msk123 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 As of the new year my partner and I have been fighting a great deal.My partner is a secure attachment style, very trusting, loving and patient.I on the other hand am a anxious-preoccupied attachment, insecure, jealous and drama orientated. I do believe that this has a large role to play with our fighting, but I have been trying to slowly change, and have been seeing a psychologist over the last few months. On Wednesday last week my partner broke (the first time I've ever seen him cry) and asked for a break. We've tried this once before but it simply didn't work, so I refused and said that we either work through it or break up.He asked for a week break where we would still talk (?) however, he was due to fly out Sunday to travel interstate for study for 4 weeks, so I took this break being a 4-5 week matter.As he wouldn't compromise I took it as a breakup.I felt as though he was putting me in an unknown situation, we were together, talking, but on a "break".He also told me he wasn't sure if I loved him or if I was attached to him, and that sex was clouding our minds,which was a deep blow. I took this badly, and over the next day I told him I would bill him for damages that he'd done driving my car two months ago (which I knew he couldn't afford, which is why I let it go in the first place), and that he needed to come clean to his parents about me visiting him interstate while he was studying (which to his family is only allowed if we're engaged or on the verge of getting engaged).This only made everything worse. Before he left we went out and we spoke,we agreed to let the "break" idea go and try and work through our issues.I will be flying out to visit him in a few days in the hope that time alone together will allow us to decide if we should continue this or not.He said he didn't want anything sexual happening over the 10 days I visit.He also told me that if it doesn't work out between us, he still wants us to be friends, because he'll always love me and doesn't want me to hate him (on our first break attempt he told me that even if we break up he has hope that time apart will allow us to grow and get back together). We do still love each other, but the love is entirely different.It's been very awkward these past few days, hugging and kissing doesn't feel genuine and I haven't been responding to all of his "I love you" messages which he said was fine, but later admitted that it wasn't. The best way to put it is that I feel like it's not a happy deep love, just a caring love but I don't know if it's too early for me to be determining if this relationship is doomed.
Arieswoman Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 msk123, It's difficult to give an opinion without all the info, so can you say how old you both are and how long you have been dating? Are you both working and what are your living arrangements - do you live together? Thanks.
Iseult Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 My partner is a secure attachment style, very trusting, loving and patient.I on the other hand am a anxious-preoccupied attachment, insecure, jealous and drama orientated. I do believe that this has a large role to play with our fighting, but I have been trying to slowly change, and have been seeing a psychologist over the last few months. The paradox is that you have great awareness yet still felt the need to make this thread. 1
preraph Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 Do you tend to have the same problem over and over in relationships? In other words, is it usually your fault? If so, could be you're not cut out for long-term relationships and whether that's fixable is not certain. If not, then maybe this isn't a great match. Can you envision any man with whom the drama would fade away on your end and you'd be secure and still interested?
Author msk123 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 msk123, It's difficult to give an opinion without all the info, so can you say how old you both are and how long you have been dating? Are you both working and what are your living arrangements - do you live together? Thanks. We're both 24,we're on 11 months and we both still live at home.He studies, and I work and study. The paradox is that you have great awareness yet still felt the need to make this thread. I have included this part as they say that secure attachments are good matches for anxiously attached. I can change but it can take years for this to happen.I guess you may be right, I hadn't spoken to anyone in regards to this issue so I guess it's more of a "I need to say something" thought. Do you tend to have the same problem over and over? In other words, is it usually your fault? If so, could be you're not cut out for long-term relationships and whether that's fixable is not certain. If not, then maybe this isn't a great match. Can you envision any man with whom the drama would fade away on your end and you'd be secure and still interested? We do fight over small things quite often, but the blame isn't always mine.I'd only ever been interested in long term relationships and so has he.I suppose I'd only know if there were other people more suitable if I got back out there. I'm just not thinking about it for the moment.
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