two of us. I need more attention and time than I’m currently getting. I can’t just feel like this is a place where he rests his head at night, I want to feel like he actually lives here with me and is trying to build a relationship together.

 

Sorry to say it but you are still the OW. He is still M to his W. Even though you are living together, you are still the OW. Is his W around when he goes to see his children? If she is there and they are playing "family" it is going to really confuse their children. They are going to think mom and dad are still together, or are getting back together. I made that mistake w/ my own children, even though H and I did get back together later on.

 

I don't think the exOW ever got upset w/ H for coming over and seeing our children but he didn't come over every night, maybe two or three times a week. I know one time she got upset b/c H took our daughter to the game and she wanted to know when he was going to be back in town to see her and he told her when he was done, he was spending time w/ his daughter. You just need to be careful on this visitation situation. If you tell your MM he can't see his children as he needs to spend time w/ you, he may get upset w/ you and break it off. If he really loves his kids and loves spending as much time w/ him he wont like someone telling him when he can and can not see them.

This is new to him. He is use to living w/ his children and seeing them all the time so it's going to be awhile for him to adjust that he no longer lives under the same roof as his kids. Just be patient and give it time. GL