Author Ginger123 Posted January 9, 2018 Author Posted January 9, 2018 Believe me I want his stuff gone so I can move on. He toils with me I know. His outrage (said i was disrespectful) with me for leaving his clothes where I did and saying do not touch the rest of my stuff in the garage and I will get them. I'm sure he knows what he doing in that he has paralyzed me....I'm frightened of touching his stuff. Scared of doing the wrong thing, so to speak. If I can't be sure he has received my communication to the effect 'your things are being dropped of on ......' then I'm stumped as I can't just put them outside his property, they might get stolen.
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Get your son involved. Have him pack up all the stuff & call your EX to arrange the exchange. You are too emotionally paralyzed & traumatized to make good decisions at this moment. Lean on someone who truly loves you, your son.
stillafool Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 Believe me I want his stuff gone so I can move on. He toils with me I know. His outrage (said i was disrespectful) with me for leaving his clothes where I did and saying do not touch the rest of my stuff in the garage and I will get them. I'm sure he knows what he doing in that he has paralyzed me....I'm frightened of touching his stuff. Scared of doing the wrong thing, so to speak. If I can't be sure he has received my communication to the effect 'your things are being dropped of on ......' then I'm stumped as I can't just put them outside his property, they might get stolen. What are you afraid of? Physical abuse?
Author Ginger123 Posted January 10, 2018 Author Posted January 10, 2018 No its more emotional abuse. I don't want to hear another word spoken from him ever. Don't want texts or emails either, that's why I need this sorted the best way possible. And quickest. He's not responded to my text/email where I asked that he give me a date but that's typical of him. He will make me wait.
1fish2fish Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 How about YOU give HIM a date instead. It's not your problem if he doesn't respond - that doesn't mean he didn't receive it. You can tell him his stuff will be under a tarp at your place Saturday. The end.
stillafool Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 Drop his junk off then block him and delete him and Move on. You have to be stronger.
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 Believe me I want his stuff gone so I can move on. He toils with me I know. His outrage (said i was disrespectful) with me for leaving his clothes where I did and saying do not touch the rest of my stuff in the garage and I will get them. I'm sure he knows what he doing in that he has paralyzed me....I'm frightened of touching his stuff. Scared of doing the wrong thing, so to speak. If I can't be sure he has received my communication to the effect 'your things are being dropped of on ......' then I'm stumped as I can't just put them outside his property, they might get stolen. What are you scared of? Him sending you a mean text? So? 1
Zahara Posted January 10, 2018 Posted January 10, 2018 (edited) No its more emotional abuse. I don't want to hear another word spoken from him ever. Don't want texts or emails either, that's why I need this sorted the best way possible. And quickest. He's not responded to my text/email where I asked that he give me a date but that's typical of him. He will make me wait. You need to try and empower yourself and stop presenting yourself as a victim to him. So what if he sends you mean texts -- based on your other thread, he's treated you horribly. Any text or email you see, delete right away. There is no need for you to read it. Send him a text, email and have your son call/leave a voicemail with date and time his belongings will be left outside the garage in a box. This way there will be no issue about him not receiving the message. Then be done with it. If it is important to him, he will pick it up. But we all know these "tools" are just his way of manipulating and controlling you. That's all it is. And you need to start realizing that too. Stop playing the game with him. Edited January 10, 2018 by Zahara 2
Author Ginger123 Posted January 10, 2018 Author Posted January 10, 2018 Yes you're right I'm not being strong, just feel very depleted. I cant think how I've got to this state of believing I have to do things his way or I'm a bad person. (and that's nearly every thing I do). I've decided to right a note and personally put it through his letter box, he can't say he didn't receive it then. I'll give him a date to pick up by and a date I will drop off he doesn't pick up. Thanks all for your reponses 1
Author Ginger123 Posted January 13, 2018 Author Posted January 13, 2018 Well he has texted today to say he will pick up after 9 tomorrow. Hopefully that happens. He also asked in the text if I wanted to go to the cinema with him today. I've ignored the invite and just text that I will leave garage door open from 9am till 2pm. I hope I can start moving on then.
1fish2fish Posted January 13, 2018 Posted January 13, 2018 Well he has texted today to say he will pick up after 9 tomorrow. Hopefully that happens. He also asked in the text if I wanted to go to the cinema with him today. I've ignored the invite and just text that I will leave garage door open from 9am till 2pm. I hope I can start moving on then. Wow, what kind of mind f*ckery is that? Good for you for ignoring his invitation. Are you planning on not being there tomorrow between 9 and 2? Is it possible for you to be gone the entire day (in case he decides to show up at 2:15)? Good luck and keep us updated.
