SpinScratch Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 This is gonna happen a lot. Girls like to have fun just like guys do, and they sleep around. But when you meet them, they try to get the most out of you. She is going to say she is looking for one man, to be in a committed relationship, or that she doesn't have sex unless she gets to know someone, she doesnt "netflix and chill" and needs to go out on dates. Every girl says she doesnt "netflix and chill" and then guess what... ask them a few more times and they will do it. You cant take all this at face value. Girls will say all this because they want you to take them seriously and want your respect. Why should you buy the milk when everyone else is getting it for free? Just try to get some free milk... I wouldnt take her out. Are you sure your two buddies arent just pulling your leg? 2
SpinScratch Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 Double standards much?? When a man sleeps around, it is perfectly ok and no one says he's easy or calls him a "hoe" but when a woman sleeps around, she's immoral and not dateable, smh. How do you know she is not ready for a commitment now?? Maybe tell her what you found out and ask her directly if she is now ready for something more serious. It's not a double standard. I've had women turn me down after they asked around about me and discovered I have a reputation. I dont blame them. You feel like a laughing stock when your with someone who has made their rounds everywhere you go with them. 2
BarbedFenceRider Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 Double standards much?? When a man sleeps around, it is perfectly ok and no one says he's easy or calls him a "hoe" but when a woman sleeps around, she's immoral and not dateable, smh. How do you know she is not ready for a commitment now?? Maybe tell her what you found out and ask her directly if she is now ready for something more serious. Except, when you date her, all his friends have the nudie pics on their phones... Just sayin'. Double standard sucks but maybe if he was in a larger social circle, he wouldn't be stuck in the bull pen, waiting for his turn "at bat".... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 This is what used to be called having a "reputation" I definitely wouldn't consider someone like this for anything serious. 2
spiderowl Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I would not advise judging someone on hearsay. Those guys could be making it up or exaggerating. They could be telling the truth, but maybe she was naive then and thought that was the way to get a boyfriend. I would speak only to her and listen carefully to what she says. Observe her behaviour with others, as you would with anyone you were getting to know. If it was true, it's not a wise way to behave, but bear in mind that women are encouraged to be very sexualised these days, especially by guys who are looking for hook-ups. If it was a guy behaving like this, how would you judge him? I would meet her, talk to her and see how you find her. Let her speak for herself. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I wouldn't srsly date a guy who I found out slept with several of my friends. 2
Mkn1010 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 I have zero faith in any on line platform. Tinder sounds tawdry to me. If anybody in this thread needs to be chastised for over generalizations it's the OP who is giving up on all women & dating based upon the fact that his buddies slept with the girl he matched with. I'm not giving up on the human race just OLD. Wholeheartedly agree!
Author Orije Posted January 9, 2018 Author Posted January 9, 2018 To your question if it was a giy doing this i wouldn't be too cool with it. I'd say his life, his choices as long as they dont affect me. I wouldn't prefer guys do it because its hurtful, i dislike the mindset that games need to be played and sleeping with a different person a week is horrible. Thats why i prefer to stick to dating one person at a time and have sex once connection is placed and a relationship is seeable. Like i said earlier i apologize for what my initial post said, i didnt mean all woman just certain ones. I had an ex who i spent 2 months getting to know, taking on dates and her saying she wanted a relationship. Granted she didnt want sex until we were a few weeks in a relationship which to me seemed fine! As the relationship went on i found out she was into the bdsm and she admitted to while we were talking and before that, that she had been on sites to exchange pictures and have them talk dirty to her. Later finding out she cheated on me. 1
d0nnivain Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Orije Stick to your guns & desire to meet somebody with compatible values. There is nothing wrong with that. Whether Tinder is the hookup site I think it is or just the modern way people date nowadays, don't let any OLD platform be your only way to meet people. If you add in some real life opportunities you will get more non-verbal info about the potential date that will help you assess her character. You can't figure that out from a few word description on a dating site / app. 1
Popsicle Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 This is what used to be called having a "reputation" I definitely wouldn't consider someone like this for anything serious. Right. And the same is true for men too. I wouldn't be with a guy that all my friends had been with. Eww gross. 2
Maggie4 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Geez... what are the chances? You live in a town of 500 people? I'm thinking of the probability of three men unknowingly all dated the same girl from Tinder. It does not compute.
