How to Give Up Hope

[anthle702]

Hey all,

 

How did you all let go of hope?

 

Many of you been with your ex's for years, you were soulmates, and made promises to each other to grow old. I've been NC for 2 months, and I'm having urges to just tell her sorry for the things I said, and that I miss her.

 

Since our break up I had to move away for my new job, and I'm scared deep down there's a part in her who still wonders about me. I dont know it might be all in my head because shes already with another guy.

 

Can anyone help or want to talk ..

[springy]

Time, time and more time. Two months isn't long at all. I know, it sucks. Stay NC. It's okay to have hope - for a better future. It is a battle - don't give up. You will make it to the other side.

 

My last relationship of 3.5 years took approximately 6 months for the worst of the pain to subside. I fought hope of reconnecting too, even though he was in a new relationship, but I fought those thoughts every single day. I knew that relationship would never be the same even if he had come back. I did not see him the same anymore. It took me awhile to reach indifference, although I was probably still a bit salty from time to time.

 

Awesome for you that you don't have to worry about running into her because you've got a new start somewhere else. Just hang in there. You will make it.

[Buriall]

Focus on yourself right now. You said you changed jobs and whatnot that must've been exhausting..

 

Take this time to enjoy yourself a bit? Do the things that make you happy. In time you will see things clearly don't rush things..take it day by day and after that it gets better and better...

[mayonnaise]

Hey all,

 

How did you all let go of hope?

 

Many of you been with your ex's for years, you were soulmates, and made promises to each other to grow old. I've been NC for 2 months, and I'm having urges to just tell her sorry for the things I said, and that I miss her.

 

Since our break up I had to move away for my new job, and I'm scared deep down there's a part in her who still wonders about me. I dont know it might be all in my head because shes already with another guy.

 

Can anyone help or want to talk ..

 

Hi anthle702!

 

I just want you to know that we're definitely at the same page right now. I'm 2 months+ from the break up and everyday I still wonder if he ever misses me or thinks about me. What's worse is that I'm still looking for signs even when he's already with someone else. We've been together for almost 4 years, he broke up with me because he got to med school and saw a new life out there and chose to live it without me. I've also been away for months because of my new job. The break up came out of nowhere. He started dating again after 2 weeks after our break up.

 

It's been two months+ and I've been on NC, but until now I'm still wishing he would talk to me first. I'm still thinking about the day that he'll talk to me again and beg for me to come back (even when I know it won't be the same anymore). He was my bestfriend, and we really had a deep connection.

 

Anyway, enough about me... I guess what I wanted to say is that... let's not give up on hope.. I do not mean we should keep hoping for them to come back... but let's keep hoping for the day we wake up and finally let go. Until today, I'm still looking forward to that day. Maybe right now, we just need to feel what we need to feel in order to heal. Let us heal naturally. Sometimes, the more we fight our feelings or mourning, the more we deny them, the more we do not heal. I don't mean we should contact them first and tell them how we feel because that's what our urge is telling us to do. By all means, do not do that. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to let it out, I suggest writing on a journal. Just never, ever ever do anything that will take you back to day 1: Contact them, stalk them, etc. Keep going with what you've started. Everyday it will be easier. Everyday, you will thank yourself for doing so well. Continue living your life... it will get better. Let's do this together, we'll be okay soon. Let's not give up that kind of hope.

[anthle702]

Hi anthle702!

 

I just want you to know that we're definitely at the same page right now. I'm 2 months+ from the break up and everyday I still wonder if he ever misses me or thinks about me. What's worse is that I'm still looking for signs even when he's already with someone else. We've been together for almost 4 years, he broke up with me because he got to med school and saw a new life out there and chose to live it without me. I've also been away for months because of my new job. The break up came out of nowhere. He started dating again after 2 weeks after our break up.

 

It's been two months+ and I've been on NC, but until now I'm still wishing he would talk to me first. I'm still thinking about the day that he'll talk to me again and beg for me to come back (even when I know it won't be the same anymore). He was my bestfriend, and we really had a deep connection.

 

Anyway, enough about me... I guess what I wanted to say is that... let's not give up on hope.. I do not mean we should keep hoping for them to come back... but let's keep hoping for the day we wake up and finally let go. Until today, I'm still looking forward to that day. Maybe right now, we just need to feel what we need to feel in order to heal. Let us heal naturally. Sometimes, the more we fight our feelings or mourning, the more we deny them, the more we do not heal. I don't mean we should contact them first and tell them how we feel because that's what our urge is telling us to do. By all means, do not do that. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to let it out, I suggest writing on a journal. Just never, ever ever do anything that will take you back to day 1: Contact them, stalk them, etc. Keep going with what you've started. Everyday it will be easier. Everyday, you will thank yourself for doing so well. Continue living your life... it will get better. Let's do this together, we'll be okay soon. Let's not give up that kind of hope.

