fitzy30 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 (edited) Together 7 years and live together.last year she wanted to to travel for 3 months which i wasnt happy about at that time but it was her dream so we decided to stay together and she went.all was great she was on contact every day.she came back in october and the affection i think wasnt there.then in november i told her i wasnt happy and she said she noticed it too so she moved out for a month to give it space after no contact for a month we met last week and we dod miss each other but she saod she needs more time to think about it and doesnt want to rush things so she said she isnt moving back in right now but we will see each other and go on dates now and again..we met up lastnight.and everything was going fine until i asked her about moving back in.i said last year we had 3 months apart and now another month over xmas and you still need more time.she said she wants to try and make it work but she cant give me an answer right now and if i cant give it time then i should move on....we havent had sex since the day she left to travel that was 5 months ago i find very strange Its driving me mad.should i cut my losses and say to her move your stuff out im Done? Edited January 7, 2018 by fitzy30
HumanMachine Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 She’s keeping you and your place as a backup plan. Travelling has opened her eyes to what else is out there, you’d be naive to think she hasn’t been with somebody else. Move her stuff out and block her, she’s taking you for a fool. 4
bluecastle Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Time to move on, indeed. She is at best confused, at worst playing the field while keeping you close. Either way, it's not a situation that will serve you well, and if you stay in the picture this dynamic will only continue to be reinforced. If you're meant to be, it's going to be in a completely different context, one in which you've let go.
BluesPower Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 She’s keeping you and your place as a backup plan. Travelling has opened her eyes to what else is out there, you’d be naive to think she hasn’t been with somebody else. Move her stuff out and block her, she’s taking you for a fool. This is totally correct... Move her stuff out on a rainy day and tell her to come get it. The three month thing is just a complete joke. Are you sure that she did not travel for 3 months with her new BF? Or, Did she meet him when she was traveling. Or is she just banging a host of guys? Either way, dude, please don't ever fall for something like this again. Let me explain something to you, if your woman that actually loved you, comes back after a WEEK and she does not bang your brains out, you dump her. Three months, you move her crap out the day she leaves. Please let this be a learning experience. Women that love you, and want to be with you, NEVER behave this way. Move on already... 1
elaine567 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 The grass was greener, but she still has good old fitzy30 to fall back on if she needs it. You cannot allow her to treat you this way. Why didn't you go travelling together?
springy Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 In November you told her you weren't happy. Whose idea was it for her to move out? I wonder if the continued contact is more of your idea than hers? Perhaps she is just going with the flow to try and ease your pain or hoping her indifference will push you to break up with her. Or doing the slow burn out. IMO - she told you what effort she was willing to give and basically said if you don't like it move on. That says to me that she doesn't care anymore. I would never say that to someone I wanted to work things out with, if there was any concern that I may lose them. That speaks volumes. I would end the dates and call it a day on this one. Right you now you're both just dragging out the inevitable. 3
iflipburgers Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Together 7 years and live together.last year she wanted to to travel for 3 months which i wasnt happy about at that time but it was her dream so we decided to stay together and she went.all was great she was on contact every day.she came back in october and the affection i think wasnt there.then in november i told her i wasnt happy and she said she noticed it too so she moved out for a month to give it space after no contact for a month we met last week and we dod miss each other but she saod she needs more time to think about it and doesnt want to rush things so she said she isnt moving back in right now but we will see each other and go on dates now and again..we met up lastnight.and everything was going fine until i asked her about moving back in.i said last year we had 3 months apart and now another month over xmas and you still need more time.she said she wants to try and make it work but she cant give me an answer right now and if i cant give it time then i should move on....we havent had sex since the day she left to travel that was 5 months ago i find very strange Its driving me mad.should i cut my losses and say to her move your stuff out im Done? I feel part of your pain buddy. I split with my ex 7 weeks ago after a 2yr relationship. I have had only breadcrumbs i.e I need to concentrate on myself, I need to be alone for a while, im confused etc etc. Like someone said in their response....shes only keeping you as a back up encase until someone else comes along....man i keep telling myself this everyday, but the chance to reconcile often over rules all....it sucks hardddd. One thing i keep telling myself is prepare for the worst, she has moved on, one day you may see her holding hands with another chap (this is worst case scenario), well at least for me. Not sure if drilling this into my head will help yet or not...but guess all you can do is prepare for the worst ah? anyway, if you wna PM let go for it. In the mean time stay strong fella, dont forget, your happiness is and should always be number 1. BW