soyou Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) Perhaps, my answer can enlighten you some how. I've been an active user on Tinder. I've gotten plenty of casual dates and also serious dates from Tinder. Similar to men, women have need too. We're not God, not at least (me) I cant go for 1-2 months without sex. So when I date guys on Tinder, whoever are nice, respectful toward me, and want to have relationship, I'm very respectful, well-mannered. I take them seriously and date them seriously. However, with some people I just wanna have some fun, some casual sex, no future, I can be quite blunt and direct. Everyone gets what they want and then we go apart. I've seen a lot of guys using the same approach. For example: me and my best friend was matching on the same guy just last week. He was absolutely blunt to my friend that he only wanted to have sex. While when he talked to me, he told me he was looking for something serious. He asked me if he could take me out on a date to beach and showed me around. Such a gentleman! Totally two different personalities but it's the same person. It's too bad that two of your friends already slept with her. What a ****ty world for her to be in right now! If I were you, I could have to leave this case. It doesnt feel nice knowing both of your friends already banging her. Edited January 9, 2018 by soyou
Aiuta le mani Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 Hey man! Thanks for sharing here! Since you are asking for advice, here it goes! Take time to meet people, whether you start the conversation online or face to face! Take time to talk about things that you feel strong about and, when you find someone that thinks alike, give yourself a chance and get to know them more. If you know someone already and you have acquaintances or friends in common, it is OK to ask questions and get feedback, but you also need to make up your own opinion about people. You might be missing the opportunity of having a great friendship or romantic relationship if you do not give people a chance! Everybody deserves that!
Imajerk17 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) Perhaps, my answer can enlighten you some how. I've been an active user on Tinder. I've gotten plenty of casual dates and also serious dates from Tinder. Similar to men, women have need too. We're not God, not at least (me) I cant go for 1-2 months without sex. So when I date guys on Tinder, whoever are nice, respectful toward me, and want to have relationship, I'm very respectful, well-mannered. I take them seriously and date them seriously. However, with some people I just wanna have some fun, some casual sex, no future, I can be quite blunt and direct. Everyone gets what they want and then we go apart. I've seen a lot of guys using the same approach. For example: me and my best friend was matching on the same guy just last week. He was absolutely blunt to my friend that he only wanted to have sex. While when he talked to me, he told me he was looking for something serious. He asked me if he could take me out on a date to beach and showed me around. Such a gentleman! Totally two different personalities but it's the same person. It's too bad that two of your friends already slept with her. What a ****ty world for her to be in right now! If I were you, I could have to leave this case. It doesnt feel nice knowing both of your friends already banging her. You know, I completely respect your honesty, but here is where there is a double-standard, unfair or not. If you are the woman who turns the guy who has been sleeping around, into your boyfriend, then major props to you. You tamed the player! If you are the guy who turns the woman who has been sleeping around into your girlfriend, then well, you aren't getting the same props. In general, we guys do NOT want to think that the well-mannered respectful woman we made our girlfriend and who finally slept with us after a few weeks of us properly courting her, is the same wild-n-crazy gal who has had casual ONS sex with other guys who "just wanna have fun". It can be hard to explain why this is. See, most women looking for a serious relationship won't be turned off by hearing that the guy they are talking to had 2 ONS last summer even if it is with women in their social circle, as they understand that everyone has needs and at least the guy was normal and cool enough to get laid. Thing is though, many men looking for a serious relationship will be turned off by such a woman. At least those guys who are younger and more idealistic. Again it is a double-standard and perhaps it is unfair, but it's hard to change out evolutionary psychology. Just as men are expected to still kill the spider and still ask women out even though it is 2018. Edited January 9, 2018 by Imajerk17
elaine567 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 See, most women looking for a serious relationship won't be turned off by hearing that the guy they are talking to had 2 ONS last summer even if it is with women in their social circle, as they understand that everyone has needs and at least the guy was normal and cool enough to get laid. Thing is though, many men looking for a serious relationship will be turned off. At least those who are younger and more idealistic. I do not know if I completely agree with that, may be some women would be fine with that, but I guess many others specifically looking for a relationship will be equally as turned off. 1
Miss Spider Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) I do not know if I completely agree with that, may be some women would be fine with that, but I guess many others specifically looking for a relationship will be equally as turned off. It’s disturbing. I want to be able to proudly bring my boyfriend around my friends without them knowing what he’s like in bed. Bring him around all the time while they give knowing stares. How totally awkward. Edited January 9, 2018 by Cookiesandough 1
elaine567 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 It’s disturbing. I want to be able to proudly bring my boyfriend around my friends without them knowing what he’s like in bed. Bring him around all the time while they give knowing stares. How totally awkward. Well, that is how I would view it too and the fact he was ONS kind of a guy would not endear me to him either. 1
Imajerk17 Posted January 9, 2018 Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) I get that those are your preferences. HOWEVER, I was responding to @soyou 's post. I think there are also many women who view dating, especially off Tinder, as she does. My advice to the OP would be to take any idealistic stuff you hear from someone before you meet her with a grain of salt. Someone's first objective is to make a good first impression not to tell you their true life story. [it also would be, if his views on sex and relationships is really that idealistic, to get off Tinder. It is still something of a hookup site. I get that serious relationships have come from there but I still think OP is swimming against the tide] My advice to this girl moving forward would be to represent yourself fairly. To clarify my previous post, plenty of us guys have no problem taking seriously someone who has enjoyed hook-ups, the big problems come when someone represents themselves as not being into them at all and the person they are talking to finds proof otherwise. [Now I do think men have a tougher time w women who have had more sexual partners than women do w men, but that is a different conversation.] Edited January 10, 2018 by Imajerk17
Author Orije Posted January 11, 2018 Author Posted January 11, 2018 For an update: me and her began talking more and she is really interested in me. I brought up the idea if a coffee date thursday and then we will go on the planned date on saturday. She happily agreed and i will see what unfolds from there
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2018 Posted January 11, 2018 Enjoy your coffee date. Do use your time together to assess her character but don't make accusations.
