Breakup that makes no sense

[chuchi123]

I was dating a guy and it was getting pretty serious. The relationship was amazing and the chemistry was great. We continued progressing and we had each met the others family and things were going really great. He was constantly talking about a future and all the things he wants to do together. Out of the blue his mom was diagnosed with cancer and the doctors have yet to give them a prognosis on it, they are saying it can go either way. He decided to call things off with me as a result of the situation. He was saying he needs to be there for his family and can't be in a relationship. I understood that and agreed to give him space and time but he just wanted to call it off completely and if/when things calm down with his mom he promised he would call (no specific timeline). During the breakup he was crying more than i was and saying i love you (for the first time) and everything just felt so weird like there was more to it. i reached out to him a few weeks after the breakup and he was being so cold and distant like he could not care less about us. Two days after that he spoke to a mutual friend saying the more we got to know each other i just don't think she's for me. The friend asked why and he said it was all between us as if we had spoken about it with me. It made no sense that he said that, he made it seem like he was so sure about a future for us while we were together and now he did like a full 360.

I am so confused with this whole situation and i can't understand anything. The way he acted during the relationship was so genuine and real and now i have no idea whats going on. Is he just trying to push me away to have space? or is he really not into me

[Arieswoman]

churchi123,

I am sorry you are going through this, it must be very confusing for you.

 

I know that having his mother (possibly) terminally ill must be an enormous worry for him but breaking up with you seems a bit extreme.

 

but he just wanted to call it off completely and if/when things calm down with his mom he promised he would call (no specific timeline)

 

^^^ putting you on the "back burner" like this is downright mean.

 

crying more than i was and saying i love you (for the first time)

 

maybe he does, but not enough to carry on dating you, it seems..

 

Two days after that he spoke to a mutual friend saying the more we got to know each other i just don't think she's for me.

 

Then he goes behind your back and tells a mutual friend that you're done.

 

I know you don't want to hear this but you need to move on with your life. Don't put your life on hold for this guy, accept that you're broken up and stop contacting him.

 

He sounds pretty messed up and if you stick around it will only mess with your head.

 

Stay strong x

[SevenCity]

I've found that there are a lot of people in life who are selfish d-bags.

 

Unfortunately you often don't realize it until you break up with them.

 

Sure his moms cancer is a strain, but as you found out it was just an excuse.

[Jimmy3858]

Sounds like you might of been dating a narcissist. Do some research on that and maybe it will clear up some of your confusion. Sounds like the typical I & D stages.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I don't think there's anything in this narrative that indicates the man is a narcissist (people throw this diagnosis around willy nilly way too much), but he may be just unable to cope with two emotional stressors at once - a sick mother and a new relationship.

 

As with many breakups, the "why" doesn't always make sense, and the hardest part is knowing whether or not you have been told the truth . Sorry you're going through this.

[stillafool]

Did you ever meet his mother?

 

If you read around on the break up forums you will see that men are doing a lot of crying when breaking up lately. I'm not saying they aren't hurt but I've also noticed that the rest of the story is similar to what happened to you. He seems to be trying to break up and distance himself from you.

[mayonnaise]

Hello chuchi,

 

From my own perspective, it seems he just wants distance and space so give him that. Men usually can't process multiple things all at once like women do. That's why sometimes they need to set some things aside first so they could focus on something that's weighing the heaviest on them. But for you, I will consider not hanging on to him that much anymore. Focus on your self and your thing, I know it must be hard on you because the 'break up' sort of came out of nowhere. But give yourself space too, and in time you will understand the situation more. Wishing for the best.

[Maldives]

He's just used that as an excuse. Believe what he said to ur mutual friend. He probably didn't have the heart to tell u the truth and didn't want to see u hurt which would o made him feel guilty.