Qkrwodud Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 I wrote about him in my previous post - I dated him for like 3 weeks. In regards to the pp, he wasn't pulling back. It turned out everything was great. We were in a good quasi relationship, we talked to each other that we like each other a lot and definitely had connections. But then everything got wrong. I am actually studying for a bar exam - on February 27-28. It became very important to focus for the two months before the bar exam. As you can imagine it is very stressful and nerveracking process. So I got to a conclusion that he was becoming a huge distraction bc I started to like him a lot. I told him I thought it would be best if I stopped seeing him because when I was supposed to focus and study, I kept thinking about him. He asked me to try to compartmenize my feelings. I said I couldn't and this woiuld be the best way which was selfish and unfair to him. But bc it was already too anxious just with the bar exam, i couldnt add him onto that. I said if it was a committed relationship I wouldn't be this anxious but it's not like I wanted a relationship bc it would be unnatural (will be for a wrong reason). He said he understood and as much as he wanted to fight for it, it would be wrong for him to do so since he knew how hard I worked for it. He said he would like to keep in touch with me and hope that our path would cross again when my exam was over. I ended up calling him the next week because I missed him. (Was very emotional...) He said he would always pick up the phone whenever I called and his last words were he would talk to me soon. That was 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard from him since. I know I shouldn't expect him to call me or wait for me but just don't want him to completely forget about me. I think it's actually good that he isn't, because I'm not sure I could emotionally handle it now. Thankfully I am focused on my study 100% now but occasionally I miss him a lot. I want to see him after the bar exam is done bc it felt something real. Should I wait until this is over to contact him and not expect to hear from him at All?
ExpatInItaly Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 I wouldn't expect to hear much from him, no. If someone told me they needed space and time to focus on their studies, I would cut contact and let them initiate. I think he is just trying to respect your wishes and probably doesn't really know what to do, beyond backing way off. He won't forget about you, but understand that he probably won't put himself on hold for you, either. It makes sense that you can't commit to a relationship right now; it also makes sense for him to carry on with his life and be open to other options, should they arise. 3
stillafool Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 If I were you I wouldn't worry about anything or anybody until I passed the Bar. There are tons of men out there for a young lawyer.
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 Life & the practice of law will always require you to multi task. Thousands of lawyers carry on relationships & sit for the bar. Dozens even manage to get married the weekend after it's over. Your inability to balance work & life tells me you need to contrite on practice only for now. Once those 60-80 hour weeks start & your 2000+ billable hour requirements become a reality you will have even less time for a relationship then you do now. Since you can only manage one thing at a time, concentrate on the one that puts a roof over your head & food on your table. As you develop better time management skills then you can add a relationship back into your life. 3
Author Qkrwodud Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 Life & the practice of law will always require you to multi task. Thousands of lawyers carry on relationships & sit for the bar. Dozens even manage to get married the weekend after it's over. Your inability to balance work & life tells me you need to contrite on practice only for now. Once those 60-80 hour weeks start & your 2000+ billable hour requirements become a reality you will have even less time for a relationship then you do now. Since you can only manage one thing at a time, concentrate on the one that puts a roof over your head & food on your table. As you develop better time management skills then you can add a relationship back into your life. Yeah, except the fact that I already have a full time job. So imagine working 40 hours a week and study 50 hours a week and trying to be in a relationship. It's not about my lack of time management skills.
d0nnivain Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 FT job plus studying plus relationship, time management dictates one of them has to go. You correctly picked the least essential of the 3 to jettison. Since there are no other viable choices, all you can do now is study & pass. When you get your law job & are down to a 60 hour week from the 90 you are putting in now, you can reach back out to see if he's there. But you can't expect him to sit around & wait, now can you? 2
Imajerk17 Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 (edited) I think expecting a guy you've been seeing for 3 weeks to put things on hold **for almost 2 months** is an unrealistic expectation OP. If I were this guy, I might take what you told him as a blow-off. There are people already in relationships preparing for the bar and they somehow manage. In any event I'd be seeing other people in the meanwhile--and in the process possibly forget about you. And yes I understand that studying for the bar on top of having a full-time job is extremely intense. In this life though, you don't FIND time, you MAKE time. If you really like this guy, why you can't see this guy once a week. The way you have things currently set up, most likely YES, he is probably going to forget about you/vanish. Edited January 8, 2018 by Imajerk17
Author Qkrwodud Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 FT job plus studying plus relationship, time management dictates one of them has to go. You correctly picked the least essential of the 3 to jettison. Since there are no other viable choices, all you can do now is study & pass. When you get your law job & are down to a 60 hour week from the 90 you are putting in now, you can reach back out to see if he's there. But you can't expect him to sit around & wait, now can you? Yeah, I think you are right. I can't expect him to do that. Thanks for giving me perspective sometimes u can't look at your own situation objectively. 1
Author Qkrwodud Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 I think expecting a guy you've been seeing for 3 weeks to put things on hold **for almost 2 months** is an unrealistic expectation OP. If I were this guy, I might take what you told him as a blow-off. There are people already in relationships preparing for the bar and they somehow manage. In any event I'd be seeing other people in the meanwhile--and in the process possibly forget about you. And yes I understand that studying for the bar on top of having a full-time job is extremely intense. In this life though, you don't FIND time, you MAKE time. If you really like this guy, why you can't see this guy once a week. The way you have things currently set up, most likely YES, he is probably going to forget about you/vanish. I don't think it's about time. It's about energy you are putting into. Some people may be able to do that but like you said, they would be already in a committed relationship - which I would have done - but this was just dating, didn't wanna force into things that was unnatural for a wrong reason. Dating takes lots of energy and emotions not just time imo.
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