PJ1 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Met this girl a few days ago in person, work related, had great conversation for about 20 minutes or so. She's new in town, doesn't really know anyone so at the end of our convo I asked for her number and suggested we should grab drinks sometime. She very eagerly agreed. Took number, exchanged a few texts next day, and that night we agreed to hangout the following evening (last night). Day of our date comes I shoot her a text maybe mid afternoon so I can call her and firm out details where we are going and what time that night. Radio silence. Didn't send anything else all day, was prepared for flake, it happens. About 11:30 that night I get a text from her saying she had an emergency at work she had to deal with because she's on call and had just gotten home. I understand, I'm on call as well and these things happen. Was still a little annoyed she could have sent a message or called me some point during the day letting me know we would have to reschedule. Anyway, played it off no big deal, that things happen. My thinking is just to forget about her, since she kinda displayed a little flaky behavior. Although if she takes initiative and reschedules I think I'd give her one more chance. Has to be on her end though..am I wrong in thinking that way?
lo3223 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 No not wrong for feeling that way at all. I would for sure wait and see if she makes an effort to reschedule.. if she does then great, give her another chance if you want. If not, she probably wasn't interested. 2
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 She didn't look at it as a date...just two people that might hang out, just for fun. That's why she didn't think it was important to contact you. Should she have sent you a text? yes. It was rude of her not to. It's possible she later realized your intentions and did flake. Either way she's not interested in you that way. 2
Author PJ1 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 She didn't look at it as a date...just two people that might hang out, just for fun. That's why she didn't think it was important to contact you. Should she have sent you a text? yes. It was rude of her not to. It's possible she later realized your intentions and did flake. Either way she's not interested in you that way. Well perhaps because they weren’t concrete plans she feels it wasn’t that big a deal. Either way, I think she is because day later her good friend adds me on facebook so she’s talking about me to her friends already. Most people I know don’t give out their numbers to someone for drinks and think of it as “friendly”. Just my .02 cents. Will have to see how it plays out.
smackie9 Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Well perhaps because they weren’t concrete plans she feels it wasn’t that big a deal. Either way, I think she is because day later her good friend adds me on facebook so she’s talking about me to her friends already. Most people I know don’t give out their numbers to someone for drinks and think of it as “friendly”. Just my .02 cents. Will have to see how it plays out. You should have a look around the boards...you'd be surprised at how many guys are friend zoned. It's also possible she might want to fix you and her friend up. Anyways hopefully this works out for you.
Author PJ1 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 You should have a look around the boards...you'd be surprised at how many guys are friend zoned. It's also possible she might want to fix you and her friend up. Anyways hopefully this works out for you. Yeah I understand that happens, but it’s never happened to me before I even took the girl out right after I got her number. I’m confident once we go out I’ll be fine. Thanks though, appreciate it.
ChatroomHero Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 If I am even mildly interested in someone and I have even the slightest intention of actually meeting up with them I would show at least a little respect and respond, even if it was just to cancel. Hell, if she got a text during that time from a wrong number I bet she would have found time and responded to that while ignoring yours. That being said, you are correct in your thinking. If she reached out and offered up another time, have at it. I just wouldn't spend any more time chasing. I wouldn't be a pen pal either. Either she contacts you and makes plans to meet or I'd just bow out. It sounds like she might have been flattered in the moment as you said she seemed eager, but flaking on plans and ignoring your text would carry more weight with me than my initial impression of her interest. 2
emzara Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 I wouldn't make any assumptions. This may have been an effort to avoid actually cancelling. And who knows. There could be any number of reasons why she would have wanted to cancel that also have nothing to do with her level of interest in you. This may have been a genuine emergency. It's hard to tell. If she wants to reschedule, she'll make an effort. Otherwise, I would let it go. 1
Author PJ1 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 If I am even mildly interested in someone and I have even the slightest intention of actually meeting up with them I would show at least a little respect and respond, even if it was just to cancel. Hell, if she got a text during that time from a wrong number I bet she would have found time and responded to that while ignoring yours. That being said, you are correct in your thinking. If she reached out and offered up another time, have at it. I just wouldn't spend any more time chasing. I wouldn't be a pen pal either. Either she contacts you and makes plans to meet or I'd just bow out. It sounds like she might have been flattered in the moment as you said she seemed eager, but flaking on plans and ignoring your text would carry more weight with me than my initial impression of her interest. Yeah, lot of good points. Was strange how she went from hot to cold so quick. She just texted me today actually, haven’t responded just yet. Some are saying ignore till she asks to hangout, others say just be cordial and distant but respond to texts. My one fiend said and this has worked for him in past, usually not a good idea IMO. Said to playfully get on her for bailing, not responding. Something along the lines of soo I’m curious as to how you’re going to make last night up to me haha. Just to be sure she knows it’s playful and that I don’t care a ton but that she did mess up and should be seeking approval again. Kinda flipping it on her so to speak. At first I thought nah just ignore till asks for reschedule and if nothing, screw it. He responded with what do you have to lose, she already flaked once so honestly who cares. If she has any interest she’ll respond to the teasing.