Author Orije Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 Update: she said she was sick today and felt horrible so it was cancelled and said saturday is still going on. My one friend messaged her without me knowing asking how she is and she said she was good. He then asked if she wanted to hang later and she said maybe to him. I messaged her why didnt she want to just tell me she didnt want to hang out and keep playing games with me? She said she isnt playing games and asked who told me. She said she was staying in bed sick and a friend snapped me and said she wasnt at home he could see from her snapchat location. I sighed and knew this was over. I asked and she said she was at her sisters basketball game for a bit. Im sad now ot hurts a lot i expected a lot
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Update: she said she was sick today and felt horrible so it was cancelled and said saturday is still going on. My one friend messaged her without me knowing asking how she is and she said she was good. He then asked if she wanted to hang later and she said maybe to him. I messaged her why didnt she want to just tell me she didnt want to hang out and keep playing games with me? She said she isnt playing games and asked who told me. She said she was staying in bed sick and a friend snapped me and said she wasnt at home he could see from her snapchat location. I sighed and knew this was over. I asked and she said she was at her sisters basketball game for a bit. Im sad now ot hurts a lot i expected a lot Sorry . Nobody likes being lied to . Not cool. 1
Cobra_X Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 Update: she said she was sick today and felt horrible so it was cancelled and said saturday is still going on. My one friend messaged her without me knowing asking how she is and she said she was good. He then asked if she wanted to hang later and she said maybe to him. I messaged her why didnt she want to just tell me she didnt want to hang out and keep playing games with me? She said she isnt playing games and asked who told me. She said she was staying in bed sick and a friend snapped me and said she wasnt at home he could see from her snapchat location. I sighed and knew this was over. I asked and she said she was at her sisters basketball game for a bit. Im sad now ot hurts a lot i expected a lot Lot's of women like to play the field chasing guys they consider to be high value, but then when they get tired of never being offered relationships they turn to men like yourself that they consider low value to provide for them both financially and emotionally. People don't talk about this much because our dating culture is in a transition period, but things look very, very different for men than they do for women. I also want to point something out. A lot of people say that looking down on women who sleep around is a double standard. You have to be very ignorant to believe this to be true. Due to the nature of men it is extremely easy for women to get sex. You must be a very high value man on the other hand in order to get sex with lots of women. I feel like you have a lot to learn about dating.
Vyliss Posted January 12, 2018 Posted January 12, 2018 This "slut-shaming" thing is quite terrible and guys need to get over it. Girls like/love sex just as much as guys do. It doesn't mean they want a relationship any less. Why not see whether the two of you really hit it off personality-wise? Or is it really ego that's standing in your way. Perhaps guys don't want to date a girl thinking she's slept with more people than he has? And basically you've just proved why some girls feel a need to "lie" because of this slut-shaming guys do. If guys were just cool with it girls may not feel a need to put up this facade.
Author Orije Posted January 12, 2018 Author Posted January 12, 2018 I understand the double standard and i dont believe in slut shaming. What they do is their option unless it concerns me. I dont mind that othere sleep around and love to have sex and they occassionally make small lies to get aeay with it. I feel its entirely different when two people talk serious about a relationship and the one needs to lie and cancel a date planned just to go have extra fun. Why not do this to the one you're currently talking to, sex will come eventually? I just say be honest.
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