danasmett Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 I’ve been talking to this guy who’s a tad awkward and has confided in me that he struggles with social anxiety. This doesn’t bother me at all because I’m the same way and I actually think that’s one of the reasons we get along so well. The only thing that I find a little odd, is the fact that although he seems super into me, I also feel like I’ve had to almost lure him into every date that we’ve been on so far. For example, in the first few weeks that we were beginning to chat at work (that’s where we met) I kept setting up really obvious cues for him to ask me out, but he didn’t for the longest time. It took WEEKS of me saying really obvious stuff like “Oh yeah I really want to see that movie too but none of my friends will go with me” etc. It wasn’t until I jokingly messaged him that I had been supposed to go see the movie and had a friend cancel on me that he finally asked me to see it with him. And from there he planned the whole date and chose a nice place for dinner and everything and we had a great time. We even ended up getting kicked out of the restaurant because we had stayed so long that it was closing. It was super clear that neither of us wanted the date to end. A couple of days later was my last day at home before I had to go back to school, and I desperately wanted to see him again before I left and I had a feeling he did too. But he wouldn’t do anything about it. So I finally said that I’d be around with nothing to do if he wanted to get together before I left and he immediately jumped on it and rearranged his entire weekend plans (he had been supposed to leave for a trip but pushed it back a day so he could hang out with me). He planned another really nice date and we had a good time again. After each of these dates and more like them, he always texted me and told me he had an amazing time with me and really liked spending time with me. He also was initiating texts pretty frequently and was forward about how he felt about me. All that was enough to give me confidence that he really did like me. I wasn’t super forward in return because I’m very shy about how I feel about guys, so I think he was unsure about where I stood with him, making him lack confidence to keep asking me out and just perpetuating the cycle. But now after having been away at school for a while and both of us being busy, I’ve lost that confidence to keep pushing for dates. Texts had died out and I tried to ask him to hang out a few weeks ago, but he said he was too busy with work and family and the holidays to think about that for a while. I knew it to be true because he just got promoted, but still felt pretty rejected and I kind of shut down and backed off completely, figuring I had come across as too much and my chance with him was over. Then last week I went to talk to him briefly while we were both working because we still act pretty friendly at work, and he said (without me pushing it or suggesting it at all) that he really wanted to get together before I go back to school again and that he’d text me this week about it, but I haven’t heard anything from him. Part of me knows that it would come across as desperate if I were to text him about it when he explicitly said he’d text me, but I’m wondering if this is another case where he needs that little push of encouragement to go through with it, especially since I haven’t really been talking to him much lately and we definitely haven’t been flirting or anything. I really do want to see him before I leave, mostly because part of me wants to finally just tell him how I feel. Would it hurt for me to try initiating a text about something else a little later in the week if I still haven’t heard from him to steer him into asking me out again? Or should I cut my losses with this one and figure if he doesn’t text me he’s not interested.
Mr.Me Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I don't see you have anything to lose by reaching out. You have everything to lose by NOT reaching out. Maybe say something like "Hey, just thinking about ya, I have this thing I think would be awesome to do but I need a friend! You in?"
ktmiller222 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I'm dating someone similar..lately, he'll say he wants to see me but there's no plans (well some plans...not all the time)....I've been just so fed up I would just text him and ask if he still wanted to get together....usually he would apologize about not getting back to me and plan something... So far...it's all worked out and I am still seeing him. Just text him and ask. You have nothing to lose! Hoping for the best.
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