Author PJ1 Posted January 7, 2018 Author Posted January 7, 2018 I wouldn't make any assumptions. This may have been an effort to avoid actually cancelling. And who knows. There could be any number of reasons why she would have wanted to cancel that also have nothing to do with her level of interest in you. This may have been a genuine emergency. It's hard to tell. If she wants to reschedule, she'll make an effort. Otherwise, I would let it go. Exactly. Some of my thinking. I know she isn’t bs’ing about the work deal as she told me the first night we met how her job can be crazy when she’s on call. So don’t wanna punish her too much for that. It could have just been her way of avoiding canceling all together so she didn’t look bad. I know when I was younger when I didn’t wanted to do something or was nervous, anxious about doing it sometimes I would just ignore it completely. Not saying that’s the case but a possibility.
Iseult Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 Was strange how she went from hot to cold so quick. Is this your first time being with a woman?
phineas Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 I would of acted like it was no big deal then i'd just go NC on her until she was trying to reschedule. Would ignore idle chit chat ect. She knows she flaked and she knows it's up to her to make it up to me if she wants me to talk to her again. If she don't she wasn't interested in the first place.
Miss Spider Posted January 7, 2018 Posted January 7, 2018 date other girls and make her your hotline bling in case you are bored one evening 1
ChatroomHero Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 My one fiend said and this has worked for him in past, usually not a good idea IMO. Said to playfully get on her for bailing, not responding. Something along the lines of soo I’m curious as to how you’re going to make last night up to me haha. Just to be sure she knows it’s playful and that I don’t care a ton but that she did mess up and should be seeking approval again. Kinda flipping it on her so to speak. At first I thought nah just ignore till asks for reschedule and if nothing, screw it. He responded with what do you have to lose, she already flaked once so honestly who cares. If she has any interest she’ll respond to the teasing. I have had a little success with the 'guilt trip' before. It was an easy way to bring it up and get the conversation to getting together again. I said basically that, "how are you going to make it up to me?" it can work to a point. The issue that turned me off from doing that type thing now is I don't want to get a date out of guilt, they will flake again, and in the end I want to date someone interested in me. If she cancelled and was less than "sorry" and not asking me for another date before I laid it on her (think of how a woman really into you acts if she had to cancel, she will over-apologize and suggest another date right away, offer to pay...), to me that is as clear of an indication of low interest as you can get in dating. You really do have nothing to lose so I would try to get another date and I wouldn't be distant or act any different than you normally would, but my texts wouldn't be about the weather and how busy work was going to be next week. If she doesn't suggest getting together that would be strike two for me, but whatever her text was my response would be something like, "So does this Friday work for you getting together?" If you get the, "I'll check my schedule" type answer, I'd respond to her, "Ok, I'll wait, go check your schedule right now". Any weaseling on her part when you try to get a confirmation is strike 3.
Author PJ1 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 I have had a little success with the 'guilt trip' before. It was an easy way to bring it up and get the conversation to getting together again. I said basically that, "how are you going to make it up to me?" it can work to a point. The issue that turned me off from doing that type thing now is I don't want to get a date out of guilt, they will flake again, and in the end I want to date someone interested in me. If she cancelled and was less than "sorry" and not asking me for another date before I laid it on her (think of how a woman really into you acts if she had to cancel, she will over-apologize and suggest another date right away, offer to pay...), to me that is as clear of an indication of low interest as you can get in dating. You really do have nothing to lose so I would try to get another date and I wouldn't be distant or act any different than you normally would, but my texts wouldn't be about the weather and how busy work was going to be next week. If she doesn't suggest getting together that would be strike two for me, but whatever her text was my response would be something like, "So does this Friday work for you getting together?" If you get the, "I'll check my schedule" type answer, I'd respond to her, "Ok, I'll wait, go check your schedule right now". Any weaseling on her part when you try to get a confirmation is strike 3. Exactly. Already sent it earlier, more crickets. Time to move on.
