Author Ginger123 Posted January 24, 2018 Author Posted January 24, 2018 His family don't live close but not too far that perhaps his daughter could be with him. I would think that she would not though; he doesn't have much contact with his family. He has work colleagues but no real friends. I did text back indicating he should ask someone else. He has had a problem with his heart in that it has an irregular beat, that had been rectified but with continued medication a well. Other than that I don't know what the hospital appointment was for. I'm inclined to text to say I hope all went well with the appointment but so don't want to get drawn back into a relationship. Feeling a bit mean and horrible. I had another text this morning saying......'why am I missing you more that you are missing me'. I haven't replied.
Zahara Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 You shouldn't feel horrible. Stop feeling sorry for those that treat you badly. He's never felt sorry for you all the times he discarded you. Start channeling those feeling towards yourself. Compassion and empathy for YOURSELF. It's time to self-preserve and focus on your own healing. He's trying to rope you back in. Hence never collecting his things because he knew he was going to circle back to you again -- it's been the pattern. It would be in your best interest to block him -- if you truly are ready to heal and move on. 2
Author Ginger123 Posted January 24, 2018 Author Posted January 24, 2018 Thanks for the reassuring words. I want to block him I therefore have to get his things back to him. Trying to find the strength to go into the garage and sort his things out.
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 24, 2018 Posted January 24, 2018 His family don't live close but not too far that perhaps his daughter could be with him. I would think that she would not though; he doesn't have much contact with his family. He has work colleagues but no real friends. I did text back indicating he should ask someone else. He has had a problem with his heart in that it has an irregular beat, that had been rectified but with continued medication a well. Other than that I don't know what the hospital appointment was for. I'm inclined to text to say I hope all went well with the appointment but so don't want to get drawn back into a relationship. Feeling a bit mean and horrible. I had another text this morning saying......'why am I missing you more that you are missing me'. I haven't replied. Good for you for not replying! that is tough!
Author Ginger123 Posted January 25, 2018 Author Posted January 25, 2018 It wasn't that tough to not reply to his text, I wouldn't know how to reply to it. His comment felt like mind bending again. What I am finding tough is to recover and find myself again.
Zahara Posted January 25, 2018 Posted January 25, 2018 It wasn't that tough to not reply to his text, I wouldn't know how to reply to it. His comment felt like mind bending again. What I am finding tough is to recover and find myself again. Recovering and finding yourself is going to take time and effort -- it won't happen overnight. You invested 4 years in a toxic relationship and that kind of dysfunction can damage your sense of self and those unhealthy habits and patterns will take awhile to undo. When you decide to move on and heal, you will need to block this man. I don't mean to repeat it but having been in your situation, men like him will return and you don't want them ever derailing your healing progress. Find a friend or your son to help you with his things. The sooner you get that connection severed, the sooner you start that clean slate. 2
Author Ginger123 Posted January 26, 2018 Author Posted January 26, 2018 Thanks all. Your right Zahara he will always try to come back to some degree which is not good for me. It was Burns night last night (he's Scottish). He sent a Burns poem to my facebook page. I didn't read it and deleted it but saw the titile: 'Heres to thy health'. It sent me on a guilt trip. I have my own health to think about, I KNOW that so trying to ignore my feelings of not being there for him if he does have a serious problem.
Zahara Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 Thanks all. Your right Zahara he will always try to come back to some degree which is not good for me. It was Burns night last night (he's Scottish). He sent a Burns poem to my facebook page. I didn't read it and deleted it but saw the titile: 'Heres to thy health'. It sent me on a guilt trip. I have my own health to think about, I KNOW that so trying to ignore my feelings of not being there for him if he does have a serious problem. It's all manipulation. When the fog has lifted you will be able to see him for who he is. For now, he's going to try and guilt you and make you feel sorry for him. He knows you are emotional and will try to tug at your heartstrings to provoke a reaction and get you to open the door. He's not going to stop trying. He is not in good terms with his family, his daughter and he doesn't have any friends. He treats you poorly. Something tells me this man is very selfish and there is a reason why he can't maintain any healthy relationships. I hope you stay on the right path and come to terms with this, and that you move on and work on getting yourself empowered and emotionally free and independent again. 1
Author Ginger123 Posted January 26, 2018 Author Posted January 26, 2018 Its the not understanding why he does this that bugs me. He left, he said he was done, then why the guilt tripping. Well I'm definitely done. Saw my therapist again today which is proving helpful; plus with the replies here I am sure I can keep up NC. 1
Zahara Posted January 26, 2018 Posted January 26, 2018 Its the not understanding why he does this that bugs me. He left, he said he was done, then why the guilt tripping. Well I'm definitely done. Saw my therapist again today which is proving helpful; plus with the replies here I am sure I can keep up NC. The guilt tripping comes from when they are not getting what they want. He is throwing bait and you're not biting. He is beginning to feel like he is losing his control over you so he manipulates you hoping you will break and and resume the pattern. He's abandoned and emerged more than once. Same cycle. I'm sure in the past he left and said he was done only to come back. This is no different. 1
Author Ginger123 Posted February 1, 2018 Author Posted February 1, 2018 He has left before but never said anything; never expressed that the relationship was over. This time was different in that he said before he left 'I'm done'. I haven't heard off him since the last text about missing me which is also different to all the other times he's has left. Maybe, just maybe he wont bother me again.......mmm or so I thought. I was out walking this afternoon around the area where I live (I usually walk in the park) and I saw him walking on the other side of the road. There is no reason for him to be there so I find that rather strange. I did find out when we were together that he followed me one evening when I went out with my son. My phone went missing awhile back. I had it in the car when I left work, so from the car to my house it went missing. I looked for it in my bag soon after I got home because I needed to make a phone call which was out of routine....I'm sure he took it out of my bag but of course I will never know for sure. All in the past now...just venting.
Author Ginger123 Posted February 10, 2018 Author Posted February 10, 2018 Just an update. I am feeling so much better, more positive and not so self defeating as I was. Now looking forward to the rest of the year and making plans again. I appreciate all the posts and encouragement to keep NC. My thoughts are clearer (the fog is lifting). Over 3 months since I feel into a depression and when one is there is feels so hopeless, getting out of bed is a hugh struggle let alone getting through the day. I still need time to recover but I am now more hopeful. Very grateful for help and the kindness of others. This is a good site. 1
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