InLoveAgain Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I am in a new LDR and in need of some advice...about a week ago some friends and I went to a topless club (I am female) just to hang out and drink some cheap beer. To me, it was completely harmless; however, my boyfriend was very upset that I would even be interested in going to a strip club (even though before we were dating exclusively we went to a nude bar TOGETHER). I am a college student and was just wanting to have a little fun. After having a major discussion about this we just decided to agree to disagree. Today a girlfriend of mine called and invited me to go out with her and a few other girlfriends to this same topless bar for a "girls night". I decided that it would be best for me to discuss this with my boyfriend and he was absolutely furious that I would even want to go again. In all actuality, I don't even feel like I should have to ask his "permission" to do things like this; however, I felt that it was the most respectful thing to do. He basically told me to choose between going out tomorrow night or our relationship. Is this fair? Is it completely wierd for me to want to go out with my girlfriends? How do I make my boyfriend feel secure about all this?
johan Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 You're a girl, and he's uptight about you going to watch women strip? I'd be curious what the point of going is. Probably just to go somewhere different. Maybe he thinks there will be a bunch of really turned on guys there ready to climb all over you. I think sometimes you can make a problem grow just by talking about it. It's like by "respecting" his feelings you're also provoking them. I'm not saying you should hide anything. I think the opposite, actually. You should be able to tell him exactly what you're doing at any time, you should be able to make it clear the reason you're doing it is a good one, and he should be able to accept that and give you the freedom to live your life. I think this can sometimes head all those emotions he's having off at the pass, or at least he can think twice about puking them all over you. Of course you have to respect his feelings, but only as far as he isn't using them to imprison you. You should be able to talk to him about anything, but you should also be able to draw the line in the conversation when it starts circling around and you have to "agree to disagree". Guess I'm just throwing that out there. It isn't totally practical, but it is often an overlooked aspect of self-respect in a relationship. It's possible to talk about stuff too much.
animo Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 Uhm... I don't think anyone has the right to deny their bf/gf a night out if they want to...nomatter if it's a stripclub or whatever, it doesn't even matter. Jealous people are insecure people, it's their own problem so they need to sort it out for themselves and not demand that their partners 'respect' their insecurties and in so doing actually INFORCE them. I don't even know what his problem is to be honest.... It's a titty bar, there are naked women, not guys and you're going with girlfriends... Sounds to me like he's just trying to control you and i think it's time you make your point clear on stuff like that
kitkat826 Posted August 24, 2005 Posted August 24, 2005 I noticed you said that this is a LDR...so Im guessing hes super sensitive about how you spend your time because hes nowhere near to supervise/have control over the situation. However, going to the titty bar with girlfriends IMO should not be a problem. He obviously doesn't trust you and thats a serious issue. Better deal with that now because it won't get better once you get to actually be together in the same zip code.
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