Logo Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 (edited) Met this girl a few days ago in person, work related, had great conversation for about 20 minutes or so. She's new in town, doesn't really know anyone so at the end of our convo I asked for her number and suggested we should grab drinks sometime. She very eagerly agreed. Took number, exchanged a few texts next day, and that night we agreed to hangout the following evening (last night). Day of our date comes I shoot her a text maybe mid afternoon so I can call her and firm out details where we are going and what time that night. Radio silence. Didn't send anything else all day, was prepared for flake, it happens. About 11:30 that night I get a text from her saying she had an emergency at work she had to deal with because she's on call and had just gotten home. I understand, I'm on call as well and these things happen. Was still a little annoyed she could have sent a message or called me some point during the day letting me know we would have to reschedule. Anyway, played it off no big deal, that things happen. My thinking is just to forget about her, since she kinda displayed a little flaky behavior. Although if she takes initiative and reschedules I think I'd give her one more chance. Has to be on her end though..am I wrong in thinking that way? It's possible, since, as you mentioned, you met through work, she didn't want to shut you down when you asked for her number knowing that she'll see you at work and you'll harbor some ill feelings toward her if she hurt your ego. She was basically sending you a signal that she's not interested in a romantic relationship by not responding to your text in a timely manner and by flaking out. Either way, there's a silver lining here. Her way of communication is without a doubt passive aggressive. And you probably don't want to be with someone like that anyway, right? I wouldn't see this as a big loss. I would have much more respect for her if she said, "I'm very flattered, but since we work together I don't think it would be a good idea" or something to that effect. That way, she's at least being upfront about her intentions with you without hurting your feelings by telling you she's not romantically interested in you. That's the thing about passive aggressive communicators. They think that their way of communication is non-confrontational and is less damaging when in fact look at how she made you feel by responding late and flaking out. She's not very smart or well-mannered, if you ask me. Edited January 8, 2018 by Logo
Author PJ1 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 It's possible, since, as you mentioned, you met through work, she didn't want to shut you down when you asked for her number knowing that she'll see you at work and you'll harbor some ill feelings toward her if she hurt your ego. She was basically sending you a signal that she's not interested in a romantic relationship by not responding to your text in a timely manner and by flaking out. Either way, there's a silver lining here. Her way of communication is without a doubt passive aggressive. And you probably don't want to be with someone like that anyway, right? I wouldn't see this as a big loss. I would have much more respect for her if she said, "I'm very flattered, but since we work together I don't think it would be a good idea" or something to that effect. That way, she's at least being upfront about her intentions with you without hurting your feelings by telling you she's not romantically interested in you. That's the thing about passive aggressive communicators. They think that their way of communication is non-confrontational and is less damaging when in fact look at how she made you feel by responding late and flaking out. She's not very smart or well-mannered, if you ask me. agreed, but only thing is we do not work together. I met her as a result of my job (customer) so it’s not like we are gonna see each other everyday, it’s possible that I’ll see her because of my job again but not like I’ll sse frequently due to work. I agree, whatever her reasoning though for doing it, it stings pretty bad because she seemed very interested. Knowing me I probably messed up somewhere along the way that made her back off.
ChatroomHero Posted January 8, 2018 Posted January 8, 2018 agreed, but only thing is we do not work together. I met her as a result of my job (customer) so it’s not like we are gonna see each other everyday, it’s possible that I’ll see her because of my job again but not like I’ll sse frequently due to work. I agree, whatever her reasoning though for doing it, it stings pretty bad because she seemed very interested. Knowing me I probably messed up somewhere along the way that made her back off. Yeah, you probably didn't really mess up. It may have been initial interest that passed, her just being nice and seeming interested, etc. But whatever it was, there was probably nothing you could really do that would have changed the outcome. It took me a long time to learn to reserve judgement. Especially with getting date #2, if it is difficult and not easy to get date #2 where she shows up without a lot of jumping through hoops, then I might try to gauge interest after 2-3 dates. Any flakes or maybes, or if she plans tentatively, I just don't get invested. I don't count the signs of interest until a few dates. I don't look at the first date like she must have some interest to agree to a date anymore, if she meets a second time then I might look at it like she might have interest on some level. That attitude makes me a little more apathetic to dating I think, but overall it's less stressful and easier to tke it in stride.
Author PJ1 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 Yeah, you probably didn't really mess up. It may have been initial interest that passed, her just being nice and seeming interested, etc. But whatever it was, there was probably nothing you could really do that would have changed the outcome. It took me a long time to learn to reserve judgement. Especially with getting date #2, if it is difficult and not easy to get date #2 where she shows up without a lot of jumping through hoops, then I might try to gauge interest after 2-3 dates. Any flakes or maybes, or if she plans tentatively, I just don't get invested. I don't count the signs of interest until a few dates. I don't look at the first date like she must have some interest to agree to a date anymore, if she meets a second time then I might look at it like she might have interest on some level. That attitude makes me a little more apathetic to dating I think, but overall it's less stressful and easier to tke it in stride. All very true, thanks for the advice. Pretty sure she’s out of a 4 year relationship as well, not sure when broke but think it was sometime during last summer. So what do you suggest when she texts me again? Act normal or don’t text her unless it’s about hanging out going out..
Author PJ1 Posted January 8, 2018 Author Posted January 8, 2018 Still feel pretty rejected from this girl ..feel like I somehow messed it up from when I got her number to after we planned to hangout ...not sure how exactly because all I did was text her after we decided to hangout then apparently in that time frame changed her mind. Everyone is telling me it’s not you, it’s her. She’s the one who has the issue, because she didn’t even give a chance to get to know you, but I can’t help it feeling like I messed up. All I wanna do is text her and ask if something stopped her from talking to me all the sudden, on her end ..I know I can’t though because it’ll just make things even worse
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