Author Ginger123 Posted January 15, 2018 Author Posted January 15, 2018 Well he didn't turn up on Sunday. He texted and said he couldn't make it but would pick up one evening. He asked what evening would be best for me. I said Monday. Well just had another text to say he can't make it this evening (Monday) but he can come over on Thursday. This is just typical and I knew he would be like this I will give him to Thursday but if he doesn't turn up I will have to take it to him, even though I don't want to. 1
stillafool Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 Why do you have to give him a date at all? Leave his junk outside and tell him to get it before it's stolen because it's no longer any concern of yours. You don't have to be home for him to pick up his stuff. I wouldn't give him any more conversation after telling him that. Don't take it to him because you don't need to see him. 2
Zahara Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 (edited) Well he didn't turn up on Sunday. He texted and said he couldn't make it but would pick up one evening. He asked what evening would be best for me. I said Monday. Well just had another text to say he can't make it this evening (Monday) but he can come over on Thursday. This is just typical and I knew he would be like this I will give him to Thursday but if he doesn't turn up I will have to take it to him, even though I don't want to. Based on your past thread, it seems this is his pattern. You know this and you're also enabling his toying you around and the only reason he is doing this is to stall, hoping given enough time you'll soften and things will revert back to what it was -- asking you to the movies is clear indication of that. He failed Sunday. Failed Monday. Will likely fail Thursday. If and when he fails on Thursday, have your son drop it off and send him a text that it is infront of his home. Then block him. There is no reason for you to go to his place. And you don't need to be home Thursday night when he's planning to pick up. It almost seems as if you are also playing into the game -- it shouldn't have to be this difficult nor do you have to make it this difficult for yourself. If anything you should be more assertive and being more in control of this situation rather than leaving it to him to call the shots. Edited January 15, 2018 by Zahara 1
stillafool Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 I think OP wants to be around because she misses him and wants to see him.
1fish2fish Posted January 15, 2018 Posted January 15, 2018 This is just typical and I knew he would be like this I will give him to Thursday but if he doesn't turn up I will have to take it to him, even though I don't want to. Which is exactly what he wants. He doesn't have any intention of picking up his crap. Why are you letting him control you manipulate you, guilt trip you?? I'd make a big sign that says "FREE" in large red paint and place it in front of his stuff, next to the curb. Take a picture and send it to him. I guarantee he'll pick up within the hour. 2
Author Ginger123 Posted January 18, 2018 Author Posted January 18, 2018 It would be easier for me if he comes on Thursday and I will be out. That said he may not turn up but I live in hope. If it comes to it I will take his things to his on Friday evening I'll let him know. It feels like a huge effort.
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 18, 2018 Posted January 18, 2018 Huge effort? How so? Lots of heavy stuff? Does he lives super far?
Zahara Posted January 18, 2018 Posted January 18, 2018 It would be easier for me if he comes on Thursday and I will be out. That said he may not turn up but I live in hope. If it comes to it I will take his things to his on Friday evening I'll let him know. It feels like a huge effort. Your mental and emotional wellbeing is worth the effort. Your son should help you. Dump it on Friday, if that is what it takes to get all this over with and then sever all ties. 2
Author Ginger123 Posted January 20, 2018 Author Posted January 20, 2018 No surprises that he didn't pick his stuff up on Thursday. There is a heavy item that I'm not able to get in my car. My son isn't available to help this week end so he may have another week to pick up. I saw a councellor on Friday concerning my general well being She said to switch off from feeling his items are my responsibility. They are not causing me any problems being in my garage. He can collect and come to my house only when I say it's OK. I feel she has dispelled my anxiety over his stuff. I still have lots to work through to feel myself again............his stuff is bottom of the list.
Author Ginger123 Posted January 22, 2018 Author Posted January 22, 2018 I am trying to move on and heal from a bad relationship. GI need NC and apart from a few texts concerning his stuf I haven't seen him or spoken to him. He has just text to say he has to go to hospital tomorrow and would like me to go with him for support. Is this something to break no contact for ? What are others thoughts on showing compassion for him apposed to protecting my own well being.
bluecastle Posted January 22, 2018 Posted January 22, 2018 That's a tough call, and one only you can make. Did he end the relationship? If so, it's kind of unfair, even in this situation, to be turning to you for support when he surely has other people in his life. The best thing about being in a relationship—better than the sex, the laughter, the constant companionship—is having someone you can lean on when things are hard. When the relationship is over, or when you decide to end it, you don't get to cherry pick that support when needed. That said, if you want to be there for him, and think you can do so without interrupting your own healing process, then be there. If you think bringing him up is going to bring him down, I'd send him a polite note saying you just can't be there at this time.
Zahara Posted January 22, 2018 Posted January 22, 2018 Based on your toxic past with him, it would be in your best interest to start focusing on your own emotional and mental wellbeing and finding compassion for yourself. The reason he has reached out to you is because you've created a pattern of being available to him whenever he "needs" you or wants to come running back to you -- for whatever his reasons. Stop enabling it. Break the pattern and cut ties. He's a grown man. He has to find his own way and support. Tell him you empathize but you're not in a position right now to support him. 4
d0nnivain Posted January 22, 2018 Posted January 22, 2018 Presumably during your relationship you got to know some of his friends & family. Wish him a speedy recovery; offer a prayer if you are religious but suggest that a different person (name them) would be better suited for this in light of the break up. 3
Recommended Posts