 

Totally on the same page. My ex was a dental student, and our careers were pulling up separate directions. I made sacrifices in my career to stay with her, we spoke about our wedding, the ring she wanted..

 

Few months later, she started to resent me, criticize me, and finally she broke up with me. Few days later she was going out with her classmate. Life is hard... especially when you have such a big heart, and you give someone all you have.

 

You seem like you're doing well though, do you still think about him often throughout the day?

[mayonnaise]

Totally on the same page. My ex was a dental student, and our careers were pulling up separate directions. I made sacrifices in my career to stay with her, we spoke about our wedding, the ring she wanted..

 

Few months later, she started to resent me, criticize me, and finally she broke up with me. Few days later she was going out with her classmate. Life is hard... especially when you have such a big heart, and you give someone all you have.

 

You seem like you're doing well though, do you still think about him often throughout the day?

 

Same here. He even told my bestfriend that the real reason why he broke up with me is because he couldn't see our future anymore, knowing we're heading to different paths now. Funny though because that's not what he said when he broke up with me. But anyway, this isn't about me.

 

Yes, it's been hard. Especially knowing they're with someone else now makes it even harder. I even asked myself what I did to deserve this, why is it so easy for him, etc. But I think we shouldn't take it personally. And yes I still think about him everyday, and I think that's okay. Though I TRY not to linger on it too much. Try to keep myself busy, exercise, etc.

 

For the past couple of months all I ever did was research all over the internet. Trying to look for explanations why this happened, will he ever come back... I became obsessed with it... that's what lead me to here. But I guess in the end, none of it ever helps. No logical explanation will ever make it better. You just gotta start living with it.

 

However, I guess we just can never start letting go until we truly forgive them and ourselves. We can never start moving on until we stop thinking about what we want (which is they come back to us) and just start being happy for them and whatever it is they want. I pray every night wishing he's happy now and that one day I may find my peace again. That's why right now I'm still clinging on to the hope that one day I'll be okay without him... that if ever he crosses my mind, I will smile and be happy about our memories. Right now, honestly, I'm still not in that stage... but I'm slowly progressing to it. Baby steps, baby steps. Start by doing the things you love again. SLOW is better than not trying at all.

 

I truly believe whatever it is we're going through now is healthier. We are processing our emotions first, solving our issues and healing ourselves before we head on to the next relationship. So whatever it is you're doing, keep going. Feel what you need to feel at the moment, then do something you enjoy again. I promise, everyday it will get easier. Just don't do anything to hinder your progress because I certainly did (saw pics of them in fb) and it brought me back to day 1. It was depressing. Anyway, best of luck always. Always remember that if you need help or someone to talk to, Loveshack is a nice go-to for comfort.

[Young mind]

Hey all,

 

How did you all let go of hope?

 

Many of you been with your ex's for years, you were soulmates, and made promises to each other to grow old. I've been NC for 2 months, and I'm having urges to just tell her sorry for the things I said, and that I miss her.

 

Since our break up I had to move away for my new job, and I'm scared deep down there's a part in her who still wonders about me. I dont know it might be all in my head because shes already with another guy.

 

Can anyone help or want to talk ..

It is not necessarily about giving up hope, it is called ACCEPTANCE, acceptance and moving on to the priorities and set goals in your life make the picture look brighter.

Dumpers definitely miss their ex partners, but because of pride or the need to validate their decisions they try to move on and forget, unless you have a memory wipe there isn't a way to forget someone that quickly, thus you see Dumpers start to go clubbing or holidays at an alarming rate, they may even get into the dating scene quicker and find someone else, I'm sure you heard the stories of "she's with someone else after 2 weeks".

Now is your opportunity to be the best you can be.

2 months is a short time for acceptance, but slowly you get theree, Its been 4-5 months for me and I'm in a better place, because of how we were it is impossible to forget me, but now they have a new relationship or new life they must foster on with.

Stay in NC, going off social media has been a lot of help for me, you should do the same

[bluecastle]

I feel for you.

 

I'm in a similar position myself: 3 months out of a relationship that I know needed to end, yet that knowledge didn't really negate the hope that we'd find a way to reconcile.

 

The first two months were definitely the hardest, partly because I knew she was sleeping around with other people while I wasn't. But whatever: I knew that was just my ego. People cope with these things however they do—it's not a reflection or verdict on you.

 

Over the past few weeks there was a small shift. I spent 6 weeks away from the city where we live, and instead of feeling the emptiness like a black hole I started seeing it as an opportunity to fill myself up with new experiences, feelings, and people. Not in the romantic sense—yet—but in the bigger, more fulfilling sense.

 

As other's said, just feel whatever you're feeling without judgement. It's part of the process. The key is not to react to those feelings in reckless ways, like reaching out and retriggering the whole cycle again. You sit with the pain, feel it, and in doing that it lessens, takes on more productive shapes.