iflipburgers Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 In November you told her you weren't happy. Whose idea was it for her to move out? I wonder if the continued contact is more of your idea than hers? Perhaps she is just going with the flow to try and ease your pain or hoping her indifference will push you to break up with her. Or doing the slow burn out. IMO - she told you what effort she was willing to give and basically said if you don't like it move on. That says to me that she doesn't care anymore. I would never say that to someone I wanted to work things out with, if there was any concern that I may lose them. That speaks volumes. I would end the dates and call it a day on this one. Right you now you're both just dragging out the inevitable. Springy, the slow burn out happened me dude, I can't believe i didnt see it coming a mile off, she let me break it off, she checked out ages ago...nice easy exit for her, yet im torn and broken. HUGE life lesson!!! sad thing is i miss this dam girl so much. She really did come out on top...I give her credit for it.
Itspointless Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 In November you told her you weren't happy. Whose idea was it for her to move out? I wonder if the continued contact is more of your idea than hers? Perhaps she is just going with the flow to try and ease your pain or hoping her indifference will push you to break up with her. Or doing the slow burn out. IMO - she told you what effort she was willing to give and basically said if you don't like it move on. That says to me that she doesn't care anymore. I would never say that to someone I wanted to work things out with, if there was any concern that I may lose them. That speaks volumes. I would end the dates and call it a day on this one. Right you now you're both just dragging out the inevitable. Not to diss the OP, but he also wasn't happy with her travelling, travels that only lasted three months. It could be that she felt this beneath his approval. OP perhaps you have written about it extensively elsewhere, but do you miss her? I only read here about you missing the sex and being mad about that. Is there still a spark there?
throwaway2k17 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 OP you are actually still in a decent position in the power struggle here. It doesn't seem as though you've begged or pleaded. Utilize this. Have her come for her things when you aren't there. Make a comment over text something like "i'm going out with friends tonight and won't be home, but i'd really appreciate it if you could grab your things while we figure this out." I'd also have the place rearranged (furniture etc) and cleaned for when she comes. Let her see that life moves on without her. Be stoic.
elaine567 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 OP you are actually still in a decent position in the power struggle here. Really? She effectively "moved out" 5 months ago. They have been in NC for a month. over Xmas???? She has told him to move on. She is in no hurry to get back with him at all. She is Done, with a capital D.
throwaway2k17 Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 Really? She effectively "moved out" 5 months ago. They have been in NC for a month. over Xmas???? She has told him to move on. She is in no hurry to get back with him at all. She is Done, with a capital D. Yeah but it doesn't appear as though he cried or begged for her to change it. He seems to have remained in tact. He hasn't given his power away yet. If he chooses now to act independently and strong there is still time to display stoicism. 1
snowboy91 Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 As someone who spent 6 months on a university exchange, I can say it's emotionally very difficult to remain in a relationship while you're travelling. It has nothing to do with wanting to bang other people - it's more about having the space to truly be yourself and not keep up with expectations back home. It's possible that she has banged someone else while she was away, but it's by no means definite. She's clearly learned things about herself while travelling, and possibly has decided that the relationship isn't right for her but is too scared to pull the trigger. Which is why you keep getting vague answers. The best thing to do is to ask her to get her stuff out as quickly as possible. No need to be horrible about it - it's as simple as "you're not living here at the moment, your stuff needs to be with you and not here". She can move it back if (and that's a very big if) you get back together. But the sooner it's out, the sooner you can heal and move on. And the less messy it is overall - mess is never fun.
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